Epilogue

It's a clear spring day when they meet, on the fifteenth anniversary of their loss, buds peeking out of trees and a gentle coat of green slowly banishing the grey of winter. Elliot is first to the park, and sits in solitude on a bench, watching children run and shout in the brand new air, and feeling the beginning of warmth seep through his clothes and touch his skin.

He closes his eyes and lets his mind wander through the events of the day so far. He has driven himself into the city and gone to her apartment, the only time he ventures into the mass of concrete and people now. It was as it had been left, as ever, but his visit to her had been shorter than sometimes, the place melancholy now instead of comforting.

Despite their efforts, and the lack of change, time has crept up as surely as it has captured each of them. Age shows in the fading of pictures and the brittle feel of the edge of books in the bedroom, and its been a long time since anything but junk mail arrived for her. As he stands and looks at the sunlight drifting across the floor, he indulges in his saddest comfort of all, calling her number and listening as the machine clicks in and her voice keeps him company.

He has often dreamed of moving in, sleeping in her bed, not changing anything but living his life contained in this one place, forgotten by the world, but he cannot, her worry and disdain of such an action preventing him.

Instead he has moved permanently into the spare room at home, and its a normal half life he leads. Only once has he heard any question being broached, and that by accident, as he stood at the top of the stairs and heard Lizzie's voice drifting up as she talked to Kathy.

"Why do you stay Mom?" She asked, no accusation in her voice, but just curiousity. He listens with the same intrigue for the answer to come, but it is long moments before it does.

"How can I leave?" And so they stay together, with companionable days and a kiss on the cheek as they go to bed in their seperate rooms. As far as he knows, that has been the only query to their living arrangements, although he thinks Eli must have spoken about it to Kathy, with his different perspective, never having known either Olivia, or his parents as a proper married couple.

Opening his eyes and bringing himself to the present, he sees John before John sees him, and watches him with his family, as he leans to kiss his wife on the cheek and ruffle his son's hair before handing him a soccer ball and watching them walk off together. Only then does he look up and see Elliot, and come to join him, and they hug before both sitting back down and beginning to talk of sons, the speed they grow and start their change to men.

Soon they are joined by Fin and Don, arriving together, and as Elliot watches them approach, he is again struck by the knowledge that Don is an old man now, though still surefooted and firm in his stride and his mind. Streaks of grey run through Fin's hair but he has aged well. Better than the rest of them, Elliot thinks.

After their greetings, they start to walk, the slow pace of reminiscence, and they talk of now and then. There is gentle teasing of Fin, now that he is Captain of Narcotics, having transferred back soon after the trial of Hartman. Soon though, there is a leaving behind of the present, and they drift back into the back, spinning stories about their deeds and accomplishments, tall tales full of the darkest humour and the lightest moments.

Every time they meet now, on that anniversary, always with the clear air of spring surrounding them, Elliot feels Olivia walking with them, smirking as they embellish and exaggerate, blushing at their gentle teasing of her, and the love that still coats her name when they speak it.

It takes maybe two hours before they lose the energy to tell the stories they've told a million times before, and this day is a quiet deja vu, repeated year after year now with the same words on their lips and uneasy comfort in each others presence.

When they arrive back at the place they met, they hold each other for moments before letting go with no words but only the truth seen in each others eyes, and promises are made to speak soon. Each sees the others in their own time, seperately, but this is the only day of the year they join together. And then they leave, seperately, down different paths.

Elliot watches as Fin and Don walk off together, knowing that Fin will have brought Don into the city and will deliver him home again, where Don will take him to a local diner for a meal. Don lives in a small house about an hour outside the city now, a place with a yard he keeps tended, and friendly neighbours he can enjoy his retirement with.

Every couple of months, Elliot and Kathy go out for the afternoon, sometimes bringing some of the family, sometimes on their own. Don and Kathy cook dinner together, Elliot sits and drinks a beer, watching them. And, come the evening, as they sit on the back porch and listen to Kathy pottering round the kitchen, leaving frozen meals in the freezer and cleaning up, they relive the past. Sometimes with words, sometimes not, and Elliot will catch glimpses of Liv beneath the trees, shadowed with starlight and watching them, before drifting away. He knows Don sees her too, sometimes.

Looking in the other direction, he sees John meet back up with his family, his son talking and gesturing as John takes his wife's hand and they disappear round the corner. He's glad John is happy, has found what he was searching for, and he knows Olivia is as well.

Then he begins to walk away himself, towards his car, where he will get in and drive to see his family at a park close to their home, his daughters and their husbands, Maureen's two daughters and Kathleen's son, Dickie's girlfriend and Lizzie who is a doctor and hasn't had time to find a partner yet, Eli who is sixteen and obsessed with nothing but football.

But as he walks, his gaze still takes in the people in the park, the children playing and the mothers watching, still looking, still searching for her, even as he feels her walk beside him. Always searching.

A/N:

Okay: Firstly, thank you all for reading and responding so well to this. It means a lot.

Secondly, this fic turned into something other than what I was expecting. Instead of resolution, I found that I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like without answers, as so many people in real life have to face.

Thirdly, this ISN'T the end. I want to have my cake and eat it as well. There will be two sequels to this, each starting where chapter 12 leaves and ignoring the epilogue. I've had three distinct plot paths in my head all along, and now I've got to a point where I have to choose, I want to write all of them. So I will. Therefore, if you join me, you'll get two different endings as well.

Hopefully I'll see you there. The beginning chapters of both sequels will be posted soon. Thank you.