Sid had to go to work early, so he fed Benjamin and got him dressed and watching cartoons, then left a note in their journal on his pillow.

Went to work a wee bit early

Ben's fed and changed and all

Call if you need anything. LOVE.

He kissed her forehead and started the coffee up for the morning, then was off to work.

Effie managed to get up for Fred's funeral. She was still zombie-like, but she was there, put together. She just followed Tony out to the car, and didn't react when she walked in to the church sanctuary to see his picture sitting next to a casket. Tony sat down, but she walked up to the coffin. She could feel eyes on her, waiting to see if she would crack. She placed her picture of Fred next to the framed picture, and just stared at it all for a while. Part of her wanted to open the coffin and see if this was all a lie.

If he wasn't in there. She just turned around and started walking back. She noticed halfway back, two rows in front of Tony, JJ sitting there, not formally dressed. He was tapping the pew in front of him. She slid in the pew next to him and he nodded a hello to her.

He was their best friend. Tony, Cook and JJ were all inseperable. Everyone knew JJ had Asperger's, and yes, he got teased, but he fit in perfectly with these two, and there wasn't really anyone else he talked to.

"JJ…"

"It's been…uh…it's been a few days, so there's, there's really no chance, Effie, that it's a practical joke. I considered that possibility too, you know, knowing Cook. He would do something like that to escape an arrest warrent or something. Fred wouldn't, but Cook would. B-but, Cook would tell me. He would tell me, and I've been c-ch-checking my cell-phone every five minutes not counting bedtime since I heard the rumor. A-a-and nothing. Nothing from either of them."

Effie put her hand on his shoulder and he stopped tapping the seat in front of him. And neither of them said anything, for the rest of the funeral. Driving Effy home, Tony finally piped up. He took the long way on purpose. "I need to tell you something, Effie." She didn't respond, so he just kept going. "I talked to both of them, like, that afternoon. And both of them…well…both of them prayed to get saved while they were talking to me. And then they left. It was hours before the crash happened."

Effie didn't know what to say, but relief was an understatement."You mean they…"

"Yeah. You'll see them again."

She smiled, he parked the car in front of their house, and he turned on the radio. They just sat there for hours without saying anything. They didn't need to. They just needed to be still.

Sid had a wonderful day at work- more sales than he imagined ever making, happy customers, his boss was in a good mood – everything worked right, so he stopped and picked up a bouquet of flowers for Cassie on the way home. What he found when he walked in, though, was utter chaos. Cassie was trying to get Benjamin to stop screaming. Everything was overwhelmingly loud. "Stop! Stop it stop it stop it!" She was losing it with his crying. This wasn't like her, though.

She was a child expert. If anyone could handle a tantruming child it was her. He put the flowers on the coffee table and Ben, in his tantrum, knocked them over, which is when Sid picked him up and tried to calm him – it didn't work. Cassie was losing it. "Stop! Sid, stop him! Make it stop I can't stand it!"

She kept yelling at him. He was at a loss, though, with a 5 year old screaming and kicking him, and then his wife screaming at him to make it stop. "OK – OK! Hold on- Ben, STOP!" He didn't listen.

Sid pulled out his phone and quickly texted Tony, who had become quite good with kids. He worked on the pediatric ward of the mental hospital in town and if anyone would know how to handle this, he would.

From – Sid

wanna repay that favor? Cassie's freaking out, so is Ben, we can't get him to stop, need your help. please!

From- Tony

I'll be right there- just keep talking to him calmly. He might mimick the calmness in your voice.

Sid was trying, but Ben just kept screaming. Cassie stopped screaming along with him and went outside to their deck, curled herself up on their swing chair. She didn't know what happened. He was just upset. Maybe it was being without his mom, maybe he wasn't used to her anymore.

But a toy broke, and he lost it. Children crying had never bothered her before – but now she couldn't stop hearing it. A baby. They'd lost a baby. They really had. Or, she lost it, because she wouldn't eat, and she kept fighting with Sid.

She brought it upon herself, she wasn't ready. What if she killed their kid? They could've been parents, and Sid would've made an excellent Dad. I mean, of course he did- he was already doing such a good job with Ben. She wasn't.

She was utterly failing. She stood up. Sid was inside, she couldn't hear anything but still, that screaming. She leaned over the deck, looking down. Six stories suddenly seemed so far. She had a coin in her pocked it, so she got it out, dropped it down, watched it fall to the concrete.

Sid thought Tony would never get there but he had given up doing anything but holding Ben and hoping he would calm down soon – maybe he just wanted to go home, maybe he ate something weird. Whatever it was, Sid wasn't looking forward to this happening again. Finally came Tony, sat down by Sid and gathered up the screaming child. Sid didn't say anything, just went out to the deck to see Cassie halfway leaned over it. He grabbed her, turned her around and shook her, thinking the worst automatically.

"Don't. Don't. Don't. You hear me? Don't."

Finally, Ben stopped crying. Cassie wouldn't relax, though. He kissed her forehead. "Cassie please let me take you to the hospital," he whispered, "please please please. It's okay that you can't handle this."

"But ben…"

"I can handle Ben for a little while."

"But I'm fine!"

"No you aren't. Please, Cass. Please." She put her head in his shoulder as it started raining. Storming, in fact.

"He won't stop crying, Sid," she muttered.

"Tony's got him to stop. He stopped."

"He's still screaming. I can hear it. Can't you hear it?"

That's it, he thought. I have to get her there. The wedding could wait for whatever was happening. "Come on, Cass. Let's go to the hospital. Let's get you changed." She hadn't, in fact, changed out of her pajamas.

He got her to their room and changed her clothes for her, but he didn't want to wait anymore. He had to get Cassie out of here. Tony lay on the living room floor with Ben, engaging in some epic dinosaur battle. "Tony, I'll be right back, please watch Ben for us." he said, shuffling out the door with Cassie. Tony looked back at him, confused.

Cassie looked numb. The evaluator could barely get her to talk, so she had to ask Sid what happened. He told her about the trouble with eating, the miscarriage, and the fact that Cassie hadn't really talked about it, and her Mom leaving Ben with them, and the incident today with Ben having a tantrum and Cassie still hearing the screaming, and leaning over the railing like she was going to try to jump.

"The screaming won't stop," she piped up. "It would've stopped the screaming." She really didn't seem to have a grasp on the fact that it would've stopped everything. This sent chills through Sid's body so much that he shivered. They had to take her. They had to.

They couldn't leave her with them. The evaluator recommended a few days' stay at least, and let Sid help her get checked in, then he gave them a moment alone. Well, kind of alone, he noticed. A camera was watching them from all four corners of the room. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. She just stared.

"I'm going to come see you in the morning, okay? It's my day off. I'll bring you some clothes tonight. Just relax for a while." She didn't really respond to him, except when he got up and took her hand, she looked scared, and gripped his hand, trying to pull him back down. He knelt.

"You've got to stay here for a few days. I'll be back in the morning. I'm going to bring some stuff for you tonight. It'll be okay." As they walked out to everyone, Cassie seemed to get that he was leaving and she was staying, so she pulled him into a hug. He kissed her forehead and let her hug him for a while.

Then he got an idea and took off his sweatshirt and gave it to the staff. "They're gonna give this to you, okay? It smells like me. I'll see you in the morning." He kissed her forehead and she finally let him leave. He sat in his car, with no sound but the heavy rain, with his head on the steering wheel for a while.

The wedding, he kept repeating in his mind. This will all be worth it. The wedding. The wedding. He realized he left Ben with Tony and drove home. Tony was doing their dishes when Sid walked in the house and put his keys on the coffee table.

The flowers Ben knocked over had been put in a new vase. Sid sat at the kitchen table. "Thanks for watching Ben on such short notice, sorry we just disappeared like that."

"Wow. Looks like someone could use a drink." Sid shrugged, put his head in his arms.

"Where's Cassie?"

"Hospital."

He looked up when Tony sat by him and put a bottle of beer in front of him from the fridge, then put his head back in his arms, exhausted.

"Ben's asleep. I'm not sure what happened. It seems weird that a five year old would have a tantrum like that." Sid shrugged.

"Probably just tired."

"Could've eaten something weird. He's probably just mostly pissed that he's not at home right now, and he might be coming to grips with the fact that he won't be for quite a while."

"Don't quite blame him, especially in this place."

"What happened with Cassie?"

Sid looked up, twisted the cap off his beer, and took a generous sip. "Not really sure. She was leaning off the balcony when I went to see her and she kept saying that Ben was still screaming. Something was just up. I took her because I'm afraid that she would've jumped if I wouldn't have gotten back there in time."

"Don't blame you. I hope she's okay."

"I haven't slept without her in a year. Even before we got married we slept in the same bed because we watched movies together until we fell asleep. I haven't slept alone in a year."

"Sleep with her pillow instead of yours, or put her perfume on it or something like that. Might calm you down. In any case, you both will be fine."

Sid shook his head as if getting rid of cobwebs and sat up straight. "So I hear Michelle is back in town?"

"Yeah she got back last night."

"How's that going? Eh eh?" Sid got a smile on his face as he egged him on.

"Oh, shut up, Sid." He flicked the beer bottle cap over at him.

"Oh come on. The ONE girl you've ever loved comes back into your life in some capacity other than a Christmas party and you're acting like nothing's up."

"She's engaged. Wedding's in a month."

"Michelle engaged?" That struck him as odd, too. He felt some kind of possession over her. Maybe it was just the lusting after her for the past few months. He felt like he had some stake in her, and he was somewhat hesitant to be happy for her. Tony didn't say anything. They both just sat, listening to the rain.

Sid missed this. They'd faded apart, for the most apparent reason that Tony went to Cardiff, and Sid to New York. Even with their cellphones, and with Facebook, though, they stopped talking. And now they were back communicating again. It wasn't weird anymore.

"You might as well stay until the rain fades and eat dinner," muttered Sid.

"Only if you'll let me cook it, mate. You look too exhausted to be trusted with kitchen equipment right now."

Sid shrugged. "Have at it. Are you going to go see Michelle tonight?"

Tony started rummaging through Sid's cupboards. "Oh, probably. You?"

"Well, uh, no. I have a kid. Feels really awkward to say."

"Yeah. Imagining you as a dad is kind of a feat," Tony laughed.

Sid remembered he hadn't called his Mom yet to alert her of Cassie being in the hospital, so he got up, gave Tony free reign of the kitchen, and went into their bedroom. Before he dialed his Mom's number he started getting some clothes out for Cassie- he got his t-shirts for her, she would want to be in those to at least kind of feel like she had him near. As he started packing, he dialed her.

"Sid? Good evening." A man was laughing in the background. Sid rolled his eyes.

"Hey Mom."

"Sweetie did you see the wedding dress that me and Cassie picked out and got today? It's not much, very vintage. Very Cassie, though."

"What? Wedding dress? No. Where is it?" He opened the closet door and saw it hanging in it's plastic wrapping, veil hanging beside it, white sandals under it. It was simple enough, no big fancy wedding dress.

More a summery white dress with the fabric gathered to the side of her hip. "Wow, Mom. I like it."

"Cassie didn't show you?"

"No. Well…today's been kind of hectic."

"How so? Hold on, darling." Some movement, then no more male laughing. "Now, there I am. Tell me what happened?"

"I had to take her to hospital."

"What? Why's that?"

"I don't know what happened, yet," he said, packing in sweatpants and jeans alike for her, "I just know that when I got home, Benjamin was screaming, and when I got there, she almost jumped off the balcony."

"Wow, you guys have had quite the week." Sid laughed.

"Yeah you could call it that. Tony's over here with me, and I'm gonna bring some clothes and stuff for her in a minute. Will you watch Ben for me tomorrow when I go see her?"

"Sure. Are you holding up well, Sid?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I just want this all to be over, and for the wedding to be here. I want this all to go away."

"I understand. Well, take her her clothes, and go to bed early tonight. What time are you going to see her?"

"Visiting hours are at ten."

"I'll be there at nine, okay?"

"Okay, Mom. I love you."

"Love you too, Sid."

Sid wrote some notes in the journal for her, and taped the picture of them in Cocoa into the page. He put that in the bag, as well as a couple of her books, and her bible. With Tony cooking, he went off to give the hospital Cassie's stuff. "How's she doing?" He asked the nurse.

"She's fine tonight, she's sleeping. She wasn't very responsive this evening, didn't eat."

"Can I stay for lunch tomorrow to see her?" The nurse gave him a couple of brochures.

"Sure you can. Visiting hours extend into meals. I'm not sure they gave you all the information about the center when you checked her in earlier today, but go home and read some of that, it might help give you peace of mind."

Sid took it from him. "Oh, believe me. I have peace of mind just knowing that she's here."

He thanked the nurse and midway to his car he got a text from Tony.

From – Tony

Is it okay if we have Michelle over?

From- Sid

Yeah, sure. but no more than her.

From – Tony

yeah it's just michelle.

Sid put away his phone and took the long way home. Well, first time seeing Michelle since college let out. This would be interesting. He left the brochures in the car- he didn't want Michelle finding any of them, and found himself checking his hair and face before he went inside. He opened the door, and the first thing he noticed was that she hadn't changed at all.

Still bright, cheery Michelle. "Sid!" She leapt up and tackled him in a hug. She even smelled the same. He embraced her as well. "So good to see you!" She moved into the kitchen, where Tony had dinner.

"Good to see you too, Chelle." The dinner table was a sufficiently awkward place to be. Tony cooked orange chicken, and Sid concentrated on that. He felt like maybe he should leave Tony and Michelle alone, he could feel the tension in between them. But it was his apartment, so he wasn't about to.

"So, how was camp?" tried Tony.

"Oh, it was just amazing. Simply amazing. And Effie getting saved was wonderful."

"Yeah, I only wish I could've been there for that part of it, you know, to be the one to talk to her."

After dinner, they moved the conversation into the living room, where the whole conversation was more about reminiscing.

"You know what just came to my mind?" Sid asked, just finishing up his second beer. "We've all seen each other naked." They all cracked up when it was said this time. As teenagers who thought that it was goodbye and they'd never see each other again, it wasn't funny. But now?

Hilarious. Maybe because they all needed to laugh about something. Sid needed to pretend that life was peachy right now, that he wasn't scared shitless for his wife, that he didn't wish she was here right now, or would be tonight. Tony and Michelle probably needed courage – to kiss each other, and it was obvious that it was, at least, what Tony wanted. They needed courage for something. So, beer and awkward moments from adolescence gave them that.

Tony got up and went into the kitchen to start the dishes and there they were, Sid and Michelle, on the couch. It struck Sid that the last time they were alone in a room together just might have been the last time they had sex. She'd had three beers by now, and Michelle was always a cheap drunk. She inched closer to him. He looked around the room until she heard him whisper his name. He looked over at her, her face inches from his.

All he would have to do was lean in slightly. Her knee brushed up against his, her hand was right by his. Just one move, just one move was all that it would take. He let his eyes fall down to scan her body. He knew this wasn't a good idea. But here he was, here she was, and who would know if they just had one kiss?

He moved away slightly. It wouldn't be just one kiss. There's no way they would be able to stop at just one kiss. No way at all. "No," Sid whispered firmly, then got louder as he moved away.

"No. I am not going to be this guy." He got up and went to the bathroom, turned the cold water on, and splashed himself in the face. Come on, Sid. Snap the hell out of it.

"Sid…" Michelle knocked on the door. He opened it. "Sid I-"

"No. Sorry, Michelle. Cassie has done nothing but be the perfect wife to me. I can't do this to her." He managed to get her to let him aside and he locked himself in his bedroom.

No. He flopped onto the bed. Why did tonight have to be the night that Cassie was away? He never had nightmares. Even when he did, they were pretty tame. Mostly just giant slimy tarantulas that came and picked him out of his bed and chewed him up. This was long before he realized that spiders don't really chew.

He learned that, and the nightmares stopped, because he was able to say, 'fuck you, tarantula, you can't chew me up' and they would scatter now that he'd figured out their secret. No, he hadn't had one since the tarantulas. But here it was spooky. He was driving. Fast. Windows were up. Relient K, of all things, blaring out of his speakers.

'The world just holds you at arms length/every week you get up the strength…' She was running in her nightgown, barefoot, on the side of the road. Running, as fast as she could, from him. But he just kept speeding up to catch her. 'Cassie!' He kept shouting over the music, but she just looked behind her, then kept running.

'CASSIE!' Then he was going too fast, and so was she. Then he was on his bed, Michelle spread out before him, only covered by the sheets Cassie picked out when they moved in. Blood. All over the place.

Michelle limp on the bed before him, Cassie's sheets covered in blood. Tony pushing him. 'You killed her!'

'Tony, no I didn't- I just – she just'

'No you stupid twat you killed Cassie! How fucking could you?'

'What?'

She was still running, in the pitch black of night. He could barely catch her on his headlights. Then she jumped out in front of him and he tried to swerve, but he hit her. "You killed her Sid you killed her." But he stood up, looking down at Cassie, staring up at him, limbs going every which way.

Yes. He had killed her. But he didn't feel anything.

'They told me to pretend my prison bars were really rose petals, Sid,' Cassie laughed. 'And you know what?' She whispered to him, in his arms, dancing on the beach with him. Their 10th date. 'It worked- they turned into roses. But you know what else?'

He leaned in to kiss her but she pulled away, two paces, standing in front of him, beautiful white dress with her high heels in her hand. 'They were sharp as razors, Sid. And I tried to run through them.' He tried to get closer to her while she talked, but she kept walking backwards, into the waves, then she stopped, let him come closer. 'But, they were all over. They were too sharp. And before long I just had to fall down. What kind of bride am I now, Sidney?'

She let him lean in and kiss her, but as soon as he did, something violently grabbed her, pulled her into the rip tide. He chased after her, after whatever had her, and the rip-tide gladly took him – he just ended up in the middle of the ocean. She was nowhere around, the waves were impossibly high, and it was starting to storm. She was nowhere, until the ocean started turning red.

There she was, he thought. There she was. Then there was Michelle again, on his bed, this time just ontop of Cassie's sheets. And he couldn't resist her. He tried to. But Cassie wasn't around, and Michelle's eyes were so perfect. They just…drew him down on the bed toward her.

'You killed her, Sid! You fucking killed her!' She was gone. The sheets were covered in blood, but she was gone.

Sid slept in. He slept fitfully through the night, kept waking up from his nightmare, reaching over to kiss Cassie only to find her absent. Each time, he'd begin to panic until he remembered where she was. His mom knocked, but after a couple minutes figured he'd slept in. At least they'd given her a spare key in case of emergencies. She walked in, walked into Sid's room where he lay in his jeans tangled up in his sheets, diagonal and backward.

She nudged his shoulder a little. "Sidney." He jumped

"Ben. Crap!" He jumped up with a start and then realized it was his mom. "Oh hey."

He put his shirt on. "God morning, Sidney. I'll take care of Ben while you get ready." He nodded and went to the bathroom to wash his face, brush his teeth, and check out whether he was good to go.

"Thanks for doing this, Mom." He tousled Ben's hair while he ate. He kissed his mother's cheek.

"No problem. Tell Cassie I love her."

"Sure thing." He rushed out to his car, and got to the hospital exactly at 10am. The desk attendant gave him a name tag, and he went outside to the generously beautiful yard the hospital had. That was the one advantage this hospital had over all the others. It was a safe place without being a prison. Cassie sat against a tree near the corner of the yard, nicely shaded.

Her legs were extended so her feet were warmed by the sunlight, the rest of her by the shade. She had her bible and their journal beside her, but she was just looking around. He walked up to her, sat down next to her. He kissed her cheek. "Hey babe." She smiled a slight smile.

"How's your day?" She was wearing his bat man t-shirt.

"Crappy."

He took her hand. "Mine, too. I couldn't sleep last night."

"Why'd you bring me here, Sid?"

"Because I was scared. You don't think you need to be here?"

She shrugged. "I have to go to the bathroom. You can wait here for me." She stood up, shook the grass off of her jeans, and walked in. He grabbed the journal and flipped through to the page where it stopped.

Sidney

I've only told you I've hated you once. I meant it, and I hoped you would be hurt by it. I knew you meant it as well, and it hurt me. I don't know if it hurt you.

Sid wrote beside that sentence 'It hurt me, too' and continued reading.

I don't like you right now. I love you, and everything. You taped that picture up there- that wasn't long ago at all – we were like little kids – giggling the day away. We're not like that now, and it's my fault. I understand you being scared, but I don't like to be here. I heard the baby screaming yesterday, Sid.

I killed it. I killed it by not eating anything for so long. I feel like I murdered her. I don't know what I was doing over the balcony. I just wanted the screaming to stop- and it did. I got here, I told them, and they gave me something to help me sleep.

Now the crying is gone. But I don't want to be here, Sid. They keep saying I should stay long enough to keep my weight up. I want to get that ceremony done instead- Elizabeth and I bought a dress- it won't fit if they make me up my weight before then. But they already made me eat this humongous (no, seriously) breakfast this morning, and my stomach feels distended.

I don't like it here. I couldn't sleep last night. I kept having nightmares, and you weren't beside me to rub my back and kiss me. I need to come back home – I don't see how I'll get better unless I can do that. Please, please.

I want to be with you again. It's all pretty here, but they're going to make me gain all this weight. Please, Sid? Take me home with you.

Cassie

He wrote under that letter

Cassie,

I love you – so much. And that includes not wanting you to even accidentally jump off of something because you can't get a bad memory or thought out of your mind. I know you weren't trying to kill yourself, but you would've died had you jumped, and I can't have that. I really can't. I'd fall apart. For all of this strength I fail in displaying, I wouldn't make it. So you HAVE to get better.

That includes gaining weight, if you need to. And you do. Don't worry about the dress- if you go up in size the world won't end. We'll get a new one and sell or give away the one in the closet. (It's beautiful, by the way.) Trust them here, Cassie.

The ceremony can wait. I'm not going anywhere. But this is important. I know you're scared out of your mind right now, but lean on God and let them help you disentangle yourself from this horrible, scary eating disorder. I'll be here, too. A phone call away and I'm going to visit you every chance they give me.

You can do this, baby. No matter how long it takes. We're all rooting for you. Me the most, though.

Sid.

He drew a snail under the picture, because she used to own a snail, and she called it Sidley. She kept it until they got together, and then she poured salt on it. He put glasses on the snail and a talk bubble that said 'I'MCRAZYABOUTYOU'.

He closed the journal just as she walked up and sat by him. "We have a family appointment after lunch." She leaned her head on his shoulder and put her bible on his lap, opening it up to the book of Daniel, chapter 3. Sid read it aloud to her, and they read like that, until lunchtime, when Sid picked up the two books and they walked hand in hand to lunch.

During the family appointment, the treatment team announced that they thought a month would be a good timeline to get her weight to a healthy range. They also said that if her progress was going fast enough, they would consider switching her to outpatient treatment. Cassie didn't take it well. Her psychologist allowed her 10 minutes more visiting time with Sid. So they sat in the hallway together.

"I can't believe this! Really! I can't believe you, I can't believe this – there's got to be a way to get out of this-"

Sid took her hands. "Hey. Look at me. Cassie, it's not that bad. Do well. Do what they tell you to do, and they'll let you go outpatient sooner. It won't be so bad."

"Sid, a month! A month!"

"Cassie- you need to do this – or you'll either be back here or dead next time – you NEED to do this! And you're not doing it alone. But you are doing it."

She got silent after that. He kissed her forehead, and the nurse reminded them it was time for Sid to go. "I'll be back at dinner," he said. She looked down while walking hand in hand with her to the door. "You CAN do this, Cassie," he said, standing at the doorway, and kissed her forehead again. "Call me if you need me."

She just watched him leave like a sad puppy being abandoned by her owner. This wasn't going to be easy – for either of them, he could tell. He drove to Starbucks, and Michelle was there, sitting in the corner reading. She sneezed when he walked in, and shook her perfectly curly hair, and looked up at him.

"Sid!" He waved to her, pointed at the counter, and studied the menu, even though he knew perfectly well what he wanted.

"Can I help you, Sir?"

"Yea. Um…I want a buttery croissant and…umm…an Iced caramel macchiato, venti." He paid and waited for his drink. This is going to be sufficiently awkward, he thought. After they gave him his drink, he walked over and sat across from Michelle. She was in one of the booth-like structures, and she had her knees up to her chest, reading a book.

"So," sighed Michelle.

Sid nodded. "So."

"I'm sorry, Sid. Last night, I…"

He shook his head. "That's okay, Michelle. Let's not let it happen again, though, because if I had just one more beer that night I would've had you in my bed in a matter of seconds and I can't do that. Neither can you."

Her heart fluttered when he admitted where it could've gone. She still felt ashamed, of course, for doing that. Ruining everything she'd ever had with Eric, the only boy who'd really loved her. Even Sid didn't count- they were both grieving and horny and young. He never actually loved her.

He was infatuated with her, sure. Not in love. She was in love with Eric. Not Tony. Not Sid. Neither of them really really loved her or were willing to give up everything to be with her like Eric was.

"Yeah. And I don't want to ruin anything with Eric. So it's not going to happen, for sure. But, Sid?" He looked up at her while tearing up his croissant. "Let's not let anyone know about this?"

"Sure thing. As long as it doesn't happen again."

They shook hands, but oh – her hands were soft. Silky soft. How did she get them so…soft? He pulled his hand away without seeming weird, and got up, said goodbye to her, to head home. Stop it, Sid, he told himself while starting the car, driving home.

Stop it stop it stop it. Don't fuck this up. Cassie is your WIFE. Michelle is your ex. From when you were seven-fucking-teen. A kid.

She's a different person now. Why are you even thinking about this? Look at your hand. See that ring, WEDDING RING? It means you made some pretty serious promises to Cassie. And you love her.

Michelle arouses you. But you don't love her. So have as many cold showers as you need, but get your shit together. NO cheating on your wife. You are NOT one of those guys.

When he got home, Ben was down for his afternoon nap, and Elizabeth was dusting. The carpet was apparently vacuumed, and it smelt amazing.

"Oh, dear- how's Cassie?" She continued cleaning while he plopped himself down on the couch, then yelped when the toy dinosaur hiding in between the cushions nipped him in the ass. He picked it up and put it on the coffee table. "She's staying there for a month to get her weight up- not happy about it." Elizabeth sat down beside him. "Well, then. We'll have to be praying for her." Sid didn't respond, though he did agree. He just took his glasses off and yawned.

"Oh," Elizabeth got up and brought a parcel over to him. "This fell out of the kitchen cupboard while I was feeding Ben his snack." He furrowed his brow as he took it from her. It said, in Cassie's writing, SECRET- DO NOT OPEN written repeatedly all over it.

"How have I noticed this?" After all, he was the one in the kitchen most of the time. He shrugged. "I'll open it later." His mom leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I'm going out to lunch with James. Call if you need anything."

"James, huh?" He knew who James was. He was a good friend of his dad's. He'd been in Sid's landscape for his whole life, sitting around at dinner tables drinking straight whiskey, going on vacations with his parents. Now here he was dating his Mom, which only concerned him, because Sid always suspected something going on even when his dad was in the picture.

"Yeah – nothing serious, just lunch." She picked up her purse.

"It's okay, Mom. You can date."

"I know that. This just isn't serious." He raised his eyebrows doubtfully, laying back on the couch. "Anyway, I'm going to be late. Love you!"

"Love you too!"

When his mom left, he walked to the fridge and got a leftover sandwich and a soda out and sat back down with the mystery package. He tore the packaging up. Letters. He unfolded one of them and nearly choked on his food.

Cassie,

Thank you for giving me another chance. It has been a joy to hear from you. The words you write warm my heart. I'm doing alright, just making do. Want to have dinner soon?

Love always,

Dad.

Sid kept shuffling through the letters and they were full of hope Cassie had, and her dad leading her on, that they were going to get back together and have a functional father-daughter relationship. Why hadn't she told him, though? And why plant them in the cupboard for him to find? Why was she even writing them? He picked them up and put them in their bedroom closet above her wedding dress.

They'd survive, he told himself. Cassie would, he would. He wouldn't cheat with Michelle. He would stop talking to her if that's what it took. They'd have this wedding, no matter how long it took. But hopefully it wouldn't take long, otherwise he'd brea.