Zevran was sitting in the kitchen in the estate. He did something he hadn't done in a long time. Polishing his weapons always kept his mind at bay. The blood from the darkspawn filth had crusted into the blades. He needed to sharpen them as well, he noticed after reflecting them in the fire coming from a torch close by.
All he could think is that she belonged to him, that he knew, she had said so herself. But now, he couldn't describe it as jealousy, after all it wasn't her fault. So what was it then?
He chuckles to himself, if Leliana or Wynne were here they could describe it fast as a heartbeat.
He hadn't been attached to them, but they were close enough to friends he had ever had. He actually missed the annoying bard and the never-ending-poking mage. Sten had already left to sail home, and Oghren was somewhere drinking his disgusting beverage, so he had no one to bother.
He hadn't trusted the healers from the Circle. They had been weak, and not quite as blessed either with healing spells as Wynne had been. They were afraid of Diana, since no one knew how she had survived the battle, and somewhat as Zevran had surveyed them, they thought that she was going to transform into a demon and eat them all. Foolish superstitious mages.
Denerim had started to look like a city again. All the survivors from the battle had stayed and helped rebuild, well the parts that mattered for the moment, which was the palace, estates and the market district. There was a lot of work needed to be done, but they had removed all the corpses outside. They burned the darkspawn immediately, and had put the elves, humans, dwarves and the mages in separate piles. So that their own people could take them back in wagons they got from the soon to be king, Alistair. No one had gone near the dead dragon, it was still lying on top of Fort Drakon. Thinking back to the battle...
He had wondered himself : How did she survive? She had declined Morrigan's ritual, and yet she lived. He had been happy, no, happy is an understatement, ecstatic, no. Words couldn't be enough to describe how he felt, when he saw that she was still breathing. His happiness was not long lived.
When they had found out three days ago, that she was pregnant with his child, Eamon had started to talk with Alistair, making plans to make her his queen. That it would unite the country even more, and assuring an heir to the throne was the dream for Eamon! Zevran felt himself tightened the grip of his dagger, he had made it clear to both of them that he did not approve of their talk about her like some trophy, that didn't have an own opinion! Alistair somewhat thought that she would be overjoyed by these news. Morrigan was at least right there; he was a naive foolish templar with no eyes.
Still the fact remains: She was pregnant. That changed everything, whether he liked it or not. It was bad enough that she was with child, that she was caring his made Zevran crestfallen. Here is another thing he was powerless in. He hated it. Without controlling himself, he threw away the daggers against the wall, and buried his face in his hands. This wasn't like him. All he wanted to do was to go up to her and kiss her, hold her, tell how much he wanted and loved her and say that everything is going to be fine. Maybe it would be best if she did marry Alistair, politically it would. If Zevran would deny her now in her vulnerable position, she might even go to him for comfort, and he could try to forget. He shook his head. He could never forget her nor the times they have shared. He rose up, took some few deep breaths, and decided to go out. There must be something he can help with. He needed to do something before he lost his mind.
It was in the middle of the day, as Zevran walked to the city gates. It was a sunny day, the first one since the archdemon roamed within. It was refreshing and it felt nice to feel warmth against his face. He noticed refugees that tried to come in the city. He took interest in the man trying to talk to the guard. He looked vaguely familiar. The assassin approached.
"...I demand you take me to to the authorities!"
"As I've been trying to tell you, we are quite busy here, if you haven't noticed!" The guard angrily said, as he tapped his foot.
"Look, just let me in. I can find my own way from here!"
The guard sighed "I can't just let you in! Now will you please leave and return on happier occasions."
"What seems to be the problem?" Zevran stood next to the guard.
"And who might you be?" the guard sounded even more tired.
"I'm just the one who was with the Grey Wardens as they killed the archdemon!" He responded lightly.
The guard recognized him, "I'm sorry", he bowed.
"It seems a guard of your standard will do little use tending to these unimportant matters. Why won't you let me handle it, hm?"
"Of course," the guard moved away.
"Thank you. He was a pain in the arse."
Not caring for thanks, "Who are you? You seem familiar." Zevran asked.
"Oh, yes. My name is Fergus. Fergus Cousland."
--
Diana was up, she had been unconscious for another day. The mage that surveyed her finally let her go after finishing her breakfast. Afterwards she just wanted to be left alone in the room. She was dragging her feet after her, as she walked slowly across the room with trembling knees.
She didn't want to live. What she wanted is to crawl up in the bed and die out of shame and anger. Or if she had never slept with Alistair, that would also be awesome! She got disgusted with herself. She made the impulsive action to sleep with him, now she had to pay for it. Diana sighed, she had just hoped the price wouldn't be this high. Angry impulsions made her throw all the bookcases and chairs to the ground. She started to cry and kept hitting everything close to her, so hard that her knuckles started to bleed. She pulled her legs up, and wet the robe with tears.
I'm so pathetic and stupid. If Wynne or Leliana were here, they would know what to do.
They aren't, so get over it.
Diana wiped the tears away. Zev...oh, for fuck's sake! He had just left her when Alistair came, and she hadn't seen him since. She wondered how angry he must be with her now. She couldn't stand the sight of herself without getting repelled, so for him it must be even worse.
More tears welled. Couldn't Alistair at least have the decency to knock her out for at least eight months, so she wouldn't have to live through the hellish days to come.
The sting of nausea came and she had the urge to vomit in her self-pity. She already hated the kid, it was causing more pain then happiness then it would do to a normal couple. Diana laid herself down on the cold stone floor. She kept crying as they fell softly to the floor.
What is she going to do? She loves Zevran, she really does, but this changed things. Diana didn't want it to change, she wanted him, only him. Finally when the threat was over, something just needed to happen to ruin it. Her heart started to pound faster, the thought of losing him because of some stupid jealousy trick was just to much for her. Diana had no idea how she should feel. Everything she thought she knew was upside time she actually slapped herself so hard that she saw stars. As she tried to calm herself down, her fear just kept escalating, she couldn't even swallow anymore without feeling enormous pain doing so. The clogging in her throat kept going upwards. It almost felt like she was going to throw up her own tongue.
A hand on her shoulders made her scream, until she saw it was Zevran. She didn't hear him coming in the room, although he is a assassin. He can be quiet if he wanted to be. His face, stone and hard. He said nothing, and took her hands, examining the wounds, his expression turned more grim.
Without a word, he pulled her up, with his one arm around her legs and the other one at her back, he carried her to the bed. She sobbed silently against his warm shoulder.
When he had tucked her under the covers, he pulled out her hands, and took out a bandage from his armor. Gently, refusing to look her in the eyes, he bandaged her knuckles. With a smirk, looking around in the room, he asked silently, "So having fun already tearing down the palace?"
"I couldn't control myself," she mumbled in a whisper.
"That was already a given, wasn't it?" he snorted, trying to have a non-readable expression.
Diana felt embarrassed. "How are you feeling?"
At this, she couldn't control herself. She started to laugh.
"If you do not wish to have my concern, you could just say so my dear!" He frowned at her.
"Im sorry Zev," as she wiped more tears from her eyes, not knowing if it was from sadness or laughing.
"But if you want a truthful answer. No, I feel like shit, but it will pass."
"Will it?" He still didn't look at her, that annoyed her greatly.
"Well, there is nothing I can do about this," eyeing her stomach, "It was a big shock but it will pass."
"You do know, that Alistair and that arl is talking about marriage."
Boy, he didn't waste time bringing bad news.
"Really? Well I hope you said they could shove it."
"I said that you wouldn't approve of their talk, but I can't forbid them to speak. I left, since my assassin senses were tingling to kill them." He sat closer to her, and kept looking down with his hands hanging on his knees as he was done with hers.
She giggled, and tried to touch his arm. He stood up as a response, and tried to leave.
"What is it Zev? Can you please talk to me. I don't want to play games with you!" She cried. He stopped in his tracks and turned his head.
She got up faster then she thought and marched towards him, he backed until he hit the wall.
Being only a few inches from his face, she let out a low growl. "You want me to remove it? Is that it?" Being this close to him and not kiss him, was driving her insane. The tickling feeling in her stomach, her pulse rising and her heart pounding. He grabbed her shoulders so hard that it almost hurt her, and switched their positions, and slammed her against the wall. There was no space between their lips as he responded "You do whatever you desire! Do not include me in your wishes!" Without saying anything further, he left the room. Diana stood there numb, unable to move. She was shocked, and the shaking in her legs gave in. She slid down from the wall, trembling in her entire body. He had been angry with her before with valid reasons, but never been cold like this. This was new to her, wondering how she must look quite the fool now. The tears kept coming, there seemed to be no end to them. She wiped her eyes and stood up with difficulty and decided to go out. Diana looked in her dresser, the servants had already put fancy clothes in there. Some were hers from Leliana's shopping. She took out a red, tight dress. It was made out of silk, and went all the way down to her feet. It was her favorite. There were some pins that were lying on her desk, she took it and put her long hair in a knot, grabbed a black thick cloak, and left the room.
Diana didn't reach far until she bumped into Alistair in the corridor, he had his armor on this time, one very much like Cailan's. He looked like a royalty. He grabbed her as she tried to pass.
"I thought you were going to be in your room today." He said with a concerned voice.
She tried to shove him away, but he pulled her closer and embraced her in a hug.
More tears, damn it! Can't I just stop being a sniveling baby for one moment!
"Hey," he had his finger on her chin and lifted up her face, "whats wrong?" she looked into his eyes and saw his hazel ones, they were filled with kindness and care.
He wiped her tears away with his thumb.
Why is he so nice?
"oh, me, nah, its nothing." He had pulled her so close she could feel him breathing in her hair. He had his one arm on her back and the other wiping the tears that kept coming.
"Don't lie to me Diana." He softly whispered.
He took her arm and pulled her into her bedroom, locking the door behind him. She sat down on the bed while he took a chair and sat himself in front of her.
"So what is it? Our friends death? Or is it the baby?"
She twitched at the sound of the baby.
"Ah so my guess is that involves the child." He said, while taking her hands into his. "I arranged a small funeral for them that I thought you would like. It's going to be outside the city and it's tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?"She heard Wynne's distant voice, Do not mourn for us, child.
"Yes otherwise their corpse..." he stopped.
With a heavy sigh. "I'm ready Alistair."
"Also, Zevran told me that he found someone you would like to meet. He's resting at the moment and will see you tomorrow after the funeral." not waiting for a response he continued.
"And how are you feeling about the other thing?" She saw heat rising on his cheeks as he asked.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm happy because I'm not Alistair. I hate this, I hate that it is your child. I hate the fact that Zevran despise me because of this." She put her hand over her mouth afraid to say more hurtful things. He really looked devastated. She took a deep breath before continuing, "but I can't do anything about it. I actually can remove it, but I won't. It's not my choice to make anymore."
"I do not wish to make you unhappy..." His voice faded as he turned his face away from her.
Her heart skipped a beat, is he crying?
"I do know if you,' he stutters, 'if you would let let me, I would make you the happiest bride alive." he almost choked on the last words.
"I still love you, Diana." he finished.
He didn't wait for her reply, he just unlocked the door and left. Diana was left in all more confusion. Her brain had stopped working. Sighing, she tried to fall asleep.
The next day, Diana woke up early. She was watching the sunrise as it embraced the city in its golden light. The smell from death was finally gone. It had been a week since she had killed the archdemon. Her eyes fell on the high tower that seemed to be so far away. Flashbacks went through her mind. She cut it out. Turning around she went to the dresser. The servant had already taken out clothes that would fit for the occasion. Black robe with white pearls hanging on its shoulders and a big red belt to be around her waist. She hated to be in robes, it reminded her to much of Highever whenever she had to dress up formally. Wynne nor Leliana would mind her to wear her armor for their funeral. Sighing, she took the small belts that she had tucked in the bottom of the closet and put it around her legs. She placed one dagger on both thighs. Always good to be prepared.
There, all done!
Trying not to think to much, she took the cloak Leliana had given her and left the room to wait in the hallway for the escort to take her, Oghren, Zevran and Alistair to the funeral.
There were not many people there when they had arrived to the small white chapel. She was grateful for this. This wasn't a formal funeral, just saying goodbyes to dear friends. There were four bodies lying in the center. She went a bit closer to the white altar were they were lying. They had covered Leliana's body, but she could see through the white cloth they had placed over her. The twisted shape and headless. Diana tried to breathe normally but that was hard and the all to familiar tears fell down her face. At least she could see the others. Wynne was lying in the middle, looking peaceful, in her enchanter robe and Riordan was lying to the left. They had dressed him up in silver massive armor, "I'm so sorry brother..." she whispered. She saw Loghain lying next to Leliana's right side. He had the same armor on as when they attacked the darkspawns.
She sat down in front of her companions and sobbed in silence. Zevran pulled her away and she hugged him without warning. He seemed stiff but didn't shove her away.
Alistair had started to talk to the small crowd, saying what honorable men and women they were. Diana had stopped to listen, but chuckled to herself that he mentioned Loghain as a honorable man. That was only formal, she guessed. His speech didn't continue that long. Zevran let go of Diana, "I think they want you to say something," nodding towards the altar. She turned and looked at Alistar that held out his hand. She walked slowly and embraced it.
"I...There is no words to describe these wonderful people. I never got to know Riordan or Loghain. But knowing from their history, they were good men to the core, 'she didn't want to explain Loghain's actions, and she continued, 'I..." she stuttered, her heart pounding so hard that she could hear it in her ears. Alistair tightened his grip around her hand.
She took a deep breath, thinking of the song she learned as a child. It always calmed her down when the elders talked about death, it was a comforting song. Another long breath, she started to sing that echoed in the chapel;
Beyond the night, a rising sun.
Beyond the night, the battle's won.
The battle is won.
Fear and shame now in the past.
Pain and sorrow gone at last.
Gone at last.
Circle renewed, peace will be found.
Beyond the night on sacred ground.
River flows led by the wind.
First new breath, our journey begins.
Our journey begins.
There was a long silence, she met a lot of chocked eyes. She heard Alistair whisper in her ear, "That was beautiful Diana. Didn't know you could sing." She chuckled, "me neither."
They had put the bodies on four pyres, and burned them. She watched as their bodies turned to ashes.