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Chapter 19

Doubt

"But what about Papa?" Emiko asked innocently after Reina explained that she and Kaname were going to be married just like Yuuki and Ken.

The girl understood what was going on perfectly, but she didn't understand why a man that wasn't her papa was going to be taking the place her papa should be taking by her mother's side.

It nearly broke Reina's heart to hear Emiko ask about Takuma, she didn't know what to say or how to explain to the three year old girl that her papa was dead and that he would never be able to take part in their lives. That he would never read to her, hold her, or even be able to see her. He was gone and there was nothing that she could do to bring him back no matter how hard she wished there was.

"I'll tell you about your papa when you're older, just know that I loved him very much and he loved you too, ok?" Reina finally replied, smiling as best she could at her sleepy eyed daughter who was stubbornly trying to keep her brilliant blue eyes from sliding shut. The longer she was awake, the longer she expected Reina to stay beside her and talk to her. "Get some sleep, Emi, I love you."

"Love you too."

Reina stood from her daughter's bed and made her way out into the hallway, where she leaned against the closed door for a moment until she was certain that she wasn't going to cry. She then made her way to the office where Kaname was looking over a plan to reopen Cross Academy, without the Night Class. For the time being anyways, there might be another Night class in the future, but for now it would be only human students, most of whom didn't know that vampires even existed.

She still found it interesting that several of the older students who had insisted upon not having their memories erased, such as Yuuki's friend, Sayori, had been allowed to keep their memories intact and unaltered. The amount of trust that was put on the young teens was immense and Reina had no worries about them ever trying to reveal their secret or use their existence for their own benefit.

Walking around the desk that Kaname was perched behind, Reina wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder. "Emi asked about Takuma, about why I was marrying you and not her papa...I don't know what to tell her, Kaname, it hurts to have her ask me that. I know she's just a child and it's an innocent question, but it's still hard to hear her ask that," she whispered, tightening her hold on him until she was pulled into his lap and his soft hands caressed her face and brushed through her long white hair in long, soothing strides.

Kaname didn't speak, he just held Reina close to him, smoothing her hair, caressing her skin and kissing her tenderly anywhere he could reach. It made a smile appear on her lips as she closed her eyes and leaned into him, relaxing into his touch.

"I didn't realize how tired I was until now," she uttered quietly, her eyes closing as she let out a long, content sigh. "Can I stay like this for a little while?"

"If you wish to, you can stay like this forever, though I find it hard to believe that it's very comfortable."

"You'd be surprised," she replied, nuzzling closer to Kaname, grinning dreamily as she inhaled the sophisticated and complex scent that was the man she had agreed to spend the rest of her long life with.

"You should rest, Reina, I know how tired you've been and the house is much quieter now that the wedding is over and Ken and Yuuki have left for Europe. I'll join you when I'm finished here," Kaname told her, running his fingers over the flawlessly smooth skin of her face.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

She reopened her eyes with a small disappointed frown. "Alright," she sighed, beginning to stand from his lap. "Don't be long."

"I won't. I love you, Reina," he said, cupping one of her cheeks in his hand and smiling lightly when she leaned into it and let her eyes flutter shut for a moment.

"I love you too, Kaname," she replied, squeezing the hand on her cheek and kissing his fingers before she turned to leave the room.

For the first time in weeks the manor was quiet, everyone was in bed, tired from the activities of the past several days. After Yuuki and Ken had been married, they had had to prepare for their honeymoon, that Kaname had agreed to let them go on after much coercing from Reina and assurances that Yuuki would be in no danger while with Ken. The newlywed couple had spent their first day as husband and wife beneath Reina's roof and had set off for a tour of Europe the following evening, that evening to be exact and Reina was exhausted.

The house had been in such a frenzied state for so long that it almost seemed unnaturally quiet now that there were no phones ringing, no people coming and going and no flustered Yuuki running haphazardly through the halls as she searched for things that she normally had in her arms, but had entirely forgotten. Not to mention that she had hardly slept in the two days since the wedding, partially because she was in shock over Kaname's proposal and had spent much of the early morning hours sitting by her window and staring into the forest and ignoring everything that was going on around her.

Her thoughts had been centered on Takuma and if she wasn't staring out the window, she was staring at the red velvet lined box that stored her engagement ring that she had stopped wearing several months before though she didn't know why. It had just seemed right at the time. She still always wore the black diamond rose he had given, she was rarely seen without it and she would always run her fingers over it whenever she was worried or in deep thought, like now.

She was sitting on her velvet lined bench, her forehead resting against the cool glass of her window and her sapphire eyes staring over the approaching night.

'Is this really alright or am I betraying you by loving another man? I will always love you, Takuma, but for our kind always is a very long time and I don't want to spend it alone. Are you angry with me, I wonder, for not waiting to join you in the afterlife and moving on? And what about Kaname? You two were close friends and I would never want to be responsible for making you hate him.' Closing her eyes, Reina stopped her depressing thoughts from going any further by taking a deep, soothing breath and letting her eyes flutter back open.

Smiling softly, she stood from her seat and took one last glance at the beautiful, glowing orb that now hung low in the sky. "I love you, Takuma Ichijo, but I know we can never be together now, too much separates us. You will always be in my heart and I will treasure the gift that you gave to me, but," she looked to the ground, her small hands curling into fists at her sides that slowly relaxed when she took another deep breath. "But I have grieved long enough and have decided to move on. Goodbye, Takuma," she whispered, pulling the thick curtains closed over the window and making her way to her bathroom with her head held high and smile on her lips despite the single tear that left a watery trail on her pale cheek.

She didn't know that down the hall, Kaname's thoughts were turned to the same blond haired, green eyed vampire that had always had a smile on his face, just as hers had been. The crimson eyed man had leaned into the comfort of the leather chair he was in and put a slender hand to his brow to keep his hair from falling into his eyes as he stared at nothing in particular.

"I wonder if you will ever be able to forgive me, Ichijo," he mused aloud, his quiet voice, barely above a whisper.

Several hours had past before Kaname left the lonely solitude of the office and made his way to Reina's room. The woman was asleep on her side, her white hair fanned out behind her, her lips parted and her hands tucked under her head. She was so beautiful and looked so much like an angel in the dim light that was filtering through a small crack in her curtains that Kaname wanted to freeze time and keep her forever the way she was. Peaceful, content, happy and most of all, his.

Silently approaching the bed she was curled up on, Kaname carefully sat beside her and tenderly stroked her hair. The soft touches were enough to rouse Reina from her slumber and she blinked tiredly up at him, a sleepy smile on her lips as her eyes locked onto Kaname's.

"It's about time," she murmured, reaching up to brush some of his hair from his face and pull him down so that she could capture them in a brief, but passion filled kiss. "I've missed you, Kaname."

Letting his forehead rest against Reina's, Kaname ran his fingers over Reina's cheek. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm here now."

"You look so tired," she observed quietly, caressing his cheek and running her thumb across the bruised looking skin beneath his eye. "Is everything alright?"

Choosing to not immediately answer her, but to instead gaze into her eyes that were slowly growing worried and concerned due to his silence. Ichijo was still very much on his mind and he debated about whether or not to tell the woman who was so lovingly looking up at him that there was a chance that Takuma Ichijo was still alive. Revealing that information to her was likely to not only end their engagement, that he in no way wanted to jeopardize since he truly did love Reina and wanted nothing more than to love her for the entirety of their lengthy lives, it was also likely to end all contact between them. He had lied to her enough, used her enough and had taken advantage of the trust that she put in him far too much as well, if he were to tell her that he was uncertain that Ichijo was actually dead he had no doubt that Reina would never again want anything to do with him.

Though he was distressed by what could happen should he tell her, he was also concerned about the effect the news would have on her. She had spent so long desperately clinging to hope that he was alive even though everything that they had found pointed to the opposite, he was afraid that she might not be able to handle hearing that there was a slim possibility that her hopes might have actually been realized. There was so much uncertainty and no proof that he wasn't sure what to do. If Ichijo was at some point proven to have been killed by his grandfather after he revealed to Reina that there was a chance he had lived, he wondered what effect that would have on her, he knew it wouldn't be pleasant and that the fragile woman wouldn't be able to handle her emotions on her own, but by then she would have pushed himself and probably the others away.

"Kaname?"

Deciding to keep the possibility of Ichijo's survival to himself for many reasons, reasons he tried to tell himself were not mostly selfish, Kaname replied to his fiance's question while smoothing the lines of concern from her brow. "I'm sorry, Reina, it's nothing for you to worry about," he assured her. "I've just been over worked and it seems to be all I can think about."

"Well stop it, you're here with me now, though it took you long enough to get here," she said with a feigned pout.

"Sorry for the wait, but I'm now yours to do with as you wish."

"Oh, really," Reina questioned, unable to hide the playful smile that was dancing on her lips as she again captured Kaname's lips with her own, but this time she didn't release them as she scooted up so that she could use both hands to undo the buttons of his shirt.

"Well, it is about time," Reina observed, taking a small sip from the gold rimmed tea cup she had held in her petite hands. "It's been almost four years since the Association has had a president, officially, anyways."

"It has," Kaname agreed from beside his fiance. "But with Cross finally reopening the Academy he will have his hands full and won't have time to act as a stand in any longer."

"True," Cross sighed. "Besides, Zero is ready and it's about time he took charge. I have faith in him."

Reina, Kaname, Cross, Yagari and Zero were all gathered in the parlor, the Hunters had stayed as guests after the wedding in order to speak with Kaname and make sure that arrangements for opening the Academy were satisfactory as well as to discuss Zero's official promotion to president of the Hunter's Association. They were sipping on tea in the early hours of the morning as the sun was beginning to rise, relaxed and calm now that the house was completely silent.

"I'm sure Zero will do well, he's changed very much in the past few years," Reina spoke up, smiling in Zero's direction only to chuckle slightly when the silver haired hunter raised a brow at her and looked away disinterestedly. "Or maybe not," she added.

"He's still a snot nosed brat, if you ask me," Yagari grumbled.

"Well, it's a good thing no one asked you," Zero replied grumpily.

Cross sighed and shook his head. "What about the two of you? your engagement was rather unexpected. Do you have plans to marry soon?"

"We haven't had much chance to talk about it yet," Reina answered.

"It may be a good idea to consider having several hunters on patrol nearby, there are still those who oppose you and those who are allied with you," Cross said.

"That's true and having all of you gathered together may be enough to draw them out," Yagari agreed.

Further conversation was cut off when the parlor door creaked open and Emiko walked in, a nervous Hanabusa behind her. The little blond girl rubbed at her eyes tiredly and looked around the room before sniffling when she saw her mother.

"Ah, s-sorry, but she-"

"It's alright, Hana, come here Emi," Reina cut in, leaning forward to set her tea cup down and lift her arms towards her daughter.

Emiko ran into her mother's welcoming arms and Reina lifted her on to her lap, cradling her head against her shoulder and brushing some of her wispy blond locks from her face and kissing the top of her head.

"What's wrong, Emi? You should be sleeping," Reina questioned, rocking the child in arms.

"Uncle Hana said that Papa isn't coming back," the little girl sobbed into her mother's shoulder.

Wide eyed, Reina looked up at Hanabusa. The young noble fidgeted uncomfortably as she looked up at him in confusion.

"She overheard part of a conversation between Akatsuki and I, we didn't know she was there until it was already too late and...She heard us discussing your engagement and Ichijo's..."

"It's alright, Hana," Reina replied, tightly holding Emiko to her chest and continuing to rock her in soothing and slow motions. "Excuse me," she said quietly, standing from the couch with the sobbing girl in her arms and leaving the room, Hanabusa trailing after her.

It took a lot of shushing and gentle rocking for Reina to get Emiko to calm down and explain that her Uncle Hana was right, her Papa would never come back to them. She explained that it wasn't his choice and that she had no doubt that if Takuma was able he would spend every waking moment with them and would never leave. That he loved them and would always watch over them since he couldn't physically be there for them.

She wasn't sure if Emiko fully understood, but she knew that the girl grasped most of what she was saying. When the sniffling and tears finally stopped, Reina held Emiko for another few minutes until she was sleeping in her arms before laying carefully back into her bed and tucking the sheets around her. Hanabusa was still in the room, standing off to the side as if ashamed of himself and when Reina looked up at him, he looked away guilty.

Sighing, Reina left Emiko's side and took Hanabusa's arm, leading him out into the hall and shutting Emiko's door behind her. "Don't look so upset, Hana, it's not your fault. She would have found out sooner or later that Takuma is never going to come back, I was just hoping it would be later. I'm not upset with you and neither is Emiko, she's just young and doesn't really understand any of this. Come on," she said, looping her arm through his. "You can join us for some tea."

"Am I doing the right thing, Zero? Should I marry Kaname?" Reina asked. She was sitting alone with the lavender eyed man in the parlor now, the others had gone to the office to talk in private.

"Why are you asking me?" He replied. "It's your decision, not mine."

"I know that, but I keep thinking I'm betraying him in someway."

Zero sighed, clearly unwilling to have the current conversation, but also knowing that Reina was quite upset over the earlier scene with Emiko. "You aren't betraying Ichijo, he would want you to be happy and you love Kaname, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. Very much," Reina answered wistfully.

"Then let him make you happy. Can we talk about something else now?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to burden you with my troubles. What would you like to talk about, Zero?"

"Nothing."

Reina quirked a brow. "You're the one who wanted to change the subject, but you have nothing to talk about?"

There was a soft knock on the parlor door before it was pushed open to reveal Emiko once again, the little girl looked much more awake now and was wearing a purple dress with white frills along the bottom.

"Is anything wrong, Emi?" Reina asked.

Shaking her head, Emiko frowned at Zero who she had only met briefly in the two days he had been staying at the manor. She seemed to study him for a moment before walking up to him and standing right in front of him. "You're Zero, right? Want to play with me, Uncle Hana's sleeping."

"No, thanks," Zero declined uneasily.

"Please?"

Zero shifted in his seat as Emiko gave him her famous puppy eyes and pouted. Reina was having a hard time not laughing because she could tell that Zero had already lost the fight.

"Alright, fine," Zero conceded.

Emiko giggled happily, turning and flouncing off to presumably get some toys for the two to play with.

"Stop laughing," Zero grumbled.

"Why? It's amusing, the fearsome vampire hunter Zero Kiryu falling prey to a pouting three year old vampire," Reina laughed.

"She's going to be just like you, annoying and manipulative."

"Then the two of you should get along well."

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