I am pleased and saddened to announce that my fanfic has reached the age of maturity (18) and will be graduating on to bigger and better things. Alas, in simpler terms, this chapter is the last. Now, in it's conclusion, this fanfiction represents what it was always meant to be, really.
Crazy.
Disclaimer: nothing belongs to me but what I brought to this story. My insanity and my laptop are my own. Everything else belongs to the great Natsuki Takaya (with her al hings are possible) and to the characters themselves, who have offered much to this long and joy-filled tale.
Sumi: I'm very sad.
Everyone else: so are we all.
Me(the authoress herself): I would like to offer a brief recollection of some of the fics most joyful, fun, and laughter inspiring moments. If you, dear reader/reviewer, will bear with me, I will recount these moments in inspiring and remarkable detail.
Reader/reviewer(you): alright. (because what else would you say?)
Chapter One:
Yuki: why would I even agree to that??
Me: because if you don't I'll hug you in school.
Yuki: ok fine.
(yuki and kyou kiss.)
Me: omg! Omg! OMG! That was so freakin fantastic! Yaoi!!
(yuki and kyou wash their mouths out with soap)
Chapter Two:
Me and sumi: YUKI!
Yuki: What!? Why do you two keep picking on me?
Sumi: because we love you!
Yuki: huh?
Sumi: we..well, I can't speak for kagura, but I at least enjoy seeing people I love being psychologically tortured. It's great fun.
Yuki: oh my god, you're a raving lunatic aren't you?
Sumi: yep! Crazy to the core!
Chapter Three:
Sumi: eh, kagura, it's time for either Hatori or Ayame to sing.
Me: (stops choking haru with hugs) oh, right.
Haru: God, Save me!
Akito: don't feel like it.
Haru: why not?
Akito: just cause.
Haru: please?
Akito: no!
Chapter Four:
Kyou: gah, no! anything is better than kissing that pyschic freak. ANYTHING!
Me and sumi: anything?
Kyou: yes!
Me and sumi: anything?
Kyou: ah….yeah?
Me and sumi: Anything…Kyou-Kun? Anything?
Kyou: maybe.
Chapter five:
Monster: muahahaha! I have eaten-grr, read. I have READ all of your reviews, and there are not enough! I shall not allow this chapter to continue! Muahahahaha!
Me(ka-gu-ra): oh no! Sumi, Tohru, Kisa, Rin, get ready to fight!
Sumi: fluffy flower glitter transformation!
Tohru: magic swirl cat transformation!
Kisa: dance twirl kaliedo transformation!
Rin: why the hell am I doing this? Transformation!
Me: Isuzu! We gave you lines!
Rin: it's not like the whole happy banana poof transformation actually wor-
Me: hahaha! Anyway, Sparkle Power Team, GO!
Monster: muahahaha! You shall never defeat me!
Me: yes we will! In the name of fanfiction, you shall be defeated! We will get you for your evil deeds, Puffycon! Sparkle Power Team, attack!
Puffycon: muahahah! You shall never defeat me!
Kisa: Sparkle Tiger Fire Glitter Attack!
Rin: Sparkle Horse Dark Magic Attack!
Tohru: Sparkle Tohru Smile Swirl Attack!
Sumi: Sparkle Ink Glowing Metal Attack!
Me: Sparkle Leader Pink Beam Attack!
Sparkle Power Team: Sparkle Powers, ACTIVATE!!
(huge explosion of colorful poofs and glitter and stars and pink things)
Monster: ow! Ow! You stupid Sparkle Power Team girls got glitter in my eyes! Ow!
Me: yes! Another vicious monster defeated through teamwork! Yay!
Monster: owow! I need to go home and get this out of my eyes! Ow!! I'm leaving!
(exit monster, stage right)
Chapter Six:
(the world begins to spin and twirl. When it stops, pufycon transport everyone into a different world. They are all standing around at home.)
Tooru sighd and streched. "omg, no1 iz arond." She said. (no, tohru isn't speaking in tongues. She's just been transported into a really horrible fanfic). Sudenli, ther wus a nock at te dor. "oh, I wunder hu that cud b?" she wundered. Tooru went and anserd it. Ther wus a gurl hu wus all bluudy. "oh my god, wat happened 2 u?" she askd her. the gurl wus cring and crying. Tooru brot her insid. Ten kyo cam insid. "oh, kyo-kun" said tooru, bluushing. "hi, tooru." Said kyo, and he wus blushing to. Then he sahw the gurl. "hu the hec iz she" he askd? Tooru paniced. "o, she wus otside all blody and I hd 2 sav her!" panicd tooru. And then the fanfic went really fast and kyo fell madly in love with the girl and then he found out she was actually a zodiac member who got left out like him and yuki and 'tooru' fell in love also, and everyone yelled at akito and then it ended. Why, you ask? Because all that horrible spelling was hurting me. Guess what else? The puffycon transported everyone back to the game. The bad spelling was hurting him too. Apparently, puffball covered monsters are allergic to bad spelling.
Chapter Seven:
Ritsu: I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SURE MY PERFORMANCE WAS MEDIOCRE AT BEST AND I'M SORRY! I SHOULD BE PUNISHED! AKITO SHOULD SMITE ME! I SHOULD BE SMOTE! I SHOULD BE SMITED! I SHOULD BE SMITTEN!
Sumi: I spy something…….green.
Haru: The trees out the window?
Sumi: Yep.
Haru: I spy something grey.
Kisa: The inside of the car?
Haru: No.
Hatori: The outside of the car?
Haru: No.
Sumi's sister MJ: The tip of Sumi's pencil?
Haru: Yeah.
MJ: I spy something lello.
Me: Lello?
Sumi: Yellow in disguise.
Me: Riiiiight. Um…my piece of cheese?
MJ: No, that's more orange.
Hiro: Kisa's shirt?
MJ: No.
Tohru: Your mom's scarf?
MJ: Yeah.
Tohru: Oh, uh…I spy something blue.
Sumi: My jeans?
Tohru: Er, um, yes.
Sumi: I spy something crunchy.
Haru: How in the world do you spy something crunchy?
Sumi: I just do, OK?
Chapter Eight:
Kyou: INVISIBLE SLUGBUG!(punches yuki)
Yuki: THERE'S NO SUCH THING!(sticks out tongue)
Kyou: THERE IS! YOU JUST CAN'T SEE THEM! WANNA KNOW WHY?
Yuki: why?
Kyou: CAUSE THEY'RE INVISIBLE!!(punches yuki again)
Yuki: OW! DIE!(punches kyou)
Kyou: OW!(slaps yuki)
Yuki: OW! (cries)
Haru: vegetables! Lots of them! Hold the bread!
CG: uh….like a salad?
Haru: ah. right. That.
Chapter Nine:
Momiji: forty-two mississippi, forty-three mississippi, eighty-six mississippi, ninety-three mississippi, ninety-eight mississippi, ninety-nine mississippi, one hundred mississippi!
Chapter Nine and a half:
Me: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hello, my tiny brethren! How wonderful to see you!
Sumi: ooh, look at this one under a log! 'Jerdan's pit viper'.
Momiji: cool! Look at that!
Akito: 'Taiwan beauty snake'. I like it. I think I want it for a pet. (breaks glass)
(alarms go off)
Akito hahaha! Goodbye, fools!(runs off with snake)
Haru: shut up. Look at this huge yellow one. A 'Burmese python'.
Akito: oooh! I want that one too! (breaks glass)
(alarms go off)
Akito: hahaha! Goodbye, fools! (runs off with snake)
Sumi: let's go.
Yuki: uh….yeah.
Me: very well. GOODBYE, MY SLITHERY FRIENDS!!
Sumi: I've just thought of something.
Kyou: what?
Sumi: Akito died at Joshua Tree.
Chapter Ten:
wait…is Akito alive or not?
Akito: alive.
Sumi: ohh….
Me: let's kill her!
Akito: wwwhhhhhaaaa!!
Me: yeah! Die!
(boulder falls on Akito.)
Akito: hahaha! You think a simple boulder would kill me?
(Akito is electrocuted)
Akito: that doesn't work either!
(a mad axe murderer cuts Akito's head off)
Akito: haha! (puts head back on)
Me: but I wanna kill her! oh! I know!
(nails Akito to a cross)
Tohru: but she'll be back in three days…
Chapter Eleven:
Puffycon: bwahahahaha! I have returned, and I shall eat you all!
Everyone: nooooooo!!
Kyo: Wind Scar!
Puffycon: bwa ha ha, ha ha ha! You can't get me!
Tohru: (fires sacred arrow)
Uo: Hiraikotsu!
Shigure: Wind Tunnel!
Puffycon: owch!
Momiji: heartscar!
Kisa: (turns into tiger, then gets bigger)
Puffycon: (attackythingymajig)
Kyo: backlash wave!!
Puffycon: poof
Sumi: hooray! You did it! but..since when are you guys the Inuyasha cast?
Kyo: since we stole their stuff last chapter.
Sumi: ah.
Chapter Twelve:
(enter dream sequence type thing.)
Yuki(as a beautiful angel): here I am, fluttering down to Earth to have fun.
Momiji(as a handsome demon): here I am, flying up to break into Heaven and cause mayhem, lalala.
Me: Momiji! Less lalala, more evil!
Momiji: sry, Sumi-chan.
Me: no netspeak!
(Yuki and Momiji collide in midair and both start plummeting towards Earth)
Yuki: aaaaaahhh!!
Momiji: aaaaaahhh!!
(they land heavily)Yuki: you stupid demon!
Momiji: (sobs) sorry, Yuki.
Yuki: stay in character, please.
Momiji: oh, right. It was all your fault, angel!
(and then the Angel and the Demon fell in love.)
Yuki: is that the end?
Momiji: I wouldn't bet on it.
(and so they kisse goodbye and went to their separate domiciles, never to see each other again.)
Yuki: is that the end?
Momiji: nope.
(and so they kissed goodbye and went to their separate domiciles)
Yuki: you said that already.
(and so they kissed goodbye.)
Yuki: you aren't suggesting…
(kissed goodbye…)
Yuki: uh-uh. No way.
(kissed.)
Yuki: not doing it.
(kiss.)
Yuki: no.
(kiss each other damnit.)
(yuki and momiji kiss)
Yuki: there, happy?
(yes. And went away to their separate domiciles, never to see each other again.)
Exit.
Chapter 13:
Ritsu: aaaahhh, NOOO, I AM SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THE ETERNAL HELLFIREY TORMENT OF AMATEURLY PSYCHOANALYZING MEEEEEE! OOHHHHH NOOOOOO!! IT WAS RUDE OF ME TO CALL YOU AN AMATEUR, PLEEEAAAASSSEEE FORGIIIIVE MEEEEEE! I'M SURE YOU'RE VERY EXPERIENCED AND SKILLED AT-
Shigure: (pokes)
Ritsu: (phlumphs)
Akito: I am wonderful! I am powerful! I dominate all! Tremble before me! Kneel down like the miniscule ant-like subterranean worm-thingies you are! My awesome might shall devastate your countries and your continents! Your waters shall be of poison and your food shall grow scarce! There will be fighting and terror! Law and Order shall crumble to make way for Chaos and Destruction! Yes, Chaos! Chaos! There shall be much Chaos, and the terror you shall feel facing it shall be more terrifying than you could ever have possibly imagined before I conquered!
Me: Haaaa'riiiiii! Akito went crazy again. Give her her meds.
Chapter 14:
This is Chapter 14. if you're wondering why it's Chapter 18, consider that fact that there are three note-type chapters and a half chapter. So Chapter 18. I'm pretty much out of time to have any original material (my word count is at 1,705 already, and I usually only have 1,000 or so) I will give you one last glimpse of the particular section of my brain the is: The Fruits Basket Singing Game.
Sumi: well, that was a nice montage, highlighting our funnier moments. Of course, many were left out, and we highyl recommend you go back and reread them.
Akito: I'll smite you if you don't.
Sumi: Akito, you died.
Akito: have you not noticed that I DON'T die? I just keep on coming back. I've been dead more times than Buffy the Vampire Slayer now.
Sumi: anyway, with just 200 words left to 2,000, we're going to extend a short message from all of us, to all of you.
Everyone who ever appeared in Fruits Basket, and all the people who didn't appear in Fruits Basket who appeared in this fanfic anyway, for some odd reason:
Here is an important tale you should know. The tale of Erik, the Baskin Robins plastic spoon. Once upon a time, Erik lived in Baskin Robins. Then one day he was used and never thrown out my a very very insane young girl. This girl wrote fanfiction, and Erik quietly observed her, and read what she wrote. He saw many strange things happen. Eventually he decided to try his hand at doing the same, and this is how it turned out:
'Kyo Sohma was walking, when all of a sudden a huge gnome picked him up and carried him off. Tohru turned into a magical girl, and with Yuki's help, she saved him from it. In the process, Yuki and Tohru fell in love, which devastated Kyo. But then he met a beautiful girl named Mary Sue, they fell in love, and everybody lived happily ever after.'
The point being?
AN: there. At exactly 2,000 words before this note, I am happy and consider this a successful complete fanfic. Good riddance to it. I love all of my reviewers and every one of my 56 reviews, as well as all my readers who didn't review. Thank you, and good bye. I hope we will meet again some day, in the lustrous halls of Fanfiction Land.