Sorry I've been gone for so long…but I've been really busy with school and I haven't had time to write. I've just recently been obsessed with Wind Waker, and little Link is so adorable, as well as the rest of the characters. Twilight Princess still takes the lead for best Zelda games (for me, at least), but the rest are pretty awesome, too. Anyways, enjoy!

Ilia's P.O.V

I grumbled sleepily when I heard a loud rapping coming from downstairs. I ignored it, hoping that whoever it was would just go away. My wish didn't come true, however, and the knocking persisted. After about 3 minutes of listening to the incessant 'Knock, knock' of the door, I hollered, "Get the door, Link!" It was much more convenient for him. He was only a couple yards away and on the same level, whereas I was a story above it and was much farther away. He could deal with it. I heard a thud as he rolled off the couch, then heavy, sleepy steps as he stumbled over to the door. There was silence for a few seconds, then a masculine scream and the sound of something heavy falling over. I jumped up immediately thinking there was a burglar, though I wasn't sure why they knocked. I silently crept down the stairs, grabbing an old wooden baseball bat along the way. As I quietly rounded the corner, I heard muffled shouts. Poor Link. I jumped out, ready to fight the intruder to the death, when I beheld a sight that I didn't know whether I should laugh or be horrified at.

Three teenage girls, a redhead, one with green hair, and the other with purple, were piled on Link, covering his mouth and holding him down. The three girls caught sight of me, and Link took advantage of this distraction to yell, rather loudly, "Rape!" His mouth was quickly covered again. I stood wide-eyed, looking at the scene in front of me, trying to decide what to do. One of the girls, the redhead, jumped up and glared at me, while commanding the others to keep a tight hold on him.

"What are you doing here?" She snarled, practically frothing at the mouth. It would've been pretty terrifying if she hadn't been wearing high heels and a dress that looked like it was outdated by three decades.

"Well, last time I checked, I live here. I don't think that's changed in the past five minutes."

"What is Linkie doing here?" I snorted at her ridiculous nickname, and I saw Link visibly cringe at it. I ignored it, and replied,

"What are you doing here?"

"To find my darling love." She said it with such seriousness that I almost lost it right then and there.

"Link's your darling love?" I said, letting only a few giggles out.

"He is my eternal soul mate. And some stupid girl like you isn't going to get in the way of our love." I was about to say something back when the purple-haired girl cried,

"What? Your soul mate? I thought he was all of ours!"

"Yeah!" Greenie agreed, nodding vigorously. I fought the urge to hit myself in the head. They had this whole thing planned out? To come, capture Link, and divide him amongst the three of them? Honestly, how stupid were they?

"I am not any of yours!" Came Link's muffled cry. I couldn't help but snicker at that. The redhead bent over him and said,

"Shh, my love, I know you're a bit confused. It's alright, I forgive you."

"He's not your love! He's our love!" Ah, what naivety. Purple Girl didn't seem to understand that she'd been used.

"Dude, he's not anyone's love. He's a normal, 17 year old kid who is currently getting molested by three over obsessive fan girls. So get off of him, and get out of my house before I call the police." They all glared at me, but when I grabbed my cell phone, they jumped off him and started filing outside. I was about to slam the door on them when Greenie turned and bared her teeth at me. I gave her a not so friendly hand gesture in response.

After I'd watched them shuffle out of sight, I turned and looked over at Link. He was huddled in a corner, holding his knees to his chest and rocking back in forth while chanting softly to himself. I had to smother a laugh at the sight. I walked over to him and knelt by his side, but he didn't seem to notice me; instead, he was looking off in the distance, eyes wide and traumatized. Heehee, that rhymed. Well, sort of. Never mind. I'm going to get back to comforting Link now. "It's okay, Link. I scared away all the big, bad, rabid girls." He turned and glared at me. "What?" I asked.

"Don't make fun of me." He pouted, turning away. I smiled a little bit.

"I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I made you get the door. If I had gotten my lazy butt up and opened it, none of this would've happened."

"Yeah, you meanie. Now I'm scarred for life. You do not want to know where the redheaded demon tried to put her hands." I couldn't help but snicker at this. For one, he called me a meanie, which only five-year-olds say. For two, he called one of the stupid girls "the redheaded demon", which I found amusing, just because it fit so well, and for three, I still think that the fact that he was molested by three teenage girls was pretty freaking hilarious. Call me sadistic, but you'd crack up if you'd been here and seen the look on his face when the redheaded demon had called him her darling love. "See, you just laugh! You're so insensitive." He stuck his tongue out at me and crossed his arms. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay, I'm really sorry this time. What can I do to make you feel better?" He furrowed his brow in thought for a minute, then simply said,

"Food." Of course he wants food. I got up and stretched, then ruffled his hair, earning a "Hey!", before heading towards the kitchen to cook up some grub.

"What do you want?" I called once I was inside the kitchen.

"I told you already; food!"

"Well, duh! I meant what kind!"

"Oh. Well, in that case, I don't really know. Something yummy." I fought the urge to smack myself in the head, and instead headed over to the cabinets to try and find something. What would be something good to eat at...? I checked the clock; 7:45 P.M. Hmm, we'd slept for a while. We got home from school today at three, then we both took a nap around four. That's almost four hours. Oops. Oh, well. Continuing my question, what would be good to eat at 7:45? I walked over to the fridge and checked in there.

I finally decided on some chicken and mashed potatoes, which Link was happy about, his only complaint being that the chicken I was cooking wasn't Fluffy. After I'd prepared everything, I grabbed two mugs and made Link and I some of my beastly hot chocolate, which Link drank quickly, scorching his tongue.

"Hey, where's your dad?" he asked after I'd given him some ice to cool his mouth down.

"He has some business in Kakariko, but he'll be home tomorrow night. Why?" I idly answered, watching the oven to make sure the chicken didn't burn.

"Oh, just wondering. But do you know what that means?"

"That he's gone?"

"No. That we're here. Alone." He wiggled his eyebrows for good measure.

"What is your perverted mind implying, Link?" I sighed, getting my foot ready for an application of pain to a randy teenage boy.

"I'm not saying anything like that, Ilia!" he defended. "I meant that there's no one home, and there's a bunch of teenagers that live around here. We could have a party!" I let my foot relax, but said,

"Okay here are some reasons why not. One, my dad would kill me, but not before ripping out your intestines," I ignored his cringe. "Two, I have nowhere near enough food to feed that many people, especially adolescent people, and three, I'm tired. So that would be a no."

"But…" he whined. "I wanna!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"NO! So stop begging!"

"You're no fun." He pouted. "I know why you don't want to have a party."

"Really? Why's that?"

"It's because you want me all to yourself." He smirked. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Is that so?"

"Yep." He replied, popping the p.

"Okay, then. Get out."

"What?" he seemed startled. That's what he gets.

"You heard me. Get out. I don't want you here." I gave him a smug grin. That's what he gets, the stupid idiot.

"Oh, come on, I didn't mean it."

"Out."

"That's not fair!" he complained, while I shoved him towards door. "I didn't even get my food."

"Yeah, well, that's life. Now leave." I opened the door and started back towards the kitchen when he yelled,

"You promised me food, woman!" I turned back around slowly, and looked at him for a few seconds.

"What did you just call me?"

"A woman. That's what you are, right? Unless you're really a man. I wouldn't know…" I ignored his last comment.

"You said it in a degrading voice. Like I'm supposed to cook for you."

"Well, yeah, that's what women are for. Cooking and cleaning."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, that and other things. The others are just too inappropriate to mention." My jaw dropped. Was he serious?

"So you think women can't fight, either?" I challenged, glaring at him.

"Not really. I mean, guys are a lot stronger. And they're not all emotional and weepy, so they can take a hit." What a sexist pig! I felt myself growing red in anger.

"Really? Okay, who do you think would win in a fight, then? Me or you?" He scoffed at this, as if it was the easiest question in the world.

"Me, of course, but it's not like I'm going to fight you any time soon. I don't want to hurt you, and the food's almost ready. You need to get it out." Oh, he was screwed. With a barbaric yell, I charged him and saw his eyes widen before I tackled him to the ground. I'm not even sure what I was doing, but it must've been painful.

"You crazy bi—OW!" he screamed, clutching his…well, yeah, where I'd just kicked him.

"You…stupid…sexist…jerk!" I yelled between punches. He rolled over onto me and tried to hold me down but I brought my elbow into his stomach and the air left him with an "Oof!" I'm not sure how long this went on, but I heard a knock and then someone calling,

"Are you kids getting frisky in there? If so, I really don't want to walk in on it!" I rolled my eyes and got off of a very beat up Link, who tried to grab my ankle. I kicked his hand away and then made my way over to the door. A concerned looking Malon was standing there when I opened it, and she took in my disheveled appearance with wide eyes. "What were you and Link doing, kid? Did you make sure to use protection?"

"We weren't doing anything. Link decided to be a sexist pig and got his sexist butt kicked."

"What'd you do to the poor boy?" She walked inside and froze at the sight of Link lying on the floor, holding a bloody nose with one hand, his…parts in the other, and sporting a black eye. "Dang, girl, that's bad. And all because he made a sexist remark?"

"Correction; he made many sexist remarks."

"So you attacked him?" Malon raised an eyebrow in question.

"And he challenged my fighting abilities. So I proved him wrong."

"Still. That looks really painful."

"It is painful!" Link cried, still nursing his wounds. I felt a twinge of guilt as I looked at him. Maybe I shouldn't have hurt him that badly. But he was being an idiot. He let out a hiss of pain as he rubbed his stomach, and the guilt meter went up a couple of notches. I went over and sat down by him.

"Look, Link, I'm sorry." I apologized, removing his hand from his eye and looking it over. I winced at the sight of all the purple and black. "I overreacted."

"It's okay," he mumbled, covering his face again. "I guess I kind of deserved it. You can fight. I should've realized that before I started being a jerk." I laughed softly and gave him a hug.

"Friends again?" I asked, pulling back and looking at him.

"Yeah." He agreed. "As long as I get some of that amazing food you cooked. And if you make me more hot chocolate we can be best friends again." I smiled and got up, holding my hand out to him.

"Deal." He grabbed my hand and pulled himself up. Malon just stared at us in wonder.

"You two must be really close to get over that so quickly."

"Yeah, well, we've seen worse." I replied. "Link once shoved me in a river and I almost drowned."

"Oh, yeah? At least I didn't push you out of a tree!"

"That tree wasn't even that tall! And I'm not the one who, once I found out you were afraid of the dark, locked you in my basement all night, not even checking to see if there were poisonous spiders in there!"

"Hey, but in revenge you took me up to that cliff in Kakariko saying that we were going to fly off with a Cuckoo, then jumped off with it yourself, leaving me stranded while knowing that I was deathly afraid of heights."

"At least you could climb down from there! I was locked in with those spiders!" We continued bickering all through dinner, Malon smiling beside us.

"Ah, to be young and in love!"

There you go! Sorry again for the long spaces between updates! I try, I really do. I just have way too much to do.

If you're wondering what the word randy means, it's a British term for a word I thought might be kind of inappropriate for the story. If you want, look it up. Otherwise, don't worry about it. And if you happen to be British, or understand it, sorry for the vulgar language ;). Also, I know Malon is the same age as Link and Ilia, the last line was just her being goofy.