A/N: I have now finished this story and it has 10 chapters. Will post one chapter every couple of days.

Chapter Five

Everything was the same, nothing had changed. The house was exactly the same as the last time Syed had seen it. His room was still his room; with its blue walls and the double bed his parents had bought after his ill fated marriage to Amira. Nothing had changed but everything had at the same time. Syed was no longer the same person who had lived in this room for a year after being reunited with his family. So much had changed. He had been married and was now in the process of a divorce, he had come out as gay to his family and now he was sick.

He hadn't seen Christian since their little spat at the hospital when he had walked out. Syed had immediately regretted snapping at him but had not yet had the chance to apologise for his behaviour. As it was at the moment, he was too tired to think about anything and just wanted to sleep. He was exhausted and he had only gone from the hospital to his parent's house and he had slept most of the way there. He hated feeling this ill and miserable. He crawled onto the bed, not bothering to pull back the covers and quietly waited for Christian to appear.

Christian had been angry with Syed when he first left but he quickly realised that it was just Syed putting up walls once again. He resolved to talk to him once he'd picked up their things and headed back to the Masood's.

The flat seemed so empty and quiet, which unnerved Christian. He decided to pack quickly and get out as quick as possible. He pulled a suitcase from the top of the wardrobe and started rummaging through the drawers looking for clothes. Every single one of Syed's shirts brought back memories of their time together. The shirt he had worn the first time he had told Christian he loved him; the one he had been wearing when they left the Square to start their new life together. It brought a tear to his eye just to think about it.

He was trying his hardest not to break down again but it was just so hard. He gripped Syed's blue checked shirt tightly to his chest; breathing heavily to calm himself down. Once he felt ready to carry on he finished packing and made his way out to the waiting taxi.

When Christian arrived at the Masood's; Syed had fallen asleep on the bed. Not wanting to wake him, he gently laid the suitcase on the floor of the bedroom and headed back down the stairs. He found Masood sitting in the living room.

"How is he?" Mas asked.

"Sleeping at the moment. I didn't want to disturb him so I just let him be for now."

"Probably for the best. So how are you doing?"

"Me? I'm fine, doing just great in fact."

Masood didn't believe him. "You don't have to hide it from me, Christian. This has got to be hard on you too."

"I feel like screaming," he admitted. "There are moments when I just want to scream and cry because it's just so unfair. But then I remember that he needs me and I have to stay strong for him because he's falling apart right now and I know I can't..." Christian babbled. He wasn't making any sense.

"You can always talk to me if you feel you need to," Masood said to him. "If you feel like things are getting on top of you and you need to blow off some steam."

"Thanks," Christian smiled slightly. "What about you? How are you coping with everything?"

"Taking it one day at a time mostly, it's been a huge shock. But I have a wife and two sons who need looking after so I don't have the luxury of breaking down."

"You can talk to me if you want," Christian said. "We could be each other's confidantes."

Masood laughed, "I may just take you up on that."

"Anytime, I'm going to check on Syed," Christian stood up and nodded at Masood before heading up the stairs. Syed was lying on the bed; his head buried in his pillow.

Christian couldn't believe how young Syed looked. He had often lain awake at night and watched Syed sleep and was constantly amazed by how beautiful he was. He crossed the room and kicked off his shoes before lying down on the bed next to his lover. Syed stirred.

"Missed you," he said sleepily and leaned in closer to Christian. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Christian soothed. "You have every right to snap if you want to."

"I'm just so scared," Syed confessed. "I didn't mean to get so angry with you."

"It's okay," Christian repeated. "I'm here when you need to talk. About anything at all."

"Can you just hold me?" Syed asked, sounding extremely vulnerable and childlike.

"Of course," Christian wrapped his arms tight around Syed and held him; never wanting to let him go. "Everything is going to be okay, I'm going to help you get through this," Syed didn't say anything. He just lay there and breathed in Christian's scent. He had always felt safe when lying in Christian's arms; like nothing in the world could ever harm him when they were together. He had once told Christian that he thought he was Superman and he had truly meant it.

They lay next to each other for what seemed like an eternity until Christian fell asleep. When he awoke he found Syed sitting up in the bed searching something on his laptop.

"What are you looking at?"

"I'm going to lose my hair."

"What?"

"The chemotherapy will make my hair fall out."

"It'll grow back once you're better," Christian tried to comfort Syed but it didn't help.

"Why is this happening to me?" He asked in a small voice, his eyes filled with tears. "I just want it all to stop," he cried before throwing the computer to the side and ran out of the room, locking himself in the bathroom.

"Sy," Christian said as he knocked on the door. "Please come out."

Syed didn't reply; he just stood and stared at the mirror. He almost didn't recognise himself, he looked so ill. He ran his hand through his hair before opening the bathroom cabinet and pulling out a pair of scissors. He raised them to his head and began hacking at his hair, his dark locks falling to the ground all around him. He cut as much of his hair off as he could before he threw the scissors down and reached for the clippers. He made quick work of the remaining hair until all that was left was a small layer of stubble across his scalp. If he was going to lose his hair anyway he wasn't going to wait for it to fall out.

It was the only thing he had any control over anymore.