Title: You Could Save me
Author: Fatebegins (http:// fatebegins .livejournal .com/)
Rating: NC-17 / M
Pairing: Puck/Kurt (Purt/Puckurt).
Summary: Puck is a bodyguard who takes on a privileged client. Sparks of all kinds fly.
Disclaimer: No Glee don't belong to me or to fatebegins, this history is not mine! But I have permission to post it here! (The original post: http:// fatebegins .livejournal .com/15730 .html )
Warning: AU, violence, angst
Review? Please? *puppy eyes*
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Kurt skipped down the stairs lightly, aware but uncaring that Chad followed him, his smile amused. He was actually getting used to being shadowed. Ever since he had almost gotten taken from the plaza bathroom Kurt was literally never alone. The only time he got left to himself was when he retired for the evening and even then Kurt would wait until all noises and footsteps ceased in the house and walk over to Puck's room. The older man always opened the door with a look of schooled exasperation but Kurt knew that he secretly enjoyed their movie sessions and talks. Puck even ordered Morgan Freeman films especially for him. It was becoming a regular thing.
Kurt's cheeks colored slightly as he remembered waking up in Puck's bed that morning. He had been confused at first but then immensely pleased. He must have fallen asleep sometime during Along Came A Spider and Puck had just let him stay the night, even though they both knew he had more than enough strength to carry Kurt back into his bed. Kurt wasn't sure what that meant but he couldn't control his optimism. He wanted many more nights of sleeping with Puck's long arms cradling him.
"Kurt!" His father had stepped out of his study, blocking Kurt's path.
"Hey Dad." Kurt gave him a sunny smile. Everything just seemed brighter today.
"I want to talk to you for a second." Burt took hold of his son's forearm and gave Chad a pointed look. "Alone, please."
"Sure." Chad stepped back awkwardly. "I'll just wait out here."
The minute the door close behind them Kurt looked at his father. "That was pretty rude."
"I pay him to wait against walls and besides I wanted privacy for this, Kurt. I'm not sure exactly how to even broach this conversation." Burt's face looked tired, his frown lines pronounced. Suddenly, Kurt was worried.
"Is something wrong, dad? Did you receive another threat?"
"No. Yes." Burt sat down behind his oak desk and motioned for Kurt to sit down in front of him. "I mean, no, I did not receive a new threat and yes, there is something wrong."
"Well?" Kurt leaned forward his hands on his knees. "What is it? Anything I can help with? Or maybe Noah could-"
"I'm not going to pussyfoot around the issue, I'll just say it. I saw you leaving that man's bedroom this morning."
"Dad…" Kurt flushed, mortified. If it was possible to die of embarrassment Kurt was pretty sure he'd be dead in a few minutes. "It's not like we did anything."
"You think those guys would still be here, in my house, if I thought you did? I know you two were just having a coffee. That man leaves here every morning at seven to get some." Burt leant back into his chair. "But what I want to know is why the hell you feel the need to go into your bodyguard's bedroom and have coffee at the crack of dawn."
Kurt felt relief spread through him. His dad only thought he was meeting up with Puck in the mornings, he didn't know that he spent the night. Even though it had all been innocent, only a couple of sleepy good night kisses initiated by Kurt himself, he didn't think his father would see it in that light.
"I'm not going to deny that he's an excellent bodyguard." Burt continued. "He saved your life and I owe him much more than I can repay but he is just that, your bodyguard." Burt's face was grim. "I don't like the idea of you two becoming friends; I didn't raise you to run around with people like that."
"People like that?" Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing. He felt like a bucket of ice water had just been thrown in his face. "People like what, Dad?"
"People who stab knives through the palms of men and nail them to the wall, people who put men into comas and walk away to eat dinner-"
"I can't believe this!" Kurt jumped to his feet, outraged. "He was protecting me, Dad!"
"I'm not saying what he did was wrong and I'm not arguing the end result. What I am saying is that it takes a certain kind of person to be able to do the things Puckerman does and just walk away."
"You're right, Dad." Kurt's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Noah is such a horrible person for defending me, he should have just asked those criminals nicely to let me go. Maybe sent them some flowers."
"Don't get smart with me, Kurt. You know what I mean." Burt's voice was tinged with anger. "And sit your ass down, I'm not done."
Kurt looked at his father disbelievingly. He didn't recognize the man sitting behind the desk in a starched white shirt and grey suit. This was Burt Hummel the maverick, who dismantled companies daily and destroyed in twenty minutes what took other men twenty years to build. His father had never spoken to him like this before, but then again Kurt had never disagreed or back talked his father before in the past.
"I've known you were gay for as long as you could talk, Kurt, and I've never tried to straighten you out or make you feel that it was wrong. I always let you be yourself."
"Then why-"
"Don't interrupt me." Burt glowered. "I know you, Kurt. I've seen the stars in your eyes. I thought it was a harmless crush, you've always been a bit of a romantic and a fan of Whitney Houston but it's been nearly two months and this nonsense is still going on. I raised you with a sense of purpose and with a sense of worth. The problem is I've been too lenient." Burt looked at Kurt intensely. "You didn't want to take over Hummel Inc and I conceded. You wanted to get that frivolous degree and I conceded. You wanted to go to those puerile parties and I conceded.
"Frivolous? Is that what you think of my talents, dad? You think that my career is just a joke? Because I don't want to go into the family business?"
"Perhaps frivolous wasn't the best word." Burt conceded. "But you're young Kurt, with little life experience. You don't know how the world really functions, and that is, of course, partly my fault. I used our families wealth to shield you.' Burt paused. "Hummel Inc has been in our family for generations. My father was the president and his father before him. When I took over, on a decline, I busted my ass to save it because I wanted you to continue to have the very best. Let's be honest, Kurt. You can afford to indulge your passions and hobby career because of my business work. But I'm not going to begrudge you any of that, because I want you to have what makes you happy. I've worked this hard to make you happy, Kurt. But this Noah Puckerman, he's different from people like you and I. He inhabits a different world. He's violent and unrefined -"
"I can't even believe you're saying any of this to me!" Kurt's mind was spinning. His dad didn't respect his school work or his life but he wanted him to be happy? It was all surreal.
"You're old enough to hear it."
"I'm also old enough to pick who I chose to count among my friends."
Burt glared. "Mark my words Kurt, I will not concede this."
"Concede?" Kurt echoed. "He's a good person Dad! You can't dislike him because of-"
"I did not raise you to get involved with or to pant after people like that. I can see the attraction of the unknown for you, Kurt, but you have to realize that he is just not acceptable as a possible long term addition to our family. We have a certain position to maintain in our circle and Puckerman's background and persona are just not what would be considered appropriate."
"Dad…" Kurt whispered, shocked at his father's snobbery. Kurt fell back into his seat, numb. There it was, spelled out in cruel, ugly black and white, the real reason why Burt didn't want him to have anything to do with Puck. He didn't think Puck was good enough for the sole heir to the Hummel fortune.
"Whatever that is," Burt said the word 'that' with such distaste that Kurt knew he was referring to his relationship with Puck. "I want it to stop, immediately. Whatever notions you have in your head, I want them to cease immediately. And any thought you might have about this man, any ideas to a future with that person, I want them abandoned, immediately."
Kurt felt sick.
"I don't hear an answer."
"Y-yes, sir." Kurt didn't know what else to say. His father had never spoken to him so harshly. What else could he do but nod yes?
"Good." Burt smile widely and it was like watching the sun break through storm clouds; something that was once frightening returned to being familiar. "Now, how about you go down to the range with me, this weekend," He stood, his posture relaxed and open. "Just you and your old man."
"Sure." Kurt responded numbly as his father ushered him out of the door.
"I'll see you at breakfast." Burt opened the door. "I'm taking a short business trip so I won't be at dinner." His smile dimmed. "Feel free to take your supper in your room or maybe invite that nice boy, Nathaniel, over. I saw his dad at the country club last week and realized it's been awhile since I've seen him around."
Kurt nodded robotically, he knew that his father was telling him. Burt did not want him to eat dinner with the security crew as he had become accustomed to doing.
As promised Chad was lounging against the wall when Kurt exited his father's office. "That took awhile." Chad said as soon as the office door closed.
"Yeah." Kurt responded. He couldn't believe that that conversation had just taken place.
"So what, are you grounded?" Chad teased.
"Did you hear anything?" Kurt was tense as they walked toward the kitchen. "While I was in my dad's office, I mean. Could you hear anything?"
"No." Chad shook his head. "I didn't think I was supposed to be listening."
"Good." Kurt exhaled slowly, relieved.
"You okay, dude? You look a little pale."
"I'm fine." Kurt lied, he was anything but. For the first time in his life he was falling in love and his father wasn't even willing to give Puck a chance. It was over before it could even begin. Kurt forced cheer into his voice. "You want me to tell the cook to make us something?"
"Dude, I've been dying for a Philly cheese steak."
"Alright." Kurt wasn't sure how their five star chef would react to that request but he hurried along the hallway to make it anyway. He wanted to do anything – anything - to take his mind off telling Puck that they couldn't spend anytime with each other anymore; to delay it. Kurt didn't want to hurt his feelings.
When they reached the kitchen, Puck was seated at the table with Dallas. He looked up when Kurt entered the room and gave him a small, secret smile. Their eyes caught and held and Kurt could hear his heart start to beat just a little faster.
"Hey." Puck greeted, grinning lazily.
"Hey." Kurt smiled back automatically. He wondered if Puck was thinking about this morning.
"Hey." Chad snickered. "You guys make me sick, making eyes at each other."
Kurt jumped; he'd forgotten that Chad had even been in the room.
"Blame Kurt, it's not my fault his eyes are fascinating." Puck said. He got to his feet and pulled the chair out for Kurt. Kurt blushed as he sat down. Puck had never treated him like this before.
"Who are you and what have you done with Puck?" Chad's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "You're like the homo Prince Charming."
Puck shrugged and turned to Kurt. "What's the plan for today?"
Kurt felt his heart flutter in his chest. "I, well, I..." Kurt hesitated and Puck smile grew little bit wider, his teeth white and even against his tanned skin. There was no way Kurt could go through with what his dad wanted him to do. "My father's out of town and I don't have class, maybe we could barbeque?" He suggested. "All of us?"
"It'd have to be indoor." Puck frowned. "It'd be stupid to be out in the open right now."
"It could be like a reverse barbeque." Chad chimed in, flopping down on the edge of the table. "We can have it by the indoor pool, play volleyball and stuff." His arms flailed excitedly. "We can have a beach pool party in the winter!"
"You're too excited about this." Puck laughed. "But okay," His hand touched Kurt's. "Let's do it."
Chad beamed and Kurt looked down. Chad continued listing his plans and menu for the barbeque.
Nobody noticed when Dallas scraped back his chair and left the room, silently.
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That night they all - minus Dallas who was suffering from a head ache - grilled steaks, hotdogs and hamburgers in the kitchen . When the food was done, the unofficial Chef, Chad, dragged the feast poolside. Chad also brought his questionable special sauce.
"Try it, put a little on your hotdog and it will blow your mind." Chad encouraged and Kurt looked at the white mixture skeptically. "It's not jizz if that's what you're worried about."
And okay that so did not put Kurt's mind at ease. "I think I'll stick to just ketchup."
"It's just mayo and ketchup mixed together." Katie supplied. Kurt watched as she heaped a generous helping unto her bun. "And it really does blow your mind."
"Katie! What the hell? That was my secret recipe!" Chad cried. Puck rolled his eyes and Katie laughed.
Kurt couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun. He never realized how isolated his father had actually kept him. Sure, he had friends, he loved Quinn and Artie to death but he spent most of his time at home with his father. Kurt had never had a pool party, the opportunity had never come up.
Puck did cannon balls off the diving board and Kurt laughed until he cried when Chad belly flopped into the water. His white stomach reddened furiously. Kurt regaled them with some of his simpler moves from his diving days. Puck had watched him avidly and Kurt had basked in the attention.
Mike was more graceful than all of them, executing a perfect swan dive, the surface of the water barely reacting when he dove underneath while they had all looked on amazed. Kurt was very happy that they could all get together like this without having to worry about who was watching the house. Mike had assured him that the newly hired guards could handle security for two hours. Katie had bragged that her system was better than Guantanamo Bay's and Chad had just thrown her into the water.
Towards the end of the night, Rosemary, the head housekeeper, brought them freshly made Italian ices. Apparently the chef was quite taken with Chad. The sweet, cheery treats were a perfect way to end their impromptu party.
And if anyone noticed that Puck snuck Kurt a kiss in between bites of the sticky flavored ice, they didn't comment on it.
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Puck walked by the balcony door and paused, seeing Dallas. His friend was leaning against the railing, dressed in black jeans and a blue collared shirt. Puck watched him for a moment. He looked sad.
"Dal?" Puck stepped outside. "You alright?"
"I'm fine." Dallas brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply, his eyes closing for a moment. "I was going to ask you the same thing."
Puck was confused. "Why would you think something is wrong?"
"That kid seems to be getting to you." Dallas flicked the ash from the butt of his cigarette over the balcony, blue eyes staring out into backyard and over the patio and pool. "He's leading you around by a leash."
"Don't be stupid."
"I could say the same to you." Dallas laughed humorlessly. "It's pretty fucking obvious you know. It's in the way you follow him with your eyes." He went silent for a moment. "The same way you used to watch Jenna."
Puck wasn't quite sure what to say to that. Hearing Dallas even say Jenna's name was a wonder in itself. Puck hadn't heard her name uttered from his friends' lips in over a year.
"I know what you're thinking."
"What?" Puck asked.
"Why am I bringing up Jenna?"
Hmm, right on the money. "Of course that's what I'm thinking."
"It's because I don't want to see history repeat itself." Dallas put out the cigarette and Puck looked at the charred wood of the banister. "You get these feeling and shit and you just jump in head first. You're barely recovered from her, Puck. And it doesn't take a genius to figure it out."
"Figure what out?"
"This Kurt kid, he's like the male version of Jenna; beautiful and shiny on the outside but cold, dead and plastic on the inside."
"You don't know that." Puck protested. "You don't know him. Kurt's got this fire, a passion for life! And he cares about other people, he volunteers at a soup kitchen for fucks sake. He doesn't let his father's money define him either-"
"He's chauffeured to and from school like he's the fucking president. What he spends on one outfit could feed everybody at that soup kitchen for a year. That's the fucking reality, Puck. Don't kid yourself."
Puck tamped down on the anger he felt rising in his gut. "If that's what you think."
"It's not just what I think it's what I know." Dallas looked at him grimly. "And this thing between you two, whatever fascination Kurt has with you is because you're a toy." Puck felt the words like individual blows. "Something new and different that he can play with, something his daddy bought him-" He broke off on a grunt when Puck shoved him hard.
"Fuck you." Puck spat, his hands clenching in the cotton of Dallas's shirt. His friend just watched him, one eye brow raised in challenge, unrepentant. Puck knew they were evenly matched, a fight between them would pretty much be a stale mate. He released Dallas with a shove.
"That's the second time you pushed me." Dallas commented coldly, smoothing down his shirt.
"Don't talk about him that way."
"Are you kidding me?" Dallas scoffed when Puck just stared back at him mutinously. "I'm telling you this as a friend, Puck, wake the fuck up and learn from your mistakes. This is just a job."
They stood in silence for a few moments until Kurt's laughter broke the spell. Puck looked over his shoulder, back into the house. Kurt was walking into the living room, a mixed drink in his hand, his friend Artie and Chad following close behind him. Puck was transported back to another place and time, miles away from New York but very much the same as the scene that was playing out in front of him.
"We can do this, I know we can."
Jenna shook her head sadly, pulling her hand out from under his. "It's always about him and it always will be."
"I ship out tonight." Puck swallowed, he felt funny. "We can work it out when I get back, okay?" He was afraid of the answer.
She smiled. "Go."
"Puck!" He came back to himself at the sound of his name, finding Dallas staring at him curiously. "You okay, man? It looked like you were somewhere else for a while."
"No..uh, I mean, yeah. I'm fine." Puck mentally slapped himself, what the hell had he been thinking? A few cheap words, a few shared kisses and he'd been ready to give up focus. "You're right." He told Dallas, watching Kurt and his eyes growing cold as the younger man dove into the clear blue water. "You're absolutely right."
"Good." Dallas tugged him close in an uncharacteristic half hug. "You'll get over this, no sweat and if anything, I'm here for you. Always have been and always will be."
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
It was much harder to avoid Kurt than he thought it would be. No matter what Puck told himself, he couldn't go back to the way things were. Still, he tried to maintain some kind of distance. He no longer kissed Kurt at all, and if the younger man noticed he didn't mention anything. It was easier if Dallas was there to keep him on focus and most of the time the other man was around. With Christmas coming up Kurt wanted to complete his holiday shopping and a public venue now meant Dallas and Mike accompanied them.
"Hey, Puck," Mike's voice was quiet and Puck immediately tensed. "Your mom called."
"She has my number, why would she call you…" He trailed off, realizing why before he could even finish the sentence. Puck felt his stomach sink. "How much?"
"Twenty five more."
"Hundred?" Even as he asked , Puck knew it was a stupid to question.
"Thousand."
"Motherfucker." Puck closed his eyes. He wanted to scream, rage against the unfairness of it all. He hated feeling so helpless. Instead he forced himself to remain still.
"I'm sorry, man." Mike sat down next to him.
"That means I'll have to take another job."
"I could give you-"
"Don't." Puck cleared his throat. "We both know that you can't right now."
"I'll let the bank foreclose on the fucking house! It's just stuff." Mike declared. "There is no way in hell we're leaving Aidan with her for two more weeks let alone two more months."
"You think that's how long it would take to get the money?"
"You know it would take at least two months."
Puck shook his head, refusing to let hope flare up in him once more. It always hurt when it was snuffed out. "The moment she smells money she'll be asking for more."
"It's not like we can go through the courts. This is the only way and we've got to try." Mike gave him a sad smile. "Maybe…one day it'll work out."
"Shit, Mike." Puck could feel himself cracking, could almost hear as he broke. "I can't…I just fucking can't go through this-" He broke off, his voice to thick and clogged with tears. He felt Mike's arm go up around him.
"You're not going to do it alone." Mike reassured him. "You've always got me and if we have to fucking swoop in, break into that bitch's house in the middle of the night and steal him." He spoke seriously. "Then we'll do it. Just say the word and I'm in. You know I am."
Puck nodded through his haze of pain, his face hidden in his hands as drops of moisture shifted through his fingers. He had stopped being ashamed of tears long ago, but only in front of Mike. When everyday had practically been life or death in the Middle East, tears became inconsequential. Bravery could still be worn through a veil of sorrow.
"It'll be alright." Mike was saying. "We can do this."
"Yeah, okay." He shrugged off Mike's arm. "I just need a minute."
Mike nodded and got up. He didn't want to leave Puck after he had been dealt such a blow but he knew when to give his friend space. He wasn't even halfway across the room when he heard the sick sound of flesh hitting the punching bag. He hoped Puck didn't hurt himself this time.
Kurt was walking back from the kitchen when he heard it. He had snuck downstairs to grab some snacks before heading to Puck's room. Kurt looked around fearfully at the slight noise. He was constantly on edge when he was alone now, still recovering from his attack.
Kurt paused in front of the dark weight room, his eyes making out a shape in the dim light. "Noah?" He looked at the figure in the dark, saw the familiarity of the broad shoulders and stepped forward. "What are you doing down here?"
There was a silence. "Don't come any closer." Puck commanded.
Puck sounded weird, his voice hoarse and gravely. "Are you okay?" Kurt's concern won out over his trepidation. He ignored Puck's warning and moved toward him.
"I'm fine. I just wanted to be by myself."
"In the dark?" Kurt reached for the light switch because he didn't like not seeing Puck's face and not being able to read his expressions.
"Don't-" Puck began but it was too late. Light flooded the weight room and Kurt gasped. Puck looked terrible. His eyes were dull and his face ravaged. Bruises littered his exposed forearms. Kurt sank down on the floor next to him, his hands already flying to inspect the injuries.
"What happened?" Kurt asked. "Who did this to you?"
"Nobody did anything. I was just blowing off some steam."
Kurt's brow furrowed. "By beating yourself up?"
"This could just be the result of a rough fuck gone wrong." Puck said, his eyes glittering. "Who's to say I don't like it rough? Maybe I like to hurt."
"What?" Kurt stiffened, pain lacing through him. "No…" He trailed off disbelievingly. Puck was just trying to hurt him so that he'd leave. Kurt knew that Puck hadn't been seeing anyone; he'd spent almost every night with the older man and was with him during the day. Kurt shook his head. "No." He repeated firmly. "That's not going to work, not now. You're in pain and I won't leave you-"
"You think I need you with me? That you mean something to me?" Puck gave a bitter laugh. "All of this concern because I humor you and watch some fucking movies?"
"Stop it, Noah. I don't care what you say." Kurt squeezed his Puck's hand, wincing as he took in the bloodied knuckles. "You need me right now…I know you do."
"Need you?" Puck spat out. "Not fucking likely. If you want to comfort me so bad, stop talking and wrap your fucking mouth around my dick."
Kurt flinched. "Don't be cruel to me. Let me help you."
Puck laughed, the sound tore through Kurt. "I just told you what you could do." Puck's hand reached for his belt, undoing the clasp as his other hand gripped Kurt, holding him in place. "So come on, rich boy. Get to it."
Kurt tried to pull his hand away but Puck held fast, his grip turning brutal. Kurt began to struggle in earnest when Puck yanked his zipper down and Kurt saw that he was actually aroused.
"Noah!" His voice came out weak and scared. "Stop it!"
If anything his words spurred Puck on more than they hindered him.
"Isn't this what you wanted? For me to fuck you?" Puck's voice was vicious, lashing through Kurt, wounding him much more than his punishing grip. "To know me in the way I let others know me." He mimicked Kurt's words cruelly. "Well, today is your lucky day." Puck rose to his knees dragging Kurt across the mat to pull him hard against his chest. "C'mon, isn't this what you wanted?"
Kurt moved his head away from the punishing kiss and Puck chuckled, his hand moving down to grip Kurt's ass. "I thought you'd be a little more into it than this." He squeezed Kurt's cheeks hard and the younger man let out an involuntary sound of pain. "Guess you really are a just another frigid, rich bitch."
Kurt tried to twist away from Puck but his struggles just brought their bodies into closer contact. Kurt could feel Puck's hard cock against his belly. He jerked away and Puck yanked him closer.
"You're hurting me!" Kurt whimpered. His voice finally penetrated Puck's haze.
The older man stilled for a moment then scrambled back away from him and suddenly Kurt was free.
Kurt collapsed on the mat, letting tears flow down his cheeks, shaking. That was so ugly. He had never thought that anything so ugly would transpire between them. That Puck would hurt him physically. He rubbed his wrist, not even bothering to wipe away the steady stream of tears.
"Oh god…" Puck's voice was anguished. He moved to touch Kurt and Kurt flinched, dodging his hand. "Kurt…I-I'm so sorry…"
"You hurt me." Kurt was stunned. He could see the bruise already forming on his arm. "You…y-you tried to make me…to f-force me."
"I wasn't myself I…" Puck couldn't find the words to explain. "Kurt, please."
Kurt looked up at Puck finally. Puck looked frantic; his hands clenched by his sides his expression pleading. "Why?" Kurt whispered.
"I..I was going through some stuff and you came… and I just wanted to forget… I was so angry." Puck scrubbed his hands over his face. "I'm so sorry Kurt. I never, ever want hurt you. I know it sounds unbelievable now but it's the truth."
"Then why would you say those things? Act that way?"
"Mike told me some…he told me something and I didn't take it very well."
"No." Kurt shook his head as he got to his feet. His expression was furious. "You don't get to do that, Noah! I'm sick of these vague responses! I'm not going to accept them anymore. You owe me the truth." Kurt marched over to stand over Puck, who was still kneeling. "You fucking owe me that much!"
Puck sighed. Kurt was right. "You asked me if I had any siblings."
"I did." Kurt looked down at Puck.
"I have one, a brother." Puck voice was wispy and Kurt had to struggle to hear his words. "My mom had me when she was young, sixteen, I don't have to tell you that I was unplanned. Growing up she resented me, said I ruined her chances of ever being somebody. She was the classic shitty mom. Didn't show up for school conferences, made me walk home and dressed me in filthy clothes she bought for pennies at thrift shops." Puck closed his eyes, allowing himself to be transported back to a time he had promised himself he would never return to. Kurt was right, Puck did owe him. "I remember being so hungry I thought I'd die. We'd only had one package of Ramen left in the trailer and she'd made it for herself. The whole place smelled like the flavoring; roast chicken. I fell asleep crying and chewing on the edge of my ratty blanket." Puck heard Kurt gasp. "Still, it didn't get too bad until middle school. The school offered free lunch and breakfast programs and I was always the first in line. When I needed food for the weekend, I …uh, I stole from kids lunch boxes. Half the time they didn't even notice. It's crazy...I remember being so amazed at how much food their mother's packed for them. Some even wrote notes to their kids. Stupid shit like 'have a good day at school'…I stole those too."
"Noah…" Kurt sat down facing the other man.
"I don't want your pity alright?" Puck looked at him, searching Kurt's face sharply but finding only compassion he continued. "Like I said, I was okay. I got by. Except in middle school, she got a boyfriend. Some city slicker who drove a shiny, black car. He'd take her out and buy her nice things. Before him, she never really paid much attention to me. I mean, she didn't like me and ignored me but it wasn't nothing malicious until the city guy decided to pin his runner on me."
"Runner?"
"He got tired of fucking her and instead of just saying it, her told her it was because he didn't want kids." Puck explained. "After that she hated me, never lost an opportunity to tell me and she started drinking a lot more. She'd slap me around and make me scrub the floors till my fingers bled. I was small for my age and she was so much bigger than me…I didn't have a chance in hell."
"Is that why you joined the army?" So many things were beginning to make sense to Kurt now.
"Yeah, I needed someplace to go and they were the only place that would take me." Puck shivered. It was like he was within those walls once again, his mother bearing down on him; he could hear the crack of the belt in the air. The fear was so strong he could practically taste it. Kurt sniffed and Puck looked at him. He was crying. Puck instantly felt a stab of guilt. He'd been so lost in his misery, in his emotions and when Kurt had shown him kindness… he'd just snapped. "Kurt, I'm sorry I hurt you. Do you think you need a doctor-"
"I'm not in pain." Kurt said but his eyes still sparkled with tears.
"Then why..?"
"I'm crying for you." Kurt shifted closer, until his both his hands touched the fingertips of Puck's. "For what you had to go through."
Puck was speechless, humbled. Kurt cared about him so much that he literally felt his pain.
"Didn't you grow up with Dallas?" Kurt remembered. "Why didn't he… tell anyone?"
"If you're crying for me, then you would sob for him." Puck raised his hand to Kurt's face slowly, cupping his cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear drop. "My life was a fucking rainbow compared to what happened to him."
Kurt shuddered. "Is that why you…is that what happened today? Something set off these memories?"
"No…there's more." Puck dropped his hand, immediately missing the smooth, warmth of Kurt's skin against his calloused palm. "After I shipped out, I came back to Lima when I was twenty three, just to gather what I had left behind. Stupid things… A notebook, my grandmother's crocheted blanket, I wasn't even sure if they'd still be there. I knocked on her door and my mother answered. She was pregnant." Puck looked down at their entwined hands. "Her stomach was out to here and she answered the door holding a bloody Mary. She hadn't changed at all. I decided that, no matter what, I wouldn't leave my brother or sister with her, to go through what I went through. So when my brother, Aidan, was born I filed a custody suit, it was a shot in the dark I was a single male, but I in the end I was granted sole physical custody. Mostly because my mother had been driving with a blood alcohol level two times the limit with Aidan in the back seat and they hit a mailbox. She didn't put up much of a fight"
"You're amazing." Kurt breathed.
Puck snorted. "I don't think you'll still think that when you hear the rest." Puck struggled to make himself speak, to continue.
Kurt watched the conflicting emotions crossing Pucks handsome face. "So your brother..?" he finally prompted
"I had him for the first year of his life. Mike helped me out a lot though, I didn't know shit about babies and he comes from a family of six." Puck expression was soft and Kurt was mesmerized at the change in his face. "Aidan was perfect, it sounds stupid now… but I used to just sit and count all his fingers and toes…constantly make sure he was okay."
Kurt could see it so well, a younger Puck holding a small infant in a room, cradling the child to his chest. "It doesn't sound stupid to me."
"Those days with Aidan were the closest I got to having a family. I watched him take his first steps, heard him say his first words. He was mine and mine alone." Puck hated this part. "Everything was great, I found a job at an army base and Aidan and I moved into our first house… but then… I met some one. I thought that she was the one."
"She?" Kurt struggled to control his jealousy as his mind conjured up visions of beautiful girls.
"Technically, I'm bi but I've always been more attracted to guys but Jenna…she was unlike anyone I'd ever met." His gaze turned hard. "I ended up having to give everything up for her."
"What do you mean?"
"Her dad was an appliance king. He owned a chain of electronic stores and thought that made him extremely important. Jenna was used to being pampered and getting her way. She was a selfish bitch." Puck gave a self depreciating laugh. "I was the only one who couldn't see it. Mike tried to warn me and I gave him a cracked rib for his trouble…and just to spite him after Jenna moved in, we went down to the courts and had her registered as a foster parent. It took months but all the paper work came through…"
"What happened to separate you from him?" Kurt's voice was a whisper he was afraid to speak any louder.
"Like I said, I gave up a huge part of my career to stay with Aidan, I was being monitored already and taking on a mission wouldn't look great to the courts. But then an ambassador went missing, he had really high political connections and it became imperative to rescue him. The base ordered me to go…I had no choice. I was stupid, I trusted Jenna…thought I was going to marry her when I got back. She swore to me, she swore she would take care of him. When the time came to ship out for a rescue mission I left Aidan with Jenna. When I came back, four months later, the court had revoked my custodial rights."
"What?" Kurt was shocked.
"Apparently, Jenna had gotten bored with playing 'mommy' and left Aidan at a police station. My mother had waltzed in, flashed her alcoholics anonymous ticket and the courts bought that crock of shit...better her than the absent Dad, right?" Kurt could see the pain in his grey eyes. "When I tried to see him, she wouldn't let me unless I brought her things. It started off small, she'd want groceries or clothes but then, when she found out I was special ops, she just started demanding money."
"Do…do you think she's hurting him?" Kurt questioned cautiously. "Maybe she just..."
"Maybe it was just me? I wish." Puck shook his head, clenching his fists. "Every time I see him he always has new bruises and she gives me some bullshit about boys being boys and running around. But I know…I've been there." Puck shuddered.
"How much money does she ask you for?"
"In the beginning she'd ask for a couple of hundred each visit." Puck answered. "The last time I saw her, before I took this job, I offered her 50,000 to sign over legal custody. When she said yes, I'd never been happier. Then she called me up two days after, wanted 75,000. Two weeks after that it was 100,000."
Kurt was appalled. "And today?"
"She called Mike, said she wanted 125,000 now." Puck's voice shook. "The amount just keeps getting higher. And she's playing me…and I know I'm letting her but god…I just miss him so much. I just want to make sure he's okay that he knows I love him. That I'm sorry."
"He does." Kurt assured him. "I'm sure he knows."
"He's four. All he knows is fear and pain and it's because of me." His voice broke. "My stupidity."
Kurt moved forward, enveloping Puck in his arms. It felt odd but good. Puck was usually the strong one, Kurt knew that the other man could easily snap his neck but he tempered his strength now and submitted to Kurt. Let himself be held. Kurt brought his fingers up to stroke Puck's neck.
Kurt could hear Puck talking, the sounds muffled against his neck.
"Puck?" Kurt drew back reluctantly, seeking Puck's eyes.
"Make it go away…I just want to feel something else…"
Kurt couldn't stop himself from shivering. He knew what Puck was talking about, knew what he meant when he asked Kurt to make to go away. Kurt wasn't sure what tonight had meant, at least what it had meant to Puck. For Kurt, hearing the final missing pieces of Puck's life had filled him with emotions. Listening to Puck speak had evoked fear, compassion, sadness and most strongly love, in him. Even if it was just one sided, and even if it was just for one night, it would be okay because Kurt loved him. While most people dreamed of expensive hotels and flowery words, all Kurt had ever wanted for his first time, was to be in love and he was.
Kurt rose to his feet, leaving the other man on his knees and Puck looked away; Kurt had rejected him. He didn't want to think about the irony of being left on his knees when he'd done the same to Kurt all those nights ago.
Puck looked up when Kurt made no movement to leave and saw the younger man's outstretched hand.
"Let's go to your room." Kurt said softly.
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'
Sooo, what do you think? Review?