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¨°º¤ø„¸ CHAPTER FOUR - PART ONE¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨ NEVER DRINK WITH FRED AND GEORGE ¨°º¤ø„¸
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"Chill out mate," Blaise chuckled as he and Draco left the disaster that was Potions behind them.
"Oh shut up Blaise," Draco snarled back at him and he stormed down the corridor with his blood boiling. "How dare that Mudblood say that to a Malfoy?!"
"Hmm..." he said, thinking out loud.
"Hmm... What?" Draco snapped looking at him with a what are you thinking about look.
"It's just... It's just strange..." Blaise told his best friend, trailing off.
"What's strange?"
Blaise glared at two first year Gryff's who were happily bullying a pair of second year Snake boys and said, "it's just strange how the Gryffindor's have been acting today, don't you think?"
"Strange indeed," Draco muttered as he watched the two second year Slytherin's run past them, clearly scared, and the young Gryffindor's Blaise was glaring at burst out laughing.
Before they could think any more on that though, Gryffindor Thomas rounded the corner of the hall they were on with the Fat Twins, Potter, Weasley, Finnegan and Longbottom walking close behind him. "Yo, Malfoy," the boy shouted at his companion and they neared them, "you forgot something or... Well we think that it belongs to you anyway!"
"And what would that be Thomas?" Draco snapped beside him as he turned around to face the large group of Lions.
"This!" Finnegan answered for Thomas, throwing tampons at the blond boy.
Blasie watched them in amazement as they strutted past them laughing and Potter called back, "yo, Zabini, I think that you might need some too," a wolfish smirk painted upon his face as he chucked tampons at him too.
Just before they turned another corner and left their sight once more Longbottom drawled back at them over his shoulder coolly. "Oh, and tell Parkinson that I'll pay her for her services!"
The boys in the group burst out laughing anew and left their sight.
As they came out of their shock, naturally outraged, Draco and Blaise dropped the stringed cotton things with disgust and pulled out their wands far too late, wishing that they had cast the unforgivable upon the insolent fools before they had become alone in the corridor once more.
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Entering through the Fat Lady's portrait Hermione heard laughter coming from inside the Gryffindor common room.
"Hey Hermione," Ron, who was sitting on one of the couches taking deep breaths, probably to stabalise himself after a laughing fit, said. "Where have you been?"
"In the library," Hermione sneered at them as if it was obvious, which to be fair, it was. Damnit, taking it too far, I don't have to be a Slytherin in here. "Why is everyone laughing?" she asked in a nicer tone and raising an eyebrow at Seamus who was wiping away tears; Harry who was sitting on the floor clutching his stomach; Dean holding his cheeks declaring that they needed to stop laughing because it was hurting his face; Fat Fred and Fat George rolling around on the floor with sweet wrappers falling out of their pockets; and Neville, who had just fallen backward off of his chair due to his heavy mirth.
She watched Harry take in a deep breath- not without some difficulty- to answer her question as Ron just burst out laughing once more. "We... We threw tampons... At Malfoy and Zabini as we left Potion," Harry said, trying to calm himself down while the noise from the rest of the boys increased.
"You did what?!" Hermione asked flabbergasted as she sat down next to a very red looking Ron. Of all the things to do...? She thought. "Why would you do that?" she said knowing that she probably both looked, and sounded like Professor McGonagall.
Harry just smirked at her. I guess we are still being Slytherins even in the common room... "Oh please don't look at us like that. You're the one who called him a pussy in front of the whole Potions class."
"Oh don't you smirk at me Potter, I know what I said to that Ferret- but... But you guys threw tampons at him, that's just wrong," she said. "You know what, I don't even care. I have to go to Arithmancy," Hermione decided, Summoning her copy of Numerology and Grammatica. "I'll see you guys later," was the last thing she said before she left them in the common room, wondering what in Merlin's name could have possesed them and a little worried that it might have been her tampons that they used. She really hoped that it wasn't.
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"So..." Ron said as Hermione escaped the madness that was the Gryffindor common room, "what are we going to do for the next two hours?"
Beside him Fat George smiled mischievously, "let's go to the Great Hall," he suggested while his twin nodded in agreement.
Why not? Harry thought, muttering, "sure, we've nothing better to do," as he jumped up from his position on the floor with three Weasley's, Neville, Dean and Seamus following behind.
Traversing their way down corridors and the treacherous moving staircases that slowly made their way to the Great Hall- Slytherin's never rushed- when George caught something out of the corner of his bright blue eyes. "Fred..." he said pointing down a corridor, "do you see what I see?"
Harry turned in the direction the twin was pointing only to see Colin snogging Tracey Davis who one minute was pinned up against the stone wall of the corridor with her legs around Colin's waist, moaning, and the next being walked backwards into an empty classroom.
"I guess that someone got over his broken camera," George muttered with amusement as Fred chuckled.
Harry pushed open the doors to the Great Hall less dramatically then he had that morning and made his way towards Ginny and some of her Hufflepuff friends, Megan Jones, Hannah and Susan.
"Hello ladies," he said to them in what he hoped was a seductive voice. The Puff's blushed told him that it was.
"Hey love," Ginny said kissing him, "I heard that your Potions class was very fun today."
Beside him Neville grinned. "It sure was. Can you believe that me and a picture Dean drew managed to make Parkinson run out crying before class even began? Or that Hermione talked back to Snape and Malfoy before walking out?"
"Yeah I heard, I wish I'd been there to see it."
"It was loads of fun but the Greasy Git went off on everyone, be them Gryffindor or not," Neville informed her.
"Sorry about that, it must have sucked. Anyways, we can't stay and chat. We have a Herbology quiz in half an hour so we're going to head to the library to study a bit more," Ginny said, picking up her Herbology book and waving goodbye to them.
"Hey," Harry yelled at her, "I didn't get a kiss goodbye!"
"I'll make it up to you later," she promised him with a wink before hurrying out of the doors with the three Hufflepuff's who all seemed eager to leave he, Dean, Seamus and Neville behind.
Not that that deterred them. Dean and Seamus, with more muggle upbringings shouted, "call us!" While Neville stuck with the wizarding equivalent, "owl me!" The girls blushed and vanished out of the Great Hall.
Beside Harry, Ron looked bored. "Like I said, what are we going to do for the next two hours?"
Harry shrugged, sitting down at a bench at their half empty table and Ron and the twins followed suit. "Well," Fat George said, "we all know that the Slytherin's are having Quidditch practice in the next twenty or thirty minutes, right?" Everyone nodded.
"Well George and I for the past month have been working on a new top secret sweet idea called 'anti-hang'."
"Fred, you spoke normally," Ron said clearly surprised.
"Yeah it wore off when we were in the common room," Fat Fred replied with a shrug as he pulled out a clear bag of white acid drops.
Harry looked at the sweets that looked a lot like 'alka seltzer' as Seamus asked exactly what it did.
"And why would you name a sweet 'anti-hang'," Dean questioned curiously, "it sounds awfully like a drug."
"Two very great questions," Fat George said taking the bag from his twin and taking out a sweetie. "This my friends," he said, holding up the sweet for them all to see, "is a confection that won't allow the consumer to become drunk or get a hang-over, no matter how much alcohol you drink."
"Wicked!" all the boys muttered in unison eyeing the bag in awe.
"What can we say, we're geniouses," Fat Fred said sarcastically while Fat George popped the sweet that he was holding into his mouth. "The reason that we're telling you this is because-"
"We," Fred interrupted his twin, "decided to put it up for some good use."
Harry was confused. They were acting like Slytherin's all day but Fred and George wanted them to sit around drinking, but not get drunk. What sense did that make? He began to voice his confusion but was cut off. "What good i-"
"Sorry to interrupt you Harry but if you'll just excuse me," Neville said with an eagerness in his voice that Harry had never heard there before, as he jumped off of the bench and walked right up to Astoria Greengrass, tapping her on the shoulder.
Astoria's attractive face twisted into a picture of disgust as she saw exactly who had tapped her on the shoulder. "What do you want Longbottom!" she snapped harshly.
"You!" was all Neville said before he shocked Harry- and almost everyone else who was watching the scene unfold- by kissing her in an anxious and enthusiastic manner that left Astoria having to grab onto his shoulders to balance herself before she fell.
"What is Neville doing?!" Ron almost yelled in his confusion as he watched the pair.
Harry watched as Astoria Greengrass struggled in a vain attempt to get Neville off of her; then, not a second later, she was clinging onto him for dear life. Harry raised an eyebrow and looked back at the twins, an unspoken question passing between them.
"It's the potion," they told him.
"The potion," Harry stated.
"Yes, the potion" Fat Fred repeated. "See... The problem is that there is one small side effect to the potion that we gave Neville this morning," he admitted.
"And that is?" Seamus asked from beside him.
Fat George gave a small shrug to suggest that it really was nothing too bad. "Oh... Nothing, it only makes his hormones go into overdrive."
"In other words," the other twin said with a decidedly Slytherin smirk as he thought about how Neville wouldn't be a virgin after today, "he's going to be really horny."
"WHAT?!" The rest of the group shouted, looking at the twins.
"We were just trying to help," George told them.
"Yeah, that boy really needs to get laid."
Around them everyone in the Great Hall had come to a standstill as they stopped whatever they were doing to watch the scene that was playing between the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables. Neville's hands had now made their way down to Astoria's ass and were lifting her up as she wrapped her pale legs around his skinny waist without a fight, no longer being able to find it in herself to resist him.
Harry raised one amused eyebrow at the couple. "Wow, those two really need to get to a room," he said as the pair went at it in front of half of the student body and thanking Merlin that there weren't any teachers present- it wasn't as though there weren't plenty to choose from in Hogwart's.
The Slytherin table was frozen, all the students of the house too shocked to move.
Then Harry noticed a potential issue, Greengrass' older sister was just entering the Great Hall. "There's a problem!" Ron turned to look at him asking what. "Daphne," was all he said as he watched Daphne Greengrass make her way through the crowd.
"What do we do now?" his best friend blurted in his panic.
"Leave that up to us," the Twins said, "and take one of the anti-hangs," they added throwing the bag to their younger brother who caught it with a worried expression still marring his face.
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What the hell is going on? Daphne wondered as she entered the Great Hall and yelled out her question as way of a greeting- no one answered, all too enamoured with some scene before them. "What the hell are you all staring at?" She asked a little more loudly as people seemed unable to break away from the sight of Longbottom snogging some unlucky witch. Wait, that's not just any witch, that's... "MY SISTER!" She yelled running up to the pair, ready to pull them apart, only to find her way blocked by the unusually fat Weasley Twins.
"Where do yo think your going?" one asked- Daphne was unsure of which it was but figured that she didn't need to be able to tell them apart to hate them- as he blocked her while the other beast went to Neville, telling him to take her sister from the Great Hall before she killed him.
Too right I'll kill him, blood-traitorous, unworthy, sister-snogging, Gryffindor, bastard.
"Move," Daphne said injecting as much venom into her voice as was possible.
The Twin before her crossed his arms. "Sorry baby doll, but no can do," he said.
With a snarl Daphne pulled out her wand and pointed it right at the Weasley's lower body part. "I suggest," she began in a low and highly threatening voice, "that you move before I hex your balls off, quite literally."
Credit where credit's due, the Twin didn't even flinch under her wand and his voice came without a waver. "Now you wouldn't want to go and do that baby doll because then we wouldn't be able to make our own little magic," he said with a wink.
Outraged, Daphne was more than ready to hex the fat boy before her, but unfortunately the red head was one step ahead with his wandless magic. A mutter and her wand flew into his hand and all she could do was yell at the monster to give it back. Blood traitor is touching my wand, she shivered at the thought.
"I don't think so," he replied to her pleas as he pretended to think about something and twirled Daphne's beloved wand in his chunky hand. The boy bought time and then walked as close to her as Longbottom was to her sister- well almost- and moved some of her long raven tresses away from her face, she flinched.
"Why do you look scared?" the Twin whispered rhetorically, looking into her green and cairngorm rimmed pupil, eyes, which narrowed perceptively and froze over even though she did not speak. "I'm not going to hurt you," he continued, apparently unsatisfied with her reaction in some way as he appraised her. Thankfully the other monster's call broke his assessment of her.
"Fred!" the other twin called, telling Daphne just which twin had been inches from her face, breaking their eye contact as he turned round and smiled triumphantly- she could only assume that it was because Longbottom had now successfully escaped with her sister.
"See you around Greengrass," Fat Fred said smirking as he stuck her wand behind her left ear and walked away, calling over his shoulder as he went, "hope you can find your little sister."
There was nothing poor Daphne could do but watch him leave and hope that her sister came to her senses and realised that it was Longbottom that she was canoodling with.
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Ron laughed at his brother's antics as he watched Fred coming back to where they sat. He could see bright amusement in his eyes as he asked, "did all of you take a sweet?" Ron nodded, as did those around him. "Good."
"Now back to business," George said watching Fred from out of the corner of his cornflower blue eyes and seeing Daphne run out of the Great hall, appearing distraught, as she went to find her little sister, and kill- or maybe castrate (Ron shuddered at just the thought)- Neville.
"Before Nev went all 'crazy horny' on us Fred and I wanted to inform you that we have come up with a plan."
George paused and Fred continued. "We want to fuck up the Slytherin quidditch team's practice just for the hell of it."
"Well, and maybe as retribution for the slug practice," Fat Fred added with a small smirk at his brother's expense. "So here's our plan... We're going to challenge them.
"So come on, let's go," they said standing up.
Ron was confused again. "Go? Go where? And challange them to what?"
"You ask too many questions little brother," Fred told him as he pinched his cheeks in an infuriating manner, "just keep quiet and follow our lead."
Ron rose with the others as his fat brothers took the lead, keeping quiet as he was told, and followed them to the end of the Snake's table, where most of the Slytherin quidditch players were sitting there bedecked in green in silver and chatting comfortably about Longbottom's very visual display of prurience. Pushing Seamus and Dean's counterparts Urquhart and Vaisey out of the way, the Fat Twins came face to face with Montague and Flint- neither of whom looked happy to see them.
"What do you want, Weasel-bee's"? Montague snarled as he crossed his large, hairy, muscular arms.
"Well, there has been a rumour going around school and we," George gestured to the Gryffindor boys, "would like to put it at rest.
"A rumour," Montague stated. The Twins nodded. "And just what exactly is the rumour?" he asked while beside him, Flint glared at them.
Ron wondered briefly what rumour his brothers were making up. He didn't have to wonder for long.
"The rumour is that your house throws the best parties and has the best drinkers," George told him.
"Is that so?"
Fred nodded and crossed his arms, "and we think that that's bullshit because the best party house is ours."
Flint looked like he was about to burst out laughing, that's not going to do his reputation any good, Ron mused just as the boy that he was convinced had troll blood running strongly through his veins began to speak. "Wait," he was saying, "you... You think that yours is the best party house!" And there it is, reputation ruined. Flint wiped away a tear from his dark eyes.
"Please," said Montague from beside the now crying Flint, "you Lion's are such a bunch of prudes." Slytherin's snickered.
Well, Ron thought, Percy maybe... But no one else- not even Mione really.
"Yeah, your house is right up there with the Hufflepuffs," Goyle- or was it Crabbe, even all these years after the polyjuice and Ron still didn't know- smirked while the other (Crabbe?) burst out into raucous laughter.
Hey don't underestimate Hufflepuffs- have you ever been to one of their parties? They're wild.
"Shouldn't you two be stuffing your fat ass faces in the hope that you'll get heart attacks so that you don't have to see just how badly you failed the N.E.W.T.s?"
"Shouldn't you be blowing yourself up?" the one that Ron thought was Crabbe came back with.
Touche- not a bad comeback at all- for one of Ferret's cronies anyway.
"Boys, boys, no need to fight," Dean said, also chuckling at Crabbe's remark to Seamus.
Fred nodded. "Yes we didn't come here to fight."
"We came here to solve the problem," George concluded.
"So what?" Bole asked sarcastically, "you want to challange us or something?"
"Exactly!" came the simultaneous reply from the twins.
"We challenge you all to a drink-off, right here, right now!"
Ron raised his eyebrows challengingly while muttering to Harry, despite knowing that the Slytherin's would never back down from a challenge, "they're too scared!"
His best mate artfully added, "C.o.w.a.r.d.s," in a cough and that was all it took to get Bletchly to begin arguing that they were neither scared nor cowards. All they had to do now was get them to prove it.
"You won't mind participating in our little game then will you?" George said as he pulled out his wand and making eight pitchers of what Ron thought looked like pumpkin juice mixed with Ogden's Old Firewhiskey, appear on one side of the table where they had now sat, and six on the Slytherin's side too.
"Let's make it more interesting," Harry suggested and Ron blanched as his best mate pulled what looked like about four-hundred Galleons out of the money bag in his pocket. "Winning team gets it all," he said throwing it all onto the wood between the two teams.
The Slytherin's gathered close to discuss the new development. After a minute of talking Flint spoke- having completely forgotten, as they intended, about their scheduled quidditch practice- "fine, winner's take all. But you need two more players to make it even."
"Fine," Fat Fred said counjuring two more pitchers and waving over McLaggen and Ritchie, before filling them in about the game.
Ron knew that the Slytherin's wouldn't play fair. "Wait," he said loudly and the group turned their attention to him, "we need a referee to make sure that nobody cheats." He looked around for the first girl that his bright blue eyes could find. Who happened to be Millicent Bulstrode No! Not her! His mind screamed. Besides, it couldn't be a Snake- they would be too baised.
Definitely the next girl then. Walking through the doors came a dreamy silvery grey eyed girl, with waist length, straggly blonde hair and bronze and blue robes. Ravenclaw, perfect.
"Luna!" Ron shouted to catch her attention. Though it didn't seem to be needed, he noted, as she was already walking towards their group with a vacant smile gracing her face.
"Hello Ronald, you look lovely today," she said and he went pink.
"Um..." Ron said, not really sure of how to respond to that, "Thanks, Luna. I don't suppose that you could do us a favour could you?" he asked gesturing between themselves and the Snakes.
"Sure, what's the favour," she asked as she looked around at the boys hopefully, her face falling slightly in disappointed as she apparently didn't find the face that she had been hoping to see.
"We're having a drink-off, and we need a referee. Can you referee for us?"
"Sure," Luna said again, "what do I have to do?" she queried aloud as she followed Ron to the end of the table so that she could stand between the Gryff's who were lined up on one side of the table and the Slyth's who were on the other.
"the rules are simple," Ron told her. "Rule number one, the first drinker from each team must drink every last drop from their pitcher and set it down before drinker number two may pick up his pitcher to drink; and so on and so forth until the last drinkers are up, for our team that's Harry for theirs it's Bletchly. Whichever team had all the pitchers drunk and on the table first wins. Got it?"
Luna nodded with a dreamy 'yeah'.
"Good. Rule number two is that if anyone vomits then their team is disqualified and the other team wins."
"Ok," Luna said lightly as Ron went down the line to take his place next to Harry.
"Right then, everyone heard the rules," Luna said more forcefully and then commanded, "now line up next to your pitchers!"
She looked towards her right at Crabbe, "are you ready?" He nodded. "Are you ready?" she turned her head left directing at Fred, who also nodded.
"On the count of three."
Fred and Crabbe placed themselves carefully, ready to grab their pitches at the end of the count.
"One... Two... Two and a half... Two and three quarters..."
"LUNA!" the eight Gryffindor's yelled in exasperation even as the Slytherin's snarled, "LOVEGOOD!"
"Fine, fine, keep your knickers on," Luna said amusedly. "THREE!"
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"BAD WEASLEY TWINS!"
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