An: Gah, these two last chapters were a bitch to write. Hope you will enjoy! :)
When they had returned to the palace, Zevran had immediately left with Oghren to help with the repairs, leaving Diana and Alistair alone. She didn't understand the assassin, his behavior was changing rapidly these days. So at the moment she was content that he left her alone, and unhappy at the same time. She missed having him near her. Her strength seems to be fading whenever he was not around. He have more power over her then he knows.
Alistair didn't say anything, which she was grateful for. They walked slowly to her room. He grabbed her hand before she opened it.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
She nodded, having no desire to tell him what was aching her heart. She would just hurt him more and she didn't want that.
"I hope that what burdens your heart will get some relief when you will see your surprise. I will talk to you later." he gestured towards her room and left.
Surprise?
She opened the door and saw a man standing with his back towards her. He looked...It can't be. Her brain must be messing with her some more. This is all to much. The man turned at the sound of her opening the door.
She was shocked and gaped at the man.
"Is that how you greet your own brother?" he chuckled, walking towards her.
"Fergus? How..how, you," she stutters, not being able to form a sentence.
He hugged her tightly. He smelled like him, it can't be an illusion.
"brother," she chocked.
It felt like they hugged for an eternity. Diana didn't care. For the first time since the archdemon defeat she didn't feel lonely.
When they let go, they both sat down on the bed.
"I can't believe that you are alive. I'm so happy that you are." She hugged her brother again. He patted her gently on the back. "Trust me, I'm happy to be as well. So sister, I've heard a lot from people, praising you and the wardens. Mind to tell me the story, from..." his voice turned sad, "from Howe's rampage in our home."
"Of course brother."
--
Zevran and Oghren were walking in the city. He figured Diana was busy enough with her brother by now, and didn't want to disturb her. Also if he actually would meet her again, he had no idea how to be. All of this was so confusing, heartbreaking and anguishing. He regretted thinking of Diana marrying Alistair, and yet all he did was hurting her. He got upset for no reason last time he was with her alone, or it was a reason that he tried to keep hidden. She didn't need his coldness. He knew perfectly well that she didn't like how her situation has turned out and still he couldn't control himself when being near her.
Anger and desire, a dangerous combination.
So for time being avoiding her seem to be the reasonable thing to do if he didn't want to cause her more pain. If the Crows would know what he has reduced himself to, they would mock and kill him for his ignorance.
"Elf!"
"Oghren!"
The dwarf burped, "so what's going on between you and the missis?"
"missis?"
"Yeh, the warden girl obviously! Who did you think I was talking about? Idiot."
Zevran clutched his chest, "You wound me my little dwarf."
"Bah, shouldn't you two be up in her room, snogging and humping like two bunnies now when you finally have the time?"
Zevran chuckled, "You never seem to stop amazing me with your choice of words friend."
"If I wanted to be formal, I might as well started shitting out flowers. I won't be doing that!"
"If flowers would emerge from your behind the world would truly end."
The dwarf made a disgusting sound as a response.
"Why aren't you with your long legged woman?" he persisted.
"I do not wish to say."
"Bah!" The dwarf finished as he walked away from the assassin.
Zevran sighed, he desperately wanted to go to Diana.
Don't be so weak!
"Zevran!" he heard a familiar voice yell. He turned and saw Alistair walking towards him.
"What do you wish, my king?" he said bowing.
Alistair waved his hand, obviously annoyed. "The coronation is in one week, I'm not king yet so don't call me that."
"I need to know your intentions with her!" Zevran was shocked, unable to hide his facade.
"Why do you want to know that?"
"I need to know. I love her, and you claim to do the same. Or was that an act you put on to get her in bed?!"
"That's none of your business is it?" He responded, his anger swelling.
"It is my business!" Alistair closed in on him.
"How?" Clearly not intimidated. Zevran stood still, crossing his arms.
"Because I love her, and I can offer her a life of comfort if she would marry me. I can give our child a future!" Alistair's voice was livid.
"Oh, so you are her shiny knight, coming to save the day? Because after all the trials she have endured, she can't possibly take care of a child, can she?" He mocked him.
"Damn it Zevran! You know what I mean."
"No, I do not." his voice was cold.
Alistair sighed, "If you love her. Stay away from her!"
"How does that make sense?" Zevran hissed.
"Think about it, what life can you offer her?"
Zevran stood numb, it was harder to maintain his face neutral.
"That is none of your concern..." He said turning away from him.
"Hey! She said she forgave me, that she wanted me!"
Zevran stopped dead and faced Alistair.
"What?"
"The last night in Redcliffe. She came to my room. The first time she apologized for her behavior. But she came back in the middle of the night. She pleaded to me, saying how much she wanted me and I granted her that."
"That's not possible..."
"it was!"
"No," Zevran clenched his fists. "She was with me that night Alistair."
"That can't be!"
"Oh, I assure you it is."
The both men looked at each other in confusion.
"She couldn't have been in two places at once!" Alistair spat out.
Sarcastically Zevran smirked, "How very clever."
"I think we need to talk to her." Alistair turned and walked back to the palace.
Zevran stood still.
Think about it, what life can you offer her?
He heard Alistair's words echoing in his mind. Hating to admit it, he was right.
Get a grip, Zevran!
He couldn't get a grip. If he would push her away he would never touch her again. Never kiss her. Never feeling her warmth against his. She would never know how much he longed to...just to be with her.
Stop playing these mind games with yourself!
I can't...
He is speaking the truth. What can you offer her? Its his child, not yours.
Now his own mind decided to be devious with him. Ironically it was Diana's voice, or voices as well. He felt like she took control over his brain, as he struggled with himself. He suddenly had a urge to kill things, just to not think of anything. He cursed himself for being such a mind-wrecking love fool. Then again, he wouldn't have been feeling like a person if he hadn't had met her. She opened his eyes to embrace the world. It also came along with feelings he didn't want to have. He kicked the nearby barrel, and leaned against the nearby wall.
I hate this!
Get over yourself, you pathetic fool!
I can't be without her now...even after that.
Then you are selfish.
He went back to the palace, while having an inner war going on in his head. Sighing, he felt a headache emerging. Rubbing his temples, he bumped into Fergus.
"Oh, Hi again. I just wanted to thank you for taking me here."
Zevran didn't care about being formal, and just grunted as a response.
"My sister is talking to the king for the moment." Zevran passed him and went up to her room. Not caring to knock he opened the door. He walked in on a fiery conversation;
"What?"
"How can you not remember?"
"I remember saying sorry to your ass, and then going to my room where Zevran joined me. I was with him that night, not you!"
"then who the fuck was it? It clearly looked like you! Also she knew what to say to me to get me in bed!"
"It wasn't me. It had to be a goddamn good witch if she...." She broke off and looked horrified for a second.
"What is it?" Alistair asked.
"Morrigan." her voice was not louder then a whisper.
Alistair let out a bitter laugh, "I think I would remember if that bitch came in my room..."
"She offered a way out. For us, it involved blood magic, and I declined."
"Really?" the templar didn't sound convinced at all.
"Just get out Alistair!" She suddenly yelped.
"I need to think."
He brushed against Zevran as he angrily stomped out of the room. The assassin was leaving as well.
"Don leave," she said hoarsely.
He obliged and closed the door and took a few steps in the room. She was still standing with her back turned against him.
He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. Her slim, white robe was shaping her body perfectly. Too perfect. He tried temper down his passion for her, having a extremely hard time doing so. Finally she turned.
"It has to be her."
"How? You declined her ritual, did you not?"
"Yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean she gave up! I saw her shapeshift and fly out the window. Maybe that was to deceive us, to not thinking she would...She has access to many potions. I bet we didn't know all of them. She could easily lure Alistair into thinking it was me, somehow."
She turned again, clearly lost in her own thought. Resisting the urge just to go to her was overwhelming. His pulse was raising so did his heart, with desire. There was another feeling, fear?
Now that's just hilarious. Fear from what then?
That you can never be with her not even if you both want it.
That's not true.
Oh really? Can you see yourself being the uncle for their child when it will arrive in the world. She's bound to start caring about the king at some point, if not involving love...
Being lost in his thoughts he hadn't noticed Diana only standing a few inches from him.
"Hello? Been trying to get your attention here!" wavering her hand in front of Zevran.
"Yes, yes, sorry, pet. What were you saying?" he mumbled, trying not to look at her.
"That I think this is Morrigan's doing. Its the only logical explanation. She tricked him, got pregnant, and I survived."
"I don't recall seeing the witch during the battle."
"Maybe she was in some shapeshift form, or something. I don't know..." She looked extremely worried. She continued:
"If this is the case that means she has the arch demon soul in her belly at the moment." Her body was shaking. Zevran wanted to hug her but remained still.
"we need to find her!"
"I have a feeling if she does not want to be found, she won't be." Zevran coldly said. His headache was getting worse, and he wanted to leave so he could go to bed.
"You don't care at all do you?" she got closer to him. Zevran could even feel her warmth emanating on him.
Of course I care!
"What do you mean, my dear?"
"About everything! You...you just left me! Then you come back, being very strange. Why?"
So she switched the subject.
"I needed to clear my mind, pet."
"Really?" She got even closer, so close he could smell her. A jolt went through his spine.
He tried to say something but nothing came out. She was close, to close. She softly brushed his arm with her fingertips. He needed to get away from her touch, he started to move towards the door, she had already passed him and was standing against the door, preventing him from getting out.
"You are not going anywhere until you explain why you are like you are!" she stared defiantly in his eyes. Maker, she's beautiful.
Lie to her.
I can't lie...
Suit yourself!
"I'm waiting Zevran!"
"How am I?"
"what?"
"You say that I have changed. How so?"
Her eyes widened, not really grasping what he said.
"You've become a coldhearted son of a bitch!"
"you know what I am. It was foolish of you to think I have changed."
Her cheeks were flaming red, with a hurt voice,
"I know, so what you have said to me after...was it all a lie?" Her eyes were glimmering red. Zevran felt an aching pain in his heart as he replied in a low, frosty voice;
"I was just very persuasive. I got what I wanted. You got your comfort. Why having these complains?"
She just looked like she had been slapped.
"I...' she stutters 'thought I meant more to you."
"No."
Lies, all lies.
"It just had to stop now when we found out you were with child."
Keep your mask up! Don't flinch or it will be for nothing!
"I don't believe you." She whispered. Tears were running down her cheeks. He hated having to hurt her.
Is this for the best?
Yes, if you don't hurt her now, you are only pro-longing something that can never be.
How is that?
You said once yourself. You can't live on a farm, with her and raise children. Now she is with child, and its not yours. You are still an assassin. You can't be with her.
"Believe what you wish, princess. It has been...entertaining." he got past her, when he opened the door, he felt that she throw something at him. Rubbing his head and looking down on the ground, he saw a glimmering earring. He picked it up and looked at her.
"Why did you give that then? If I meant nothing to you." Her voice trembling with rage.
He felt like she had just hit him hard in the head.
Keeping his voice low and distant.
"All part of the plan, my dear." He smiled, clutching his hands, hated himself more with every step he took further away from her. Feeling dampness on his cheeks, he hadn't even noticed it. Zevran slammed the door to his room and wiped his eyes.
It was for the best!
Shut up!
Did you just tell your own mind to shut up?
I probably lost the only thing that was worth living for...
Don't talk like a tragic hero. Being here however its not going to help you or her.
He punched his fist in the wall. He laid himself down on his bed, just wanting to sleep it all away.