AN: I'm so sorry for the long update. But I had a huge writer's block about how to proceed this. And I needed to finish some school work. So I'm sorry if this isn't so well done, I'm so tired, and I really wanted to post a new chapter. So don't be surprised though if I chose to update this. And I did check it through, but hope you won't be disappointed. And thanks for all the people that have added this story to their favorites and alerts. It means a lot to me, since I'm not a experienced writer, it gives courage to write more :) and now on with the story.
"I think he wants to see you." Alistair whispered through her crying. She pulled apart and hit him playfully in the head.
"Ow, that hurt." He pouted and massaged his head.
Diana wiped her face and chuckled.
"I knew that brain had be covered by a serious amount of bone, seeming it only has so little to protect." He smiled at Alistair whom grinned.
"Evil woman." He took her hands, "I need to go, will you be alright?" She nodded in response and she was left alone. Courage. She looked at the closed door, not braving herself to open it. Her fingers were brushing the wooden material. A deep breath, and she pushed the door aside and strode in the room. Zevran was lying in the bed, sitting up, leaning against the huge, soft pillows behind him. He gave her a soft grin as she took a chair and sat down next to him.
"Ironic, is it not?" His voice was weak and filled with anger. Diana could tell.
"The mighty and clever Antivan Crow Zevran, met his fate at last. To remain a cripple for the rest of his spiteful life." He continued in the very same voice.
"Zev-" She was cut off.
"They would have a good laugh, it doesn't take much to get rid of someone in this state." It felt like Zevran was more talking to himself then her. He didn't look at her once and she could see hate in his eyes as he gripped the side of his bed more. She had no idea what to say.
"Zevran-" As she tried again, she was interrupted by one of his larger hands descending on her, gripping it tightly so she gasped out of the sharp intake of pain.
"Don't..." he said in such a low hollow voice that made Diana feel so helpless.
"He can heal you, did you not hear that?" She said despite his warning.
"How long? How long do you think it will take?" He said, no candle of hope whatsoever. The same hollowness and anger was there as present as it was just before she uttered her sentence.
"I did listen, my dear Diana. It could take months if I'm lucky. It could take years if I'm not. And I think you should know better then anyone when it comes in the concern about my luck." He whispered, but his words grieved her like it would if he shouted. Maybe it would have been easier if he did.
"So what, you are giving up?" She tried meeting his eyes. He refused that favor and laughed a heartless laugh.
"That does seem the easiest way, does it not?"
"That's not the Zevran I know. He would fight, to become what he was."
"Don't you understand? I haven't been what I was since the day that I met you." Diana's heart skip a beat.
"What do you mean by that statement?" Trying to suppress the trembling in her vocal chord.
"It means I've been a weak person since that day. I got reduced to a castrated assassin, and what for? To stay with one woman." He snorted.
Diana just noticed how she had been shaking this entire time, and that cold sweat emerged from her palms.
"Do you regret being with me now?" She asked in her confusion.
He didn't answer and kept staring at something in front of him with much effort.
"Not this again, Zev. I can't handle this. I just got you back..." Her voice was betraying her. Her eyes threatened to provoke more tears to fall. She cursed herself for being such a weak person.
"Love is for fools. I was a fool. I see clearly now though what misery it have brought me over all these years. First Rinna, and now you." He looked now in her eyes, she could clearly see his agony in them. "Look at me, this is a consequence of me actually being in love with you!"
Her heart skipped a beat.
"No. I'm not going to listen to this all over again." Diana stood up and paced towards the door.
"I'm sorry that this happened to you, but you will heal, and I will remain by your side all the way." She slammed the door shut, leaving the assassin in his misery.
He did not mean that, she just shut off what he said. He was upset, as was his right. She would come around when he would let her. He needed some time alone.
***
Five months had passed since the darkspawn attack, they still heard of a few group organizing and formed attacks on villages. Strangely all the villages were close to Denerim. Alistair had put most of the soldiers to stand guard on these locations, fending them off. It had worked, the worst locations had help from David and Gareth. No other Wardens had yet arrived, assuming there was no need to. Diana was not allowed to go after that assault, for several reasons. Number one was that she was pregnant, and her hormones was getting worse. Number two was that David didn't fully trust her after her close contact to the ogre. Not that Diana cared. She didn't want to leave either, since she wanted to be with Zevran.
The assassin however had been in a sulky, bad-tempered mood since they came back from that battle those months ago. He didn't want to see anyone for the first two months, and Diana obeyed his wishes even though all she wanted to do was to be with him. She asked for his progress every day, and she got the same answer for the first two months, which was that he didn't respond and was absent when the healer had been there just allowing him to do the necessary things. And when he finally met her, she was met with the same schatingly manner he had shown her the day the last met, so before they actually talked, she already left in a hurry. She couldn't understand his pain, since everything Zevran was doing was dependent on his swift movements. Without his legs, Diana could understand why he was so upset and angry. Zevran was never the type to actually rely on someone else, which he had to these few months. During the last month though, he had shown progress, he could move his toes, and soon he cold actually move. The healer had given him crutches where he taken his time to just move around the room. She had been so happy when the healer told her this. But he said he wasn't ready for visitors to see him like this, it was a personal request of his part. Her heart sank like a stone dropped in a lake, wondering why he didn't want to see her to tell her of his progress? But the assassin was one of the kind, and she guessed she just had to wait a bit longer. When Diana wasn't worrying about Zevran or trying not to think about that battle, she was mostly with Alistair. He had been a real friend during these months, supportive and calm.
They have decided to get married, or enter the partner-ship like Diana would call it, by the end of this month, so in two weeks. Everything was in turmoil in the palace already, by getting everything into place, and the planning for the dinner and reception. The wedding itself would take place in the throne room. She had pleaded for a quiet ceremony, but Eamon advised strongly against it. The people want to see this union, and see the happy couple giving the vow of being together. She finally conceded, and let everyone plan the ceremony. She wanted to tell Zevran these news before a maid would accidentally say it in his presence. But he had refused to see her still.
Diana was occupied already by being surrounded by people. Nurses and maidens mostly for the sake of the child. The last three months, her belly had been growing to a size of a canon ball. She was easily frustrated, and in pain mostly. Her entire skin had been hurting, and felt like it was on fire. The nights were the worst, she couldn't sleep, and when she did, nightmares were interrupting it. Every night since Dragon's peak was the same. Nightmares and then wake up in cold sweat and pain. And that godforsaken song that always hymned in her mind! It drove her insane. Her skin had been changing from its milky tone to a more pink one. Diana thought it was because of all her intense scratching, but it didn't make sense.
A sulky Diana entered Alistair's bedroom, slamming the door shut with more force then necessary. He looked up from behind his desk and walked over to her with that goofy smile plastered on his face.
"So what pleasure do I owe for getting the hormonal witch in my bedroom?" He smiled at her, before pulling her in a long hug before descending to her belly, giving it a quick kiss.
"I can't sleep." She said, that she was tired was clear in her voice. Alistair led her to the the side of the bed, then gazed at her face before taking her small hands in his.
"Nightmares again?" he asked.
Diana nodded and turned away from him. She couldn't stand to look straight in his eyes. He knew that she had been having bad dreams. But what worried him, which she could see so clearly, was that her dreams was worse then it should be. He wouldn't mention it, he never did.
"I'm so tired, but when I fall asleep, it feel like I'm awake but in another world, filled with darkness and screams. And that song, that exhausting song, its driving me insane." She said, looking down on their entwined hands.
"I'm so scared, Alistair. What if they were right? What if Grey Wardens weren't supposed to have babies? I mean, this is beyond a normal pregnancy, isn't it?"
"Well I wouldn't know. I never been pregnant so I-Ow!" He shut up by her soft slap against his hand. He sighed and sat next to her, placing his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.
Diana hadn't been touched by anyone for months, last time she had been was with Zevran, five months ago. This was the first time Alistair dared touching her like this. It was comforting to just be held again.
"it will be alright, I wouldn't be surprised if you have a bit rougher time, with well your...I don't really know where I'm going here." Diana chuckled lightly and placed her head on his shoulder. It was unusual to feel his skin, when she was used to the man wearing armor, not a silk tunic.
He placed a kiss on her head, while caressing her back.
"If you have a hard time sleeping, stay here tonight." He whispered. Diana blinked her eyes.
"Oh, don't worry, its nothing like that. I'm worried about you, and about our child. I would feel much safer if you stayed here." He said lightly. Diana didn't need convincing, she hated sleeping alone to be honest. She nodded her head, and she could just feel that Alistair smiled widely at her.
"I'm tired, Alistair." She whispered.
"Let's get some sleep then." She stood up while he fixed the sheets.
"After you princess." He said with a wicked grin. She rolled her eyes and went in the cold bed, and immediately turned on her side. It was the most comfortable position she knew, surprisingly. She felt that Alistair crawled in after he blew out the candles. He tried chasing out the raven that was sitting stubbornly on the side of the window. He muttered a few curse words when he entered the bed, when he did not succeed. She tensed up a bit, remembering the last time when being in the same bad as he was in Redcliffe when they actually conceived this child. The only light that was seen in the dark room, came from the window, she shivered. She could never handle being cold. She felt a hand over her belly, and Alistair's body coming in contact with hers. He was simply holding her, and caressing her stomach. This was more then enough to make Diana fall asleep.
"Diana, DIANA!" She could feel herself being hold down in the bed. She opened her eyes and saw Alistair was the one holding her tightly. She stopped her harsh movements.
"Thank Andraste, I never thought you would come to." He mumbled as he slowly let her go. He crawled out of bed and lit the candles, before throwing two of them in the fireplace, it went slowly before the fire burned intensely.
Diana sat up, shaking. "What happened?"
"You were having a seizure of some sort. I never seen anything like it. Did you have a bad dream?" He asked, not looking at her.
"Ye-yes." She couldn't talk normally.
"What the hell is happening to me?" She yelled, causing Alistair to look at her with fright in his eyes.
"I don't know, Diana."
"I thought that was quite obvious, 'tis not? Of course the silly templar always fails to see what's right under his nose." Came a familiar voice from the window. The both turned their heads in shock when they saw what had transformed from a raven to a human witch. Diana opened her mouth widely, while her heartbeat went from fast to completely erratic. Morrigan was there.