Chapter 4: Remus' POV

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Never in a million years would I have expected this of Lily Evans. My Lily Evans had agreed to go on a date with James. She just didn't realize how he was smoothing her for a stupid reason. He wanted everyone to know just how amazing he was. How no one could stand in his way when he wanted something.

Stupid.

I angrily walked off after James came to us, eyes bright and excited. I had ever seen him so happy. I truly did want him content, just not at my expense.

It made me want to throw up.

I ended up in the place I always did, the library. Now though, it was a place that held much more pleasant memories. A place that had Lily Evans' smell lingering.

As I walked past the desk where I had first picked up her hand, I could feel the electric spark that ran through me as I remembered. I shivered happily, recalling the feeling I wanted to cherish for the rest of my life.

I walked forward, heading toward the Anonymous section. I heightened my smell, breathing in deeply her smell of warm vanilla and cinnamon. I could detect a faint smell of raspberries. It was a strange metaphor for her personality, sweet and welcoming, yet an attribute of spice and flavor. It tingled my nose and my brain. I smiled again. Anyone that didn't know me would have thought I was drunk, swaying around and smiling. Little did they know…

I cleared my thoughts. Lily was James'. Not mine. She could never be. She belonged to James.

As I reached my dark, dreary corner, filled with cobwebs, I sat down. This is what usually happened, I would give up something for James, or Sirius, or Peter, and end up wallowing in my own misery.

It would not do. I would not have it.

For once, I wouldn't take being second or third or even fourth best. I wanted something this time, I had to have it. Even if it meant waiting, watching. I would have it.

I would have her.

So Lily would be mine, I would just have to be the silent watcher. Doing small, meaningful things to win her heart. I wouldn't flirt, but I would do my damndest to be myself around her, let her in.

It was then I realized I wanted her to know me, I wanted to let her in.

I suddenly noticed I wasn't alone. Large feet in soft, shoes where pointing in my direction. As I craned my neck, I followed the trail of humble wool pants and coat, finally leading to a face I knew very well.

Professor Dumbledore.

He was smiling, the half-moon glasses sliding down his face. I had sat in his office multiple times before. As he was the headmaster, he had to know everything about my condition. He made special accommodations for me. Aside from my friends, he was the only one who knew. I would never tell anyone about that.

"Is there something you wish to tell me, Remus?" He asked, his blue eyes piercing mine for an answer nothing less than the truth.

"No," I whispered feebly. I didn't want to have to explain this situation to him. He just wouldn't understand.

"I don't believe you," he responded, a small chuckle in his voice. I didn't meet his eyes, nor did I respond to him. I didn't want help. I didn't want to impose on anyone.

It wasn't long before he sat down next to me, as if he knew that I didn't want help. He was going to give it to me anyways. It was slightly embarrassing though, given the fact I was taller than him, even when we were both sitting down.

"Good Lord, Remus, I never realized how tall you truly were!" Dumbledore said as he stared at my long, wiry figure.

I nodded with disgust. My height was something I was self-conscious about, as it was caused by my condition, and I didn't like people pointing it out.

"You know, word spreads around fast. You'd be surprised at how much we teachers know about what truly goes on in the corridors of Hogwarts," he said, a mischievous chortle filling his sentence.

"Therefore, after eliminating all possibilities, I would say you are jealous of Mr. Potter and wish to "go out" with Miss Evans yourself. Am I correct?" I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face.

I could only nod numbly to his question. I only prayed he wouldn't say anything else, in case someone else heard.

Dumbledore continued, "You know, your situation is of great intrigue. I have read on more than one occasion how werewolves attach themselves to people. Be it a friend, or a lady-friend," I could feel the blood leaving my face. If this was the case for Lily, that meant I couldn't live without her.

"In your case, I would say you have attached yourself to Lily Evans, and your friends. You feel an undying sense of devotion, loyalty, yes?" He asked, trying to further his theory until he proved it. I nodded in assurance.

"Thus, I believe you to be attached to these people. What I can say to the problem of Lily is only to wait. The good men always triumph in the end. James Potter is a good man, just not through and through. There is a streak of cruelty in him. I have only seen it overtake him once before when he bludgeoned a Beater in Slytherin after the boy teased him about his appearance and performance during the game. I was the only one to witness it, and since none of us have spoken about it."

I stared up at him for the first time in our one-sided conversation. James? He bludgeoned someone, a stocky strong beater no less! I was aghast, and words failed me.

His eyes pierced me once again, searching for the real me, the real emotions, "But you Remus, you would never hurt a fly. Even in your condition, you have never hurt anyone. Not if you could help it anyway. You feel guilty about your friends being Animingi, am I correct?"

My jaw dropped and my eyes widened, "How did you-"

"Relax Remus, I know many things. Have no fear though, your secrets are safe with me. Now as I was saying, you are a good man. And Lily will realize that. Give her some time to see that Potter doesn't quite measure up to you," he smiled.

"Remember my words, good men always triumph in the end. I did," he said, his smile growing larger, as if remembering a former flame. Or current.

As he stood up, and walked out of the library, I couldn't help but call out his name, and run to him in gratitude.

"Thank you Professor," I gasped in appreciation and respect.

He clapped me on the shoulder, "You are quite welcome, my boy. And remember, I am always here if you need someone, and I think I have something for your growth spurts. Perhaps I can look you in the eye the next time I see you, and not have to crane my neck. Anyways, see me in my office. Good day," Dumbledore then Apparated out of the room.

I sat back in a chair, the eerie silence coming over me once again. Dumbledore's appearance had allowed a sliver of hope to streak through, as well as the truth. This was why James was always so guarded with his temper. I had remembered him a few times though, letting it get the better of him. Our room was a mess after his rampage. I highly doubted that after this piece of information, I would be able to look at him the same.

It was then a ghastly thought entered my mind. What if he hurt Lily?

No. I wouldn't allow that. I would become her friend, a good one. So that I could be with her at every moment. At every moment she needed me.

As I walked out of the library, a perfect ending to this entry came to mind.

When I first walked in, I was a desperate, depressed boy. When I walked out, I was a man with purpose.