A/N: Massive thank you to KittyKatZorse for the review, you cannot believe how happy I am that I am entertaining people with this rubbish! A cyber-banana is coming your way! :D I actually have NO idea what is going on with the plotline for this chapter, hopefully chapter 6 will be less...packed. Oh, I dunno. Enjoy! (fingers-crossed)

Tied to a stone chair in the alcove at the back of the room was a very dishevelled looking Graham Norton. He was shaking uncontrollably, and his eyes were wide with terror.

'David?' he screamed hoarsely as he writhed in his bonds. 'David, help me! Please!'

'Why are you calling me David?' the Doctor questioned.

Graham looked slightly distracted. 'Because that's your name. Isn't it?'

The Master's dark laugh filled the air. 'I think you'll find that his name is Barty, actually.' Rose gasped in remembrance and then glared at the Doctor icily.

'Barty?' the Doctor repeated, bewildered.

'YOU MURDERER! YOU...you TRAITOR!' Rose cried at him.

'What?'

'Oh, don't pretend that you don't know.' the Master said, sighing.

'But I don't know!' the Doctor shouted. 'What are you talking about?'

'Jack,' the Master said. 'Will you press that little play button? It's over there by that giant, inconspicuous red button.'

Jack narrowed his eyes. 'Never.'

The Master got out his laser screwdriver. 'I can kill you, Jack.'

'But I'll come back.'

The Master paused for a moment, looking slightly annoyed. 'I can still kill you.' he offered, a little less confidently than before.

'Oh, for heaven's sake!' the Doctor said, exasperated, running over and slamming his fist on to the play button.

And, on the giant screen on the wall at the front of the room, there played a shocking video.

Clips of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

'That is not me!' the Doctor cried indignantly, as the skinny figure of Barty Crouch Junior growled, 'I'll be welcomed back like a hero!'

'Looks an awful lot like ya.' Rose remarked, looking the Doctor up and down coldly.

'Yeah, but...would you see me swanning around in a leather jacket?'

'Your last incarnation did.'

The Doctor faltered. 'But...but come on, Rose, do you honestly think that I would follow Voldemort? I mean, he's not even real for Christ's sake!'

'He isn't?' Rose and the Master murmured.

'Of course not!'

'LOOK!' Graham shouted over the argument. 'John, David, Billie, could you please just get me out of this chair?'

Everyone frowned. 'Who are they?'

Graham rolled his eyes. 'Okay. Rose, Jack, Doctor, HELP ME!'

The Doctor and Jack darted towards him and quickly started untying his bonds - but then the Master bellowed, 'NO!' and shot wildly at them all, spare Rose. 'HE WILL NOT BE FREED!'

Jack collapsed, hit by one of the flying laser beams, the Doctor ducking as one soared dangerously close to his wild hair.

'STOP!' Rose pleaded, and the firing and screaming ceased. The Doctor popped his head up from behind the chair that still had Graham bound to it, and Jack let out a shuddering, hoarse breath as he came back to life. 'Why,' Rose asked, 'have you captured Graham Norton?'

The Master glared at said captive and sighed dramatically. 'It all started in 2008 -'

'It is 2008.' Rose piped up.

The Master continued, ignoring her. '-I was heading up to the auditions for I'd Do Anything-'

'Sorry to interrupt,' the Doctor said, an amused smile playing on his lips, 'but...aren't you a little old to be playing Oliver?'

'Oliver?' the Master said, cocking his eyebrow incredulously. 'I didn't want to play Oliver!'

'Then who-' the Doctor started, puzzled, but the confusion quickly passed and his mad grin was back, and he began to laugh.

'What?' Jack asked.

'He-he...he went for the part of Nancy!' Rose and Jack's peals of laughter echoed incredibly around the room.

The Master rolled his eyes. 'Almost went for the part of Nancy. However SOMEONE didn't let me in!' He glared at Graham, who looked scandalised.

'Why are you looking at me? I wasn't the security guard, was I?'

'No, but your boss, Andrew Lloyd Webber-' he went rigid as the music from The Phantom of the Opera started up, '-had obviously got something to do with it. And so, I figured, what if I make sure that the show can't run? If they won't let me in, they won't let anyone in as far as I'm concerned.' The Master clapped his hands together. 'So you see? My brilliant plan worked!'

The Doctor looked like he was trying to suppress laughter, as he said, smirking, 'You kidnapped Graham Norton.'

'Yes.'

'So that I'd Do Anything can't be shown.'

'Yes. Didn't I just tell you that?'

'But don't you see, Master? They will have just got another presenter to fill in whilst they look for poor old Graham, here. I'd Do Anything can still be shown!'

The Master paused in concentration, and then muttered, 'Dammit. Should I have kidnapped Andrew instead?'

'If anyone, you should have kidnapped all of the budding Nancys. But it's too late for that now. ANYWAY!' the Doctor suddenly crowed, jumping up and bouncing on the balls of his feet. 'More important issues are at hand.' He stared at the Master gravely. 'Give me back my banana.'

The Master laughed. 'Oh, I have been waiting for this part! NOW things will start to get interesting!'

'The banana, please, Master.'

'Don't have it.' the Master said carelessly, pretending to brush dust from his suit.

'MASTER!'

'Ooh, I love it when you use my name!'

'Listen, give me back the banana now, or I swear I will force it from you!'

'That's a bit violent, isn't it? I thought this incarnation hated all of that stuff?'

'I didn't say anything about violence.' The Doctor was clearly very angry, his words now coming out as low, harsh murmurs.

And then Jack fired his gun.

A/N: Yay, crappy cliffhanger! I got so involved with all of my explanations I almost forgot about the banana! O.o