Disclaimer: My birthday's coming up...

Let me know if the story itself is going too slowly... I have trouble with chick flick-y stuff so i tend to over write to compensate...

Enjoy!

I wasn't aware. I huddled under all the voices in full submission. I let them take control of my body, my voice, my mind. I was fine by it. If it prevented anything of my life to reemerge, then so be it. There was no pain here. There was no feeling. There was no remembering. There was no awareness.

Every once and a while - often - a warm and strong feeling would wrap him in a familiar safe cocoon, despite the emptiness of my self. I tried to delve myself deeper into the feeling. The voices seemed to fade, and my awareness would return ever so slightly. But then my memories would rush back in full technicolor and feeling, making me retreat back into nothingness. But the warm cocoon remained.

Dean was doing everything in his power to get his brother better. Better at all. Sam's nightmares were surprisingly nonexistent. But Sam wasn't any better. Not at all.

Words spilled out of his mouth that Dean knew were not his. They didn't even sound like his voice. Wherever Dean had left him last, Sam would minutely rock himself constantly crying. If Dean set food and water in front of him, Sam would eat for himself. But he was verbally vomiting constantly and his blank face unchanging. When Dean didn't have to work, he spent as much time with Sam as humanly possible. Even at night, he would wrap himself around his little brother when falling asleep. Because as much as it didn't seem like it, Dean need Sam almost as much as Sam needed Dean. The difference was, while Dean was spending his life moderately normal, Sam had been tortured for years on end.

Dean found himself wondering how Sam got away from the men. Dean unconsciously rubbed the faint scar at his temple. Did they just leave him behind? Did Sam manage to escape on his own? All these questions were unanswered until Sam was able to speak for himself. When that would be… He had no idea.

With every time the cocoon enveloped me, the awareness would become more focused. Eventually, I was conflicted. If I stayed here, the memories would leave me alone. They wouldn't exist. But then I would never truly be in Dean's presence. Not to mention how hard this must be for Dean. To have to take care of a catatonic brother who could survive, but only that.

I knew I was lying in a bed. A physical cocoon accompanied the mental one. Dean had his arms wrapped around me in a loving matter. I had his arms in a death grip, trying desperately to disappear into his embrace. Another nightmare struck.

My head felt like it was about to explode. The voices were screaming in my ear. I stood shaking in the corner, blood and come ran down my numb legs. A feeling coursed through me. I didn't know what it was, but it numbed my mind and my body from the aftermath of the assaults. All I could think about was how much I wanted nothing but bad to happen to these men. One of the men, Rick - a particularly violent abuser - was slamming himself in me again, again, and again. But I didn't feel it. I hadn't retreated into my mind, I was still there. But all I felt was a red hot heat build in my chest. All caused by the one sentence this man uttered.

"I bet your brother was happy to die and get away from filth like you."

He twisted my testicles cruelly with his hand and trusted deeper into me. The red hot feeling in my chest exploded, and there was nothing.

When I woke, I was chained to the concrete wall, still stark naked. Skinner, Xac, and Ned were all holding and playing with me. The cock ring attached, Skinner whispered, "Yar gonna pay for that, pretty boy." My body betrayed me once again. And I received the cruelest punishment they ever dealt me.

I awoke screaming. I didn't know I was awake, I was still trapped within their punishment. I didn't know what I did, but I knew I deserved it. I was a bad boy… A dirty slut that needed his punishment. I deserved what they used me for. What else was I good for?

Dean knew before Sam that he was having a nightmare. He thrashed and bucked and screamed silently. When the scream finally broke loose, Dean held Sam in a bear hug in order to prevent him from hurting himself, all the while whispering the same words of comfort. "Shh… It's okay, I'm here. I'm here, you're safe now…" It was the first nightmare in the two months since Sam first appeared. But Dean still remembered what to do. It was second nature, even after all these years.

When Sam finally escaped the throes of his sleep, he turned and buried himself deep into his brother's embrace once again. Dean's body shook along with Sam's. Dean cried along with Sam. Dean wanted so badly for Sam to get better… but besides being here, he didn't know how.

"Ss - o - rrr - eee," Sam sobbed. "S - o - r - ee…"

"God, Sammy," Dean said softly. "Stop saying you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"D - dirrrr - tee…" Sam barely breathed.

"What?"

"Dir - tee… sllll - u - u - tee ba - ad bo - ee…"

Dean squeezed Sam tighter against him in horror. "No, no, no, no, no, Sammy… You're not!" God, what did they do to you…? "You're a good boy. You're not dirty. They made you do things that you didn't want to do…" Dean slowly rocked his brother back and forth. "You're a good boy," he whispered into Sam's ear. "You're a good boy… you're a good boy…"

But I did want it, I thought. I may have thought I didn't, but I did. My body liked. God, I'm so disgusting… These thoughts never occurred to me while I was with them. Who was there to care? But Dean… if he found out the things I did, what they turned me into, he'd reject me. He'd see nothing but a spoiled, dirty slut. But I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want him to punish me for what I was. Even though I deserved it... "B - beee… g - oooo - d - d," I whimpered. Please don't leave me, Dean… "I - I'lllll g - gooo b - ooee…" I sobbed in his arms, twisting my fists in the back of his nightshirt so tightly it seemed I might break him in half. But at least he wouldn't leave me.

"Oh Sam…" Dean sighed.

I knew it. Dean was tired of me. Once he learned everything… he'd discard me without another thought. I squeezed him all the tighter, to make sure he wouldn't leave me.

well... Review and tell me your thoughts!