Get Back Here, Dobe! Part Three: Pure Lolz
That lazy fool was right. Cloud-watching IS nice.
Naruto smiled, his eyes closed as he lay in the grass adorning a hillside just outside one of the less-used training grounds. There was practically nobody at all around, meaning the air was peaceful and silent instead of filled with the sounds of battle and shouting.
I could get used to this…the sun feels so nice…
And Naruto had the whole field to himself, nobody around to ruin-
"NARUTO-NICHAAAAAAAAAN!"
Konohamaru almost fell over laughing, the half-asleep blonde had jumped a good five and a half feet in the air, screaming little a little girl.
"Konohamaru!" complained Naruto, rubbing the spot on his head he had landed on at a painful angle. "What is it, can't you see I'm very busy…Konohamaru?"
He sighed at the rookie Genin rolling on the grass in fits of laughter.
"You…you screamed…hahaha…you looked so stupid!"
"Shut up, brat. Now what do you have to bug me about NOW?"
The blonde was quite surprised when the boy clambered to his feet with a wide grin.
"Naruto-niichan, Sakura sent me to come find you, she was so happy, she was on her way to go see-"
"Whoa, whoa. Slow down, kid. What's your point?"
Konohamaru's eyes practically lit up.
"He's back, Naruto-niichan!"
"Who? Kakashi from that mission?"
"No, you nimrod! It's Sasuke! Sasuke's back!"
"WHAT THE F-?!"
"No."
"Sasuke-kun, you have to! Otherwise you'll get swept up by some roving ANBU, and I can't do a thing to stop them!"
"I'll see them coming."
"Sasu-ku-u-un…"
He sighed, closing his eyes in an attempt to block out the pink-haired kunoichi's adorable puppy-eyes and pleading whine.
"If you put them on…I'll keep Naruto from killing you the first ten seconds you two are reunited."
Sasuke scoffed. "The dobe?"
"He's been working really hard, he might be able to take you…" Sakura mumbled, turning away so he wouldn't see the devious glitter in her eyes.
"No, he'll always be the dobe."
"You might LOSE, god-forbid."
"I might no-"
Click.
"There we go! See? That wasn't so bad!"
Sasuke only glared as Sakura clapped her hands in triumph, her distraction a success.
"Take them off."
"No can do."
She blinked in surprise when his top-security-shackled hands were thrust in front of her nose.
"Take. Them. Off."
"I can't! Only Tsunade can break you outta those babies."
She nearly busted a gut trying not to laugh as he glared, and began his silent Uchiha-sulk.
"Come on, it's only for a little bit…" she cooed. "Your wounded pride won't suffer that much from being forced to walk handcuffed through Konoha, now will it?"
"I hate you sometimes."
"I love you too, now let's go! We're going to be late!"
"NEJIIIIIII!"
The Hyuga nearly choked on his tea, spewing most of it out as a screeching Naruto practically barreled into him.
"What is it?" he demanded angrily, noticing Naruto's sense of extreme urgency.
"K-Konohamaru-told me-Teme-was-back-tell-me-is-he-I-asked-everyone-else-and-they-said-!"
Neji sighed in exasperation. "The Uchiha's been back for several hours. Last I saw of him he was being led by that Sakura girl to Tsunade-sama's offices. Quite an accomplishment, getting him all the way there in manacles."
"SHE WHAT?!"
"…And then Naruto and Hinata started going out, but Lee never did get over his crush on me, but he has been taking it easy lately, what with coming back from that mission in the Land of Lightning a few months ago…"
At any other time in his life, Sasuke wouldn't have completely hated having to make this forced march.
At Academy age, he would've just trotted along while Sakura would skip ahead, pointing to every little thing that caught her attention.
As a Genin, she would twiddle her fingers and blush, keeping in step behind him as he trudged along, his hand shoved deep in his pockets.
But now?
"…With Shikamaru, and ever since they've gotten along great, without…"
Chained up in freaking gigantic handcuffs. Forced to walk behind a babbling Sakura telling him about every single guy who'd asked her out in the past month (his jealousy meter was fit to burst, though he'd never say a word, just simmer quietly). And the worst part of it was, she jerked him along on the steel rope attached to the shackles like some kind of farm animal.
Oh, the shame. Oh, the people staring and the little children pointing. Oh, the inhumane treatment of his wounded ego.
And she was just going on, not a care in the world, as if he hadn't spent the past three and a half years hundreds of miles away in a damp, dark, underground CRYPT where the only real danger to its inhabitants was tripping over soggy snake-skins because God forbid he-who-likes-little-boys might clean up after himself once in a while. Really, all Sennin act like complete slobs.
"Well, here we are. See? That wasn't too awful now, was it?"
"I hate you so much right now."
"Ah, you'll get over it," she grinned, yanking him hands-first through the (possibly) most evil doorway on the face of the earth.
Oh, the shame.
"TEMEEEEEEE!"
The citizens of Konoha, used to Naruto's random shouts and screams, ignored him as he barreled down the cobbled streets at several hundred miles per hour.
"I'm gonna kill that worthless…TEMEEEE!"
"…And do you have any idea how many measures we took to get you to come back in the first place, I mean, I had to put up with your teammates whining about-"
"Your point?"
Tsunade glared as Sakura giggled, amused by her "captive" stopping the surprisingly sober Hokage in the middle of a rant.
"You're lucky you came back alive and with enough credit from ridding the world of two dangerous ninja, you brat. Otherwise I'd have you hung, drawn and quartered the moment you walked in here."
Both younger shinobi suppressed amusement at Tsunade's increasingly ridiculous rant.
"Unfortunately, the worst I can g-"
"TEMEEEEEEE!"
All three were startled as the doors to the Hokage office practically exploded open, the two ninja closest to the door only managing to sidestep just in time as a blond and orange blur's momentum took him straight into the front of the Hokage's desk.
"Naruto, what on earth do you think you're doing?!" shouted Tsunade, glaring angrily at the teenager whimpering about the jumbo-sized lump on his head from crashing headfirst into her desk.
"Baa-chan, I came to see if…"
Sapphire met obsidian.
"WHY YOU WORTHLESS TEME, I OUGHTA-!"
Naruto stopped talking, his eyes glued to the indeed-unreasonably-large handcuffs adorning his best friend's wrists. His line of vision slowly followed the rope tied to them, until he realized exactly who had the great Sasuke Uchiha on a leash.
"Heh…hee-hee-hee-ha-ha-ha-hee-ha!" he started giggling.
"Shut. Up."
"Whoa, teme! Not even back one whole day and she's got you already?"
"I'm warning you, dobe…"
"What'cha gonna do? Glare me to death? Oh my god, you're her manslave!"
Sakura kept a firm grip on her "leash" as Naruto rolled on the floor, howling with laughter. She glanced at Tsunade, and smiled at the Hokage's smirking nod.
"Oh man, the guys are going to love this! Wait 'till they hear about yo-"
Click.
The laughter stopped. Every drop of blood drained from Naruto's face as he watched his former teammate rub his wrists where the chains had chafed his skin, glaring pure death at him.
"Oh, sh-"
"DOBE!"
"GAAAAAAAAAH!"
Sakura and Tsunade burst out laughing as Naruto vanished, Sasuke soon after. Probably to chase each other all over Konoha just the way they used to, death threats and all.
"Oh, shishou…" said Sakura after managing to contain her giggles. "I missed those two trying to kill each other, I really did."
"I know, I know. Well, your boyfriend's back home, so you can stop moping around the hospital."
"Shishou, I don't mope! Oh my gosh, shishou! What about Sasuke? He'll get attacked by any shinobi who recognizes him! Shihsou?! We've got to do something!"
Tsunade waved a hand to silence her hyperventilating student.
"Relax, relax. I sent out an order about him, he'll be left alone."
"But shishou…when did you do have time to do that? I brought him in only a few minutes after I called you…"
Sakura grew uneasy at her teacher's evil smirk.
"Well you see, my dear pupil…those fools at the gate aren't complete idiots. And listening to him snore was pretty fun."
Tsunade barely held back her snort of laughter as her student's face paled almost exactly like Naruto's had done.
"Shishou…you mean…you…and he…and…"
"Yeah, I did. But some on, seeing you two snuggled up together like that was just too adorable! Now get going, you've got to kept those two from splattering each other. Dis-missed."
Sometimes…I just love my job.
THE END, 'TEBAYO! Hope you liked! Had fun writing it :)