Chapter Twenty Meet Your Twin
Lily stood in the nursery, her back to the crib, wand out, facing the door. The man everyone called Voldemort stood before her. There was a faint smile playing on his lips. He was unconcerned about her wand pointing directly at him. He knew she would never use a killing curse, that was if she even knew one.
He stood nonchalantly leaning against the door sill. He could see it in her eyes. She knew he had just killed her husband and was intent on killing her, but she showed no fear. He was amazed by that fact. He had put together an organization of purebloods and loyal half-bloods including men like Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy. It had been awhile since anyone had treated him with so little respect. And it irritated him.
"Put your wand down Mrs. Potter," he said easily. "It will do you no good."
"What do you want?" she seethed.
"I already have it," he answered and held up the Phoenix. It had belonged to Godric Gryffindor himself. He had seen it in Dumbledore's office when he had foolishly gone back to Hogwarts to ask for a teaching job. Dumbledore could see through his ruse. Dumbledore knew there was more to it than seeking employment.
In a way, the wizard once called Tom Riddle, had really wanted the job. But he was becoming Voldemort at the time and his alter ego took over. What the evil part of him really wanted was to test Dumbledore's strength and knowledge. For it was Dumbledore alone that knew the truth about him.
And still he turned me loose on the world, Voldemort thought. He should have killed me when he had the chance, when I was in that orphanage. He's never going to understand what has really made me so powerful, he decided. He will never learn about the Horcruxes.
Voldemort stood before her, his hand extended with the Phoenix statue and still she did not understand. He had asked for the relic three times after he found that Dumbledore had given it to the woman and her husband as a wedding gift. Yet the woman had refused him. Refused him! And it angered him.
"I am going to kill you Mrs. Potter and then I am going to use your son for some very complicated magic and there is nothing you can do about it."
Lily raised her chin, straightened her shoulders and steadied her wand arm. The baby in the crib behind her had crawled to his knees and clung to the ribs of the crib like a prisoner to bars of his prison.
Voldemort saw the resemblance in the face, in the eyes; for the child had the same deep olive-green eyes of his mother. However, it was obvious the boy had the dark hair of his father. The one that lay in the front door of the house- dead.
The child made no noise but stared at him steadily. Voldemort had no compunction about killing the mother and the child. This was the last Horcrux and he needed it to complete the seven.
"Kill me instead and leave Harry alive," she said calmly.
"Touching...but...no, I think not," Voldemort said and raised his own wand.
"You will be cursed," she said and threw the defense spell. It did her no good. Voldemort was fast, the spell she sent was weak and had little effect on him. He deflected and sent the killing spell. There was a flash of green light and she was dead, falling like a leaf from a tree to the floor, her hair spraying out and her last cry echoing though the house.
"Harreeeeee!" she screamed.
Even though the sound reverberated through the room and was shocking in its nature, the baby did not cry. He slipped down the bars to land on his bottom and he reached through them in an attempt to touch the now motionless woman at the foot of his bed.
Voldemort stepped over holding the Phoenix in his hand and the wand in the other and pointed it at the boy's head and then mouthed the killing curse. The boy looked up and stared at him and in that instant Voldemort saw a fire burning in the depths of the pupils of the child's eyes and he felt it crawl up his arm and consume him.
He fled the house in agony, a phantom, mad with pain. His body lay in the nursery alongside Lily Potter where Snape found them. It wasn't the wizard that Severus Snape knelt over it was the woman. His shoulders shook as he cried out in despair.
"Lily! Lily!" he moaned, holding her body, her arms limp and dropping to her sides, her hair touching the floor, her eyes closed as if she were asleep.
"Mama," the child said and reached through the crib bars. "Mama."
Snape looked at the boy through eyes filled with tears. Then he spied the statue of the gold Phoenix on the floor next to Lily. Without thinking he handed it to the boy. It was similar to handing car keys to an infant in place of rattles.
The boy stared at the statue and then, disinterested, dropped it into the blankets.
Dumbledore stumbled into the room and surveyed the sight. "Severus, you...you," he stuttered, "Are you hurt?" The man paid him no attention, holding the body of the woman, his tears still wet on his face, he turned to the man who leaned over him.
"It's my fault. All my fault."
...
Lily faced him. She sighed and walked to him, her bare feet on the carpet of leaves in the garden. She was dressed in her nightgown and it trailed through the trees behind her like a wedding train. The moon shone on her turning her into a phantom that he thought might disappear at any moment.
He stepped closer to make sure that she didn't, that her substance was real.
"I've loved you Severus; you know I did. The wounds I suffered at your hands haven't healed. Time hasn't taken them away and I have moved on."
His breath caught in his chest and he was felt a firey pain coursing through him as if he were being burned from within.
"I loved you and it was you who walked away," she said softly and touched his chest.
The contact electrified him. They stood so close that the scent of her hair drifted upwards into his face. He could not speak out of fear that he might break down. All he could manage was to look down into her face, and try to memorize every feature even though her face was already forever etched in his mind.
"When you left me I felt your presence for months. Every day I thought would be the day that you would contact me...send an owl...or a messenger." She dropped her hand and there was a muted cry of agony that escaped his lips. "I've held your hand through all of those years and comforted you when you were afraid, when you despaired, when you could not find the energy to go on. I watched you suffer and hurt and I was willing to be patient until you found your way. Even when you were cruel. But you took a different path and could not be persuaded that it was dangerous. You could not give it up even for me."
"Lily..." he breathed.
"You know..." she said. "You know this is true. Why are you coming to me now, on the eve of my wedding? Are you here to hurt me again?"
"No...no!" he said his voice full of tears. It took a moment before he could continue and she waited patiently. " I wanted you to know I never stopped loving you," he managed.
"We can't go back in time, Severus," she moved to step away and he reached for her. "What do you want of me?" Her voice was firm but not unkind.
He dropped his head unable to answer her, knowing that she would never grant him what he desired. She would never come back to him.
"There will come a day, I think," she began, "when you will suffer as I have and you will know the feeling of loss as I have. But I say this not to hurt you more but to let you know that I, too, have never stopped loving you. But I also know that I cannot try again. I have found someone who loves me and will care for me."
"Potter..." he groaned.
"Yes," she said nodding solemnly.
"Lily..."
"I want you to know that I will never abandon you," she said. "Not like you did to me. If you ever want my help, just come to me. I will do what I can. I will always consider you my friend."
"What can I say," he mumbled, truly contrite.
"Say you're sorry, Severus," she murmured. "Is that so much?"
Severus dropped to one knee, feeling the strength leave him. He leaned against a tree and gazed at her, wishing he could die. "I am sorry, Lily."
She nodded and turned to leave, her profile illuminated by the full moon.
"If you ever need me," he mumbled. "No matter what, I will come."
"I know you will, Severus. Goodbye." She walked away from him and he slumped to the ground cradling his head in his arms and moaned.
It had not been his fault that he could not go to her. Voldemort demanded that he remain at his side and the wizard was very powerful. Severus knew that he was deadly and any hesitation on his part would mean terrible things would happen. And it wouldn't be to him. Voldemort was very good at hurting those you loved. Luckily, he was unaware of the feelings he had for Lily. She will be married and safe, he decided. It was the only thing that consoled him.
Severus held the gold statue in his gloved hand and realized that a pair of olive-green eyes were staring at him. The young man looked grim but unafraid. Severus could still feel the tremendous grief from his memory. He had made two promises to her and had broken one of them. When she needed him he could not go to her. And although it made him grit his teeth he would not break the other. He would protect her son no matter what.
"So are you going to do it?" Hermione asked. She stood beside Harry and the other boy, the Weasley stood behind her.
"Yes," he answered.
"He's on your right," she said, indicating that the doppelganger was present.
Snape turned to his right.
His double returned the stare and then his gaze drifted to the Phoenix in Snape's hand.
"The Lord will reward you for bringing this back to him," Snape said. "It is what he is searching for."
"He will kill me," said the other.
"He cannot kill you," Snape responded. He felt odd. As if he were facing a mirror and then, it felt as if he had suddenly stepped through to the other side. He looked out and saw the room with three people in it; Potter, Granger and Weasley. It felt like he was looking through another pair of eyes and yet he looked down at his hand and there was only one. He and his double had become one and he wasn't sure which one he was.
The Other mirrored his thoughts, his actions, mimed his every move. If he blinked he could feel the Other blink. His words were mouthed by the Other. Now he understood how one could get lost or go insane when they had a Doppelganger. No one in history to his knowledge had lived to tell what it was like to have a Doppelganger. He wasn't even sure he could describe it if asked.
"Mr. Snape," Potter said, frowning slightly, glancing at first to his left and then at him. "Are you all right?"
Snape nodded and the Other nodded in synch with him. And then everything grew worse, he could hear the Double's thought and the thoughts were the same as his. How do I know which one is me? he wondered.
"Professor Snape," Hermione whispered. "You're struggling to decide which one of you is real aren't you?"
He looked at her and nodded. He felt the Other nod.
She pulled her wand from her sleeve and pointed it at him. In an instant his wand was up and pointed back. "I'm not going to hurt you." She hesitated. "Well not much anyway. WE know that your Double cannot be harmed. It doesn't mean you can't be. So I'm going to give you something that will help you remember which one of you is which."
He thought about it and lowered his wand. "Go ahead Miss Granger," he said. "Make sure it leaves a scar."