A/N: Here's your new chapter and for those who bothered to review, thank you.

Chapter 4: Choices

There is a place just before consciousness that acts as a barrier between you and the dream world. You feel light, comfortable and content with the world around you. In that moment you can pretend that nothing bad could possibly happen to you. Your life and the horrors of it all can be viewed as nothing more than a dream and when you wake up, everything will be back to normal. That's how I feel as I slowly awake the next morning. The shit that I went through last night just had to be a dream. It wasn't real, none of it was. My father was off somewhere hunting some demon or monster and we were going to catch up to him later on. My brother would be asleep in the bed next to me having dreams about some girl that he had sex with the night before. We were going to have breakfast in a few hours and hit the road in search of the next kill. Maybe we would have to call and check in with Bobby for some information or maybe Jo would tag along (against our will as always) and help us out. This is the world that makes sense to me and I could live in it forever. Unfortunately for me I was going to have to open my eyes and face reality soon.

I could feel a presence staring at me and willing me to awaken. I kept my eyes closed just hoping that whoever it was would go away and leave me alone. I didn't want anything to do with angels or demons. All I wanted was to live in my dream world and sleep forever.

"I know that you're awake Sam."

I recognized the voice. It was Castile.

I stayed quiet for a second before taking a deep breath and sitting up to face him.

"What do you want?"

"It's not about what I want Sam. It's about what God needs you to do, to keep the demons from over throwing him"

"Why should I care? Do you know how many times I prayed to him to keep my friends and family safe? Do you know how many times I begged and pleaded with him not to take my brother from me? To make sure that Dean's bill didn't come due? Now look at him, look at my father. What happened to Jo and Bobby and how he would allow something like that to happen makes me sick. I have asked your God for so much over the years and he has yet to deliver even ONCE! So tell me why I should lift one damn finger to help him when he's done nothing but turn his back on me?"

I couldn't help it. I could feel my blood boiling. I mean this world is filled with so much evil and so many good people get hurt and when you find out there is a God and he's allowed this to happen it just pisses you off even more.

"I know that life is hard Sam and that bad things happen to good people but that doesn't mean that you should give up. Some people triumph despite their lives of tragedy. God doesn't give you more then you can handle."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"You are just a bible full of clichés aren't you? Listen I don't need or want a lecture Cass, so just go."

"He told me that you would say that. He knows that you're angry Sam but you can't let the world suffer just because you're angry with God. You have to help us."

"Well if he's so powerful, why doesn't he just wave his hand and get rid of the demons?"

"It doesn't work that way Sam. It's a lot more complicated than that. Besides he can't destroy what he didn't create."

"What are you talking about?"

"Demons are the creation of Lucifer"

"You mean the fallen angel?"

"Yes. He was once the most beautiful angel in heaven until God told him that he must bow down before man. When he refused, he was cast down into a lake of fire or what you would refer to as hell. He then swore to create his old legion. Lucifer twisted human souls turning the creatures that God loved more then him into demons, giving them powers to kill others. To keep the demons strong and to feed their anger and immorality he tricked humans into disobeying God's commandments. Now Lucifer and his army aren't happy with that. Now they want to lock God away and destroy all hope so that humans will have no choice but to listen to the ideas that he puts in their heads. He will then bring on the four horsemen of the apocalypse which would mean the end of days."

In that moment it felt as if the wind had been knocked right out of me. Everything seemed so surreal. Lucifer walking the earth, my father and brother were back from the dead as full on demons and I was supposed to stop a plot to over throw God.

I buried my head in my hands and tried to think about what my next step was going to be. Should I risk my life to save the world or should I just say fuck it and let it all end?

"Why does it have to be me? I don't understand what the hell's so special about me?"

"You have been training all of your life for this moment. The demon blood in your body, the special gifts that you have been given by their side leaves you with a lot of power that you haven't even began to tap into yet. Plus you were the one who freed Lucifer in the first place so it's only fair that you help put in back in and destroy his army."

I needed time to process this. There were just way too many things running through my head and I still needed to call Ellen and let her know what happened to Jo and Bobby.

"This is just too much for me to handle right now, besides there's something that I need to do before I give you an answer."

"We don't have time to waste Sam."

"Well you're going to have to make time, ok. I have friends that need to be…taken care of."

Castile looked slightly confused for a moment. Then a new sense of understanding came across his face.

"Fine but I will be back soon for an answer and I pray that it is the right one"

The second he vanished I tried to lay aside my date with destiny and picked up my cell phone. I had no idea how I was going to tell Ellen what happened or lay on her the details of how and who. I knew that this wasn't going to be easy but I also knew that it would be much better to handle this sensitive manner in person. I was just grateful that she was only an hour away.

I showered for a while and let the water slide down my body as if it would wash away the pain and anger that I was feeling. Things were always difficult in my world but now they were a whole lot worse. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't know if I was capable of handling this or not. I had already lost so much to this war but then again when you've lost everything what do you have left to live for?

After my shower I got dressed, paid the hotel clerk for another day and headed over to Ellen's. When I pulled up I saw her truck in the driveway and was grateful that I wouldn't have to prolong the news any more then I already had. I parked the car and headed towards the door. I knocked three times before she answered.

The door opened slowly and I could see the pain in her red teary eyes. She looked up at me before moving to the side to allow me in. I guess something in her already knew.

"She's gone isn't she?"

Her voice was low and shaky.

"Yes. Her and Bobby"

"How did it happen?"

I was dreading this part. How was I going to tell this woman that my father and brother were responsible for killing her daughter and our friend?

"Two demons kidnapped us. They had already beaten up her and Bobby pretty bad before they got to me."

"What did they want?"

"They wanted me to agree to a plan of theirs"

"What kind of plan was this and what did it have to do with my daughter?"

I took another breath and closed my eyes. She wasn't going to like this and I'm sure that I was going to be blamed for her daughter's death. Maybe I deserved it.

I gave her a detailed play by play of what had happened. She was silent, a little too silent for my liking which meant that she was about to blow up.

"This is your fault. I begged my Jo to stay the hell away from you boys or one day she'll get hurt and damn it she wouldn't listen to me and now look what happened! My little girl is dead and you and your whole damn family is to blame! Every life you people touch turns to shit! Damn you Sam Winchester! I never want to see your face again now get the hell out of my house and if I see you around here again I will put a bullet in your brain so fast it will make your head spin!"

I didn't know what to say. So I quickly told her where Jo was and said that I would take care of Bobby and left.

Two hours later I found myself standing over Bobby's salted and flaming body reflecting over everything Ellen had said. I knew some of what she said was out of anger and grief but some of it was true. Remembering what happened to Jessica I couldn't help but wonder if our family was cursed. Everyone who entered our lives ended up hurt or dead. I didn't want to think about it but I knew that it was my mother's fault. I knew that she made the deal with that demon to save my father but I can't help but to wish that she hadn't that Dean and I were never born but it doesn't matter because we were and there's nothing we can do to change anything that's happened since.

As I headed back to the hotel I was lost in thought once again. The one truth that stuck out the most was that no matter what I did or whose side I chose, God or Lucifer's there wouldn't be a Bobby, Dean or Dad to help me.

Win or lose I was in this one alone.