Effie knew morning would come early, but the girls in her cabin were crazy. Before the lights were even turned on, they were up, scuttling about, giggling even. She peeked her head out of her sleeping bag and glared at one of them, and she glared right back, then went back to giggling. Effie looked over at Michelle, who was out cold. Might as well get up, she reasoned. She got her shower stuff together, and then one of the girls told her she'd have to hurry if she was going to get a shower in.
Jeez. The girls here were insane. So she went and took a quick shower. She still hated it here, didn't like Tony for sending her here, but she loved the invigorating feeling she got stepping out into the wilderness at 5am after a hot shower. Michelle sat by her again at breakfast, but so did Olivia. Just as bright and cheery as ever, unphased by Effie's less than positive attitude toward her. Something was up with this girl. "How'd you sleep last night, Effie?" Annoyingly bubbly.
"Uh. Good. I was tired. You?"
"Just great. I love coming here. It's like…paradise out here. The way a morning feels here…"
Effie smiled. That was true. She hadn't felt that peaceful in a long time. "Today's going to rock," Michelle piped up.
"Ohyeah? What's planned?" Olivia tapped on the table.
"Well I know there's some sort of hike, and a football tournament." Olivia lit up at the mention of football.
"OOhh! My team won last year!"
"Which one was it?" Michelle smirked.
"Angel wings, I think."
"Oh. Well. We'll see, this year. You going to play, Effie?"
Effie shook her head. "I'm not one for sports, or athletics in general."
"Oh come on, Effie at least try it. It's going to be awesome!" Olivia enthusiastically begged. She reminded Effie of Pandora, how eager she was to be her friend. She didn't treat Pandora well by any measure.
"Come on, Eff. Try it at least. I think you'll like it," Michelle encouraged.
Effie shrugged. "I'll think about it."
But she thought it might be fun, so she slipped over to the sign-up table after breakfast and put in for it.
Everyone got all excited about the game. She didn't see why. It was just football. Nothing too exciting about it. You just run and kick a ball, hope to get it past the goalie. I mean, if it were a real game, on real times, it would make sense. Then, right before the game, the one of the counselors announced that the winning team of the tournament doesn't have to do their chores for a whole week. Oh, so that's why they got all excited.
Sid sat on their bed and sighed. It was raining outside, but it least it wasn't cold. Still, a stark contrast from Florida. He lay back on the bed, beside their suitcases, and yawned. Cassie walked in. He looked pitiful. She sat down on the bed by him.
"My dad's coming by today," she picked at a hole in her jeans.
"Oh yeah? You haven't talked to him since you were a kid."
Cassie nodded. "Yep, he'll be over sometime tonight when you're at work."
"You're being really casual about this, Cassie. Are you sure it's okay with you?" Cassie got up, primped a little bit in the vanity mirror. "Cause you know, you don't have to see him if you think it's too much for you."
"It's not too much for me. He's my dad. I love him."
"He left you when he was 12, and he abused you quite a bit before that, Cass." Sid sat up. "I know you – I know this has to be freaking you out."
"Even if it was, I'm safe. I mean, you'll be home from work after, and we'll process it then. He's not going to do anything to me."
"Do you want me to call in sick? I don't want to leave him here with you if you think he's going to hurt you."
She turned around, sat on the bed in between his legs and leaned on him, head on his shoulder. "You don't have to, Sid."
"I'll at least have my phone, though, and I'll get out of there if you need me to," he said into her hair. No matter what, her hair always smelled like she'd been at a fancy salon.
Sid looked at Cassie's watch and groaned. She turned slightly and kissed him. "You better go, you'll be late."
Sid didn't want to, both because he was feeling pretty lazy, and he had a bad feeling about leaving his wife with her former abuser. But he did, he leaned down and kissed Cassie one more time, reminded her that he had his phone, and went to work.
Michelle, Olivia and Effie lay in the grass, giggling and pointing out shapes in the clouds. She looked over at Effie. Finally, a weight had lifted off that girl, and Effie looked delighted. And Olivia was finally breaking through into her. She could be overbearing at times with her eagerness to have friends, and it got her heart. But Effie and Olivia seemed to fit together, and for once, Eff wasn't fighting it. They heard the lunchtime bell, and groaned as they got up, leaving the comfort of the grass behind.
Olivia started off running, shouting behind her, "LOSER TAKES ALL THREE OF THE TRAYS TO THE TRASHHH…." Effie grinned, but hung back with Michelle, who put her arm around her shoulder.
"So, what do you think so far?" Effie shrugged.
"Have to admit it doesn't suck as much as I thought it would."
"Yeah it's a pretty cool place."
Cassie was nervous, and she kept getting her phone out to tell Sid to come home, she needed him, but she stopped herself. No, she could do this. She needed to be an adult about this. Maybe he'd changed, or maybe he was right, she was exaggerating all of this.
That's what he'd always told her, when she'd been so angry at him, and she started to believe it. She didn't tell Sid that they'd been writing letters back and forth, and he'd been so sweet, wanting to get back into her life. Cassie didn't tell him much, she didn't even tell him that she was married. She just…invited him over. She wanted to see him again.
She needed to see him again. To at least face him. The memories had started to fade, and sometimes she thought she was lying to herself, exaggerating things to get attention while she was in school. She was a little brat like that. He knocked on the door, she opened it, and they both just stood there for a while.
"Cassie, why, you're…beautiful!" He embraced her right away, but she wasn't so quick to hug back. He had to tell himself it'd been so long, she'd warm back up to him. She'd give him another chance, and he wouldn't fuck up again. He had casserole to eat, and he brought it as a peace offering. She smiled at him, and he closed the door. They ate together cordially, but Cassie was uncomfortable.
The casserole was hard to eat. She wasn't worried about the calories, it was just that whenever she was nervous, it was literally hard for her to get food down in her stomach.
"So, this is a nice place. Where are you working that you can afford this?" They'd eaten most of their dinner and she got up and put their plates in the kitchen sink.
"Oh, I'm uh…I'm not working right now."
He looked confused.
"I uh, should've told you earlier, but I got married. Nearly a year ago." She extended her hand, her wedding ring. It occurred to her that she didn't have the old engagement ring necklace on. She would do that tonight. He didn't say anything for a while. She didn't want to break the silence.
"Aren't you a little young to get married?"
"Well, uh…we're doing alright."
"Are you? You're looking too thin. Are you still puking your guts out?"
The bluntness stung her. Even worse, the fact that she wasn't fooling him all these years, he just didn't say anything.
"No. No I'm not."
"So who'd you marry?"
"Sidney Jenkins." Her dad scoffed.
"That pathetic little-"
"Stop. He's my husband. This is our house. Stop saying bad things about him."
"It's not a house, little lady. It's an apartment. He can't even provide a house for you? No. That won't do." He started to storm out but knocked over the porcelain cross they had on their wall, and he looked down at it."What the heck was that?"
Cassie just stared at them. It was Elizabeth's wedding gift to them, and now it was on the floor in a million little pieces.
"Answer me," he said through gritted teeth.
"It was a wedding gift," she said quietly, holding back tears. This wasn't going how she planned it at all. She'd planned to have a nice dinner with him, some talking, maybe. Not this. She needed him out. She needed Sid home.
She looked up at the clock. Two more hours. Looking back at her dad, she saw that flare in his eyes. This wasn't good.
"You didn't even TELL me you were getting married, and now you're doing this holy roller mumbo-jumbo, thinking you're better than everyone else? What did you invite me here for, even? To tell me what a horrible father I've been? You know what? I worked HARD for you. I gave you everything, even after your mom kicked me out."
Cassie felt like slipping through the walls. She crossed her arms and fought crying. As soon as he saw she was crying, he would just get pissed.
"You little slut," he muttered. That was enough.
"Don't you dare. Don't you dare call me a slut. Get out, Dad."
"Don't tell me what to do, little lady. Sure, you probably think that I ruined your life, but God forbid you take any fucking shred of responsibility for it!" He was shouting now, punching the walls.
Sid kept getting a bad feeling, so he asked his manager if he could leave early. Thankfully, he was given permission, so he rushed home. And his fears were confirmed when he ran down the hallway and could hear banging on the walls and yelling. Oh, please let that be our neighbors. Please don't let him be hurting Cassie.
Sid walked in to find Cassie looking at the ground, her dad yelling at her. He looked up at him as soon as he came in.
"Tell her. You need to order her to get some shred of responsibility in your life. Take charge, son, or she'll get unruly."
Sid shook his head, took Cassie's hand. "With all due respect, Mr. Ainsworth, that's not how our marriage works." He beckoned Cassie into the kitchen and as soon as he got her there, wrapped her in his arms.
She was cold, didn't hug back, didn't give him any response. "What's going on, Cassie?"
She shook her head. "He thinks I've made some mistakes, some…"
He stroked her hair. "He knows about Benjamin and he's going to fight to get custody and Sid he's going to win because he knows I'm sick he's going to win," she started losing the fight with her tears and he kissed her forehead.
"No he's not, Cassie. No he's not." He walked back into the living room. Her dad was waiting by the wall, listening in.
"Well again, all that matters is you, isn't it, you little-"
Sid cut in, standing between Cassie and her father, protectively. "Don't you dare call my wife names."
"Well, if she knew what was good for the boy, she wouldn't expose him to her selfishness with all this food rubbish." Sid shook his head, pointed at the door.
"You need to get out, Sir."
"I'm not going anywhere." He looked into Cassie's eyes, and something about it made her hide behind Sid.
"Yes, you are. You're either leaving right now, or I'm calling the police, and you're leaving that way."
"For what? Showing some tough love to my daughter?"
Cassie looked down, the tears coming now.
"Oh what are you crying about? Tough it up!"
He reached past Sid to try to grab her shoulders. Sid pushed him back and shouted at him.
"Get out. Now. Out, or I call the police." Cassie's dad put his hands up, and started walking backwards. Sid walked forward, inching him toward the door. He got him out, and then he escorted him outside.
"Listen. You're not welcome anymore. You're not welcome to contact my wife in any way. If we have to get a restraining order we will."
This hurt him.
"What if I want to try again? You know, try to be a good dad." Sid shook his head at him. Are you fucking kidding me? He thought.
"That, back there, wasn't even you trying, okay? And if it was? Go try somewhere else. Cassie's got enough on her plate, and she's an incredibly strong woman despite you and all the shit you put her through. No one in her life, including her, needs you to come in and fuck it all up just because you feel you need some closure."
"She's lying. She'll do anything to get attention," her Dad said, shaking his head. "She's a good liar."
Sid didn't care. "She doesn't even have to tell me anything, Sir. I can see where you broke her, and she's worked hard rebuilding what you tore apart. You are not welcome to come in here and fuck it all up again. Go. And don't come near Cassie again."
He just stood there. Sid got out his phone, threateningly.
"OK, Fine. Don't overreact. I'm leaving."
Sid stood and watched him drive off, walked down and made sure he got on the highway as well. Then he went inside. Cassie was standing right by the door.
"Were you listening?"
She nodded, smiling at him. A fake smile, though. An I-can-handle-this-just-watch-me smile. "You're the best husband in the world," she managed to get out in a whisper, and threw herself into his waiting arms.
He didn't even know what to say to make it better, or if he could say anything. "I'm sorry I didn't come home sooner." He pulled back. "Did he do anything to you?"
She shook her head, still holding back tears. He rubbed her arms. "I admire you, you know that?" He met her eyes.
She shook her head. "Why?"
He kissed her forehead, then her cheeks.
"You're strong," he whispered.
She chuckled and shook her head.
"I'm fine." He knew she was lying, but she didn't respond well to him pushing her.
She disconnected from him and, arms wrapped around herself, went in the bedroom, then the bathroom, closing the door. He heard the bathwater running. "Do you need anything, Cassie?" He said through the door.
"No, I just want to be alone for a while, that's all."
"Okay. I love you."
He let her alone, doing the dishes from dinner, cleaning up the mess from the cross that got knocked over, putting leftovers in the fridge. He decided to clean the kitchen up for her a bit. He never did, and she was always nagging him about it. So, now, he just decided to clean everything up. He made it so clean it sparkled, and then went to the bedroom, yawning.
What a fucking long day. He heard nothing from the bathroom, so he knocked on the door. "I have to pee, Cass, can I come in?"
"Yes." He came in and gave her a half smile, and, after going to the bathroom, came over to check on her. She hadn't started crying yet. She was playing with a little rubber duckie in the water. They'd had it for a while, but she thought she'd get it out since Benjamin was coming here soon. And she wasn't sure she could do it, whether she was supposed to do it.
She couldn't remember anything anymore about the abuse, whether it happened. There had to be a reason she didn't report it. Maybe her dad was right, maybe she was just a little dramatic? She didn't really deserve Sid, then. One of the things he said to her was that no man would ever really love her because of what she did to her family. She couldn't remember what happened, even.
So it had to be true. She didn't deserve this man loving her, giving everything up for her. Sid could have Michelle in a minute if he wanted her. And she didn't have so much shit in her life. She started panicking as she thought that maybe none of this actually happened. Sid just studied her.
She wouldn't even look up anymore, just at the tile wall. He looked down at her arm and saw the bruise. He reached over and ran her hand across it. She jerked her arm away, splashed water onto Sid by pulling away from him to the other end of the tub protectively. Shit, Sid thought. He'd already fucked it.
He'd already come in here and erased over a decade of progress that Cassie made. Fuck him.
"You're safe now, Cassie. He's not coming back." Cassie just drained the bathtub and stood up. Sid got her a towel, but she just took it, wouldn't let him wrap it around her. He just sat there, watched her walk out into the bedroom. He picked up the rubber duckie, turning it over in his hands.
Then he heard the thump, and he heard her sobbing. He was by her instantly. She was crumpled up on the floor, her body shaking with all the tears. He pulled her up a little bit so he could hold her.
"What did he say to you, Cassie?"
She shook her head, and he rubbed her back until the crying stopped. She lay on her pack then, resting her head in his lap. He looked down at her, stroked her hair. "What did he say?"
"I don't know if it really happened, Sid."
"What are you talking about?"
"All of it. I can't remember anything and he thinks I'm making it up."
"That doesn't mean it didn't happen, Cassie. It was a long time ago."
"What if I'm making this up and I'm just delusional?" She sat up. "Would you still love me?"
He nodded. "Of course."
She looked at him, surprised.
"I married you, Cassie. There's nothing you can do that will make me question my devotion."
She looked down.
"It happened, Cassie. I know. You used to remember."
She looked up at him.
"You used to sleep under your bed as a kid, right?"
"Yeah because I was a stupid little kid, though."
"You went on a diet when you were seven."
"Yeah but…"
He looked at her, challenging.
"It feels like none of that really happened." She moved a little closer to him.
"It did. But it won't, anymore."
"Do you ever wish you married someone who wasn't so fucked up?"
"Who's not fucked up?" He kissed her cheek.
"No, but I mean…someone who doesn't have an eating disorder, wasn't allegedly sexually abused."
"No. I don't ever wish I married anyone different."
She didn't say anything else just leaned into him, and fell asleep pretty quick in his arms. He put her to bed, just watching her sleep, even though he couldn't.
Fred didn't want to go out that night. The partying had worn him out. He felt like he was growing out of it. It was pointless, really. Getting drunk just to feel good, to hook up. It felt like a waste of time, although it was really good to see Max.
So he just sat on the deck of Max's apartment and sipped on a beer before Max came home. Max came in to notice his place entirely cleaned. It was weird. "Uh, Freds?" He walked outside to see him on the deck. Fred looked up at him.
Something was up, Max could see it. "You know you didn't have to clean my place up, right?" Fred shrugged while Max pulled up a chair, lit up a cigarette. "Well, thanks anyway." They sat in silence for a while before Max decided to be the one to pipe up. "So, what's up with you and Effie? I heard that her and Cook hooked up." He was always so blunt.
"Yeah. I left her."
"Why?"
Fred lit his own cigarette. "She tried to get hit by a bus like Tony did."
"No shit?" Max was a little shocked, even a little offended. After all, he was there that night. He saw Tony wrecked like that, too.
"So I left. And now Cook has her."
"Right."
"I was stupid though. I don't think she'll take me back."
"Try. When is your dad coming to get you to go back to Bristol?"
"Tomorrow morning."
"Chase her down, Freds. You two are in love and anyone else can see it."
Fred didn't know if he could, or he wanted to. He had no guarantee she wouldn't try this again, and he would fall apart if he lost Effie, too. Knowing she was alive, pissed at him, but alive, even in the arms of some other guy, was hard, but at least she wouldn't be dead.
His dad got there the next morning and they went back to Bristol in silence, until his dad broke the silence.
"Is this over a girl, that Effie girl?"
Fred nodded.
"You broke up with her?"
"She tried to kill herself."
More silence. Fred resented him, and that wasn't lost on his dad. He wanted to know what his dad didn't do to get her help. Because whatever he didn't do caused the suicide. "We'll go get ice cream, Freddie," she'd promised him, running her hand through his hair. He was just getting to that age where he didn't want his mom being all cheesy around him.
"Yeah, but the science fair is on Friday. Everyone is coming and my project is so cool, you have to be there." She had smiled sadly at him. "I've seen your project, Fred." He'd gotten pissed.
"No – you've seen what I've done with it so far. It's going to be so awesome at the science fair and you're going to miss it!"
"Just watch your sister for me, okay? We'll be back soon." And his parents had driven away. His dad drove back in the morning without her, saying she'd be home in a week, and she just…didn't come home. His dad never told him the official story, so he had to search around with aunts and uncles. Finally, his grandfather had broken the truth to him. She had gotten out of the hospital early, and jumped off of a bridge into a river. It had been rainy, no one saw her.
"Everyone tried their best, Fred," his grandfather had said. "No one could've kept her alive."
Neither of them said anything on the car ride home. He left immediately went he got home, straight over to Tony's. That's where she'd be, he was sure. He knocked on the door, and surprisingly, Cook answered and let him in.
"Uh, Cook, where's Effy." Tony got up from the couch, came over and shook Fred's hands.
"I made her go to church camp," said Tony.
Both of them, unanimously, said "What?"
They had both come looking to find her. Cook could tell how much they both loved her. But he didn't want either of them near his sister.
"We've uh, just been talking.." Cook explained.
"Oh." Fred sat down on the couch.
And they did. Tony was just talking. He wasn't being harsh or pushy. He seemed to just want to talk. Both of them could detect something under the surface though, something that said 'Stay away from my sister, whatever you do."
As the weeks went by for Effie, she liked camp more and more, but she still felt unsafe, so she lingered around Michelle and Olivia. The sermon that night was intense. She didn't know why, though. She'd ignored every sermon up to this point. She hated the possibility of even thinking about this Jesus thing. It changed people so much.
For a while after Tony became a Christian, she didn't feel like she knew him, he'd changed so radically. He didn't drink anymore, or sleep around. She didn't like it. She wanted her brother back. So she'd stopped talking to him.
Slowly, she'd gotten to know this new Tony. He wasn't bad, he just…wasn't Tony. And she couldn't tell which version of him she preferred. Michelle kept talking about God comforting and protecting. She also talked about the need to be saved a lot, just enough to where she wasn't too annoying. Tonight, something was different. None of this made sense.
As everyone got up for worship, Effie didn't even pretend. She just sat there. Something spoke in her heart, though, and very clearly said 'You. Need. Me.' She started crying when she heard those words, thankful for the drums and the guitar and the dimmed lights because no one could hear her.
She'd always been able to take care of her own needs, and here she was confronted with the fact that she was doing a shoddy job. She'd learned a lot about Jesus at this camp. And if He was who they really said He is, not who she always thought he was, then yeah, she needed Him, and she wanted Him. She wanted, more than anything, to talk to Tony. She wasn't in a crisis, and Michelle was fine to talk to, she just…she just wanted to talk to Tony about this. She didn't realize it, but she'd been sitting there after the worship service was through, because everyone was taking apart the set.
She got up and walked outside. Michelle and Olivia were both sitting in a group with a bunch of people, so she sat by Michelle.
Michelle noticed something was up. Effie was just…different tonight. Something was changing. So she looked over at Eric, and he nodded.
"Hey, Eff. Let's walk." Effie looked up at Michelle and nodded. They walked away from everyone and all the noise. Michelle didn't want to push Effie. She just let her walk.
"What do I have to do…to…you know…have Jesus like you do?"
Michelle was caught a bit off guard. That's not what she thought was going to happen. "Well, it's quite simple, really. You tell him you're sorry, you ask him to forgive you, and let you have a second chance, and ask him to come into your heart."
"And He does?"
"Yes."
"Instantly?"
"Yeah, it's wonderful."
"What does that mean, though? A get out of hell free card?"
"Not just that, Effie. Not just that."
"Well then, what else?"
"His peace, a relationship, grace, the knowledge that there's someone there, the most powerful someone, who will never be tired of you, no matter how many times you mess up. Knowing he's not going to walk away from you, and being able to rely on his strength. Everything. Everything."
Effie looked over at her.
"I want to."
"You understand this means a lot of sacrifice, right? It means giving up things you do that he sees as sinful." They both stopped walking.
"Yes. I don't care. I just want to."
"So pray. Tell him."
And Effie closed her eyes, Michelle held her hands. Effie did pray with everything she had. Tears began falling as she apologized, and she asked for a new start, and she asked for Him to be with her and to never leave, because she wanted someone who wouldn't leave her. After she was done, Michelle hugged her.
Effie even felt different. There was this huge tension in her chest that she'd carried since she was a kid, probably. This…intense anger that made her stop talking. As she disconnected from Michelle's hug she noticed that all of that was just…gone.
When they got back, no one was there but Mark. He stood in the doorway of the assembly hall, looking all weird and somber. "Hey, Effie. I need to talk to you." Michelle followed Effie up the stairs. Effie wondered if she was in trouble for the biscuits in her duffel bag. If so, these people took little trivial rules way to seriously. Then she noticed there were two chairs. Mark was sitting in one of them. "I've got some bad news, Effie."
Michelle didn't even know what was going on, but she felt Effie stiffen as she wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
"We just got word from Bristol that two young men died tonight, and someone said you know them. There isn't any easy way to say this…"
"Say what? Say what?" Effie pushed him, walking closer to him.
"Fred, and Cooke? They were in a car accident this afternoon, Effie."
She just stood there and looked at him. "Effie?" It was Michelle. She had her cellphone out. Mark looked at Michelle, and walked out of the room. Michelle dialed Tony.
"Michelle-" by the tone of her voice he'd already heard the news.
"Effie just found out," said Michelle quietly and handed the phone to Effie, who just sat down.
"Effie? Effie?" Came Tony's voice.
"Effie, I'm sorry."
"They're lying, right?" She sounded casual.
"What?"
"Fred and Cook. They're probably just playing some ridiculous practical joke. I'll kill them myself when I get home, then it'll be true. No need to freak out now."
"No. It wasn't a joke. I was just with them, this afternoon."
"Then- why. What happened?"
"They drove off together, Eff. And we don't know what else happened."
"You fucking let me come to this camp, Tony, and now you tell me this?"
"I didn't know this was going to happen."
"I want to come HOME!"
"Camp gets over tomorrow. I'm coming to get you."
"You can't DO THAT Tony you can't take them away! They're the only people besides you and Mom I've ever felt any fucking shred of emotion for and now you're telling me that they're gone? Are you kidding me?"
Tony picked up his car keys, holding the phone away from himself while she screamed at him, but eventually she stopped. "I'll be there soon, Eff."
Effie just sat against the wall and curled up. Michelle didn't know what to say to her. She just sat with her and waited.