A/N: Finally started writing the sequel to Don't cry. The theme for this story is complete and crushing angst :D. Title is from a Jethro Tull song

Disclaimer: Eastenders and all its characters are owned by the BBC. I'm just toturing them for my own amusement

Nothing is Easy

Chapter One

Syed groaned as he heard the music come thumping through the wall. It was five in the morning, for God's sake, why'd they have to start that early? His head was already pounding and had been for the last few days now and this just made it ten times worse. Resigning himself to not getting any more sleep, he threw back the covers and clambered sleepily out of bed. He took a moment to look back and gaze at Christian who was still sound asleep. He smiled at how beautiful and peaceful his lover looked when he was sleeping, but not wanting to disturb him; he left him in peace.

It had been six months since they had moved into this flat. Six months since they had both left the Square. Six months since he had left his family behind; six months since his argument with his mother which had led to his departure. He sighed deeply and headed for the bathroom to dig out some painkillers for his aching head. He felt sick. Great, he thought; that's all he needed. What a great start to the day.

He felt around in the darkness for the light switch but once he turned it on Syed immediately regretted it. The light pierced his eyes and shot straight to his head making the pain even more unbearable than before. He winced and slammed his eyelids shut to try to stop the pain but it didn't work.

"Are you okay?" He heard a gentle voice behind him.

"Yeah, just have a headache," Syed replied with a shake in his voice. "Can't seem to get rid of it."

"Here, let me help you," Christian said as he leaned over and grabbed the painkillers from the cabinet. He handed two pills to Syed who swallowed them dry.

"Thanks," Syed smiled slightly as Christian wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. He melted into Christian's touch and allowed the older man to pull him back to the bedroom.

"They really need to stop that music," Christian commented as he lay down behind Syed and wrapped his arms around his stomach; resting his cheek in the crook of Syed's neck.

"Hmm," Syed mumbled in response, the painkillers were taking effect and he now felt very sleepy. He closed his eyes and let the welcome sleep wash over him like a warm blanket. It felt good. He heard Christian say something else to him but he was so tired the words all merged together until they didn't make any sense so he stopped listening and just gave into sleep.

When Syed next woke up the sun had risen over the trees outside the building and shone gently into the room, warming him with its golden touch. The headache was still there but it had receded to a dull throb and therefore more bearable than it had been early that same morning.

He noticed a piece of folded up notepaper on the cabinet beside the bed. He smiled as he picked it up, knowing it was from Christian. He slowly unfolded it and read.

Gone to work, call me if you need anything. Love you, Christian

Short, simple and straight to the point and it made Syed smile even more; just knowing that Christian cared made everything a lot easier. The pain of leaving his family had been made a great deal more bearable with Christian by his side; holding him and comforting him whenever he felt down.

Syed spoke to his father on a somewhat regular basis, maybe once a week or so. They mostly talked about shallow things, events in the Square, funny things that had happened to Ian Beale and the like. There was, however, a gaping hole which they never spoke of in great detail and that was Zainab. Syed occasionally asked his father how she was doing but the answer was always the same; she's all right. It saddened Syed to know things were that bad between him and his mother. They had been so close once and now they were as distant as two people could be.

But that was something that he couldn't change and there was no point dwelling on the past when he had the present to be happy about. If only he could stop feeling so damned ill.

He could have screamed in frustration when the music started up again. It was like this every day with their next door neighbours; playing their loud music until all hours of the day and night until it made Syed want to pound on their door until they stopped. He'd had enough of it and; as he felt the anger rise up inside him, he decided to do something about it. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt; he headed out of the door and banged on theirs. There was no response which only served to make him angrier. He banged again louder this time.

"Turn the music down," he shouted before heading back to his flat. Slamming the door shut, he flopped down on the sofa and rubbed his eyes with his hand. He groaned when he heard his phone ring. He didn't want to answer it; he just wanted to go back to sleep. The ringing continued until he picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello?" He answered somewhat irritably.

"Syed, are you okay?" He heard his father's voice down the other end.

"Yeah," he replied. "Just annoyed at the neighbours playing loud music, I'm constantly tired and I have a headache which just won't go away."

"Have you been to see a doctor?" Masood asked, sounding concerned for his son.

"No, it's nothing," he reassured his father. "I'm just not sleeping too well, that's all."

"If you're sure."

"I am," Syed reconfirmed. "Now, how are things at home?"

"Oh you know, just the same really," Masood vaguely told him. He was always evasive when it came to talking about the rest of the family.

"Nothing new to report then," Syed smiled slightly.

"Not really. Well, I'd better go; your mother's expecting me."

"I'll speak to you later," Syed said and ended the call. He slowly stood up and headed to the bathroom to take some more painkillers before making lunch. Once his food was in the oven, Syed flopped down onto the sofa feeling very tired all of a sudden.

Maybe his dad was right, maybe he should go and see a doctor about how ill he was feeling. He could feel himself falling asleep but he didn't have the energy to wake himself up. A few minutes couldn't hurt, he decided as he felt the blackness surround him.

He didn't wake up when the fire alarm starting sounding and the flames licked the walls of the kitchen.