The first chapter in this fanfic was supposed to embody… [Brown coffee stains smudge the ink, making it unreadable except for a few words] … but then I decided to do it from their perspective. People know how much I hate writing journals.

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Emotions III- Fear

I am running. Running from what, you say? Everything; everything is what is making me run, to make me flee from the scene as I aimlessly run through the woods near Kadic Academy, not knowing where I am going. Fear is the driving force for my adrenaline at the moment, as it poured through my systems and letting only one thought into my brain, "run". Surely there wasn't much to run from, right? Wrong. I have to run from everything, from everyone, just to get away from it all.

Most people think that I hardly know fear, being in Lyoko for so long. I would have to prove them wrong. XANA is not what I am running from. Perhaps I am running from life itself, and trying to get away from the life that haunts me. I was never really afraid of the monsters XANA had sent after me, I was afraid of what would happen if I was not there to save the billions of lives that continue living in the world. I have faced every one of XANA's monsters from the Kankrelat to the Scyphozoa to the Kolossus, and I still have the support of my friends, and they have stuck together like glue, no matter the circumstances. I admire my friends for that- to forgive and forget so easily, to make up for their mistakes and actions so readily.

I continue running through the woods, and chance upon a house where my father and I had once lived- the Hermitage. It is old and decrepit now, the house looking as it is about to crumble any moment- but yet it is still there, still standing. The piano is long gone now, the wood rotted away to nothingness, but the notes are still in the air, as beautiful and haunting as I had last remembered it. I slowly pass through the partially rusted gates and enter into the place I once called home, brushing away the dust and fondly recalling the memories as they flood back into my mind, like a shadow that hides in the corner of my mind, waiting to pop out and reveal the memories I once knew. I now sit in the remains of my room, closing my eyes as the flashbacks of my former life played before my closed eyes, inside my mind. At once, I feel a pang of fear as I prepare myself to see how my life turned upside down before it even plays. As if I know at what time the memory will play out inside of my head.

There is the memory of one of my first Christmas. I see myself clutch the toy elf Mr. Puck, as I give my mother a warm hug, tightly holding on to her as if I was afraid to let her go. I was afraid to let her go; losing parents can be one of the most traumatizing things that could happen to anybody who was close to them. I did not want my mother to go, and I clung on, at the tender age of six years, embracing her with all my heart and strength, as if I knew what was going to happen in the future. I didn't know what was going to happen in the future, though. I thought my parents and I were going to live a happy life with each other as we saw each other grow older and grow wiser. Maybe if things were normal, they could have seen what I turned out to be- a young aspiring genius that is computer savvy thanks to my father.

Things were not meant to be normal, it seemed. I watched again as I played around in the snow one winter morning, rolling the soft snow into a large ball, from which I would use to make the base of the snowman I was building. My parents were watching me from a small distance, saying words of encouragement and telling me not to wander too far from them. I happily laughed a bit as the snowball grew larger due to my efforts. This scene seemed like it was out of a happy tale- but this wasn't a happy tale at all. I saw myself looking at a brown wolf that had suddenly come out of nowhere. It growled a little as it focused its golden-brown eyes at me, as I was staring at it timidly with some shock. The smaller version of me then panicked as I saw the Men in Black, people that I didn't know, but knew enough to know that they were trouble.

My mother yelled out, and my younger self turned away from the wolf that was still gazing upon myself, and cried out. I watched as my younger self ran after the black SUV in fear of what was going to happen to my mother. I heard myself as I cried out, and collapsed on the snow, whimpering at my failure to get my mother back, and then kneel on the snow in sorrow as it started snowing again, the wolf still gazing at me as the sky darkened, and the wolf slowly disappeared with the increasing volume of the falling snow.

I felt something warm, wet and salty rolling down my check, and I knew it was the tears I had cried while reliving the memory. I wiped them away on my sleeve and slowly opened my green eyes to my room, gazing at the faint pink walls littered with torn posters again. I left my room after the memories started fading away, creeping back to the back of my mind as I set out to visit the rest of the Hermitage. I didn't find much, finding faded pictures of myself, my father, and I, in any combination or order in a manila folder that appeared to be thrown to a corner of a room nearby. There was a picture of my father standing outside the metal exterior of what seemed to be a vent, which was really a passageway leading into the sewers. I placed the picture back and picked up another photo. It was a picture of my mother and my father standing outside of the cabin in their winter gear. I rubbed the photo with my thumb, wiping away the dust to see the photo better.

Sighing again, I placed the photo back with the others and rifled around in the manila folder, intending to see if there was more pictures. Instead, I found documents of Project Carthage, most of them faded away due to the ink being exposed to the sunlight for a long time. I picked up the manila folder after closing it, intending to put it neatly away. However, a buzzing in my front pocket caused me to be startled out of my focus and to react subconsciously by reaching into my jumper pocket and turning my phone on, fearing the words that were about to be said.

"Aelita, XANA has activated a tower" Jeremie said from the other side of the line. "Hurry to the factory immediately, Ulrich and Odd are in danger!"
"Will do, Jeremie" I said as I closed the connection and brought the manila folder with me as I ran to the factory, making sure that no documents flew out as I rushed to my destination. Hopefully, it would somehow help calm the fears I held if I kept it- the fear of failing and having the world fall under XANA.

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Not much fear here, huh? Place yourself in Aelita's boots, and you'll understand what I mean.