I am a whore, I do confess. I put you on just like a wedding dress and run down the aisle. – Derek Webb, Wedding Dress.
Effie borrowed Tony's car while he spent the night at Sid's house and drove out to the burial ground. She just wanted to sit with them for a while, maybe, hopefully, feel them there, feel like they saw her one last time. She didn't expect to see JJ there, though. He sat, pulling out the grass in front of him, just talking away. So, she stood behind him for a while.
But JJ had the most keen senses out of anyone she knew. "Hey, Effie," he said, not turning around. She sat down beside him. "It's peaceful out here." Effie smiled.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it?"
"You wouldn't expect it because, like, their dead bodies are six feet under right over there, but it's so…serene."
"You been talking to them?"
"Yeah, I know it's dorky."
"It's not dorky."
Effie sighed and lay down on the grass. This did suck. Freddie and Cook should be sitting there with them, Freddie with his hand slipped in Effie's, and Cook chasing JJ around with a bug or something. That's the way they were supposed to grow up, and they were supposed to spend their whole lives like that. Now it seems it'd been reduced to the two of them. JJ lay down in the grass, too, and the silence was blissful. No one needed to ruin it.
Just a light breeze, a cloudy afternoon, and the two of them taking up space for the two who weren't anymore. Then, Effie felt something. She wasn't scared, or anything, but a hand moving gently up her back, and then sliding itself into her hand. Nice and warm. Such sweet breath breathing on her.
"Freds," she whispered with a smile, and JJ looked over at her.
"What about him?"
The hand went away, but it was fine. She still felt warm. "Nothing, nothing at all." They spent the afternoon like that, just enjoying the grass, and mostly not talking. They hadn't really ever talked. They were cordial and friends, of course, but never close friends.
Effie could already feel that changing. They walked back to Effie's car together, just reminiscing about the sillier moments, and what they liked most.
"I was just normal around them, you know?" JJ contributed. "Like, they know my brain's all wonky, but still. I felt like it wasn't when I was around them, and now they're both gone. So I guess I'm back to being the weird one."
Effie took JJ's hand in hers, and they started walking in step. "No, you aren't."
"You know what we did together every Friday, which we should do, since it's Friday?"
"What's that?"
"Falafels and beer."
Effie laughed. "That sounds perfect, JJ."
They got in the car but didn't stop holding hands while she was driving. It hadn't started being weird yet. They just needed that right now. They got four orders of falafels, and four pints of beer. The server looked at them odd when they set two of them up on the other side of the table. "Cheers," JJ said and tapped his beer glass with both Freds and Cook's, then Effie held up hers and they clanked.
She took his hand again, and they ate silently. Effie hated falafels, but that didn't matter now. Freds used to tease her by taking some home and stuffing them in his mouth, trying to get her to kiss him with them all in his mouth. She giggled a little while eating hers. The taste didn't matter. Then she took some from Fred's plate and stuck her tongue out.
"Take that, Freds. Who's laughing now?"
Tony stayed over at Sid's that night. It felt good to have a strictly boy's night with movies, video games, food, and plenty of beer.
"Yes! For only men," Said Sid, fairly plowed by the time the night was winding down. "Girls just…complicate things," he declared as he put the beer bottle down, then laid back on the couch.
Tony turned off the video game. "Says the married man."
"I mean, not just my wife. But suddenly every other woman I've ever been involved with decides to show up in my life and it's like – ok, perfect timing, awesome."
"And by every other woman you mean…"
"Michelle."
"Yeah, the other night was…interesting."
"So you saw it, then? When she tried to kiss me?"
"What? No. I just meant that it was awkward. She tried to kiss you?"
"Yeah, one minute we're sitting there all happy and stuff and the next she's about an inch away from me and I could've made out with her without even knowing."
"Glad you didn't."
Sid shook his head. "Yeah. Weeks away from my wife and I renewing our vows, and I break my fidelity. And it sucks, because I don't even know when I'm going to be able to get Cassie alone again, you know?"
"You will, Sid. Just wait, and it'll be worth it."
"Really fucking easy for you to say, single celibate man."
"Because celibacy is so easy. And it wasn't exactly easy for me to be there with her that night, either," Tony said, taking the chair across from the couch and reclining it, deciding this is where he would sleep.
"Take her back, already, Tony. We all know it's you two, and it always will be you two. This Eric thing is a load of shit, and I think she knows it. I know you know it, and I definitely know it."
"He loves her, Sid." Tony lay on the recliner with his eyes closed, drifting.
"Yeah, well. Not as much as you do."
"How do you figure that?"
Sid shrugs. "I just know."
With that, they were both asleep.
After taking Ben over to his mom's, Sid took the pack of letters to Cassie during visiting hours. She smiled when she saw him and ran up to him, giving him a kiss. He half-smiled back, then beckoned over to the tree. Saying 'I need to talk' was no use with her. She'd just panic and spend months in agony, and you'd definitely never get the talk out of her. You just had to hit her blindside with it if you wanted to get anything productive done. It was never pleasant, but at least it got done.
"What's wrong, Sid?" She sat beside him on a bench in the courtyard. They were mostly alone, except for staff. He dropped the package of letters opened on her lap. She looked up, puzzled.
"Oh come on, Cass. Don't lie to me and say you've never seen these."
"No – that's not what I was- you weren't supposed to find these. Where'd you find them?"
"You hid them in the cupboard, Cassie. My mom found them." Cassie shook her head and turned forward instead of facing him, and started rocking back and forth slightly.
"No. I didn't put them there. I got rid of them."
"How?"
She didn't want to tell him, he could tell. She was getting anxious.
"I…" she felt stupid, because it was stupid. She should've just told him straight up. She looked over at him. He wasn't amused. "I gave them to Tony one night so you wouldn't find them, okay? I called him while you were at work. He's my dad, Sid. It was my business."
Sid was still confused as to why they ended up in the kitchen. "Okay, couple things wrong with that. Tony? Why did you go to Tony when you have me here? More than that, I just don't get why you had to keep something from me, and especially to share it with Tony. And why didn't I hear about it from him? We're best friends."
"I told him to keep it a secret," she said quietly, looking down at her feet.
"Did something else happen, Cassie?" Something told him it did, but she shook her head. He told himself to stop thinking the worst about his wife, especially when he almost cheated on her twice within the last week. "Well, I mean…is there a reason you couldn't trust me with this?"
Cassie looked over at him. It really wasn't anything Sid did wrong, but they were fighting at the time, and one night when Sid went to work she asked Tony to come over. She gave him the letters, told him what they were about. She didn't tell Sid because, naturally, it'd scare him. But Tony didn't grow up that different than Cassie. Well, at least, Effie didn't.
But Tony got hurt, too. While she never appreciated Tony being a jerk to Sid when they were young, she understood completely where he was coming from in being mean to his dad. So she didn't call Sid home from work. Instead, as soon as he left, she called Tony. And they talked, innocently enough.
She felt a piece of the puzzle connect again being able to talk to someone about this. Of course, it ended badly. Him leaning over and kissing her. They weren't thinking. If people are ever thinking when they cheat on their spouses. She'd just pulled him ontop of him, and well…stuff happened.
He was different than Sid. He looked at her during sex. He didn't just look at her- it was like he was seeing through everything as he looked down at her. It didn't feel obligatory, it didn't feel dead. It felt real. They'd only done it that once, though.
A couple of weeks later is when she'd found out that she was pregnant. And Tony knew it, by the way he looked at her when she walked in the room with that white stick in her hand. Sid was oblivious, so she nodded at him. She'd been kicking herself for the past few days. Even though it was such a wonderful night with Tony there, she hated herself for the secret she had to keep from Sid, and how he kept beating himself up just trying not to cheat on her when he'd be justified.
"I thought you wouldn't…get why I wanted to see my Dad again. Tony's dad was a lot like mine, so…I mean…he understood it. And we were fighting. He was kind of like Switzerland."
She was right, Sid would've tried to talk her out of it. But ultimately, it was up to her. So if she was strong-willed enough, and Cassie was, he would've just said 'okay' and been there for her during the inevitable crash. Cassie spent the whole visit fighting against admitting to Sid what happened. They'd be ruined if she did that. He would leave her. She'd be alone.
So, they just held hands for the rest of the time, and then Sid walked out after giving her a quick kiss. He realized, after getting to his car, that she looked better that day. She was gaining some weight, and she looked beautiful. Next stop was Tony's. First his phone rang, and without looking, he picked it up. "Yello?"
"Sid?" It was Michelle. She was crying.
"Michelle what is it?"
"I just…I need to talk to someone and no one's picking up. I promise nothing will happen. Will you please meet me, though?"
"Where's Eric?" When he said that he could hear her crying. "Oh. Where do you want me to meet you?"
She picked a sushi restaurant not far from where he lived that was nice and quiet, with the opportunity for private conversation easy. Big, black booths with low lighting and quiet classical music. He got there first, and she walked in a minute later. God, the girl was wrecked. She had cleaned up to meet him, but he could still tell she'd been crying for quite a while. He walked over and gave her a big hug.
"I'm sorry, Chelle." He kissed her forehead. They got a booth quickly enough and sat down.
"What happened?" He asked after they ordered. He'd never been here before but it felt like where vampires would take people to dine before eating them.
"I broke up with him."
"Makes sense."
"What?" She hadn't come here to hear that. She wanted someone to tell her that it was surprising – that she and Eric were made for each other, that they should never break up. Ever. She wanted to hear that, so that she'd go back to him, tell him she was sorry, that this was all a big mistake.
And they'd spend the rest of their lives happy. And she'd forget about both Sid and Tony. All of this would be over.
"Come on, Chelle. I'm not dumb. You are in love with Tony. That's how it is. That's how it's always been, and it always will be." She didn't say anything until they got their food. "Just…go over to his house tonight and tell him that. He loves you, Michelle. I'm his best friend- I know that he loves you. "
"But you-"
"We were young. Okay? We were young and we were stupid. The sex was great but it's not going to happen again."
Michelle gave him her eyes. He doubted she knew she was giving them, and the effect it had on him. But this time she was stronger. He was with Cassie -that was final. Wouldn't ever change. After going out to lunch with Michelle he picked up Ben from his mom's and headed straight over to Tony's. He had to figure this out.
Cassie trudged inside to her room after free time and called Tony right away.
"Hello."
"Why'd you plant the letters in the kitchen cupboard, Tony?"
"He found them?"
"Of fucking course he found them. What were you thinking?"
"I can't keep the secrets anymore, Cassie."
She panicked. "You'd better not tell him…"
"You aren't going to? Do you know how honest he's been with himself and you about Michelle?"
"Yes, and that took two people, Tony. Two. You do realize if you tell him your friendship is wrecked, too? Not just our marriage."
Silence on the other line. "Someone's at the door, Cassie. I have to go. But I'll call you back."
He hung up and was surprised to find Tony and Ben at the door. "Can we talk?"
"Uh, yeah. Sure." He let both of them inside. He walked Benjamin over to Effie's room where her and JJ were hanging out to let them babysit him and then got a couple of beers from the fridge, offering one to Sid, which he took.
"So, this package that my mom found in my kitchen cupboard, full of letters. Know anything about it?"
Tony wasn't looking forward to this. There was no way possible that it would end well. Here goes nothing, he thought, and sat down at the kitchen table, signalling for Sid to do so. "I'd rather stand, thanks," Sid responded, arms crossed, holding the neck of his beer in between his fingers.
"She called me over one night when you guys were fighting. To talk about what was going on with your dad."
"Why didn't you clue me into this, Tony? You didn't have to share the gory details," Tony tried not to cringe, "but you could've at least said 'hey, you know, you might want to talk to your wife about what's going on in her life.' We were fighting a lot and I would've appreciated the clue. Since you're my best mate and everything."
"Sid…" Tony put his beer down and rubbed his face. This was definitely going to end badly.
"No. Don't 'Sid' me. Stop being so fucking patronizing! Why the hell did you keep this from me, Tony?"
"It was complicated."
"Complicated how?" Sid yelled.
Effie turned up the music on her stereo when Sid started shouting. JJ was playing dinosaurs and legos with him. Nothing was more charming than the way JJ handled children. Some people had said he loved kids so much because of his Asperger's, but Effie was beginning to think that it was just him, the way he was. He wasn't shy to show affection and be silly like so many other guys she knew. JJ looked up at her, staring at him.
He smiled at her. Effie felt a bit guilty sometimes. That there should be a singlehood period after losing someone. But this was innocent enough, and there was just something about JJ. Maybe the way he was closer to God than anyone else he knew. That might've been it.
But whatever else was going on, there was something awesome about JJ.
"Complicated how?" Sid yelled again after Tony just looked at the ground. Sid put his beer on the kitchen table. "You better fucking tell me what went on, Tony, because I already know it was more than talking about your childhoods."
"Sid-"
"Say it."
"But-"
"I don't care. I want to hear you say it."
Tony looked beyond Sid at the hallway. He couldn't look in his eyes. "I slept with her," he said quietly.
"I couldn't hear you. Tell me louder," Sid commanded. Silence. Sid stepped closer. "I said, fucking tell me louder."
Tony looked up at him, stood up, levelling. "I said I slept with her, alright? I slept with her!"
Sid grabbed the collar of Tony's t-shirt and began trying to push him. Tony was just as strong, though, if not stronger, so he resisted, but only until Sid kicked him in the groin and pinned him on the ground.
"Yeah, Tony. That's what you get. You haven't changed at all, have you? All this nonsense you tell me about following God. It's all a load of rubbish." He started punching him while he talked. Tony kept yelling and managed to knee him in the stomach hard enough to knock him over.
"I made a mistake, Sid. I'm sorry."
"No," came Sid sobbing from the ground. When Tony tried to touch him he jerked himself away. "Sleeping with my wife is a hell of a lot more than just a mistake." He got up. "And yes. I'm crying because of you this time." He shook his head at Tony, ignoring the obvious damage he did.
Tony's mouth and nose were both bleeding and he'd put cuts in several spots on his face. He just went to pick up Ben from Effie's room.
"Come on, Ben. Thanks, guys." Ben was hesitant to leave, but Effie gave him one of her dinosaur figurines so he happily walked over to Sid.
"Sid," said Effie, getting up. "Is everything okay out there?"
"I've got to go," Sid said, scooping up Ben and walking straight out of the apartment. "What do you say we go put you down for a nap, eh?" said Sid.
He put him down for a nap just so he could stay sane. He spent the afternoon sitting in front of their walk-in closet, looking directly at Cassie's wedding dress. After hours of staring at it, he got it out. He waited until evening visiting time to do anything else and then he gathered up the dress and put it in the trunk of his car. He took Ben to his mother's, pretending everything was peachy. Elizabeth welcomed him inside.
"What've you two got planned tonight?"
"Well," Elizabeth said excitedly, equally to Ben and Sid, making Ben giggle, "we've got macaroni and cheese, a dvd, and play-doh planned!" Sid half-smiled.
"Good deal. I won't be long, so I'll come back and join you guys." He swung his lanyard as he started walking to the front door.
Elizabeth sat Ben down at the table with crayons and paper.
"Everything okay, Sid?" He turned around and faked his best smile. Not unrealistic, but the goal was to get the sad out of his eyes.
"Yeah, everything's great. Just going to go to the hospital, is all." Elizabeth knew something was up but she didn't want to push him so she walked up and hugged him, gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Alright, love. See you soon."
Sid hated being emotional sometimes, not like the guys, say, Tony, who could ride it out and be cool, who didn't have crying jags. He wished his mom hadn't hugged him because then he wouldn't have started crying as soon as he left her parking lot. He managed to get it together in time to get to the campground, to pay for a night's stay, which he wasn't going to use anyway, and get to the fire pit. He lost all control at that point. While the sky darkened he threw the white dress into the fire pit. Ruined now. Dirt all over it.
Ruined. No one could wear it. Then he topped it with branches and sticks, and lit it on fire. He watched fire rise, and he stopped crying. He lay back in the dirt and watched the fabric cackle and shrink. He remembered watching TV with Chris days before he died. "You know what?" He'd said.
"Hmph?" Sid replied.
"It seems weird, and maybe a little sad, but in the end, we're just alone with God."
"You're not alone, Chris."
"What do you mean? You're not going with me."
"Yeah, well. You come and go. So does everyone else. We all kind of have to. And I come and go."
Sid turned his head toward Chris. "But you're not dying."
"Come on, Man. Get real."
Sid didn't say anything back. He was scared to guarantee something like that. Everyone knew the time that Chris had was shoddy. But laying there by the fire, it wouldn't have hurt him to have Chris there.
He watched it until it was gone. He may have been sitting too close to the fire. He may have been burning, but at least he wasn't cold. He looked at his watch after a while, and figured he better get back to pick up Ben. He put out the fire, left the dress there. But it was dark, and he had no flashlight and didn't see the rock that he tripped over, onto his arm. Immediately he heard the crack in his ankle and he yelled out but no one was there.
The fire was out now, too, and it was pitch black. He just waited until he could come to his senses, and he could barely do that, but he managed to limp to his car. He wondered how he would explain this. When he arrived at his mom's house he was late – Ben was sleeping. He was barely managing to limp through the front door.
"Sid! What on earth happened? What did you do?"
He tried to wave her off but almost fell over on the bad ankle and she managed to get him on the couch. She pulled his leg up on the ottoman. "I thought you were going to visit Cassie." Sid closed his eyes, realizing he had no choice to explain all of this.
"How did you hurt your leg, Sid?"
"Tripped over a rock, and it's fine."
"It's swollen to hell, and" she pushed him down when he tried to get up "you're not going anywhere. Now where were you?"
He tiredly told her what happened and about burning the dress. "Oh, well then." She went to the refrigerator and got a pack of ice and packed it around his ankle. She kissed his forehead. "Have you called her?" Sid shook his head. "You need to call her Sid."
"Not yet. Not now." She rubbed his arm.
"I'm going to call James to watch Ben and then we're going to the hospital."
Sid was wishing that he didn't have Ben now. He should've told Cassie no. When James arrived, Sid tried to be cordial, but it really wasn't long until his Mom got him into her car. "So you talked to Tony about it?"
"Yeah, I mean, well, the talking didn't last long if you follow."
"She's your wife, Sid. You two need to fix this."
"Not now, Mom."
"Just saying."
"Fix what?" Sid was crying again. "What the hell is there to fix anymore? She cheated on me with Tony."
"You said For Worse, and up until now you've held up that vow."
Sid shook his head. He agreed with her, but he didn't even want to look at Cassie, or see her in any capacity. "Sid, you can't punk out of this. You love her- I know you do. I also know you can take her back."
Tony locked himself in the bathroom for a good while, just telling Effie to go away, he was fine. He took a shower- he always did that. When he was a kid, and he got hit, he would turn the water up hot enough to burn him and let all the blood rinse off his face. His mom used to have to pull him out of there, or he'd take all of the hot water or burn himself. Now he just wanted to get the blood off, and after he got dressed he went back out into the living room, where Effie was waiting for him.
"Where's JJ?" He asked.
"He went home. What happened? Are you okay?" He shrugged, sat down on the couch.
"I fucked it with Sid and Cassie. Otherwise, I'm fine, yeah."
She handed him an ice pack from their freezer. "How'd you do that?"
"Slept with Cassie, got her pregnant."
Effie was stumped. Yeah, that was a big one, even for Tony. She sat on the couch by him. "Well."
Then someone knocked on the door. "Tell them to go away." Effie tousled Tony's hair, got up and answered the door to find Michelle. "Michelle, now's not a great ti-"
"I need to see Tony. Please let me in?" Tony got up and turned around, and Effie let her in.
"Crap – Tony- what happened to you? Who did this?" She rushed up to him. Effie left them alone. Michelle examined the wounds and bruises on his face.
"Sid," he said, relatively void of emotion.
"What? That's not like Sid."
"Yes it is. He punched me when I cheated on you. He just sucked at it." They both gave a nervous chuckle and sat down on the couch.
"Um…I needed to say something. But now it's really awkward."
"What is it?"
She didn't know how to tell him what she wanted, so maybe words weren't the best vehicle. She was almost too nervous, but she lifted his chin up with her finger, leaned over and kissed him slow. Tony just sat for a second, and then he kissed back, pulling her closer to him. They kissed like that for a while before pulling away. Tony smiled at her, but then his lip hurt. She laughed at him as she put the ice back on his lip.
He removed it to talk. "So, you broke up with Eric, I take it?"
"Yes." She lay across his lap onto to the couch cushion.
"Are you sure about this?"
She nodded.
"I mean, you're sure you don't really want Sid? You know how I fucked up the last time we gave this a go."
"It was always you. We've both changed." He grabbed her hand and kissed it.
"Think we can do this?"
She smiled up at him. "Yes I do."
Sid didn't call Cassie for a couple of weeks while his leg healed. He just stayed at home and went to work – took care of Ben. That was all he wanted and needed. Until one day she called him, about a week away from their one year anniversary. "Hey, Sid?" Came her voice.
"Oh – hey, Cassie," he muttered, and sat down on the couch.
"I'm uh…I'm coming home from treatment. Do you want me to make arrangements to stay somewhere else?"
"No, you can come home."
"Okay. Well, I'll be there this afternoon then."
"Okay."
He just lay back, not really knowing exactly what to say to her.
The awkwardness of the room was thick. She took her suitcase to the room, then came back and asked, "Where'd my…where'd my dress go?"
He was watching television to avoid her. "Burned it."
She wanted to be angry at him for that, but she knew she deserved it.
"I'm, uh…I'm supposed to go out with Michelle tonight."
"With Michelle?" He looked up at her for the first time since she got home from treatment. She looked wonderful – she'd put on weight, and she looked healthy. But she didn't look happy. "I'll leave the light on."
He didn't move as she got ready, gave Ben a kiss, but she stopped as she was going through the door. "Sid…"
"Hmm?"
"Are we still doing the ceremony?"
"Yes."
She stared at him for a minute and then walked out the door. In reality there wasn't much she could do to get him to back out of it. He didn't know how to act around her, sure, but he wanted to move past this.
Cassie met Michelle at the pub – they hadn't met there in years, but despite everything that was going on around them, they still felt secure. "So glad you're back in town," said Cassie. "It's so boring here without you. I mean, Jalanda left a year ago, so it's kind of…kind of like nothing's here. Me and Sid, and, well, you know. Who knows if he still loves me?" She immediately felt awkward for bringing it up. She'd had disclosure by this point – so it was remarkable Michelle even came to visit her or invited her out for drinks tonight.
"You look good, Cassie. Do you feel good?"
Cassie smiled. "Yeah. At first, it was real uncomfortable, you know? Like, I weigh the most now that I've ever weighed. And it just felt…weird." She laughed. Both her and Michelle knew there was more to the situation than just feeling 'weird'. "But I've been working at it, and I've started to become less entrenched. I still go to day treatment, though. I suppose it's better than overnight treatment."
They enjoyed a the night at the pub together, and then walking around together, arm in arm.
"This is how it should always be," Cassie observed.
"Yes, yes it should."
"You and me."
Michelle firmly squeezed her hand.
Cassie decided not go straight home that night, but instead stopped at the diner where she and Sid had their first kiss. She ordered everything – fries, bacon cheeseburger, blueberry pie with ice cream, milkshake. And she sat there with it all for a while. Smelling it, touching it, before she dug in. As big of a bite as it would let her take.
She made sure to be in the darkest corner of the cafe and luckily it was midnight so no one was there. She didn't care that it got on her clothes and in her hair and on her face- life was perfect at that moment, digging into it, tasting everything salty and sweet life had to offer. But then came the walk home. And she mostly did fine on the walk home. It was only once she got in the apartment that she lost it. Sid was sleeping, so she didn't want to wake him. The nausea overtook her though, so she didn't have time to turn on the faucet before throwing up.
In treatment, one of the things they dealt with was how she tended to feel before and after throwing up, and working on not supressing those feelings. So she lay there after cleaning up, on the tile floor, hand over her mouth, sobbing.
Sid heard her, but by the time he'd gotten up she was already sitting in the shower. He awkwardly sat down on the tile, boot not making it easy to do so. He pulled back the shower curtain and reached for her hand. She looked confused, hesitant. He pulled her hand out and kissed it. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispered. She turned off the shower water.
"Sid, I don't know what to say. You don't deserve this, or me." He pulled himself closer. "You really don't. I can't believe I…" He leaned in to kiss her.
"I know we can get through this, Cassie, okay?"
She leaned her head against his. "I don't know."
"I still meant it when I said 'for worse,'" he reminded her.
"But you didn't sign up for this…"
"Well, technically I did."
She shook her head. "I prayed for God to forgive me and I'm sorry, Sid, I am."
"I forgive you, too."
She grabbed a towel off of the rack and pulled him up once she got out – they walked to bed together.
He rubbed her back once in bed. "You can forgive yourself now, Cassie. It's gone."
They almost overslept for church the next morning. Elizabeth rushed over and enveloped Cassie in a hug, which was definitely not what she expected. But she was warm and she kissed her forehead. Sid smiled. It had been a hard, but good morning. Margarit came and got Ben that morning, and they needed it – they needed to start new, and not have a kid to complicate things.
"Welcome back, darling." As worship started, Cassie looked up at her.
"Aren't you kind of mad at me for cheating on your son?"
Elizabeth stroked some hair out of Cassie's face. "I think I'm gonna let God deal with that, Cassie. And I'm just glad to have you back here with Sid. Oh," she wrapped her arm around Cassie, "Sid and I picked the perfect site for the ceremony. I'll take you there after church, okay?" Cassie sat down with Sid, took his hand in hers. She felt like she was with family again, and she hadn't had that feeling in far too long.
Tony, of all people, was leading worship, and he and Sid locked eyes on each other during worship. After a couple songs, Tony realized that communion was coming up, so he signaled for the other guitarist to take over singing and put his guitar on it's stand. He walked over to Sid, who just ignored him. "Just give me a minute?" Sid wanted to say no with everything he had. Cassie nudged him and whispered in his ear – "Go on, Sid. You forgave me."
He wanted to whisper that it was barely comparable, but he realized they were starting a scene so he got up and followed Tony to the back of the church, into to the foyer. "I don't know what to say," Tony said, while Sid shifted his eyes to the ground. "It would be perfectly fine for you to never forgive me or talk to me again, Sid. I'd understand that."
"But, I should anyway, right?" Sid snapped back.
Tony shook his head.
"Tony, you're not seventeen anymore. You're not a kid. It wasn't okay when you were that age, but you're not. You're just not a kid anymore, and there's no excuse for it. It doesn't just go away, just like that."
"I know, Sid. I'm sorry. You don't have to forgive me but I'm begging for a chance, okay?"
They just stood there looking at each other for a while. And while Sid didn't want to let Tony off the hook, he couldn't justify refusing communion. So he gave him a hug.
"Wedding's on Friday, be at my apartment at 6pm." He pulled away. Tony had a grateful smile on his face. They both walked back in, and Cassie slid over a bit so that Tony could sit next to Sid. Then they took communion.
Elizabeth took Cassie out to lunch, and she was pleasantly surprised that there were no lectures, no comments on what a horrible wife she had been thus far. Maybe she hadn't been paying attention to God's grace lately, or maybe it was hard to unless it hit you in the face like this.
"Thank you, Elizabeth," she said, "I've never known…family like this. Like you and Sid. It's unnerving."
Elizabeth reached across the table and took her hand. "Wonderful, isn't it?"
After lunch, which Cassie succeeded in enjoying without throwing up or having a panic attack, Elizabeth took her on a drive out by the lake. "This is my friend James' house." They went in the backyard, and the view was breathtaking. The lake, which she could only imagine at twilight, and not to mention everything was so green, and so spacious. Beautiful lanterns already hung up all over the place, and there was the most beautiful, huge, white gazebo.
"Oh….Oh Elizabeth…" She stood in the gazebo. Perfect for her, Sid, and space enough for everyone who was coming. God, this was going to be the most beautiful wedding. "Sid burned the dress, plus, I would've grown out of it."
"I know, darling. That's why we're going shopping after."
"Why are you spoiling me like this?"
"You're my daughter, as far as I can tell," Elizabeth said as Cassie sat down on the gazebo.
Cassie agreed. She loved her mom, but this family felt like home now. Her mom was lovely, and raised her, and everything, but God had seemingly shifted her.
They ended up finding the perfect dress, and she was exhausted by the time she came home to Sid. "Close your eyes!" She said as she halfway-entered the door. He closed them and covered them with his hand. She walked in. "Now, no peeking, and no opening them until I say so."
"Okay, can I look now?" She laughed.
"Almost!" She put the dress in the walk-in closet, then went over to Sid, sat on his lap, and removed his hands from his eyes. He squeezed them shut, and she kissed each of them. "Now. Just don't go looking in our closet."
"Done deal," he looked up at her and smiled.
The first date was all engineered by JJ, and, if he did this all right, it would go well and Effie would fall for him. He came to her doorstep, T shirt on and a suit jacket over it, jeans and his converses. She smiled at him, as usual a vision. He handed her a tulip. She smiled. "So, where are we going?"
"Oh, it's a surprise."
One of Freds and Cook's favorite pastimes was paintball, and they never took girls with them, but they went about once a week. JJ and Effie had been talking a lot about the boys – not sadly. It just seemed, to both of them, that they were missing a whole world of the boys while they were alive. Only that the other one had access to. So, JJ decided, they would start exploring this world, these places. Starting with paintball. "Ah. So that's why you made me wear jeans," Effie said when they got there.
"It was an important tradition to us. Every Friday after college, we came here. Mostly, they liked to attack me. Because they were good and I wasn't. But sometimes I got them, too. It was important for me to show you this side of them, Effie.
"Because even though I'm just getting to know you, i-it feels like I'm getting to know Freds and Cook too. You might feel the same way." She smiled, kissed his cheek, and then gave him an evil eye. They suited up. It wasn't so much paintball, but paint balloons. Either way, Effie thought the idea was delightful.
"Better run, boy," she giggled. And they were off.
The week went by quickly for both Sid and Cassie. She had trouble concentrating during treatment, him during work. But it came. Friday came, and Michelle and Elizabeth came early in the morning to whisk Cassie off to a day of being primped and plucked and painted. She took his hand before she left. "I love you." He smiled and kissed her.
"I love you. I'll see you tonight."
He mostly hung around the apartment, enjoying the peace of mind, until Tony arrived at 6 to get him ready. He shifted back into being the Tony he was when they were sixteen – showing little Sid the ways of the world.
"No, don't do your hair like that. It looks dorky. Just a little bit of cologne. No, no, let me get your tie."
As he let Tony fuss over him, it occurred to him that his dad was missing this moment. Well, hope you're watching this, Dad, he thought. Something told him that he was. Something warm inside of him.
"Sid, are you listening?"
"Hmm?" He looked up at Tony.
"I said, this is how you do the cufflinks."
Sid couldn't help but laugh. They drove the short drive to James' house. Sid had the ring in his pocket that he'd picked out. Tony had pointed out, when he showed him in the car, that he was really spoiling the girl with jewelry.
"Yeah well," Sid said, "she deserves it."
It was still awkward, this girl, this situation, so when they parked, Tony stopped Sid from going out.
"I'm honored, Sid, that you want me to be a part of this."
"You're my best friend, stupid. You do stupid things. Doesn't mean you're not my best friend." As they walked into the crowd, Sid was satisfied at how it looked.
Lanterns glowed all around, fish jumped in the lake, and the sound of the water lapping up against the sand was their companion. It couldn't have been more perfect. Elizabeth walked up to him, kissed him on the forehead, then wiped off her lipstick.
"This is perfect, Sidney, and I'm so proud of you." He smiled at his mom, and kept on walking up to the gazebo where Max stood.
Michelle sat with Cassie in the living room. The bride was stunning, even in such a simple summer dress. Of course, Cassie never failed to be stunning, but with the summer flowers braided in her hair, and the simple make-up, as well as her and Sid's first engagement ring on a necklace, she looked breathtaking. "Are you nervous, Cass?"
Cassie gave an obviously full-of-butterflies sigh. "Kind of, yeah. This is all just so exciting."
Tony stood by Sid as everyone gathered in the gazebo. Max smiled and waved at Sid. Tony decided that it would probably be good to lighten the mood by making a joke. "A little late for it, aren't you, Max? Dude's getting married." Everyone did, indeed, laugh, including Max.
"Oh, well, you know Sid, I just had to make my feelings known." Sid shook his head and laughed, but all of that stopped when he saw Cassie approaching. A vision. The flowers in her hair, the white dress, Michelle at her side, smiling at Tony.
Once Cassie was standing opposite Sid, holding his hands, Mark started his speech.
"I've known Sid since, well…let's just say long before he met Cassie. I also knew him when he wanted to talk to someone about knowing Jesus. But this time it wasn't just him. It was Cassie too. I knew it then, when I prayed with them over their newfound faith and relationships with God and each other, that these two were called by God to be together until the heavenly kingdom, where the only titles are brother and sister…"
Sid and Cassie just looked at each other, giggling occasionally. It all seemed like wasted time until they could say their vows- which they hadn't discussed or rehearsed. Max let Sid go first.
"Cassie," he began. "I love you. I always have loved you, and I always will. I promise to live this out, and to never stop saying it to you. I promise to listen, to always be there when you need someone to hug you or talk to you. I promise to pray with you regularly, pray for you constantly. I promise to try to be the husband you deserve. Tough act to follow," he said, while everyone laughed, "but I'll try." He then put the ring on her finger.
"Sid," she said after composing herself. All the girls seemed to be giggling along with her, as if they all know what this felt like. "I promise to be patient with you. I promise to let you stay up late at night, to let you eat what you want. I am so grateful," her voice cracked and she started crying, "to have a husband such as you, who defends me, loves me even when I'm not worthy of that love, and supports me when I can't stand.
"I promise to love you, even on those dark days and nights where we both question everything but our faith in God. I promise to laugh with you, and cry with you, and I promise never to stray from the promises I've given you. I promise to always love you in the same manner that you love me."
As she finished, she heard some sniffling.
"With that," Mark said, "let's pray for the renewed hearts and spirits of this new family. Elizabeth, if you'll come up here and pray with them," and Elizabeth did. Both Sid and Michelle locked hands with her. All three of them had tears in their eyes. "When two people get married, it's not just them who are involved. Now, we want to bond all three of the members of this beautiful, Godly family. If you'll pray with me…"
He prayed over their marriage, over their family, and he prayed for protection from any of the temptations that might enter in to a marriage. Sid gripped Cassie's hand as they prayed for this. I love you, he was saying. And I'm in this forever.
Mark then said 'amen,' and followed that with, "You may kiss your bride. Again." Everyone laughed at the apparent humor of getting married twice, only this time no legal paper needed to be signed. Sid leaned in, pulled Cassie up to him and kissed her. "Happy one year anniversary," he whispered as he pulled away. Cassie smiled up at him. Everyone cheered, and clapped.
JJ squeezed Effie's hand, and she leaned into him. Michelle smiled at Tony. Sid was happy, truly happy, for the first time in a while. It was a small ceremony, enough that they were able to seat everyone at one table for dinner. Sid looked around the table. This is what his life needed to stay like. Even though they wouldn't always be on a moonlit lake surrounded by their friends and family, they needed to stay this in love.
FIN.