Both Sid and Cassie needed church that morning. It felt like forever since they had been fed. Immediately, they felt warmed and welcomed. Elizabeth walked over to Cassie as they got their seats and gave her a hug. "Hello, darling." Cassie smiled up at her.
She was grateful for the way Elizabeth had adopted her, regardless of how her and Sid's marriage was going. Elizabeth had always been nice, but since she and Sid got married she had really been a Mom. It was unnerving and uncomfortable, but wonderful as well.
"You two look refreshed," Elizabeth observed with that smile she always had on her face.
They both laughed and replied enthusiastically that they were, however exhausted they were from the night before. Sid made a mental note to get her a bouquet of flowers and take her out to dinner. His mom had done everything humanly possible to keep him and Cassie sane lately. The drums and the guitar started, and worship was beginning. It always took Sid a minute to get into it, and he was usually annoyed by worship. He didn't like the way some verses were repeated, over and over again, and he just wanted to get on with it.
But he'd learned to be respectful when he wasn't feeling it, and pray, and let people bask. But today was different. He just…needed it. So he sat down, then quickly fell to his knees. He let himself breathe easy and extend his arms, and cleared his mind – and he just listened. He didn't know what to say to God today- he had already thanked him and praised him for preserving Cassie's safety the night before, and expressed his concern for her heart now.
By the time worship was over, he sat in his chair, and leaned forward to listen to the sermon. Cassie gently scratched his back. Then there was worship again, and he just closed his eyes and prayed. When he opened them, he noticed Cassie knelt at the alter. He looked over at his mom, who beckoned him to join her. He did.
He got up and knelt beside her at the alter. She slipped her shaky hand out into his. He looked over at her- troubled. He prayed with her until the music stopped, then he looked over at her questioningly. "I remember now," she whispered. He just squeezed her hand and sat with her.
Elizabeth offered to take them to lunch, beating Sid to the punch.
Cassie looked at Sid. "Sure, that would be great, yeah."
Sid nodded as well.
"Your choice though, Mom."
"Are you sure?" She was gathering up her purse.
"After all that you've done for us? Yeah. We're sure."
They went to her favorite cafe, and Sid sneakily got the bill. When they finally got home, Cassie was exhausted. "Ugnhhh can't believe Benjamin gets here tomorrow, and then ceremony planning, and can't forget about the appointment with the psychologist at Renewed…" She rubbed her forehead, already stressing herself.
Sid sat down beside her with a soda. "Yeah, we've got our plates full, that's for sure."
"Are you sure you're okay with Benjamin being here, Sid? I know you don't like kids."
"Yes, Cass. I am sure."
"No. Not just because you know I want him to be here. Do you want him to be here?"
"I…" Sid hesitated. No. He really wanted more time with Cassie. He thought they needed it. But he also knew that Cassie really wanted to take care of her little brother.
"I don't know. I mean, yeah, I'm not too fond of kids. But I'm fine with it."
"Because just say the word, and I'll call it off."
"Don't call it off Cass, unless you're having second thoughts. Are you?"
She shrugged.
"Some things my dad said that just…"
"Don't listen to him, okay? Nothing he said last night had any credibility or ever will. I have watched you," he took her hand, "and you're wonderful with kids, Cassie, and especially after we lost ours, it might help us…you know, move on a little bit." Cassie looked down when he said that. She hadn't mentioned it. On the vacation she seemed to be pretending that it never happened.
He'd worried that he was breaking her during sex. The doctor had told them to be careful, but Cassie seemed eager to pretend, in all aspects and ways, that their baby never existed. And, well, in a way, it didn't. They never held it. Sid never got to rest his head on Cassie's tummy and hear his child inside of her. They barely got the chance to revel in being parents before they weren't anymore.
He wasn't dealing well, and he wanted to tell her. But she seemed to want none of any of this. He didn't blame her for wanting to forget. It wasn't him who woke up with those cramps, covered in blood. But he didn't want to forget, and he'd never let himself forget that they DID have a child of their own, even if just for a number of weeks, a number of hours knowing about it.
Cassie shrugged. "I'm fine with it, you know, I've made peace with it."
"You've never talked about it, Cassie. You went through hell, I know you did – and you lost a child-" she tried to shut him out. She covered her ears.
"I said I'm over it," she said when she went silent and dropped her hands.
"How the fuck?"
"I dealt with it, Sid. Not my fault that you haven't dealt with it. I don't want to talk about dead babies all day, though." Sid shook his head as she got up and walked into the kitchen. When he heard her tackling the dishes, he got up and tried to help her with him, but she just shrugged him off.
"Well, I mean, that aside. Do you want to take Benjamin in, Cassie? Because it's up to you either way, and I'll be fine with it. Your call."
She shrugged.
"Okay. I'll leave it up to you then. Whatever you decide, I'll support."
He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
Tony drove straight through, speeding the entire way. He didn't know if his old cooper would make it, but it did. He'd neglected to stop for gas – he just left. He saw a disaster coming with Effie. He doubted Michelle could even restrain her if she freaked out. And he only hoped that he could.
Tony met Mark at the camp entrance. No words were spoken; they both just ran to the assembly hall. Luckily, Effie hadn't lost it. She was just sitting there. She didn't notice Tony coming in, though, which worried him. "Eff Eff I'm here, Eff."
He stumbled running up to her, and slid right to her. She just looked up at him.
"Where's Fred? He was coming to get me."
He looked up at Michelle, who pointed at the door. Mark sat with Effie as Michelle escorted him out.
"She doesn't…she's pushing it back. She's been coming in and out of knowing. I've been telling her every time." Tony tried collecting himself, then started walking back in.
"Oh, and Tony?" He looked back at her. Not now, Michelle. I've got more important things to worry about, if you haven't noticed. She half-smiled at him. "She got saved earlier this evening."
He wanted to run up and hug Michelle, but he would do that later. Now he just wanted to get Effie out of here. "Will you get her stuff for me?"
"Of course." Michelle walked back to the cabin in embarrassment. She didn't turn into jelly like that at Christmas. Why now? Tony had nothing good for her. At least, that was true when neither of them was saved. What about now?
Tony pulled Effie up. "Come on, girl. Let's get you home."
"I'm waiting for Fred," she pulled herself back down.
He didn't know how to deal with that. If she was just pushing this back, it would be fine. But not if she really couldn't remember. Luckily, she was lightweight, so he pulled her back up, and carried her out to the car. Michelle met them at the car, threw the bags in back. He half smiled at her as he unloaded Effie in the passenger seat.
"Thanks, Michelle. Coming to Bristol after camp?"
Michelle nodded. "I'll get in touch with you."
Tony turned on his car, and then realized he was nearly empty and forgot his wallet. "Shit." He ran back to catch up with Michelle, and Mark met them halfway.
"Mark I forgot money for gas will you spot me I'll-"
Mark didn't let him finish, just put the bills in his hand. "Go."
He nodded gratefully, rushed back to the car, and managed to get halfway to a gas station before the car crapped out. The camp assembly was probably starting soon, Mark was busy. Effie, luckily, was just staring out the window. So he called Sid.
Sid hated the sound of his phone sometimes. Mostly when it wouldn't shut up. He looked at his bedside table, and Cassie pulled him back down to kiss her. "I think that's actually important." He cursed internally and sat up, opening the phone up. "This better be really important."
"It is," replied Tony.
"I'm…20 miles or so from church camp with Effie and my car just died."
"Everything okay?"
"Long story, but can you help?"
"Yeah. I'll be there soon."
Cassie groaned. "Pleeassee come back to bed." Sid put his pants and shirt.
"It's Tony, and you know" he leaned down to kiss her "I'd shrug it off if I could." She pouted in response.
"Way to ruin a sunday afternoon."
"No joke. I'll be back tonight, okay?"
She put her head under the pilllow and groaned as he left.
"You know what I decided?" Effie had rolled back her seat by now, feet on the dash.
"What's that?"
"You got hit on purpose."
He leaned back his own seat. "How do you figure that?"
"You just did it to get a new cell phone."
She started laughing. Like, really laughing. He'd never seen her laugh like this. He couldn't help but crack up as well.
"Yes, Effie. That is exactly why I got hit by a bus and almost died."
Finally, Sid's car pulled to the side, and they both got her stuff and put it in Sid's trunk. "You are the best, Sid," chirped Effie. Cheery as ever.
Sid gave Tony a look, thinking he left his wife in bed on a sultry sunday afternoon for a crisis. This better have been good. They hurried to the gas station and, thankfully, Mark had given him quite a bit more money than just enough to top off, so he bought enough fuel, and they drove back. Sid and Effie sat against the car while Tony fueled up the car. "So Effie," he ventured. "I thought camp didn't get out till this afternoon."
Effie just shook her head, and Tony signaled Sid to cut it out, which is when he started getting a little pissed. "Just asking." He got up. Effie got up too, and got inside the car, curling up in the passenger seat.
"Uh…Fred and Cook died last night."
"What? When?"
"Yesterday afternoon after leaving my place from what I can tell. If it's any consolation to know they prayed to be saved right before they left," Tony shrugged, "but I'm guessing that won't be a comfort for a good long while."
Sid leaned against the car. "Shit." They stood like that while Tony continued the seemingly impossible task of emptying the fuel inside the mini cooper.
"So, uh, how's the wedding preparation coming? Oh, and by the way, you never told me what I'm going to wear." Sid shrugged.
"From what Cassie's told me, just Kakhis and button down shirts for all the dudes."
"Sounds good."
"Not gonna be a really big deal, since it's on such short notice."
Sid looked into the car at Effie. "How's she holding up?"
Tony shrugged. "She won't admit it happened. She's still expecting Fred and Cook to come get her. How's Cassie holding up?"
"Oh, you know. Not talking about it. I tried to get her to earlier today. She just refuses to hear it. We're taking in her kid brother, and she still doesn't want to talk about it."
"Yeah, well, give her time. She probably needs to come to terms with it before she'll talk."
"Probably."
Finally, they were done, all the gas was in the car, and they both drove off to town. Tony was relieved to see that Effie had fallen asleep for the car ride, but halfway there she started having nightmares. She'd whimper, then cry out for Fred. He'd put his hand on her shoulder and she wouldn't wake up, but it seemed to get her to fall back asleep. This wasn't going to be good.
Sid decided to skip Cook's funeral, seeing as he barely knew him and Benjamin was coming that day. It was hectic. He was stuck with him, too, as Cassie took 20 minutes outside hugging goodbye to her mom. Luckily, Benjamin loved him, so he just kept telling him how cool his dinosaur was. But the kid was tired, Sid could tell. He just rubbed his back until he leaned back on him, and with relatively little fuss, conked out.
Cassie walked in and leaned down to kiss Sid. "See, you're a natural." She plucked him out of Sid's arms, though, and took him into the guest room to sleep. They just sat there, Benjamin's suitcases in hand. "It's kind of like we're parents now," Sid observed.
"Not kind of. We are. We're responsible for him now, until Mom gets out of treatment." Cassie leaned her head on his shoulder and yawned.
"Well, yeah. We are. It's just weird to be parents now."
Tony let Effie skip Cook's funeral. She hadn't come out of her room in 24 hours. He kept bringing trays of food to her at mealtimes but she wouldn't eat. She just lay there. She didn't respond when he sat there with her, when he kissed her cheek goodnight and pulled her comforter over her. She just stared at the wall, at the picture of her and Cook.
He supposed there wasn't much else to do, but he managed to get his mom to come over, and she let Tony have a break. She drew a bath for Effie, and, without speaking, Effie came to the bathroom curiously.
"Come here, dear. Water's nice and warm."
Effie managed to get her clothes off and just crawled into the tub, pulled her knees up to her chest. Her mom kissed her forehead. "There's my darling." Then her mom poured water over her head, and, though it was soothing, the last person who ever did that with her was Fred. She lost it at that point – sobbing so loud and fast she could hardly breathe. Her mom just rubbed her back some more, no speaking, and kept pouring the water over her head.
She grabbed a sponge and started washing her gently. "He's supposed to come and get me today," Effie managed to get out. "He's supposed to pick me up."
"I know sweetheart," came her mom. "I know."
Effie felt considerably better after the bath – her mom had bathed her, and then walked her back to her room, got her back in her pajamas, and she'd even brought something special from home – her stuffed Giraffe, Perot. She lay down on the bed, and her mom pulled her up slightly so she was in her lap, and could brush her hair out. Effie clung to Perot and closed her eyes – everything just seemed to fit. The tears stopped and her breathing slowed as her mom brushed and braided her hair, then pulled the comforter over her. She started to get up but Effie reached out for her, so she sat down by Effie and rubbed her back while she, very quickly, drifted off to sleep.
Sid was disoriented when he heard it- the crying. A slow, high whine that kept repeating like an alarm clock. He opened one eye and there was Benjamin, on Cassie's side of the bed, bawling with snot going down his face to boot. he may not have noticed Sid being awake, so he closed his eyes again, hoping it would wake Cassie. It didn't- he nudged her. Still silence, still nothing.
So he nudged her gently. Nope, nothing. Fine, he thought. He got up and walked over to Benjamin. And then the smell came. So that's what was wrong.
"Come here, little guy," urged Sid. He took his hand and walked him to the bathroom. Parenting crash course 101, figured Sid. Poor child had soiled and wet his pants. So sid turned on the shower and took his pajamas off for him, threw them in the laundry basket by the nearby washer in the bedroom.
Benjamin just started screaming, probably embarassed. "Hey, hey..no it's okay buddy. It's okay." He picked him up and got him into the shower, and the screaming still increased. The warm water and Sid gently washing him off seemed to soothe him a bit, but he was still crying. He couldn't really think of anything to do, so he talked to him.
"I wet my bed, too," said Sid, turning off the shower and wrapping a towel around him, then picking him up and carrying him down the hallway. "From when I was your age, till I was ten." The crying was gradually getting softer, and Sid sat on the small bed with him after changing the sheets and picking out some pajamas for him to wear. While he talked, he got him into them.
"Turns out, I was just getting used to everything. That's all it was. Takes time to get used to all that stuff. Nothing to be embarrassed about." By now, he didn't notice, but Benjamin had fallen asleep. "It got better, eventually. I learned when I had to go and my body got used to it, and before I knew it…" he was going to continue, but Cassie stood in the doorway, smiling at him.
"How much of that did you hear?"
"All of it." She was half-smiling. He tucked Benjamin into bed and got up, walked over to Cassie.
"You are a natural." Sid scoffed.
"Right. Me. A natural with kids. That was just pure luck, he was already sleepy."
Cassie lay down in their bed again while Sid put everything in the washer. "I don't know, Sid," she muttered, closing her eyes. "That was perfection." He started to reply but she was curled up on his side of the bed, out cold. He took hers, and wrapped his arms around her. Yeah, he thought. I did rock that.