"Link! Are you almost done?" I called from Link's bedroom. We were going into Castle Town tonight with Malon for some shopping, so we'd stopped by Link's house after school so he could get a shower and clean clothes. And now I was waiting for him to finish. Right as I was about to ask again, I heard a 'BANG' and a few choice swear words.

"I'm getting there!" he replied in a pained voice. Was it possibly for him to take a shower without physically harming himself in some way?

"Well, then, do you know where I set my cell phone? I need to call Malon!" I didn't get an answer, so I figured that he didn't hear me. With a sigh, I began digging around under his bed, thinking that I may have dropped it there somehow. I saw the glint of a blue and green cover, and with a triumphant 'Aha' I pulled my cell phone out from a pile of old Marvel comic books. I was about to leave my position from underneath his bunk, when a loose floor plank caught my eye. I don't know why, but I reached over to pull it out, and discovered a box of VHS tapes labeled, "Link's. DO NOT TOUCH." in bold Sharpie. With a slight grin, I yanked the box out and replaced the plank. I gingerly set the shoebox in the bottom of my fairly empty bag, and then grabbed my cell phone to call Malon. I'd discover the mystery of those tapes later. For now, I really wanted to visit some gaming stores.

"Sweet! They have the new Harvest Moon game!" I beamed, holding up said object. Link made a sound of disgust.

"How do you even play that crap? It's so…boring." I rolled my eyes at him.

"You've never even played it, you idiot! So don't go making assumptions."

"Whatever. Where's Malon, anyway?" I looked around. She'd probably disappeared on us to go to Banana Republic or something like that. If there was one thing Malon loved more than anything else in the world, it was clothes.

"I dunno. Let's go find her; it's almost 7, anyway." We stopped at the counter to pay for our games, then I pulled out my cell to call Malon. However, half-way through the call, I was almost tackled by the overly hyper redhead. "Gah!" I yelled, diving for my phone before it could fall and break on the ground. I barely managed to grasp it before pulling up, slightly out of breath. "Malon!"

"Oops." She grinned somewhat sheepishly, but it didn't seem to put a damper on her mood. "Sorry about that. Anyway, I've got great news!" Knowing her, she'd probably found a great shirt for only $15 or something like that.

"What?" I said in a somewhat exasperated tone, smiling nonetheless. Hey, what can I say, her cheery attitude is contagious.

"Charlotte Russe is having a 60% off sale on dresses! Isn't that awesome?" she squealed, making Link and I wince.

"Uh…I guess?" I really don't get what so exciting about clothes. I mean…they're clothes. Whoop de freaking da.

"C'mon, let's go!" She tugged on my arm insistently, but I wouldn't budge.

"You know, I'm really hungry right now. How about we skip the stores and go grab some grub?" I gave her my most winning smile, but she just rolled her eyes.

"Umm…no. The Christmas Dance is coming up soon and neither of us have dresses for it. We're going."

"Yeah, um…I wasn't exactly planning on going to that anyway, so…"

"What?" she screeched. "Not going? Oh, you're going, sister, whether you like it or not. Link, you can go and get some food while we're looking at dresses. We'll meet you afterwards." With that she grabbed my arm and dragged me off towards my doom.

"Malon, can you just accept that I don't like any of these dresses and then we can leave?" I asked hopefully. Malon, however, just glared. She'd already gotten a stunning, strapless blue dress that came down halfway to her knees. I don't get why she wanted us to stay.

"No. You will get a dress, if it's the last thing I do. Now come one, let's keep looking." I sighed and half-heartedly sifted through the racks of clothing. Too short, too low cut, too frilly, too sleazy, too orange, too— "EEE!" I winced at the pitch of Malon's voice. "This is perfect!" I turned around to see her holding a forest green, squared halter-top dress that had a tight (but not too tight) fitting bodice and then flowed out to what I estimated to be my knees or a little shorter.

"I don't know…it might not fit…" I trailed off, still trying to make an excuse not to get a dress. Malone gave me a stern look, placed (very forcefully, I might add) the dress into my arms, then shoved me into a dressing room.

I slipped into the dress quickly, and, masking my disappointment at its perfect fit, opened the dressing room, giving Malon a mocking twirl. "Voila! Now can I get out of this and go!" But, of course, she had other plans.

"Oh. My. Goddess!!! You look gorgeous!!!" I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't really care, can we just—" I was cut off as she turned me to face the mirror. My mouth dropped in shock. I'm not a shallow person, but I had to admit, that dress made me look pretty dang good. I looked at the price tag. It read $120.

"Malon, I'm not paying $120 for a stupid dress, even if it does look good." She rolled her eyes at me.

"I think you're forgetting that it's 60% off."

"50 bucks…that's not too bad, but still…"

"You're getting that dress, girl." Malon sternly commanded. "Now come on, Link's probably waiting." I changed back into my clothes and we paid for the dresses. We finally made it to the food court, and by then, I was starving. While Malon found Link, I hurried over to the Chinese place and bought two platters of Bourbon Chicken and Lo Mein.

"Mmm…" I closed my eyes as I took the first bite. It tasted like heaven. Malon watched in what I'm guessing was disgust as I shoveled food down my throat. "Wha?" I looked at her, mouth half-full. "I'm hunnry." She ignored me and turned to Link, who was eyeing my food hungrily. She sighed in annoyance.

"What is with you two and food?"

"We're hungry!" We exclaimed at the same time. She just gave a 'Hmph' and turned away to pick at her salad. I loved Malon like she was my sister and everything, but I could not for the life of me figure out how she could eat so little food without starving. She wasn't anorexic, don't get me wrong, she loves food, but somehow she manages to get by with a couple of bites. Eh, whatever.

I was distracted from my eating as a fork collided with my own. I looked up to see Link grinning at me, attempting to steal my food. I frowned and hit his utensil back with mine. He tried to stab a piece of chicken again, and I parried it. We continued this battle for a few minutes, before Link finally gave up and just grabbed the chicken. I glared at him and waved my plastic knife menacingly.

"Give it back." He just smirked and popped it in his mouth. I threw the knife at his neck and it had enough force for him to choke and spit it out. I grabbed it and, after cleaning it off with my napkin and dipping it in sauce, ate it. Malon stared at me in horror, while Link sulked over his lost food.

"Did you seriously eat that after he'd put it in his mouth?"

"Um…obviously. Hey, that was good chicken." She just shook her head.

"Sometimes, I just don't know why, or how, for that matter, you kids do it."

"We're hungry!" We repeated simultaneously. Whoa, that's creepy. Malon looked like she wanted to hit us both over the head, but I guess she managed to restrain herself.

"Just hurry up and finish. I'm ready to go home." Link and I finished our food, then packed up to go.

After I'd gotten home, I suddenly remembered the tapes in my backpack. I ran upstairs to my room and put the first tape of three in. Link appeared on the screen, wearing no shirt. My eyebrows automatically raised, even though there was no one to see them. Link going on stage with no shirt was not a good sign. Then I heard some very familiar music turn on, and Link started lip synch the lyrics.

"I'm bringing sexy back," I wasn't sure whether I should be horrified or amused. He was starting to do some dance thing, but thankfully he kept his clothes (what he had left of them, anyway) on.

"Them other boys don't know how to act." It continued like this for a while, until I was practically crying from mirth. It was too funny. With the last line he blew a kiss and I had to hold my hands over my mouth so I wouldn't wake my dad up. I pulled that tape out, and put Numero Dos in. Link came on again, and this time he was fully clothed. But, alas, that wasn't to last.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt,"I choked on my own spit. He could not be serious. "So sexy it hurts." A couple times I had to bury my head into a pillow so I wouldn't be heard laughing. That, and Link was embarrassing himself so bad that it embarrassed me. Also, I wasn't sure if there was going to be nudity in this video. I really, really hoped not. I looked up just as it ended, and was relieved to find that his pants were still on his body.

I removed that tape, then hesitantly put the last one in. I pressed play, and there Link was again, and though technically he was wearing a shirt, he had a polo that was completely unbuttoned, so it didn't make much of a difference. I heard an upbeat tune start to play, and I started snickering as I recognized it. "Ha ha, well now, we call this the act of mating. But there are several other very important differences between human beings and animals that you should know about." The Bad Touch? Honestly? And I thought the other songs were worse…Link looked seductively towards the screen as he pretended to sing the first verse that was playing. "You and me, baby ain't nothin' but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!" I knew I shouldn't laugh, but it was too funny. Finally, after more hilarious singing, it was over, with Link grinning lecherously.

After the screen had gone blank I just sat there, cracking up, for another 20 minutes or so. Then, with a smile, an idea came to me. I grabbed my cell phone, then texted to Link, "Haha…your life is ended." After a few minutes, I got a '?' back. So, I decided to call him, still giggling uncontrollably.

"Hello?" Came his confused voice. "Are you alright, Ilia? You don't sound so good." I think he was referring to my psychotic laughter, but I ignored him, getting straight to the point.

"I didn't know you were a male stripper." I sniggered again.

"Ilia, what in the world are you talking about?" I started humming a suspiciously familiar tune, but it was a bit distorted by my insane cackling. I think he caught on, though.

"Wait…no, there's no way…" He trailed off, then I heard him rummaging around him room. Oh, this was getting good. I heard a yelp, and then an angry but frightened tone demand, "Where are they?"

"Mwahahahahahha—hiccup!" was my reply. Hehe…I tend to do that when I laugh too hard. I heard a dial tone at the end of the line, so I guess he'd hung up on me. But Link wouldn't go down without a fight…I wonder what he was planning. Probably not something good, so I decided to upload the videos to my laptop just in case.

I was right, because about 10 minutes later I heard my window rattling and a few muffled curses. I had to suppress a laugh. After a few minutes of this continuing, I strode over to the window and yanked it open. "Link, please tell me you don't really try to break into houses like that. You're like, the world's worst criminal." All I got was a glare.

"You know why I'm here, Ilia." He attempted in a menacing voice. It took all of my willpower not to burst out laughing.

"Yep. Here's your tapes." I handed over the offending objects with a slight shove, and Link wobbled precariously on my windowsill, barely catching his balance. Oops. He suspiciously glanced between the tapes and I.

"You're…giving them back? Without a fight? Nothing?" I put on my best poker face, and tried for a lie.

"Well, they were pretty hilarious and all, but I really don't think they should be released to the public. It'd be mind-scarring." His eyes narrowed, but he brushed it off. Then something caught his eye.

"Wait…what is that?" I looked back to see my laptop open, one of the videos playing soundlessly. My eyes widened and I dashed for it at the same time as Link. I got it first and dodged around him to the bathroom, where I tightly shut and locked the door. I stood, breathing hard, as Link furiously pounded on my door. "Ilia! Ilia, give it back! C'mon, seriously!" He was angry at first, but then his voice took on a pleading tone. "Please? Please, please, please, please, please? Pretty please with a…steak on top?" Hmm…if he really gave me a steak, I might relinquish the videos… "Iliiiiiaaaa…I swear, I'll do anything. Laundry for a month? Done. Your chores for a year? Got it. Just do NOT send that video."

There was something so pathetic about how he was begging that made me feel sorry for him. Laundry for a month? Chores for a year? Was he insane? The videos weren't that bad. I mean, yeah, they were embarrassing, but even so, I'd never do that much work. I cracked the door slightly, and there Link stood, eyes turned on in full puppy mode. Aww, come on. There was no way I could refuse him when he looked that adorable. "Alright…there. Deleted." I sighed as I watched the files disappear from the 'Trash' folder. No more blackmail… "Your fan girls are going to be really upset, you know that?"

"What they don't know, can't hurt them."

"Still…they probably sensed the potential view of a shirtless Link."

"Well, I guess they'll have to settle with jealously of you."

"Believe me, they have nothing to be jealous of."

"Are you implying that my upper body is anything less than perfect?"

"Yes, that would be the general idea."

"But…" Lost for words, Link stuck his tongue out at me. I performed the famous eye-roll.

"Loser."

"Hey, I'm more manly than you!"

"Um…yeah, I would hope so. That'd be pretty disturbing if you weren't."

"Then you're more of a loser than me."

"Link, the term 'Loser' does not indicate that a person is not manly. It indicates that you're a loser."

"You're really annoying, you know that?"

"And you're really stupid."

"Touché." We fell into a comfortable, but nonetheless odd, silence.

"Hey, Link?"

"Yeah?"

"You're definitely not too sexy for your pants."