John fidgeted aimlessly with the food on his plate, paying little attention to the conversation that was going on around the table. He was too preoccupied, mentally trying to calculate the time that had passed since he'd last checked his watch and he shifted awkwardly, trying to resit the urge to look again.

"Try to relax John." Teyla could feel the tension brewing across the table and did her best to reassure him, "we will know of their answer soon enough."

He nodded letting out a short breath. Elizabeth had been locked in Woolsey's office for nearly an hour deliberating with the IOA over a permanent position in Atlantis and while everyone was feeling the strain, he was fast reaching a point where it was starting to test his nerves.

"They won't send her back-" Ronon shoved a piece of steak in his mouth swallowing it down with a large gulp, "if they try, they're going to have to get through a lot of angry people."

John pushed his fork idly through the pile of chips in front of him. Just because there were members expedition who would protest the decision, it didn't necessarily mean the IOA would listen. After all, they'd shipped Colonel Carter back to earth without so much as a goodbye, an indication that whatever their agenda it wasn't in line with making friends.

He dropped his fork to the table in annoyance, "I just don't get what's taking so-"

"John."

Teyla directed her gaze over his shoulder and he turned, finding Elizabeth in the doorway. Her expression was unreadable giving nothing away and he took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she joined them. "How did it go?" he tensed, preparing for the worst as she lowered herself to the table.

"Seems I passed with flying colours..." Elizabeth let a smile breach her lips she reached across to steal one of John's fries, " apparently they feel they could use someone around with refined negotiating skills."

He closed his eyes fully absorbing the news. In all honesty he hadn't been expecting the turnout and the realisation that she was staying was nearly incomprehensible. "That's-" his breath caught in a wave of relief, "good, that's great."

Teyla pushed her plate aside regarding the women with her own pleased expression, "we knew they would eventually settle on the right decision. Had they not, they would have had a sufficient fight on their hands."

Elizabeth warmed under the comment, nodding her head slightly. The abundance of support from varying members of the expedition had come as a large surprise. Even though she didn't recognise half of them now, it was a testament to their character and the leaders that had take over in her absence. "Thank you Teyla, that means a great deal."

"Sheppard thought you were out-" Ronon continued to scoff down his meal, wincing as the Colonel gave him a sharp elbow to the ribs but the act was more amusing than it was painful and he smirked, burying his head in a forkfull of mashed potato.

John narrowed his gaze folding his arms defensively over his chest, "I didn't say that."

Elizabeth stole another of his fries raising an eyebrow, "what happened to being optimistic?" She smiled lightly, alerting him to the fact she was just teasing. Even though the outcome had been a positive one, she was well aware of how anxious he'd been over the decision.

John merely shrugged his shoulders in response, "well it's not like the IOA to actually make a right call for once. I mean come on, they let chewy stay..."

The large Satedan grunted something illegible and she bit back a smirk, finding herself in agreement with at least part of the comment. A few years ago the thought of an IOA member taking her job seemed ludicrous but after having some time to adjust to the idea, she'd found the situation had very much accommodated his role. "Mr. Woolsey put forward a strong recommendation on my behalf-" she tilted her head slightly, "he seems to have earned a fair amount of respect from both parties."

Ronon's gaze lifted from his plate briefly, "it's not going to get weird between the two of you right?"

A kick to his shin jolted the remaining food off his fork and he eyed the women opposite him sharply, "what?"

Teyla simply shook her head at his bluntness. They were all adjusting the development and it was clear by the way she fidgeted, Elizabeth had grown uncomfortable under the comment. Obviously she was still coming to terms with the ramification that although she was allowed to remain in Atlantis, her responsibilities and priorities no longer laid solely with the occupants of the city as they once had.

"It will certainly be an interesting adjustment-" Elizabeth admitted, toying absently with the edge of the table, "but it's more than I would've anticipated given the circumstances."

John sensed the subtle shift in her body language and caught her eye, cocking his head slightly, "you want to take a walk?"

She nodded, brushing the remnants of salt from her hands as she stood up. After they excused themselves, Teyla took the opportunity to set her gaze back on the large Satedan man who was finishing the last of his meal. "There are certain circumstances where a little tact is beneficial."

He grunted, pushing his now empty plate to one side, "I've never had much time for it personally."

Teyla let out a sigh, sensing it was a moot point. He was a man of few words reliant on impact and Elizabeth, she would eventually find her place with confidence. "Come on," she grasped his arm lightly, "I believe you agreed to help me look after Torren today..."

OO

OO

"You know he didn't mean anything by that?" John stuffed his hands loosely into his pockets as they crossed out onto the unfamiliar balcony. It was smaller than their usual spot, opening up from one of the more secluded corridors and it narrowed into a point overlooking the city. He liked the ocean view but it was a nice change of scenery and he relaxed against the banister.

Elizabeth stretched her fingers over the cool metal, bringing her shoulders into line with his, "I know, its just going to be different."

She took a moment to consider the change, both excited and a little saddened by the prospect. While it did open up doors for more active participation in gate travel and meeting new cultures, it also meant she no longer had control over decisions relating to the city. "For one, I can't order you around any more-" she nudged his shoulder lightly, warming under the glint that flickered through his gaze.

"Come on," he raised an eyebrow, "we both know I never really listened any way."

She smiled at the comment, casting her eyes back out over the city. It was true. There were many occasions she could recall him disobeying direct orders, putting his life at risk for her sake as well as Atlantis'... but back on the Replicator home world he'd proved something she had almost deemed him incapable of.

He'd trusted her.

"I never thanked you, not just for finding me but when I-" she swallowed hard, refusing to let herself choke on the words,"when I ordered you to leave, I know it wasn't an easy decision and I-"

"Elizabeth." He breathed in tightening his grip over the rail. No matter how she tried to justify it, the mission would always be an open wound and her attempt at reassurance was like adding salt to the mix. The best he could hope for was trying to forget and even then the pain was only ever dulled.

She frowned, closing her fingers over his ridged grip. When she'd given the order for him to leave she hadn't had time to think of the consequences or the fact he would harbour the guilt for years to come. Her primary objective had been to keep him... Atlantis safe, and it was only now she could see the lasting damage.

He had trusted her and she'd ripped his heart wide open.

"I never meant, I mean I didn't-" she faltered, sensing the words were bringing more pain than comfort. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

Her apology expanded in his chest and he bowed his head letting out a slow breath. Her fault/his fault, they could play that game until the cows came home but it wouldn't change what happened. All they could do was move forward and he shifted nervously, almost terrified by the prospect. "There's something I need to tell you-" he swallowed sharply, loosing the courage to continue and Elizabeth let her hand fall away, alert to the seriousness behind his tone.

"Okay-" she pressed gently, "what is it?"

"I..." parting his lips, he found the words stall before they could fully form. He'd never been good at talking, even less so when it came to emotions but this was important. He'd been given a chance to right the years of accumulative regret and just as McKay and Doctor Keller had discovered, there were certain advantages to no longer being under the same chain of command.

Elizabeth sensed his hesitation and turned her body to forcibly gain his attention. When When he finally reacted she was momentarily caught off guard by the intensity behind his eyes but whatever emotion they were trying to convey it was lost to her and she frowned, "John-" she questioned softly, "what is it, what's wrong?"

"These new circumstances, we're not... I mean-" he faltered, losing traction with the thought, "you and I, we aren't..." a frustrated sigh ended the ramble and he turned back to the city's view. In his mind the explanation formed perfectly but it disintegrated rapidly in translation, subconsciously held back by the fear of rejection. He wasn't an arrogant man but usually he didn't have this sort of problem with women, not after Nancy at least.

After their marriage had ended he'd committed himself the fact he just wasn't long-term material and with a history of brief flings to go by, the assessment had been proved accurate. If there was chemistry so be it, if not, that was fine too... all he had to do was follow the neatly contrived three box strategy system.

Never going to happen.

Possible sex.

Friend.

But Doctor Elizabeth Weir, against his own common sense, didn't fit solidly into any of those categories. She was one of his best friends and even though it should never happen, he wanted it to. She had become the exception to his fail-safe system.

"I want-"

More, was the word that hovered on his tongue but it seemed inadequate and he shifted hoping she would recognise at least part of what he was trying to convey but her expression remained blank and he sighed, "you know what, to hell with this-"

Elizabeth tried to take a step back as he moved but the small confinements saw her pressed against the side railing instead. Effectively trapped, she made no attempt to free herself from the situation as his mouth forcefully descended upon her, letting the kiss speak for his failed words. Somewhere in the back of her mind she rated the experience as exceeding expectation, confirming her suspicion that what he lacked in literary skills, he entirely made up for in other areas.

She'd caught a hint of it after being taken over by Pheebus but this was different. He'd been the one to act, initiating the move with concise control and there was no hesitation or holding back. This was John Sheppard in his element and as his thumb lightly traced the exposed skin beneath her shirt she shivered, failing to comprehend how he was capable of the action when she could barely find the concentration to remain standing.

John felt her tremble and discontinued the exploration, sliding his hand around and setting it against the small of her back. His body prickled from the contrast of heat radiating and the cool rush of air but didn't retract, spreading his fingers further along and enticing another shiver. The fact she hadn't protested his advance suggested she was either in shock, or agreement with his choice of expression and he hoped for the latter as he reluctantly forced his lips to break from the kiss.

"Elizabeth-" he found her glazed over expression breathlessly, too scared to enforce the smirk that he usually would have worn under such circumstances.

She swallowed, taking a moment to collect herself and reassess the situation but her mind lacked the necessary comprehension and a "Wow" was all she could manage, blushing furiously under his scrutinising gaze.

Satisfied she wasn't going to slap him or enforce any other unpleasant action, John released his grasp taking a step back. He hadn't planned the kiss, far from it actually... he'd merely wanted to raise the issue, start by slowly introducing the idea but as per usual his rash decision making skills had once again landed him in an awkward turnabout. "I'm sorry," he ran a hesitant hand through his hair, "I probably shouldn't have done that."

"Probably not-" she conceded, partly wishing the logical side of her brain had remained dormant, "but that's not to say it wasn't enjoyable or in the very least necessary. I did ask you what was wrong."

He breathed out, finding his previous place at the rail. Now that she knew what was going through his mind, he didn't see any option but to discuss it and that fact played nervously against his better judgement. If they couldn't sort something out, if she wasn't interested or ready... it would leave them in an uncomfortable position.

Elizabeth returned to his side, feeling a little overwhelmed but doing her best to understand his advance, "so that, this-" she indicated between them, "is the problem?"

He nodded silently, trying not to flinch as her body took up the vacant space by his shoulder. Her closeness was disarming and knowing her as well as his did, he had to wonder if the maneuver wasn't intentional, trying to throw him off balance so the answers would come more readily.

Elizabeth clasped her hands together, considering the unexpected situation. She had always cared for him, more than she'd deemed acceptable given their line of work but she couldn't help wondering whether his admittance was born from guilt over failing to keep her safe. As much as she hoped that wasn't the case if he was misplacing his emotion over her return then she couldn't allow herself to take advantage of those feelings. "How long have you-" she paused, choosing what she felt was the most appropriate term, "felt this way?"

"Oh, you know... quite a while now." He brushed the comment off casually, unprepared to admit it was from the second they'd stepped through the gate to Atlantis. Perhaps he hadn't realised at the time but looking back at everything they'd been through together the signs had always been there, he'd just been too preoccupied to notice.

Elizabeth frowned at the broad response. It didn't serve to deny or confirm any of her suspicions and she continued to push him gently, "you never said anything?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly a poster board for feelings." He retorted quickly, losing his focus over the city for a moment, "and things are different now, every body's comfortable... I mean, look at Teyla she has a kid now and even McKay's found time to date someone."

She winced, feeling the sting of his words. Even worse than a confused proposition was the possibility that he was just looking for someone to fill a void, "so you're lonely?"

"No, I'm not!" his hands curled in frustration, forcing himself to push out an explanation. He hated talking, being honest but this was one situation where it was unavoidable. "I like being alone-" he admitted reluctantly, "at the end of the day I don't need to worry about screwing up, hurting anyone and that's usually enough to keep me away from relationships but you-" he shook his head, letting the words slip free, "I've tried to tell myself a hundred times it would be better if I could just let it go and then, after we lost you... I thought it would get easier but It didn't, it hasn't-"

He closed his eyes, letting the breeze wash over his flushed features, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be saying this... it's too soon and I'm just-"

"John." Elizabeth interrupted his lead into another ramble, closing her fingers lightly over his shoulder. The doubt she'd been feeling was gone, replaced by a desire to ease his pain over the truthful words. Maybe his answer hadn't offered her the exact clarity she was looking for but he was trying, and that was enough to convince her. "I just wanted to be sure, that you wanted this for the right reasons... that's all. I wasn't saying no."

His gaze shot to her in surprise, "you weren't?"

She shook her head, smiling with amusement as she slid her hand down his arm. She wanted this and as he'd pointed out, there was no reason why they couldn't. After everything she'd been through she didn't feel a little happiness was undeserved.

John took a moment to relax under her touch, letting the full weight of her words sink in. "You're sure about this?" he questioned hesitantly, needing the confirmation. He wasn't a man that did things by half and if she was serious about them, it wouldn't just be some fling.

Taking a leaf out of his book Elizabeth found his lips in answer.

She had never been more sure about anything in her life. Whatever Atlantis had to offer her now, however challenging her new role would be... she was going to enter it safe in the knowledge that they could adjust, together.