"When it's time to live and let die/And you can't get another try/Something inside this heart has died/You're in ruins"

—21 Guns, Green Day

Chapter 5

You Know You're Getting Desperate When You Start Calling Up Friends From Eleven Years Ago

Giana's POV

The red numbers flashing next to my bed told me that it was four in the morning. Again, I had been woken by that damn nightmare. I don't know why it bothered me so much then, since it had become a sort of morning ritual in New York. I would wake up shaking and in tears, then I'd take a shower, lie there for a while, make breakfast, and go on with my day. Being in La Push again made that dream scare the crap out of me, though. How pathetic; I was a twenty-year-old woman who still got scared from bad dreams.

After sitting next to my phone for an hour, I finally dialed Sam's number (he'd given it to me when he drove me home). It wasn't till the phone had rung twice that I realized the late hour, but before I could hang up, the line picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?" Sam's deep voice asked. He didn't sound the least bit tired, even though I was calling him at five in the morning.

"Um, hey, Sam, it's Giana," I mumbled sheepishly.

Fuck, it was a really stupid idea to call him, I thought, I mean, what was I thinking? It's five o'clock in the fucking morning.

"Is something wrong?" he asked. "It's kind of early."

"Oh, um, yeah, I…couldn't sleep, and-I-don't-know-why-I-called-you-and-you-probably-don't-want-to-be-bothered-by-me-at-five-in-the-morning, so, um, never mind."

"I wasn't sleeping anyway. Are you okay, though?"

"Um, sort of—no, not really. Look, I—"

"Do you want me to come over?"

"I don't want to bother you—"

"You're not bothering me. I can be there in a few minutes if you want."

"Uh, can you?"

"Of course. I'll be there in five minutes, alright?"

"Okay. Thanks, Sam."

And the line went dead. I sat there on my bed, deep in thought. I couldn't believe that Sam actually wanted to leave his house at five in the morning just because I couldn't sleep. It was unfathomable to me. I didn't understand why he would actually care. Then again, he probably just thought of me as some confused kid with a dead dad.

Just like he said, Sam was knocking on my front door in only a few minutes. I reluctantly left the warm safety of my bed to let him in.

"Are you okay?" were the first words out of his mouth as he stepped through the door.

I shrugged. "I'm not so sure, really."

Sam looked worse than I felt, honestly. He had only left me hours ago, but he looked so different now. His short hair was messy, as if he'd been pulling at it for the past few hours. His gorgeous eyes were sullen in like he needed a good ten hours of sleep, at least, and he appeared as though he had been crying. Wait, crying?

"Are you okay, though?" I asked.

"I'm not so sure, really," he mocked.

"Sam, I'm being serious."

He just smiled, but I could see the sadness in it. "So am I."

I sighed. "Well, thank you…for coming over, I mean. Um, do you want anything to eat?"

"Its fine, but you need to calm down a bit, Gi. You're freaking out. And you shouldn't be walking on that leg."

With that, he proceeded to scoop me up in his arms like he had earlier at the beach. I chuckled.

"You know, you'll fuck up your back if you keep carrying me around," I teased.

"Oh, yeah, because you weigh so much. You know, you'll fuck up your leg if you keep walking around like that."

I chuckled. He carried me back to my room and set me on the bed. I looked up at him sheepishly.

"You can leave if you want, you know," I mumbled.

"Now, why would I do that?" he asked rhetorically. "I just got here."

"Because it's five in the fucking morning. And you look like shit."

"Thanks, Giana. You look great, too."

"I'm sorry, but you're really not looking too great, Sam. What the fuck happened in the last few hours?"

He just looked off into space with a gloomy expression on the gorgeous face of his. I instantly backed off. Something had to have happened, but whatever it was, it wasn't my place to ask.

"Sorry," I apologized. "Um, I shouldn't have…Do you want to take a nap?"

He chuckled, though I sensed no humor in it. "You worry too much. Calm down a bit. Besides, you look like you need a nap, not me. Get some rest, Gi."

I shook my head. "I'm not gonna' fall asleep again."

"So I should? Yeah, that makes sense…So, what are you gonna' do to this place, anyway?"

"I'm putting it back just like I remember it. Well, except for the bedrooms. I took the master, so I'm just going to make my old room a guest room."

"So you're basically changing everything?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Which is why I haven't unpacked yet."

"Sure it is."

I laughed. "It is."

"Hey, Paul and Jared decided to have a barbeque tonight, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over?"

"Holy crap, yeah! I haven't been able to have a real barbeque in years. You don't mind if I help cook, do you?"

"No, of course not. Actually, Paul and Jared will love you for that."

"Well, I'm happy to feel loved. I haven't cooked for in anyone in ages; I miss it."

"Well, if you really want to feel loved, you can make me some breakfast."

"Hmm…I'll have to think about that one…"

"Pleeeaassee?" He looked up at me with one of those puppy pouts on his face; he reminded me of a stubborn child begging for what he wanted. Well, a tie between that and a sad puppy.

I let out a long fake sigh. "Fine. But you have to carry me there."

He cracked a huge smile and scooped me up in his arms. I laughed as he sat me down on the counter top.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I asked.

"Hmm…eggs and bacon," he replied, that smile still on his face.

"Okay, well, I don't exactly have any food, so…"

"You can cook at my place."

With that, he disappeared momentarily, only to return again with my big ass leg brace in his hands. He gently clamped and hooked it around my leg. I grimaced.

"I hate this thing," I grumbled.

"Well you shouldn't have gotten hurt then," he teased.

I just stuck my tongue out at him, to which he chuckled.

"So, do we have to drive to your place?" I asked as I hopped down from the counter and started hobbling towards the door.

"Don't you want to put some clothes on?" he asked.

I looked down at what I was wearing: a pair of silky shorts from Victoria's Secret that ended just below my ass and a dark grey V-neck shirt with Native American designs on it. And no shoes.

"Nah, I'm good," I decided.

He leaned over me and opened the front door.

"I'll drive your truck," Sam told me. "You shouldn't drive."

"How'd you get here so quick if you just walked?"

"I don't live too far away."

"Then we can walk."

"I don't want to put you in pain."

"Sam, you worry too much."

"Well, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?"'

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, just get in the truck."

I tossed him my keys and continued to limp to my truck, trying my best to ignore the shooting pain that went through my leg with every step I took. I finally managed to hobble into the passenger's seat. The drive to Sam's house was pretty short, but that was mainly because everything was close to everything in La Push. When we got there, he helped me out of the truck and into the house.

"Sa-am," Jared's barely familiar voice whined, "You need to answer your fucking messages."

I chuckled quietly. Jared reminded me of a little girl.

"Giana?" Paul and Jared asked in unison.

Jared ran out of the living room with an Xbox controller in his hand as Paul ran out of the kitchen with a hotdog hanging out of his mouth. They met in the middle in the threshold where Sam and I now stood. I couldn't help but laugh at the looks on their faces.

"You two look shocked," I teased.

"Um, we are!" Jared exclaimed.

"You know, this is my house still," Sam scolded.

"Yeah but we practically live here," Paul put in.

"Yeah, it's hard not to notice….So, guess what?"

"What?" they asked together.

"Gia agreed to cook breakfast for you fat asses."

"Really?" They looked to me.

"Sure, sure," I snickered, heading towards the kitchen.

Paul and Jared played games on the Xbox while I prepared their breakfast. Sam told me to just cook the whole carton of eggs, that they'd eat all of them. I laughed.

"This was just all a plan of yours to get me to cook for your friends, wasn't it?" I teased.

"Oh, yes," he joked. "You caught me. I'm just too lazy to cook for them."

I laughed again. "So, why do they practically live here?"

"They're my half-brothers."

"Seriously? Hmm, I guess you look alike. Are you guys seriously gonna' eat a dozen eggs?"

"You're gonna' eat some, too."

It was so easy to just let myself go with Sam. I could laugh so easily around him. I didn't understand it, but there was just something different about Sam. I liked it, though.

"Besides," he continued, "You have to practice cooking for tonight."

"Oh really?"

"Oh yeah. Those guys can eat forever."

"I bet you can, too."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"Hey, Giana!" Paul and Jared called.

"What?" I called back.

"Did you know Sam's gay?"

Sam's face tinted red under his golden skin as I laughed. He ran into the living room where they were, and I could vaguely hear their arguing.

"Food's ready, boys!" I called. "Stop fighting!"

They were all in the kitchen, crowding around me, in seconds.

"Sit down," I scolded. "Pigs."

They all reluctantly sat down at the table. I snickered as I set the food down in the center. The three men attacked the food as if it were their last meal. By the time I sat down next to Sam, there was only a single piece of bacon left.

"Yeah, Sam, you should eat more," I teased. "I mean, you have hardly any food on that plate."

His plate was piled high with bacon and eggs, and two pieces of bacon were hanging out of his mouth. He swallowed his food.

"Want some?" he asked sheepishly.

I chuckled. "I'm fine."

I nibbled my bacon while the boys wolfed down the rest of the food as if it were their last meal.

"You guys are gonna' get fat as fuck one day," I joked.

"Nah, we have fast metabolism," Jared said after he swallowed down a huge bite of food.

"Sure, sure. But by the time you're sixty, you guys will be rolling around everywhere."

"Aw, Gia," Sam whined, "That hurts."

"Holy crap, Sam," Paul began, "You have emotions."

This caused Sam to stop eating and glare over at Paul. If looks could kill, Paul would definitely have been dead in seconds.

"You know, you shouldn't be a jackass; it's not attractive," I put in, looking over to Paul.

This seemed to lighten the mood a bit. Jared barked out a laugh, and Sam even snickered.

"You know, you shouldn't be a cripple; it's not attractive," Paul teased back, not missing a beat.

"Oh, boy, you know I'm more attractive than you."

"Yeah, right."

"All you have is abs. I have tits. I win."

This caused everyone, even Paul, to laugh to the point of tears. I snickered.

After the guys finally finished eating, Sam offered to wash the dishes. I quickly agreed. I mean, hell, it was six in the morning. Besides, I cooked, he can clean. I limped into the living room to join Paul and Jared, who were too busy killing one another in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 to notice me walk in. I plopped down on the couch next to Paul and unhooked my brace.

In the game, Jared was hiding above Paul, waiting for the perfect moment to go for the kill. Paul obviously didn't notice that Jared was sniping.

"Hey, Paul, Jared's right there," I said, pointing to where Jared was hiding on the screen.

Paul aimed and shot quickly, killing Jared with a head shot.

"Giana!" Jared whined. "That was so not cool."

Paul laughed and high-fived me.

"So, now that you two amateurs are done playing," I said, "Can I show you how it's really done?"

a/n- so i'm sorry that it has taken me so long to update. i only just realized that i havent updated, in forever. sorry! things have been hectic, with physical therapy, job hunting, and school. but this week is my spring break, so i thought i'd update before leaving for vegas. -jess

ps.- r&r?