AN: I forgot to mention, this story is based off/inspired by channyfan92's "Indecent Proposal CxS" [its Rated M btw]. Credit to her for the idea. She only wrote four chapters before her computer crashed. So I figured I'd put my own spin on it, so it's really different, but has a similiar plot.

Three years later

"Doctor, are you sure that's our only option?" I asked, my throat tight.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm very sorry. You have two weeks." he looked at me understandingly before walking away, leaving me to squeeze my mothers hand as I cry softly. "Don't worry, Sonny." My mother whispered to me, too weak to speak louder. She was the only person who still called me Sonny. To everyone else, I was known as Allison. But my mom always said that she knew, deep down inside of me, I was still that bright, happy, girl, everyone loved. Not the dark depressed girl who wore nothing but black.

"Everything's gonna be fine."

"How is anything about that fine? You're going to die, mom. I'm gonna lose you. That's not fine." I squeaked out.

Instead of responding, she closed her eyes peacefully. I sat there, still gripping her cold hand as she slept. I wanted to go out and make the twenty-five thousand dollars for my mother's surgery, magically.

But unfortunately, this was the real world. The real world had no hope and no enchantment. Just tears and heartbreak. After my break up with Chad, my whole world had come crumbling down.

The breakup was messy, to say the least. I had thought I won, after I got my revenge. "That's what you get for being a heart-breaker." I told him, as he stood, jaw-dropped and wide-eyed, that fateful night. The next day, when reporters asked about our breakup, I simply said we didn't work out, while Chad claimed I was just using him for his fame.

Meanwhile, I hung out with Hayden a lot more often than I used to. Rumors flew everywhere that we were dating, and that I had dumped Chad for him. Every magazine compared Hayden to Chad, in Hayden's favor. Hayden had also officially made it into the acting business, making him the greatest actor of our generation. Not Chad. Teen girls created teams. Team Chad or Team Hayden. The majority of the girls were on Team Hayden, except for the somewhat loyal fan girls who still hung onto that tiny thread of hope that Chad Dylan Cooper was a good guy.

We ignored each other at Condor Studios. Me, because I was too hurt to talk to him; and him, because he thought he was better than me. Instead of being an even huger jerk torwards everyone like I had expected, he was actually nice. For a split second, after seeing his acts of kindness, I expected him to actually be that way to me, too. He was actually nicer torwards everyone else than he was to me when we were dating. But we weren't dating anymore. So he was harsh to me, and friendly to everyone else. The exact opposite of when we were together. Friday, I couldn't take it anymore. I exploded at him, telling him what a jerk he was.

I'll never forget what he said that day:

"You don't mean shit to me anymore, Sonny. You never did."

He walked away after that, leaving me to slide down the wall of the empty cafeteria, hugging my knees.

That following Monday, Marshall came to our prop house, head low, telling us that So Random has been officially cancelled. Chad had gone to Mr. Condor and convinced him that it was a pointless show and no one cool watched it anymore. And for some strange reason, Mr. Condor listened to him.

I lost everything. My friends, my job, and my money source. I spent three months that summer in Hollywood, looking for work. I got none. Chad had black-listed me to all the producers and directors of the town. Even the bad ones. Leaving me no choice but to flee the city I had grown to love so much, and back to Wisconsin. When I first moved, I missed my home day after day. But after I started dating Chad, his lifestyle morphed into mine. Now, I hated Wisconsin. I hated it passionately. It wasn't my home anymore. California was my home. But thanks to this damn economy, all I could get was a job as a waitress, in a restaurant my perverted uncle owned. My mom was the only thing that could get me through it all. Otherwise, I would've committed suicide a long time ago.

And now she's dying.

What will I have left?

Tawni doesn't talk to me anymore. Same goes for the rest of my cast. They've all moved on to bigger and better things, yet they still hate me for getting their show cancelled. Like I had done it on purpose.

Even my old friends here in Wisconsin hate me. They say Hollywood changed me.

They only know the half of it.

If they only knew how often I cry myself to sleep. How often I dream that Chad and I were still together. If only they payed attention to the cuts covering my wrist. If only they noticed my subtle cries for help. If only they saw the word worthless which I had carved into the skin above my belly button. If only they knew how lonely I am.

If only they knew me.

Everyday I wear a mask. I hold it to my face to protect me from others, so they can't see in, and hurt me like Chad did. It hides the truth, the lies. The hurt. I do it to not only stop them from seeing my pain and vulnerability, but to make it seem okay. Normal even. It's hard keeping the mask in place, it keeps getting heavier and heavier. My arms are beginning to hurt, it's all just too much. I can't do this much longer, I feel so weak, so powerless. I have to keep it in, I can't let them know how much everything hurts. The pain I face everyday. The feeling of dread every morning when I realize I'm still alive. My mask is slipping. And I can't stop it.

I would like to blame Chad Dylan Cooper for everything. Even the mere name made me shiver. It would make it a lot easier for me to think of him as the devil. But, he was not responsible for my mother, my only friend, being diagnosed with cancer. He was, however, responsible for me not being able to pay for the surgery that could save her life. If she died…I shuddered at the thought. I wouldn't have any reason to live anymore. I might as well commit suicide, like I had wanted to for so long. The only thing that stopped me was my mom. But if she's gone, I might as well join her.

I wish, day after day, that it was just a crush. Or that I just liked him, but not love. But that wasn't true. I was more and more in love with him each and every day. It tortured me to see him on TV with other girls. Beautiful girls.

He used to tell me all the time that I was beautiful. But after everything, I no longer believed it. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw a monster staring back at me. A hideous, gross, un-wanted, fat, monster.

I stopped eating. I broke all of my mirrors. Chad hurt me more than he'll ever know, and there was nothing I, or anyone else, could do about it. I tried to fake a smile for my mom, day after day, hoping she wasn't able to see through it. I was dying, slowly but surely, each day. Not dying in the way my mother was, but dying on the inside. All of my emotions were nonexistent. It was a miracle if I felt anything at all. Now, Neosporin and long-sleeved shirts are my best friends.

I tried to think of any people I knew of who I knew who would give me the money. Tawni, Grady, Nico, and Zora won't even talk to me, and they're the only people I knew who had even more than $25,000 to spare. I had already tried calling them and explaining my situation, but they hung up on me each time. Great friends I had. Really.

I couldn't stand just sitting there while my mother was dying. Forget about what would happen to me. I love her so much. Even if I was dead, the world would still need such a good soul like her to be alive. I had to do something. Anything. Anything at all. I'd risk anything for her.

"Miss Monroe?" the blonde nurse opened the door and peeked in. Did I mention that I now think blonde is the ugliest hair color? When she saw me looking back at her, she stepped in all the way.

"You need to let your mother rest for a little while, then we're gonna check on some things, alright?"

"So you want me to leave?"

She nodded. "You haven't slept the whole time you've been here. Go home. Do some resting yourself."

I couldn't believe the nerve of her. I can't even sit by my mom's side anymore? I need as much time with her while she's alive as I could possibly get.

But I couldn't do anything. I had no choice but to go home and wait alone while my mother dies.

When I arrived at home, I tried to sleep, but it was impossible. I had too many thoughts that liked to haunt me when I wanted to fall asleep. And whenever I would actually get to sleep, it would only be for no more than an hour or two, thanks to my nightmares. All of my nightmares had one thing in common: Chad Dylan Cooper.

Whether it was the one where I die and no one attends my funeral, or the one where I lose my mom, or the one where I'm being beaten over and over again, Chad is always there; laughing. His blue eyes sparkling in amusement while I scream.

Thankfully, a knock on the halted my harmful thoughts and memories floating through my head.

I took my time to get to the door. Three years ago, I'd bounce up from whatever I was doing, rush to the mirror to make sure I looked presentable, then swing open the door perkily. Now, I dragged myself to the wooden door of my small apartment.

When I opened it, I stood in shock at the male leaning on the frame of my door. I rubbed my hazel eyes; I had to be dreaming. I just had to. Even though I wasn't, the boy - no - the man's ice blue eyes danced, while he had a smirk glued on his face. Just like my nightmares.

"What's up, Sonshine?"