Effie wasn't happy with the grounding, but it wasn't Tony's fault. It was just circumstantial, really. Neither her or Cook knew that the beach was private property. But for one thing she was glad- Tony didn't take away the cellphone, so when he ran an errand, she quickly let Cook in and let him into her room. "How's Prison?" He asked, flopping onto her bed, soon followed by her.

"Not too bad. Just can't go anywhere." She flashed her anklet.

"Ah," Cook replied, propping himself up on his elbow. Cook was off the scene just as soon as he saw the headlights. He didn't check for her. He just left her. And that bothered her. Tony made a couple comments about it, but she shrugged him off, told him it wasn't that bad.

"Effie," Tony had said, "I wasn't that bad in my heydey. I would've at least come and gotten you."

But still, he was here, he smelled like Axe cologne, and he was so sweet to her. And he was such a good kisser. She enjoyed him that way, laying on her bed and letting him come ontop of her. That is, until they failed to hear Tony walking into the house, and opening the bedroom door to find them both half-declothed. "Cook, leave." He just crossed his arms, made sure Cook left, then turned around as Effie got her clothes back on. Effie just glared at her brother.

"Really Effie?" He turned and walked into the living room. She could feel the lecture coming on. She could also sense that she wasn't going to get out of it, so she followed him, sat on the couch, and stared at Tony's bible sitting on the coffee table.

"Effie, Mom let you live with me because SHE couldn't deal with all of this."

"All of what?" Effie reached into her pocket and grabbed her cigarette pack, which he grabbed from her.

"No smoking in the apartment, you've known this."

"Oh." She ignored him. "You mean the sluttiness, the craziness…"

"The drinking, the drugs, the not coming home for days at a time. Yes. Effie. I mean that."

Effie just gave him a smirk.

"You can't fool me Effie. Stop pretending."

"So…let's hear it. What are you going to do? Kick me out? I mean, I'll just go to Cook's, and we'll do lots of drinking and drugging. And," she got up, levelling with him before walking to the kitchen. "I'll be a bad little slut and let him do whatever he wants to me."

Tony shook his head and bit his lip, turning around. "Don't call yourself a slut."

"Why? You would. You probably talk to your church group at your little prayer meetings about what a little slut your little sister is." Tony was hurt by that. She could tell. He just crossed his arms and looked down aside from her.

"I've never called you a slut, Effie. And stop changing the subject. No, I'm not going to kick you out. Besides, you can't go anywhere for another day. But…"

"So, kick me out tomorrow."

"I am sending you to church camp."

She whipped around. "No fucking way. No way. No! This is your worst idea since the hospital!"

He didn't really respond emotionally, but she could tell her comment actually hurt him at that point. "Tony, please say you're joking? I'm sorry for what I said, really. I am. I won't have Cook over anymore, I won't drink anymore….I…please!"

He just shook his head. "You're going, deposit's paid, your counselor agrees."

She realized she wasn't going to convince him, so she just stood there.

"Oh, and it was either that or another week with the ankle bracelet." With that he stopped talking, quietly made himself a sandwich while she stood there looking at him, and then casually walked off to his room as if nothing was wrong, slamming the door behind him.

Church Camp. Great. Well, she reckoned, at least it would only be a week.

Cassie ran her finger across Sid's fried back. "You didn't put on any sunscreen?" He looked back at her with a grin.

"Well, I did. But then you..uh…forced me into the shower with you, and it all came off."

She laughed, and laid on her stomach next to him. They both watched the kids playing in the surf, jumping ontop of every wave, some of them getting swallowed up, then picked out of the water by their parents.

"So, before all of this happened," she slipped her hand into his, "my mom called me with some news."

He flipped over onto his back. He was, indeed, getting sunburnt. Tonight wasn't going to be fun. She made a mental note to pick up aloe vera tonight. Her husband was wonderful, but he wasn't one for taking pain, and he'd probably be shedding tears.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"She…uh..she thinks they're going to put her in hospital."

He looked over at her, shielding his eyes from the sun with his free arm.

"Yeah. This new boyfriend she has isn't so much into the drinking thing. So. She asked me to take Benjamin."

"Oh…What'd you say?"

"That it depended on what you thought."

"Well..I mean…how long?" He really didn't know how not to offend her with this. He was horrible with kids, and found them annoying in general.

"Anywhere from a month to six months? This is all if I don't go inpatient with treatment. Which I don't think I will."

Six months. Six. Months.

"She doesn't want them taken away, and she'd pay us for all of his stuff, and everything…"

He looked over at her. Yes, he really didn't relish the thought of sharing their house with a whiny five year old obsessed with dinosaurs. Benjamin loved him, too. He was like a really, really, clumsy magnet.

"Do you want to?"

She nodded. "I love taking care of him, Sid."

That was true, too. She loved kids, and she just lit up whenever he was around. He'd be at school during the day. This would, of course, mean they wouldn't be able to stay in New York, but there would be some day treatment available. They could make it work. They could do it.

"Yeah, we can do it."

She squealed, and he could see the sparks going off inside her. He sat up and kissed her. He slid his hand in his pocket, and felt the ring. He had completely forgotten it was there. He kept it in his pocket every day, just to keep it near him. But now seemed the right moment.

Well, maybe in a minute. He kept kissing her, lured her into laying down next to him, cuddling with him. And they just enjoyed the afternoon together. Until the moment was perfect.

"You give better head than Michelle." Well, he could've been more tactful. He had started to take the ring out of his pocket, but since there was silence, he just slipped it back in. Not the right time. Damage control.

"Yeah?"

He turned toward her. "Yeah."

"Why? She is the lipstick party princess." She wasn't smiling. He had screwed it up.

"That's exactly it. She was like a…porn star. Felt good, but it wasn't the stuff of intimacy, you know? I love you, Cassie. And I know that you love me. I can feel it when we have sex."

"I can't." She looked away from him.

This was true. Maybe because, lately, he'd been a horrible husband in the bedroom department. Thinking of Michelle most of the time. Not that Cassie didn't have enough to offer. Of course she did. With the exception of the sex they were having on this vacation, he'd been horrible to her.

The breeze shifted some hair onto her face, and he reached across and tucked it into her hair.

"What don't I have, then?" She was angry this time. She got up, and he could see the tears in her eyes. He got up too, and she folded the towel up and started walking toward the hotel. He didn't say anything, not wanting to start a scene. Nothing.

There was nothing she didn't have. It wasn't her. Not until she started losing weight. He felt like a horrible person even admitting to himself that he got hard easier thinking about Michelle than about Cassie. She turned toward him as soon as they got to their hotel room, and he sat on the bed.

"You have everything, Cassie."

"Really? Because I've been trying. The lingerie, the candles, the dieting…"

He looked up. "The dieting? Really, Cassie? That's what this was about?"

"I just thought that if I got skinny I'd look more like…"

"a porn star?"

Both of them were silent for a minute on that one.

"And it didn't work!" She threw her shoe at the wall.

"No, Cassie, that wasn't…"

"What is it? What MORE could I have done to be more sexually desirable to you?"

He wasn't even thinking here. He just wanted her to calm down. "Eat." In reply she slapped him. They just looked at each other for a minute.

"I'm…uh..I'm going to the pool." She looked down from him and left without her key.

He fell back on the bed. "FUCK, Sid. Good going." He got out the ring and held it up to the light. He was being honest, at least. Just not tactful.

When he could see and feel her bones, it did kill the mood, because she had low energy, she was pale and sweaty. And he started to wonder when she was going to faint, if she was eating anything at all, et cetera. In short? Not something he needed to be thinking about during sex. Plenty of their fights started that way. She was expecting arousal out of him.

He owed it to her. So he'd just turn his face to the side, bite his lip and…think about the last time he touched Michelle.

He had to change, though. Whatever it took, he had to be a better husband to her. He hated it when she nagged him about Michelle, but it wasn't totally irrational of her to do so. He wasn't cheating on her, and he wasn't going to leave her. But if Cassie deserved one thing, it was to be the one person he desired. So he got on his knees and bowed his head.

Whenever he prayed, he always did that. Even though it wasn't cool. His dad used to pray with him at bedtime when he was little, and when he got saved, it felt like he was acknowledging his dad by doing this. And maybe his dad was in heaven going, 'That's my son!' Plus, it helped him concentrate. Simply bowing his head, it was too easy for him to think about the World Cup, or what to make for dinner that night.

On his knees or on his face, though, he remembered to pray. He admitted his guilt, and he felt it in full. He said he was sorry, and he promised to be devoted to Cassie, and only Cassie this time. Then it came – small and quiet. 'Tell her what you just told Me.' God never talked to him in a voice.

He doubted that God talked to anybody in an audible voice. You just…knew it, though. He thought Christians were crazy for most of his life because they were always saying 'God TOLD me to do this!" Then, when he and Cassie fell in love, like, really in love, he wrecked both of them, so they were on their faces. And then he showed them what it meant to have God 'tell them to do something.' He just wanted to rest in His presence but he felt that nudge.

It wouldn't feel okay until he apologized to Cassie. He got both room keys, put another shirt on, and got Cassie's book and towel for her. He walked down, and she was swimming back and forth vigorously. A stab of guilt hit him when he realized what he said did damage. He took off his shoes and dipped his feet in after setting her stuff on a lawn chair, draping the towel over the chair like Cassie liked it.

She noticed his feet, so swam up to him, pulling her hair back. He reached into his pocket -for whatever reason he still had one of her scrunchies in there. He extended it to her, and she smiled as she took it. "Thank you."

"Uh, my sunburn is starting to hurt, so I'm going out to pick up some Aloe Vera. Need anything?"

"Tampons."

"Got it."

She dipped underwater again and laid back in the water. Her ribs were still showing, and it gave him chills. How did he tell her that without her taking it as 'you're unfuckable', though?

"Well, I left your key."

She didn't respond, so he got up. "Love you, Cassie. I'll be back soon." She waved, turned around and watched him walk out. God, he was beautiful. There wasn't a day she wasn't thankful for her husband. For him picking her. For him not leaving her, even when she wasn't eating.

She wanted to fall at his feet, and apologize for not recovering. For starting again. She was afraid that, even though Sid promised he wasn't going to leave, he was tired of her. Surely he was tired her. That's why he thought of Michelle during sex, right? When they were moving from Bristol to New York, she found an old picture of Michelle in his bedside drawer.

They weren't having sex at the time, so it didn't take long for her to figure out what was going on. She was mad at herself for being jealous. Well, at least he's not out fucking her, right? And she hadn't been sexy in a while. She didn't blame him for not finding her sexy. She really didn't deserve him, anyhow, so it couldn't hurt too much.

At least he was getting fulfilled. But it bothered her still. She wanted to know how much he wanted to be with Michelle.

She got up out of the pool and noticed he put the towel exactly the way she liked it. She smiled, and lay down on the chair, picking up the book. Inside was a note from a month ago.

Cassie

I didn't want to wake you. You are amazing, and you always look like you're doing a pirouette when you sleep. It's cute. I'm on a run.

p.s.

it was you. don't doubt that. it was always you, and it always will be you. I was a dense sixteen year old, and I don't seem to have changed much. I get that. But It's still you. And I'm the luckiest, most undeserving man in the world.

Loverface.

p.p.s.

I'm glad I took my dad's advice. He was right. You are special.

be back soon,

the sexy man drenched in sweat and gasping for air who loves the girl currently laying in his bed and who writes really cheesy love notes.

Cassie giggled. She'd forgotten about that. They'd taken to writing each other love notes, leaving them in random places at unexpected times. In his car, in the mailbox, in a big huge UPS package. Under pillows. Taped to the wall.

Anywhere where it would catch the other one off guard. Neither of them had done that since they moved back to Bristol. Plenty of sex. No love notes.

Sid spent a while in the jewelry shop, staring at each ring. The salesperson was getting annoyed, but he didn't care. This one had to be special. It had to matter. He couldn't just get the cheapest one. It had to say something about Cassie.

He found one after an hour of strolling through the glass cases. One white diamond band, followed by one gold band encrusted with diamonds, followed by one with rubies. The salesman talked about the quality of the ruby and how many karats the diamonds all had in them, and that it was the first fair-trade diamond of it's kind, so the price was worth it, and Sid just kept nodding and looking at it. "I'll take it," he muttered. The salesman was shocked and gleeful.

And then he figured out why he had gotten THAT big of a bonus, and THAT good of a commission. That one. That was the one. He then went and got all of the basic stuff, some tampons, some aloe vera. The sun-burn was actually beginning to sting now. He'd listen to her tomorrow.

Cassie decided to go out as well. That letter made her nostalgic for when they first got married, when they had such perfect communication. Even if they weren't happy they were always, always talking or writing. So, she went and picked out a journal. When either of them was away, they'd mail it back and forth. She'd send it with him to work.

They'd write to each other. They'd write love notes again, they'd write things they'd always keep to themselves, but hope that someone would find someday, maybe a grandchild, and spend time reading it and sharing it. Maybe if one of them lost their memory they'd look through it together. Whatever it was, they'd make it special.

Effie wasn't talking to Tony. He sensed that it was church camp, but he didn't want to send her off thinking she couldn't write him. Later that night he had dropped the news on her that it was a three week camp. She'd freaked out, punched a whole in the wall. He was the worst brother ever, she said. She hated him.

She was just going to run away. She'd show him. She'd move away when she got back. She'd meet a boy there and move away. He had just nodded, and went to his room, while Effie had stood outside his locked door, crying, punching the wall and screaming at him. He would've been pissed off too if he was her, so he couldn't blame her for that one.

He knew that she would probably be texting Cooke about how she was going to leave and would he come pick her up, please, take her away. While she screamed curses at him he just knelt, then lay prostrate, and started to cry. He felt horrible. He wanted for her to be happy. But nothing was going to change the way it was. She might hate him forever.

He was genuinely scared of that likelihood. So he asked God not to turn her away from him, to instead turn her around during camp, and bring her back. To him. In the car on the way to get her ankle bracelet off, she was cold and silent. What was worse, her bag was packed, and she probably felt like he was glad to get rid of her, when the opposite was true. "Can I at least say goodbye to Cook?" She was hoarse from the screaming last night. Tony sighed.

"I don't think so, Effie…" but he was waiting at the station outside the door. Clever. So he got out and leaned on the hood of his old mini cooper while she ran into Cook's arms. They just stood there ,whispering things, until Tony clapped. "OK, Eff. Time to go in. Later, Cook."

Cook nodded, Effie glared, and Tony walked Effie in. After it was off, she didn't look happy for her freedom. In the car, he asked her why, and she looked at him like he had snot all over his face.

"Because I'm not really free, you bumbling idiot. You're shipping me off to camp, and I won't be able to do anything there. Won't be much different from wearing the damn ankle bracelet."

"What do you say to sushi before you head out? Then we'll go get Starbucks." She shrugged. She softened up as they ate the Sushi. They got it to go and ate it in the park. Neither of them said anything. They just ate.

Tony was losing hope that she'd stop hating him before he drove her out to camp, but as they were walking back to the car, she tackled him with a big hug. He smiled down at her and squeezed her. "Look at it as a break, Effie. Relax, have fun. The three weeks will go by faster than you know." She wiped tears away from her face as she pulled away, nodded.

She got in the car and waited. Secretly, she was sort of looking forward to it. Not that having Jesus shoved down her throat looked fun or anything. And she wasn't looking forward to the judgy church kids who she'd have to bunk with, some of whom probably went to school with her and would just stare at her, whisper 'cow' and 'slut' behind her back, amidst giggles. Just for fun, she might prove them right by finding a cute camp counselor to fuck at night while they all slept. Maybe she could make the most of this.

On the way to camp, she actually looked less somber sipping a caramel macchiato. Tony's mom never let her drink caffeine, not that she obeyed him, it seemed to make her happy that he let up on her this once. They got to the church where the bus was, and they sat there for a minute. "Sure you won't reconsider?" Tony nodded.

"Too late now, Effers."

She got out of the car, slamming the door shut.

Tony got her bag, and followed her out. He nodded at the youth pastor who smiled at Effie, said hi to her. Effie glared at him and got on the bus, sat in the front. Sure enough, most of the girls stared and whispered. Great. This was going to be fun.

She rolled her eyes at Tony through the window. He smirked back at her, talking to the youth pastor. Another girl got up into the bus right then, and, without asking, sat beside her. Great. Preaching the gospel to me early, are ya? Effie thought, and put her headphones on, cranking it up and continued to stare at Tony.

"Thank you for taking her this session, Mark," Tony said, shaking his hand. Mark laughed.

"You act like she's a beast of burden, Tony. Lighten up. We'll be fine."

"Well, she hasn't been easy lately."

"She'll be fine. She'll hear the gospel. Contrary to what it looks like, there are some nice girls who aren't scared of her on the bus." Tony peered in to see someone sitting next to her.

"That's Olivia. She's such a sweetheart. She doesn't get along with the popular girls either. I have a feeling Effie will like her."

Tony nodded. "If she gets too wild, will you have her call me? You have my number."

"Tony there's not alcohol there. But yes. If she needs you, I will have her call you."

"Thanks." He was blindsided. Effie had run off the bus and tackled him again, hiding her head."Whoa there, kid. It's okay." He nodded at Mark as he rubbed Effie's back.

"We'll be waiting for you, Effie. Few more minutes."

"Come on, Eff. You can do this. It'll go by fast." She nodded, looked up at him.

"Thank you," she whispered. And just like that, she was on the bus again, next to Olivia. She put on her headphones and looked out the window. He watched the bus leave, and waved to Effie.

Some of the meaner girls giggled and before she turned the music up she could hear some snide remarks about how fun Effie was going to be, what a slut she was. "I'm Olivia," the girl next to her smiled and said. She was pretty simple, long red hair braided in pigtails, jeanskirt and tights, and a black t-shirt. She had her hand extended. But Effie just glared at her, and looked away again. No fucking way.

Sid called his mom when he got back to the hotel.

"Sidney! How is the trip?"

"Great, Mom- I can't thank you enough."

"Don't thank me. I wanted to do it."

"I know. Hey, I need to tell you something."

"Mhmmmhmm?"

"I want to have a wedding ceremony with Cassie. I want to have us get married again."

"Have you asked her?"

"I'm about to. I spent A LOT of money just now on a proposal ring."

"Where's her previous engagement ring," Elizabeth laughed, "and her wedding ring?"

"She wears the engagement ring on a necklace usually, but it's in her jewelry box at home. And during a fight recently she threw the wedding ring at me, and it's in my pocket."

"What did you do, Sid?"

"Nothing. I…I haven't been a good husband to her. I didn't cheat on her."

"Good. I know Michelle moved back to Bristol soon after you did, and I was suspicious."

"I know. And, no. I wouldn't ever do that to Cassie. But I haven't been very good to her, regardless. But I repented, and God told me to apologize to her like I did to Him."

"See, I knew God was going to do something on this trip. I just knew."

Sid chuckled. "Her Mom's going to hospital, and we're taking Benjamin for a few months, and I wondered if you'd want to help plan the ceremony? You know, contingent on her saying yes."

"Can you handle a kid? Can she? And of course I'm going to help her."

"If she says yes. I've been pretty horrible to her. And, I don't know if I can, but I'm going to try, because she really, really wants this."

"You don't know how much that girl loves you, Sidney. She will say yes. Are you nervous? What are you going to do?"

Sid leaned back on the cushioned lobby couch and yawned. "I don't have anything too special planned, you know. Just tell her. I'm too nervous to do anything grandiose. I'll take her out to dinner after, though."

"Text me to tell me how it goes, darling. And I love you."

"Love you too."

With that he got up, stretched, and walked upstairs to the room. She was taking a bath when he came in, he could hear the faint swish of the water. He knocked and came in. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. Luckily, the bath was seperated from the mirror and sink, so he could mentally prepare himself for a minute.

He fingered the old ring, and the new ring in his pocket, and that gave him a surge of confidence. Yes, he could do it. He walked in to the smaller bathroom, where she was sitting. She hadn't even gotten her hair wet.

She was just sitting. He sat on the edge, leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Can I join you?" She nodded. He took off his shirt first, then, carefully, his pants. She was looking at him weird- he was the throw the clothes around the room type.

He grinned. He then did away with his boxers and sat in the tub with her a bit too eagerly. He winced, and she giggled. He hadn't considered how hot water would feel on burnt skin.

"Oh funny, is it?" He smirked at her and scooted closer to her and kissed her."I'm sorry, Cassie. I really am."

"That's okay, Sid," she said quietly, looking down. He met her eyes.

"No it's not. I haven't been a good husband to you since, well…we got married."

"That's not true. We were so happy in the beginning. Did you plant that note in my book?" She slid her hands into his.

"Guilty." The water was fogging up his glasses, so he took those off, set them ontop of his pants.

She smiled. "Sexy sweat drenched man."

He laughed. "I was horrible at writing notes back then."

"I liked it. It was charming."

He looked up into her eyes. He would have to start doing that again. He wasn't sure why they stopped. But it was clear she was charmed by them.

"I'm sorry for not getting better, Sid."

"Oh, honey, no." He took her hands firmly into his and got closer to her. "No. Don't think I'm angry at you for that." He kissed her cheeks as tears started running down them. "I'm scared. Not angry."

"I know but I shouldn't be so selfish about this!"

He rubbed her shoulders, pulled her so close to him that she just leaned into him. "You aren't, baby. You aren't. I'm sorry I was so harsh."

"Food was so expensive and I felt you slipping away and I just thought…"

Sid closed his eyes, remembering yelling at her because food was getting so expensive. It was never her fault, and damn him for being so insensitive, not knowing it would trigger this happening.

"I'm never gonna leave you, Cass. No matter what. I'm not slipping away. We're strained. But I meant it when I said for worse." She started crying harder, so he rocked her and held her.

"I know you're trying hard, Cassie. It just scares me to see you like this and know I can't do anything to make it better."

"I..it's not because of you…"

"I know. It isn't even slightly because of Michelle?" She pulled away a bit.

"Well, I mean..yeah. I found her picture in your drawer while we were moving…"

He cursed internally. So that's where that went. He'd been kind of pissed upon finding it missing, then guilty. He wasn't about to ask if Cassie took it.

"Cassie I…"

"I mean I don't blame you I"

He took his hand from hers and put a finger on her lips.

"I was being horrible, Cassie. I was thinking about her, when I should've been thinking of you. I'm not worthy of the affection you treat me with, and I'm not worthy of your forgiveness. And it's okay if you don't want to forgive me. I deserve that. Frankly, I don't deserve you.

I know that. But I am truly sorry. I'm going to put you back in your place, where you belong – the only one I desire."

She touched the side of his face while he talked. He saw the sting when he admitted to thinking about Michelle all this time. And he saw her soften. She nodded. "I'm trying, Sid." He bit his lip. "I love you, and I'm trying to see past that. But it's hard to compete with her."

He started crying this time. "It's always been you – you've always been number one for me, Cassie."

"Was it when I started to lose weight?"

He nodded, ashamed. When he looked up at her she looked scared. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm not leaving you because of your eating disorder, Cassie."

"But it's…"

"Along with me being a dick of a husband, yeah. It didn't help. But again. You didn't deserve that." She put her head in her hands and he wrapped his legs around her, holding her secure. She leaned into him, putting his head right on his heart. It's one of the sweetest things she liked to do. He took the opportunity and leaned over, and, first, picked out her wedding ring.

"Cassie, look up."

She did, and wiped her tears when she saw him holding the ring. "Oh, Sid…"

"You don't have to forgive me. Now, or ever. You really don't. But please give me a chance to prove to you that I'm going to try to be the husband you deserve. I promise, with this ring, that I will try." She nodded, held her hand out to him. He slid the ring onto her finger.

"I promise to give my all in treatment. I promise to stop throwing your food away." He laughed at how silly that sounded.

"I promise to think before I say things a little more often. I promise to learn everything I can about eating disorders. I promise to try while we're in therapy. I promise to stop looking at the wall during sex." Then she laughed at how silly he sounded, leaned over and kissed him. He kissed back.

"Now…I don't know how to ask this." Cassie stared at him questioningly.

"Marry me. Again. This time in a beautiful ceremony with all of our friends and family." He reached for the ring box, and opened it swiftly. "Let's start this over, Cassie. Let's get married again." Her jaw dropped open.

"Sid how did you-"

He just smiled at her. She squealed and nodded, nearly knocking him over with the force of the hug, and the kiss. He smiled and slid the three thin bands onto her ring finger with the other diamond ring. She giggled. He was arranging them all wrong and they looked incredibly awkward. But she would deal with that later. She put the box down on the ground, and kissed him, pulling him back into the water with a force that splashed water all over the bathroom floor.