Oh God. This was so embarrassing. Mr. Perry – I didn't know his first name, which made it that much worse – didn't want to tutor me. I could tell. He looked dumbstruck at having to spend any time with me.

"That's okay, Mr. Jones," I said hurriedly, trying to escape from this nightmare. "I can figure it out for myself." Mr. Jones laughed at me.

"Miss – uh – Walker. You are aware that in order to stay at Welton you have to do reasonably well in all classes?"

I nodded. I found it slightly embarrassing for this fact to be stated in front of the entire class, but I figured my situation really couldn't get much worse.

"And you believe that you can do reasonably well in this class with no extra help?"

I nodded again, slowly this time.

Mr. Jones laughed again. "My dear girl," he said to me, still grinning at some stupid joke only he found funny. My cheeks burned knowing that he was teasing me, taunting me in front of the entire class. "My dear girl, you can not reasonably expect to do well in this class without any outside help?" He looked at me incredulously, half like he was seriously interested in my opinion, and half like whatever I said would be terribly stupid.

So I said nothing.

"My dear girl," he repeated (I gritted my teeth at this, like pointing out my gender was somehow an insult), "I am sure that you are incredibly intelligent, but Latin is memorization as well as understanding. You have to catch up on a semester's worth of material – as well as the years of Latin that these boys have had – while keeping up with this class. Can you reasonably expect to do that yourself?"

I shook my head silently.

"What's that?"

Anger surged through me. I knew he was right, of course. I would need a tutor. But it was the fact that he wasn't even considering what I wanted, that he had made me stand up here like a fool…

"No, sir," I told him. "No. I cannot reasonably expect to do reasonably well in this class without any outside help. Then again, I'm a girl, so how reasonable could I possibly be?" I paused and looked at everyone. I paused on Mr. Perry, my new tutor. "And I would love it if Mr. Perry was my tutor," I continued. "I'm sure that with a little bit of extra help, I will not only do reasonably well in your class, but excel, as I'm planning on doing in every other class, classes in which I may also be behind."

Mr. Jones said nothing. There was absolute silence, which horrified me. This happened sometimes. I would get so angry that I would just explode, be it at a friend or a teacher or a parent. Normally I could keep my anger under control, but this new level of stress and frustration had gotten the better of me. It may have not been so bad, either, had I not been in an entirely new environment, one in which I was trying to keep a low profile. My dad's voice floated through my mind – "You'll be ready to make a great impression first thing in the morning."

I walked back to my seat. My outburst had felt good. I didn't like being shy and socially awkward. I liked being loud and noticed. But under these circumstances – more guilt weighed me down and I didn't say anything for the entire lesson.

As we walked to English – the last class of the day, thank God – I noticed that the boys were all looking at me, like they were trying to figure out what I'd do next. I gave a few some half-hearted smiles and tried to make eye contact with as many as possible, but I still felt out of place. Maybe once I learned some peoples' names, and started recognizing them, I would feel more… at home. I didn't know if this was possible, but I figured I'd give it a try. Dinner, I told myself. At dinner, I'll socialize.

My first thought was that she had looked at me. She had looked me straight in the eye and said that she wanted me to be her tutor. The fact that this was said out of spite was not important. What was important was that she wanted me…to tutor her, of course.

My second thought was that she was really cute when she was angry. Her cheeks got redder than usual and her long wavy hair flapped around a bit. Sometimes she would hastily thrust her hand through it as if to control the tangles, but it just made it worse, and it just made her cuter.

My third thought was that she was also crazier than I had known. Blowing up at Mr. Jones? She was going to get in a lot of trouble. I actually cared about her, kind of, which surprised me. I guess that could be considered my fourth thought, if anyone was counting.

This is about Jillian, by the way.

As we walked out of Latin and to English, she smiled politely at a few people but didn't say anything. Charlie had walked on ahead, so I figured this was the perfect opportunity to introduce myself.

I walked up to her and extended my hand. "Hi. I'm… uh… I'm Neil."

She looked at me strangely for a second, as if I had two heads but only she noticed it.

"Mr. Perry. I was wondering what your first name was." She smiled and I went weak at the knees.

"Yeah. It's – it's pretty formal around here. I guess." I trailed off. She looked at me again like that, like she was reading my thoughts and was taking immense entertainment in them. I looked at my feet. They were moving without me knowing about it. Jillian seemed to be directing me to English class, which I thought was strange, but it turned out she was just following the crowd of boys.

"Look, you don't have to tutor me if you don't want to," she blurted. It was the first time I'd seen her look vulnerable. Uncomfortable, yes, but vulnerable, no. "I mean, I know you have your own classes to worry about without having to teach someone else, and I mean… well, I saw the look on your face when you found out you would have to tutor me, and… well, you obviously don't want to, so don't feel obligated or anything." She said this all in a rush like she was in a hurry to get it out.

Oh no. Jillian must have mistaken my look of dumbfounded ecstasy for dumbfounded horror. But how could I tell her that it was what I had been looking forward to all day? I couldn't. I couldn't give myself up like that.

"Trust me," I said. "I'm happy to do it. I'll see you at six, okay?"

She nodded.