BABY I AIN'T GETTIN' WISER, TRYIN' TO FIND THAT OLD ROAD TO YESTERDAY, DON'T YOU KNOW I'M ONLY GETTING OLDER? WATCHIN' EVERY MOMENT BLOWIN' LIKE A FEATHER IN THE WIND
Jonathan emerged from the Moment feeling very confused. Sometimes he recalled the thoughts, sometimes he didn't. But Alanna's were clear in his mind. He could feel her hesitation, he saw what she saw: a future where they were terribly unhappy, all romantic spark gone, and the friendship fading. He saw himself through her eyes, sitting only a few seats down from her at the table, but feeling miles apart. He understood how much she had thought over her decision… and he knew that she still wanted to marry him.
Before he could change his mind, Jonathan rose and unlocked the door, striding out into the hall. He wound his way through the corridors, determinedly focusing only on her in his mind. He pounded on her door. "Alanna, it's Jonathan. Open up."
She did, a sour look on her face. "I stopped being your squire two years ago, Jonathan," she said.
"But I'm still your king. You are sworn to me."
"If you're going to play that card, you can just leave," she snapped. "I don't need to see you if you're going to play royal with me."
"Well, aren't we in a temper?" he drawled. "Something bothering you, Lioness?"
Her violet eyes snapped at him. "You…" she bit her tongue before she could say something truly inflammatory. "You know very well what's going on, because of that stupid Moment of the Voice nonsense. That, or you just have very convenient timing."
"Maybe I should leave, since you clearly have no interest in being civil."
"I'm not the one who's been silent for weeks! I didn't start this, Jonathan. You did."
"I seem to remember you were the one who said no, not me."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt your delicate ego? Get over it, Jon! Not every woman is falling all over herself to marry you. I, for one, can think of a long list of reasons why it would be a terrible idea."
"And a list of all the reasons it would be a good one."
"So you do remember!"
"Of course. You think I would come here to argue with you if there was no point to it?"
"Who said there's a point? You aren't going to change my mind." She folded her arms over her chest, setting her whole being against him.
"Oh really?" He looked amused, and she was overcome with the urge to hit him. Hard. Maybe leaving a mark.
"Really," she retorted.
He stepped forward and seized her by the arms, kissing her deeply. She struggled against him, but his hold was too tight. She contemplated using her Gift to burn him, but he began walking her backwards into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. Each step she took to get away, he matched and continued their kiss. Only part of her wanted to get away. Another, larger part, rebelled against that urge and wanted to enjoy it.
Finally, she was able to move back far enough. She held out her hands, legs braced. "Stop right there," she warned him. "You're not going to overcome me with kisses. Not," she added, "that you are that good of a kisser." He looked amused. "This isn't funny!" She sent violet fire into the corners of the room to ward them against listeners. "You seem to think this is all some kind of grand joke. Yes, I'm in love with you. You knew that already. But you don't seem to understand that I can't marry you. It would be a terrible idea. You can't see it now, but give it some time…"
"Alanna." Jonathan looked very serious all of a sudden. "I do understand. I thought about what kind of queen you would make. It would be unconventional to be sure, but I wouldn't have asked you if I thought it would harm Tortall in any way." He lowered his voice. "I want to be a good king, Alanna. I am not a rash man, and you know it."
"Jonathan." She searched his blue eyes for some shred of doubt she could latch onto. "We can't get married. We fight, this is just an indicator of that…"
"All couples fight, Alanna." He moved toward her again, and she let him. "I love you. That's not enough to last us the rest of our days, but you're my best friend. I know you love Tortall as much as I do. You would defend her to the end. You would make a better queen than you realize." He stood just in front of her, looking down at her with sincere blue eyes. "I watched you grow up." He brushed her copper hair behind her ear. "I know you, Alanna. I know you're scared." He wrapped her in his arms. "But we can do this." He kissed her gently. "Stop doubting it and allow yourself to realize it too."
"Jon…" her voice was hoarse. Her mind fought with itself, one side telling her to say yes, the other telling her to run away screaming. "I-"
"Shh." His mouth was so close she could feel his breath. She shivered. "Don't talk." He kissed her, massaging her mouth with his, pulling her tighter against his body. She allowed herself to be kissed, hands pressed against his chest. She felt his heartbeat under her palms, the ridges of his muscles beneath her fingers. She allowed herself to be walked backwards to the bed, allowed herself to be dipped backward onto it. He knew this dance as well as she did, those moments before they made love.
She gently pushed at his chest. "This changes nothing," she warned him, eyes steely. "When this is over, my answer is still no."
Jonathan chuckled. "I know it is." He kissed her nose. "But no doesn't mean we can't enjoy each other, does it?"
He spent the night in her small bed. It was made for one, so their bodies were pressed together all night. It wasn't uncomfortable – they had spent some two years sleeping together like this. She stirred first, looking at his peaceful face. She brushed stray hair from his handsome face and kissed him ever so gently. "Jon…" she whispered, dotting small kisses all over his face. "Jon, wake up."
"Mm?" he raised his eyebrows, but didn't awaken.
"Yes," she told him thickly. "My answer is yes."
I rather liked parts of that. I'm nearly done reading the series again, and this is nearing completion. There will not be a sequel, but I do know how it's going to end already. Thanks for al the continued support! You're wonderful.