Disclaimer: I wish...

Sorry for the delay! Been working on another story... This flashback is going to be several chapters long. Told from both Sam and Dean's point of view but mostly Sam's. Let me know if it gets too confusing.

Enjoy!

I was never aware of reality. Too many people were in my head screaming for domination. I gave up trying to keep my own a long time ago. My body worked on autopilot. Finding food and water… it did the necessities without my consent. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to take my own life. Which I couldn't 'want to.' I wasn't even aware that I existed. I was empty. I was nothing.

All of a sudden, one day, things seemed clearer. I felt the blanket of comfort brush me on its way by. The feeling started to recede and my body followed it. It recognized the feeling. It new that it meant safe and comfort.

As I got closer to it, I became more aware of my surroundings. The other 'people' in my head started to fade to grey, and I recognized the streets of New York City. I didn't know how I knew where I was, but I did.

I let my body lead me to that place of comfort. The comfort steadily increased until I found myself in a building, in front of a door. An apartment building. I had no idea what was going on. The voices whispered continuously in my head still. My body lifted my arm and knocked heavily on the door. For a moment nothing happened. Then the door swung open and my vision completely cleared. I could see him. I looked around and I could see where he's been. A golden aura reverberated throughout the world and I found the source.

"D - e - e - a - nnn…" I knew the word and it stretched out on my tongue. I felt my tears fall in sheer relief. The man in front of me gave a confused look that quickly turned to shock.

"Sammy?"

I fell into his arms and I was home. The voices disappeared and I could be in the world around me. I sobbed heavily in the nape of his neck. "Oh God, Sammy…" I could feel him crying too. We held each other tightly. Dean stroked my hair and whispered those familiar words of comfort. Deep, harsh sobs shook my frail body as I held my brother for all it was worth. I felt as though, if I let go he'd disappear again.

I eventually fell asleep. Dean left my embrace unknowing, and nightmares assailed me.

A man was tied to a chair, obviously tortured. "Touch him, pretty boy. Tell us the safe combo." I didn't want to. But I did. Why wouldn't I? I would just get in trouble anyway. Not that Skinner's 'rewards' were much better than his punishments. Another touch; another person screaming in my head; another step out of this reality.

As expected Skinner did 'reward' me when we got back. I was tied down naked to a four-poster bed laying face up. He attached a cock-ring to me before he started to caressed me. The cringe was involuntary, but angered him all the same. He stuck his member in my mouth and thrust hard. Each one deeper and harder. Tears sprang to my eyes and fell down the sides of my face. It seemed to turn him on. My body shook with the need to release. I felt as though I would implode if I wasn't. But I didn't implode. He shoved himself in deeper and I choked on his member which angered him further. He flipped me over and retied me before attacking my anus. I was ripped open once again. The pressure in my body became unbearable. But I knew I'd survive. He's done this before. Many times. When he was done with me, he left the ring on. He left it on over night. The next morning I was so delirious and detached I didn't noticed when he removed the ring, or when he let his other men have their own pleasure time with me after the heist was over.

I screamed. I screamed until they were stuck in my throat and caused me to choke. I couldn't breathe. I was trapped again. They were in me. They were sucking me. They wouldn't go away… not ever. I writhed and struggled to get them to leave. Why couldn't they just leave me alone? Why couldn't the people in my head just leave! Go away… GO AWAY!!

A strong pair of arms wrapped around me. Reality started to focus, but my body involuntarily bucked to dislodge the way too familiar touch. A whisper of a different kind broke through the pandemonium. "Shhhh… I gotcha… You're okay now… just breathe... nice and slow..." A hand ran through my matted hair in a comforting matter. Not lustful or painful… calming. I gulped at the precious air... How could I have done those things? How could I have let them? Why did it take me so long to figure out how tainted I am?! God, what am I?!

"'M ss-or-ee…" I pleaded. Please don't hate me, Dean... "soooo s-o-ree…"

"Shhh… you have nothing to be sorry about… I'm the one that's sorry… God Sammy, I am so sorry..."

Even with Dean, I could hear the voices coming back and I knew I would be lost in them again. Dean's presence only stopped them until my mind decided it might be safer there. But I didn't want to go there… I wanted to be able to come back. "Donnn'… g - goooo…"

"I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere without you."

I faintly smiled. And then…

I wanna play…! Pretty boy likes his present…? You freak! Where's my son…! Don't hit me! Please…! I love that woman… he's so swai…! Why the hell would I help you, you brat…!

Dean bit his lip as Sam obviously withdrew into himself. Dean did and didn't want to know what had happened to him through all these years. He wanted to help him get better. Recovery might be impossible… but getting better wasn't.

Reluctantly, Dean laid Sam's much too light body back on the bed. He had to get somethings. Needed to check a few things out.

Dean had managed to find another apartment where he could take care of Sam. While Sam was asleep Dean managed to transport him and a few other belongings to the new place. He kept the keys to the old apartment.

He left that place with a heavy heart. He loved Claire more than anything in the world. It was a different kind of love than his love for Sam. And because of that, he was torn on who to stay with. But Dean would never let Sam stay in a mental hospital. Not with his powers. There was no way he could explain that to Claire, either. He hadn't told her about his own gifts and was afraid she'd reject him the minute she knew. And he couldn't bare that. Not after everything they'd been through

No. He would take care of Sam. Help him get better and then tell Claire everything. I left my proposal open… I just hope she doesn't give up on me before I return. And I hope... that when that time comes, she's accept who we are.

AN: Dean's presence only stopped them until my mind decided it might be safer there. For those of you who were confused by this sentence, Dean's power only allows him to nullify powers. Sam is insane, and his self-preservation does kick in to protect him in a way it best sees fit. (I hope I didn't just confuse you guys more ...:P)

AN 2: To all you Dean-centrics who have been deprived in this fic: I don't know when, but eventually I'm writing the last part of this series. That is from Dean's point of view from the end of Draconian Premonition to the beginning of this flashback. I'm not sure what to call it yet though...

Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you think!