(Flame-back, Aska, and Cody return to the room)

Aska: Huuuuuuhh? Turnatt?

Cody: What's he doing here?

(Pf47 shakes his head and shrugs)

Pf47: Search me.

Flame-back: He's unconscious. Did you…

Pf47: Hey, he came for me, alright? I was acting in self defense. Now help me get this oaf out of my room. I need to continue this Fanfic.

(Pf47, Aska, Cody, and Flame-back spend the next few minutes dragging the knocked out Turnatt into the hallway, where he's locked in a closet)

Pf47: Whew. That segment with Turnatt had a lot more than I bargained for.

Well, it's getting late. I think it's time to wrap up this Fanfic.

Aska: You mean you're running out of ideas to mock us about.

Pf47: What? No, Aska, this is not mocking or teasing Swordbird in any way. I'm just writing this to discuss certain…peculiar…aspects of the book.

(Aska rolls her eyes)

Pf47: To end this, I'm going to leave you, the reader, with a few questions concerning Swordbird.

Cody: Is that a marketing strategy, falcon?

Pf47: Marketing strategy? Have you been reading the Wall Street Journal again, Cody?

Cody: No. It's just that you're leaving your readers wanting more from future Fanfics. At least, I think so, since you plan on writing "Sword Quest Parodies". In order to do that, you have to create a cliffhanger, like the questions you're about to leave the readers with.

(long pause)

Cody: Ummm…

Flame-back: You lost us, Cody.

Pf47: Well, he can explain later. I need to ask these final questions.

First and foremost. Where in the world is the Swordbird universe?

Aska: You said we don't technically exist. Why should our world be in yours?

Pf47: I—um—well, I guess you have a point. But still, it'll be interesting to consider the possible places that the Swordbird world could be located. I've started with a few areas below (and yes, half of these places are in China).

-Beijing, China

-Portland, Oregon (not that probable, but I'd love it if they actually were here)

-Anywhere in Florida (the author would love it if this were true)

-Shanghai, China

-Guangzhou, China

-The Himalayas

-Boring, Oregon (this is a REAL place)

-Harbin, China

-ANYWHERE in China

Pf47: Yeah, you get the picture.

Here's another question. How do you make acorn tea?

Aska: That's our secret recipe.

Pf47: Hey, hey, I'm not gonna press the secret stuff. But just think for a minute. How can you make tea—a beverage—out of an acorn, which is the seed of a tree? Acorns are hard on the outside. The only thing on the inside is the acorn meat, which I doubt you can turn into a tea.

Cody: There are certain things birds can do that humans can't, falcon.

Flame-back: Like make acorn tea.

Aska: And fly through the air without needing giant, rusty machines.

Pf47: They're called airplanes, okay? At least get the name right.

(Aska scoffs and mutters something about birds and jet engines)

Pf47: Third question. The Flying Willowleaf Theater gets around inside a large hot air balloon. Where did they get it, where'd they learn to fly it, and why do they need it when they're birds?

Lorpil: I can answer that, if you want.

Pf47: Lorpil?

Flame-back: Oh jeez. Falcon, you might want to lock up your fridge after all.

(Lorpil belches)

Lorpil: Oh. 'Scuse me.

Flame-back: Too late.

Cody: Is the rest of the theater here, Lorpil?

Lorpil: Actually, they aren't. They're rehearsing again for their next performance, but I know my lines well enough already, so I decided to come here.

Aska: Mm-hmm. Then don't get your lines wrong.

Lorpil: You were asking about our hot air balloon, weren't you? Yeah, I thought so.

We need the hot air balloon to transport all of our stuff. As a theater, we have many things, such as props, instruments, and costumes, not to mention all the mechanical gadgets needed for our shows. For flying the craft, well, Dilby knows all the technical aviation stuff, since most of the time he's the one maintaining the balloon.

As for where we got it, well, we bought it on eBay.

(long pause)

Pf47: Why do I have a feeling you guys are doing some underground business in this world?

Flame-back: Hey, if anyone's doing anything sneaky, it'd be Cody.

Cody: How do you know? I just said I got caught up back at the tree.

(the cardinal and blue-jay glare at each other)

(Aska steps between them)

Aska: Now, now, Peregrine needs to finish his Fanfic. He doesn't need you two stirring up trouble.

(Cody and Flame-back grudgingly break their staring contest)

(Aska turns to Pf47)

Aska: Ahem. You're welcome.

Pf47: Oh, right. Thanks.

And now for the final question for the night. Can the characters of Swordbird speak Chinese?

Aska: Why, of course we can!

Cody: It's our second language after English.

Pf47: Do you think you can say a few lines right now?

Flame-back: Um, that's not possible.

Pf47: Why not? You just said you can speak Chinese.

(long pause)

Pf47: Well?

Cody: I hate to break this to you, Peregrine, but your computer can't type Chinese.

Pf47: Oh, right! Totally forgot about that! Sorry, my bad. Sometimes I get carried away…

Aska: You can say that again…

Pf47: Okay then. That wraps up tonight's "Swordbird Parodies". Through this Fanfic, we've talked about the wonders, the horrors, and everything in between about Swordbird. In addition, we had some help from the generous cast of the book. Let's give a round of applause to Aska, Cody, Flame-back, Lorpil, and Lord Turnip—er, I mean, Turnatt!

(round of applause with cheering to boot)

(Aska yawns)

Aska: It's getting late. I think we should head home now.

Pf47: It was nice talking to you guys.

Flame-back: And to you, too. See ya!

(Aska, Cody, Flame-back, and Lorpil fly out of the room)

Pf47: Well, thanks to all of you for tuning in to "Swordbird Parodies". I am Peregrinefalcon47, signing out.