Mal's eyebrow arched inquisitively. "Uh, Jayne?" he queried as the mercenary stood up and moved to deposit his plate in the washer.
"Yeah?"
"Did I miss something, or did you not have seconds?" At that the others paused their myriad conversations and looked up at him, suddenly highly interested. Only River continued to tuck tiny bites languidly into her mouth. Reckon she knows where this is going and figures she doesn't need to look like she's payin' attention, Jayne calculated.
"You didn't wait to see if I was gonna have leftovers neither," Kaylee chimed in, a faint expression of worry crossing her face as she peered at him. "You feeling right, Jayne?"
"'M perfectly fine," he grumbled back, perturbation growing at this weird exploration of his eating habits. "Ain't you all got better things to talk about than whether or not I went back for another helpin' a..." he scratched his head, eyes flickering at the pot that still bubbled slightly on the stove. "What was that, anyway?"
"What it was ain't the issue, normally," Mal pointed out.
"And even when it is, you don't normally ask until you've had at least two plates of it," Zoe added, throwing a slight grin in his direction.
"It ain't even that bad tonight." Now Kaylee was frowning at him, clearly concerned about both his food intake and his attempt to dodge their questions. "You sure you ain't feeling poorly?"
"I said I'm fine, didn't I? Ai ya, what do you people do, keep a log a how much everybody eats?" It's boring out in the Black sometimes, but I ain't never been that out of things to do. "I just ain't that hungry tonight. That a problem?"
The others exchanged glances, then the captain shrugged slightly and turned back to his own food. "I suppose there's no problem so long as you don't start dropping weight. Don't have any particular use for a scrawny gun hand."
"I seriously doubt that Jayne is in any danger of losing muscle mass simply from lessening his caloric intake at one meal," Simon contributed, his visage turning confused when Kaylee shot him a look.
"That ain't the point," she insisted. "You sure you ain't caught something? I mean, I know you're careful and all when we're dirtside, but-"
"Ye su, girl!" Jayne exclaimed. "I ain't sick, all right?"
"It's been three weeks since we were last on solid ground," Simon observed. "Ample time for anything you may have picked up to incubate. There are several diseases that start to show symptoms approximately 21 days after infection. Perhaps after dinner we ought to test you for-"
"You ain't testin' me for nothin' cause I ain't got nothing," Jayne interrupted him. "Anything I might a caught off a woman's had longer than three weeks to stew, in any case, so you're wrong, Doc. I ain't sick." He didn't realize he'd said anything strange until he noticed that they were all staring at him again, River included.
"You saying you didn't catch some trim back on that moon? Cause I'd have sworn I saw you duck inside a cathouse," the captain said pointedly.
"Just cause I ducked inside don't mean I touched nothing. What in the hell business is it of yours, anyway?"
"The wellbeing of my crew," Mal informed him tersely, "is entirely my business. Skipping a chance to spend the night with a half-decent looking woman ain't normal behavior for you, Jayne, and we all know it."
"When was the last time, anyway?" Kaylee asked, a new note of interest in her voice as she leaned forward over the table. Inara, seated across from Mal, blushed over her tea at the question.
"Ain't no reason for me to tell you that," Jayne complained, his fingers so tight on his plate that he feared he might break it. How in the hell am I supposed to explain that I ain't hardly been in the mood for trim since Miranda? It just don't seem all that important anymore. If I go telling it's been near three and a half months since I went after a whore, they'll all be trying to pick my brain apart. Got enough of that going on already just from Crazy, don't need the rest of 'em starting in, too.
"Normally you would be crowing about your conquests," Simon needled him. "Something has clearly changed, because lately I've only wanted to deafen myself about half as much as usual during mealtimes. I must have been enjoying the semi-civility so much that I failed to pinpoint what caused it."
"He's right," Zoe agreed. "You've never been a terribly talkative person, but when it comes to raunchiness, you're usually dependable."
Jayne's head was spinning. I just wanted to get back to my gorram book, he bemoaned. I don't really want to have to tell 'em that part, though. Lucky enough that Simon seems to have forgotten and Crazy ain't mentioned it. "Look, I feel fine," he said defensively, glaring at each of them in turn. "Just got things to do in my bunk is all."
Mal's face froze for an instant. "Should have just said that five minutes ago!" he exclaimed. "Could have saved us all this wrangling around if you'd just said you were going to your bunk."
"Reckon there ain't nothing wrong with you after all," Kaylee teased him gently, laughing a bit. "You sure had us going, though."
He shook his head, frustrated. "I ain't-" Seeing that they were satisfied, though, he decided to leave it be. Do they really think all I do down there is jerk off? Just cause I want to have a little space to myself ain't no reason to make someone out as a pervert. More than a little hurt, he quickly slipped his dishes into the washer and left the room.
"What do you suppose set him off?" Kaylee asked jokingly when he'd disappeared around the corner.
"I would rather not ponder such a thing," Inara commented, her slight shudder matching Mal's grimace at the double meaning of Kaylee's words.
River suddenly threw her fork at the table, her head snapping up angrily. "Just stop it!" she said fiercely. All five of the others stilled in shock, staring with wide eyes at the utensil that had been planted tines-first in the thick wood. When the handle finally stopped visibly vibrating from the force of the throw, Simon tried to speak.
"River, what-"
"No," she cut him off. "You're all being mean."
"We were just worried cause he was actin' funny, honey," Kaylee tried to explain. "He think we're being mean to him?" River just pouted back at her.
"Stop giving him new bricks," she ordered huffily.
"Bricks? River, I think you need a dose of-"
"If he puts the mask back on now, he will never take it off again. Don't you see that?" she begged, knowing her opportunity was slipping through her fingers. If Simon drugs me, word will get back to him that I caused a scene. He will perceive that they are holding my retrograde behavior against him, and he will wall the gates. He may burn the book, believing that I have broken our deal by involving the others. She could not let that happen; the complex person she had glimpsed earlier was the most fascinating thing she had stumbled upon in a very long time, and she would not be kept from exploring it further. She also wanted to know what was in that book that had held him so riveted. "I do not require an injection," she said as evenly as she could, hoping it would keep her brother in his seat.
"Why are you standing up for him?" the doctor pressed, concerned.
"He was flat before. The scenery has changed."
"What is she saying?" Mal asked impatiently.
"Jayne's changed," Kaylee mused, playing with her water glass. "No trim...doesn't want to talk about anything...even I ain't hardly seen him lately. Just been keeping to himself."
"Awful odd." Mal tried to think back to just before Ariel. Was he quieter than usual right before? Don't really remember. But River sure as hell wasn't defending him then, and she wouldn't be now if he was... He shook himself, self-loathing rising in his gut. He ain't planning anything. He wouldn't do that, not after everything this motley group's been through together. Reckon he's as likely to turn on us now as he would be to shoot his own ma in the face. Looking up from the table again, he found River watching him, nodding slightly.
"Maybe he really is ill," Simon offered contemplatively.
"Simon!" Kaylee lectured, kicking him under the table.
"I didn't say I wanted him to be sick, only that he may be. Not necessarily with any sort of...social disease...but possibly with something else. Something that carries a change in personality as a symptom."
Zoe shifted uncomfortably at that. "Like what?" she ventured. Something serious enough to be changing his personality could be fatal. Last thing we need is to lose someone else.
"Well...the first thing that leaps to mind is a brain tumor-ow!" he exclaimed as the mechanic seated next to him punched his shoulder, a mixture of a scowl and a look of horror plastered across her face.
"That's a terrible thought, Simon Tam!"
"I was just beginning a list of possible medical causes of personality changes. I for one hope that it isn't a brain tumor," he added. "He has little enough functional gray matter that he can't afford to lose any."
At that quip, Kaylee stood up silently, picked up her plate, and moved around and down the table to seat herself between Zoe and Inara. "I told you I don't like to be around you when you're making fun of him. Told him the same thing about you." Her eyes glittered. "Never would a figured I'd be movin' away from you first."
"Kaylee - look, it isn't necessarily a tumor. It could be any one of a myriad of diseases, some communicable, some inherited. The cause could be environmental, genetic...any number of things can cause a sudden shift in personality. The problem," he continued, turning towards Mal, "is finding out which one of that wide field of possibilities is actually affecting him, if anything is," he tacked on with a significant glance toward Kaylee, who merely frowned at him. "Unless you order him to let me test him, you know he won't go along with it."
"Well...if he's sick, we need to know." I sure as hell don't want him dropping dead out of nowhere, especially if it's something that can be fixed. His next thought echoed Zoe's. Last thing we need would be to lose someone else.
"Thank you. I don't know how I'm going to get a head scan, though..."
"He does not have a tumor," River declared, crossing her arms petulantly.
"You'd think if he did, she would know," Zoe pointed out, a tiny wave of relief washing over her at River's determined statement.
"Yes, I suppose, but..." Simon stuttered to a stop. "Well, I'm only the doctor, so by all means feel free to disregard my ideas on the subject. What do you think it is, River?" he asked pugnaciously, a rare streak of sibling rivalry showing through. Everyone else stared at him for a moment until his sister spoke.
"I am uncertain. I need to examine him at greater length in his current state." She rose, looking annoyed when Simon and Mal both stood to follow her. "Alone," she stated emphatically. He will not talk about it in front of you, that much is evident from his behavior a short time ago.
"You were alone with him long enough earlier today," Simon countered. Epiphany dawned on his face. "We came across him this afternoon, here in the dining room," he shared. "He had a book with him. He said he was reading, if you can believe that." He resumed his seat with a thud, his expression growing thoughtful. "Maybe he really does have a brain tumor..." As he trailed off, Kaylee launched a flaccid green bean at him. "What was that for?" he sputtered, wiping at his face disgustedly.
"He ain't illiterate," she retorted, her face flushed with anger.
"I never said that he was!"
"You did imply it," Inara pointed out quietly. I am a bit surprised at the report that he may have been reading something more than a dirty magazine, however.
"Jayne ain't exactly the reading type, though," Mal countered. "Seems a little off that he's all of a sudden started taking an interest in literature."
"As I said, a brain scan-"
"There is no tumor!" River shouted.
"Then what is going on?" the captain demanded. "I'd like to know if all of a sudden my mercenary's going to start waxing philosophical on a job. Gives me a chance to pack ear plugs."
"I have to see behind the walls," River insisted, speaking only to Mal now. "He keeps them up when he is with others, especially when he feels he is being interrogated. I must be alone with him."
"What makes you think he's going to talk to you?" he asked. "Not too long ago it seemed you and him were never going to get along."
"I have walls, too," she stated simply. "And he is interested in seeing my maps of his territory. Also, we spoke earlier. If Simon had not upset him, he might have shared more then."
"What'd you say earlier?" Kaylee immediately demanded of the doctor. You better not a said nothin' mean. Just cause he don't show 'em all the time don't mean he ain't got feelings.
"Nothing!"
"Liar," River smirked. "It hurt," she informed the mechanic. "But it always hurts, so I do not know why the pain should have made a difference to him. This is what I hope to find out," she addressed to Mal. "If I know why he hurts, perhaps he can be fixed. If he is broken at all." Seeing their doubtful looks at her last statement, she raised and dropped one shoulder. "Perhaps he is just Jayne, and we have been treating him like he was broken when he was not." Much like the girl. Not broken, just experienced.
"Just...just figure out if something's wrong with him, all right?" Mal allowed finally. "And if he's sick, tell him he's to find the Doc first thing in the morning, and do whatever he's told to do. Otherwise he'll be dealing with me, and I'll be carrying something a bit bigger than a needle."
"The girl will relay the message, if necessary." Dazzling them all with one of her rare fleeting smiles, she skipped away happily toward the crew dorms, intent on her mission. As she went she checked her arsenal, hoping that she could wield it effectively against the worthiest opponent she had met since escaping the Academy. It will be pleasant to acquire new information. It's been so long since there was any worth having...