The characters are not mine, they belong to Charlaine Harris.
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Sookie's POV
I had thought that life was pretty good, getting back to normal for me anyway. The only missing piece was my boyfriend, John Quinn the weretiger, I had not seen him since Rhodes. Then all hell breaks lose. The Shreveport were pack goes to war, I almost get killed first by an assassin and then again at the battle. Then my ex-boyfriend, Quinn, shows up to help over through Sophie Ann, Queen of Louisiana, I end up with strange vamps galore at my house, threatening to burn the house. To top it all off he got his memories back, I knew it was coming and coming fast when he got the Bennelli from the closet, where he put it all those months ago, after I used it to shoot Debbie Pelt. It was kill or be killed okay? Then I save him and the new King of Louisiana, Feliepe De Castro, from Sophie Anne's deranged bodyguard / child, Sigebert. I felt his pain so I went back for him and what does he do? He just up and disappears from my life. I saw him once after that night, very briefly, he came with Pam to tell me about the new King's formal protection vamp thingy. Then nothing, no calls or text messages, not an email, or a letter. Nothing. I know why, but I don't want to think about it.
My vamp friend, Pam, started coming over for our weekly movie nights the week after his odd announcement of the protection thingy. She showed up with my new nighttime bodyguard, Thalia. I am not pleased. I am informed that Thalia will be sitting outside of my house whether I like it or not, because he says so. Well who the hell is he anyway? Pam did not say anything else about him and I didn't ask. Like I said before, I already knew why he is not around anymore, and why I have a bodyguard. I've been pensioned off, he has found another. I felt him be with her the night I saved him and the King from Sigebert. In fact I am forced to feel him having sex with her just before dawn several times a week. I try to shut off the bond but the feelings of pure unadulterated love and the wave after wave of lust are too strong for me to block out, no matter how hard I try. I get a sick, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach just thinking about it.
My face must have shown my unhappy emotion because my boss, Sam, asks me "Everything okay Sookie?"
"Just fine Sam!" I reply in my fake happy voice. Sam is a true shifter, he can change to any animal that he wants to. I was here at Merlotte's working the night of the big "out of the dog house announcement", Pam's words, not mine. Sam and Tray, changed right here at the bar. Sam became the familiar collie, Dean the dog and Tray became a very large wolf. Everyone took it really well, but Arlene and her whiskey tango friends. Bill, my lying, cheating, ex-boyfriend and Clancy, a vamp who works for him, were hanging out. I am sure that he sent them to Merlotte's to help out if there was trouble. That was the first time I'd seen a vamp, other than Pam or Thalia, in over two months. Bill had called to say that he was home from his trip to Nevada. Another lie on his part, I find out later, but that was it. I was so happy that all the people at the bar were okay with Sam and Tray being weres, everything was going great, in my life that means that everything is going to get real crazy, real quick. Everyone is laughing and happy, when Sam gets a phone call, his mom had been shot by his step-dad, he has to leave for Texas immediately.
Arlene, my ex-friend, who now belongs to the Fellowship of the Sun, you know that crazy "I hate vampires" church, quit. Sam and Tray creep her out even more than the vamps. So now, one waitress and one bartender short I have to run the bar while Sam is gone. Payroll, accounts payable, nightly deposits, inventory, ordering, okay so I am really one waitress, one bartender, and one part-time manager short. I was panicked, but I got it done. I got Terry and Tray to split the bar tending and I hired a new waitress to replace Arlene. I was so busy for those three weeks it was almost as if I had my life back, I was too tired to miss him, at least during the day, the night was a whole different story. I feel the pain building and push it away, it doesn't do any good, I still hurt down deep inside, the man that I love does not love me, he is in love with someone else.
Tonight, I'm standing behind the bar at Merlotte's, where I work as a barmaid, getting my side work done as fast as I can. Pam is coming over tonight for movie night. I know it is weird that one of my two best friends is a vampire, the other one is a witch, now what did you expect from a telepathic, part Fairy, barmaid?
Speaking of the witch, Amelia can't make it, she and Tray are going to see his son, things have been getting pretty serious between them recently. I know that she is still seeing Pam and I know that Tray knows that she is still seeing Pam. Amelia says that their relationship is only friends with benefits, she enjoys Pam but she is not in love with Pam, she is in love with Tray. She also tells me that Tray is a were so he could be called upon to increase the pack, like with his son. This is were speak for breed with another full were. Amelia says she is okay with that as long as the baby comes over on the weekends and holidays. Well I wouldn't be okay with that, I don't share. Reason number 762 not to be with him, he would not be faithful. I try to push him from my thoughts, I know he is seeing someone, someone he loves. I've felt it, quite often, in the wee hours of the morning, love and lust flowing unchecked through the bond. Reason number 1, not to be with him, he does not want me, he loves someone else and he wants me to know. I can't understand why he is being so cruel to me yet still sends a bodyguard. Oh yeah, I've been pensioned off.
Pam arrives looking like she should be at a PTA meeting serving cookies and Kool Aide. She is wearing a pink running suit complete with matching pink jeweled Keds and a matching headband. I love her, but not at all like Amelia loves her, I don't swing that way. Pam gets me and makes me smile, I don't seem to do that much anymore. Pam has been my rock since the takeover, she does not push me or try to talk about him. I feel the bond intensify, all I did was think about him. It is always the same, I am overwhelmed by the emotions that flow through my body in unrelenting waves. Sadness, loneliness, anger, pain, love, fear, disappointment, contempt, and again love. The strangest thing of all is that if I don't close the bond quick enough I get up and try to go to him. I was half way to Sherveport the other day before I finally snapped out of it. I am so confused, I don't understand why the bond ramps up my emotions so much. The only time the bond is different is right before dawn, that is when he punishes me. I quickly throw my shields back up and close off the bond. I can't stand this.
Pam reaches the door and we hug, it is not the vampire way to shake hands or hug but Pam always hugs me anyway. "Sookie, it is so good to see you. Seen Bill or Eric recently?"
"Nope, the last time a saw Bill was the night of the were announcement and I have not seen .... "The words freeze in my throat, I close my eyes and focus, I do not want to think about him but I can't avoid it and I don't want Pam telling him that I have been missing him "Eric ..." I struggle to say his name "... since you guys came to the bar and announced that protection thingy."
"Sookie, Eric has been so busy with details of the takeover and then withe the weres coming out so soon after .. oh no you are leaking." I can't help it tears are streaming down my face.
Pam hands me a tissue and chucks "Must you be as stubborn and he is?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Eric misses you, you have not come to Shreveport once since the takeover, you have not called him or sent him an email, nothing."
"I've had no reason to come to Shreveport, and if he really missed me he would have called, texted, emailed, something, his own self but he hasn't." I'm made now, what kinda of idiot does she think I am? "Pam I know that he has been seeing someone and I know that he must really trust the bitch because I always feel him having sex with her just before dawn. If he is missing me he has a funny way of showing it." I can't look in her eyes, I look at her shoes and start to count the jewels glued to the tops.
"Sookie, Eric has not been seeing anyone, I swear! He is worrying all of us ... would kill me for telling you this but he has not had sex or tasted human blood since I don't know when. I am not going to try to convince you further, I can tell by the look on your face that you are going to believe anything I say about this." She sighs, Pam acctually sighs and then begins to growl "God, Freya, Odin, Mickey Mouse, somebody help me! I am not patient enough to deal with the two most pigheaded, obstinate, egotistical, narcissistic, masochists on the face of Earth." She actually appears to take a deep breath and continues "Sookie do you remember when I asked you to have mercy on him? I told you to stop with the strange game the two of you were playing. You said that you had nothing going on, weren't playing any games. I told you that he did have something going and that he has not been the same since the time the two of you spent together? Well it still stands, have mercy on him Sookie."
"I remember the conversation but that was a long time ago, before he got his memories back. Now he remembers everything and well you know what I think he has been up to. What do you want me to do? Go to him? Throw myself at his feet? Tell him that I am his?"
"Yes! That is exactly what I want you to do Sookie, Eric thinks that you don't want him! He won't come to you because he things that you will reject him and because that stupid were, Alcide, told him that he, Alcide, will not pursue you because you would not be happy with your life with him. Now Eric is trying to be a fucking martyr and do the same thing, he is letting you choose you silly girl. You think you are letting him choose. This is such a cluster fuck!"
"Watch you mouth Pam, you know that I don't like that kinda talk and whatever! I am his bonded, whatever that means, I can feel him and I can tell you that I feel him several times a week and it is always the same, love so powerful that I want to cry and then wave after wave of lust, how do you explain that?"
"Sookie you are so naive sometimes, if I had to hazard a guess I would say that he is whacking off while fantasizing about you. Now, enough about Eric, what did you get us to watch?'
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I answer but my thoughts are miles away. I feel hope springing in to my chest, is it true? I could open the bond and listen to his feelings for a while and try to find out. I nix that idea, I know me, when it comes to him I will think the worst. I can't let myself hope, hope is dangerous, I've just starting to pretend to be over him. I changed my ringtone from Taylor Swift's Love Story to Earl's Gotta Die by the Dixie Chicks, for God sakes, I'm done. I'm not Juliet and pretending that he is going meet me on the outskirts of town is just stupid. I find myself singing my favorite part of the song in my head ".. I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever comin' around. My faith in you was fading..." Well my faith is totally gone now, I could have really been happy with him, vampire politics and all the other crap that goes along with him being Sheriff, but it is too late now. I have to stop think about him.
"I have never seen it." Pam breaks in to my thoughts "Are they all really fat?"
"No, not fat like that, fat like good and big, it is really funny." I laugh for Pam, I know she is trying to cheer me up.
"I already find it funny, so fun that I must remark that what the funniest thing is that that Eric's maker was a Greek, a Spartan to be exact ..."
"Pam, I thought we were not going to talk about Eric? What's the deal?"
"Sookie, we have business to talk about and Eric is part of that business, do you want to talk business first or watch the movie first?"
I really want to tell her that I don't want to talk about business at all I would rather go sit in the woods with Thalia. I aways thought Thalia was one of the meanest of mean when it came to vampires, and they can all be pretty mean. She always seemed like she hated humans, she never seemed like she would agree to be a human's bodyguard, but he told her to come so she had no choice, just like me. Thalia won't come into the house, she says that it would not be proper for her to be alone with "my Master's bonded". I have told her that Pam comes to my house, her response was "Pam is his child Mistress, she has a different set of rules than I do." Thalia calls me Mistress, did you catch that? The Master and the Mistress, I can't help but laugh.
"What's so funny? Are you trying to stall? Business or ..."
"Thalia is what is funny, did you know that she calls me Mistress and she won't come in the house. I've invited her in several times but she won't come in. I did get her to sit on the porch with me last week, but I had to threaten her first."
"You threatened Thalia?" Pam looks at me raising her eyebrow, just like he does.
"Yup, I told her that if she wouldn't come in to the house at least she could do was sit on the porch and have a blood. I tried to tell her all about the requirements of Southern hospitality and that I would be a laughing stock if any of my neighbors knew that she was her and I did not get her a drink. She told me that I was being silly, so I told her that if she didn't come sit on the porch right that minute I would tell him that she hit on me." Why are all of the female vamps I like lesbian? I will have to think about that later. Pam has raised her other eyebrow and tries to glare at me. "She knew I was kidding, it made her laugh, did you know that her favorite type is AB negative?"
"Sookie, you're stalling, we will talk business and then we can watch the movie and she should call you Mistress, you are Eric's bonded, I will be calling you Mistress on formal occasions." Pam is taking charge, watch out. "Speaking of formal occasions, the King has announced the celebration to announce your formal protection, it will be held in next Sunday evening" Great, just great, three days notice, they probably didn't want to give me time to run away. "I had suggested a small affair and the King originally agreed, but there has been so much interest, you would not believe it! Russell, King of Mississippi and his husband, Bartlett, King of Indiana, Isaiah of Kentucky, Joesph will be coming in Stan's place to represent Texas, Missouri, Alabama, I could do on and on, Sookie every King and Queen from the continental United States is going to be there. That fact alone makes your celebration historic add to that the fact that the Shreveport weres will be there, the Hot Shot pack master, Calvin ... Norris is it?" She doesn't want for me to answer. "the were and shifters from Dallas and Jackson, the witch covens from Shreveport and New Orleans, the Britlingens you meet in Rhodes, Batanya and Clovache, are coming. Sookie, do you understand what an honor this is for you, and Eric, and the King? Do you realize the booty your going to get? You'll be able to quit your job."
"Wait a minute Pam, I might have to come to this shin dig but I will not be accepting gifts, period, and that is non-negotiable." I am pissed I will not look any more like a kept woman than I already do if all of the Area 5 vamps are going around calling me Mistress. Not to mention the fact that I will have to spend the evening being nice to him, I am not supposed to let other vamps know that I don't heel, for my own good, whatever.
"Eric knew that you would feel this way and told the King but De Castro would not relent, the gifts are an honor to all three of you. Eric was able to get him to agree to one concession ... the guests will be giving gifts to the Stackhouse Trust, which funds the Stackhouse Foundation, you get to choose what type of charity or charities that your foundation will support, but you can also choose, at anytime, to just keep the money. Cataliades and his niece will also be attending your celebration and he will go over the details with you then. The party will be at Fangtasia, after Rhodes it will feel more secure, but that means that we can only have six hundred and fifty people in the building, fifty will be employs and the other six hundred will be guests, you have no idea how I've had to limit the entourages of the Kings and Queens and how they have all .. squealed like stuck pigs ... I like that one"
"I know you Pam, you don't like that line half as much as you like hearing Kings and Queens squeal because you told them no." I am rewarded with a fangy smile "I suppose I have to dress up for this shin dig?"
"Duh! It is a formal celebration, you should know by now that vampires love to dress up. I am very sure that if vampires went to that McDonald's place we would wear formal wear there as too. Now seriously, we have to talk about Eric." The bond is throbbing, all this mention of his name is making it very hard for me to keep my shields up.
"Pam I am not going to discuss Eric with you, period." I turn and look out the window, by the glow of the security lights I can see Thalia weeding the new flower bed my grandmother put in the year she died. I close my eyes are try not to cry.
"Sookie, please! You have to listen to me with an open mind." Pam is very nervous, she is pacing back and forth at vampire speed, which really means blurring back and forth. "Sooie, I stole Eric's journal and I want you to read it."
"Pam I can't read Eric's private thoughts, that would be wrong. I wouldn't want him to read my journal, if I had one."
"Sookie, don't you see, can't you see ... Eric loves you and you love him" I start try to speak but she shushes me and continues "I know you don't have a journal, Amelia and I tore the house apart looking for it about a week ago." I'm pissed, they were going to give my personal thoughts to him! I am shushed again "Since you didn't have a journal I had to steal his, and boy was it a hard, but here it is and you are going to read it, every word, and if you try to get out of it Thalia will tie you to a chair and I will read it to you."
I look up and Thalia is standing in the doorway. "Mistress, you must do as Pam says, it is for your own good. Please, if not for yourself then read the book for the Master. He is not the same, he pines for you." Thalia has always been rude, even when she had a blood on my porch she was rude, I could tell that she was trying to be nice that night, but for her it is a really long stretch. Tonight she is pleading with me, I wonder what is so wrong with him that Thalia would be willing to plead with a human. I might as well read the darn thing, if I don't I am sure Pam will have me tied to the chair and she will read the darn journal to me. I'm not so sure I want either one of them to hear what he has to say about me, if I am even in there at all.
I stand and take the book from Pam. "Read quickly Sookie, I have to get that journal back to Eric's house before he leaves Fangtasia or he will know that I took it and stake me." She is standing there, with her classic deadpan expression on her face, I really don't think she is kidding. Thalia let it slip last week on the porch that he has been very hard to get along with recently. She also let it slip that Bill had shown up at the bar and acted so poorly in front of the new King that he had been whipped with a silver cat of nine tails, at first I am pissed, but then she casually tells me that the Area 5 vamps are allied with the Sherveport weres and that Alcide was the one that actually did the whipping. I was way too shocked to be pissed anymore. I tried to get more info out of her, but she was back to being a closed book, a very rude closed book, but still a closed book.
The first page of his journal is not writing, as I had expected. Instead I find a color drawing of me the first night I came to Fantasia. He has captured every detail of my dress, the puffed selves, the red flowers,and I am holding my red straw purse. The back ground is blurred, I could have been standing anywhere. He is good! This is better than those pictures that look like drawings that you can get at the mall. I am touched, I feel hope swelling again and stomp right on hopes head, I can't do that.
I turn the page, the next picture is from the night he staked Long Shadow to save my life, the first time. I am wearing his shirt, my hair is wet, my skin is pinker than normal, I must have just gotten out of the shower. I still can't believe that he killed another vampire for me. Pam was there for me that night too, she helped me get the muck off, I didn't really appreciate it then, but now that I know her I can see how she really was trying to help, at least a little. I take a deep breath, this is going to be harder than I had expected.
The third page is of me sleeping in my hospital bed after Rene attacked me, he has included the bedside table that held the arrangement he sent me, with the horrible flower that looked like a woman's hoohoo. I still have that horrible, ugly, silly flower. I remember how Bill wanted to throw the flowers away as soon as he found out they were from him, but I wouldn't let Bill do it. I waited for Bill to leave, and I put that horrible flower between two pieces of wax paper. Then I put it in the family bible, just like I did with the four leaf clover I found when I was a little girl. I feel the tears starting to build in my chest, I try to stomp on the tears, like I stomped on hope, but it is not as easy to stomp on tears,.
The fourth page is both of us, lying on the floor at Stan's in Dallas. There is glass all over the floor, his shoulder is bleeding from the bullet he took for me. Then he tricked me in to sucking the bullet out of his shoulder, just so he could get his blood into me. I still have that bullet, it is in my jewelry box. You can't see it in the picture but he is looking into my eyes, smiling at me as he says "I knew I'd get on top of you somehow." He stayed to protect me, while Bill went off to fight. My eyes are full of tears now, I'm not sure that I can continue.
Pam sits next to me and turns the page, I see myself lying on the hood of his corvette the he went with me to the orgy, I look really sexy, but the focus of the picture is my eyes, they are in vivid color all the other colors are muted. He captured every detail of my eyes, the dark blue circle that surrounds the light blue iris, the even lighter blue flecks in the iris, each and every eyelash. I never knew that he really looked at me like that, I look at the back of the page, it is dated the week after the orgy. He was drawing pictures of me even before the time he stayed at my house.
Pam turns the page again as the tears slide down my face. I am asleep in the King of Mississippi's mansion. I had been staked saving the King's second in command. He got the King to call a supe doctor and a healing vamp. He had stayed with me when the stake was removed and while the other vamp did his thing. Then he insisted that I take his blood to heal faster so that I could save my cheating ex-boyfriend. I had almost given and yielded to him that night, I would have if Bubba had not interrupted us.
Thalia has joined us, I guess she is okay with being in the house since Pam is here. The next page shows me sitting in the passenger seat of that crappy Lincoln he got from a drug dealer. I had been almost drained dry and then raped in the trunk of that Lincoln earlier that night by my cheating ex-boyfriend who I have just saved. I still remember how safe I felt when he ripped open the trunk, I knew that he would not let Bill hurt me anymore. He was there for me, before he lost his memory, before he had my blood, he has been there for me since the day that I meet him and now he doesn't want me, I pushed him away one too many times.
I begin to sob, my body is shaking but I have to keep looking, I turn the pages, every picture is me. Me washing his feet in my kitchen, the two of us lying before the fire, me at Fangtasia again, me talking to Charles Twitting, the vamp that almost killed me, there is me rescinding Mickey's invitation, me watching Charles get staked in the hallway at Merlottes. There I am at the Queen Sophie Anne's ball, before the battle between Arkansas and Louisiana erupted. I smile remembering how he was so happy to go "bowling for vampires", he likes a good fight. I gasp, the next picture is the two of us bonding in the hallway at Rhodes. He has included Andre in the picture, but did not draw him in a very polite manner, I cannot help but smile, I love his humour.
I continue to turn the pages, I see a picture of myself speaking to the Ancient Pythoness, us dancing at Rhodes, next I see us placing Pam in the coffin, she has stiffened at my side, my friend had nightmares about Rhodes for a very long time after we came home. I see us working to break the window, I remember how he screamed when the sunlight burned him, I remember the sick smell of his burning flesh. I see us clinging to the coffin that held Pam as he floats us to the ground. I am sitting in his car the night he took me to meet my Fae great-grandfather, Nail. He took a bullet for me that night too, in fact he has done it many times, I have all of them, I don't know why I save them, but I do it anyway they are mine.
I see myself standing beside Eric, in front of Victor the night of the takeover, Victor looks menacing. I was so scared that night, I was afraid that something would happen to him. the next picture is me standing in the doorway to my room when he told me that he remembered. I look shocked in the picture and I was very shocked, after everything that had happened that night I was not prepared to deal with anymore emotional turmoil. I never stopped to think, until now, how he was feeling that night. He had just lost his Queen, he could be losing his position as Sheriff, and then to top off a great night he remembers his time with me and instead of wrapping my arms around him and saying "welcome home" I refuse to talk to him about it.
I can barely see through my tears and my sobs are so loud that Bill came to check on me and is promptly sent on his way by Thalia. Now I see myself on my knees beside him removing the silver chains the night that Sigebert attacked. I can still remember the panic that spread through my entire body, I knew he was in trouble. I remember watching Sigebert kicking him and cutting him with a huge knife. I had to stop Sigebert, so I hit him with my car, I had to save him, no matter what it cost me.
The next page is blank,I wonder why. The page after, is me at Merlottes again. That was the night that he and Pam came to the bar to announce the Kings formal protection thing, it was the last time that I saw him. The tears overwhelm me. I don't even try to continue, I pushed him away and now he's gone! Pam pulls me into her lap like I am a child and rocks me. Thalia is patting my back, she is really stiff, but it is still soothing. I continue to sob for what seemed like an eternity.
When I can finally see again, I turn the page, it is blank. I turn through several pages, they are all blank. When I get to the last page I recognize his had writing, I am surprised to find lines from a Rascal Flatts song, I didn't know that he listened to Country music, ... "Prayin' for daylight, waiting for that morning sun ... Baby come back to me, I swear I'll make it right ... Don't make me spend another lonely night Prayin' for daylight ... I made a bad miscalculation ... Betting you would never leave ... 'Cause if you're getting on with your new life ... Then where does that leave me ... Hoping that I didn't wait too long ... Prayin' for daylight, waiting for that morning sun ... Baby come back to me, I swear I'll make it right ... Don't make me spend another lonely night ... Prayin' for daylight ..." Then he writes "... she does not want me, to her I am dead and forgotten ..." this page is dated last week.
You don't stomp on hopes head, you grab and hold it close to you, because hope is eternal. Peace settles in me, now I know ... I know that he loves me and I know that I want to be his. I don't care about stupid vamp politics, I don't care about danger, I don't care what the weres, shifters, witches, and humans will think I want to hear him say "Sookie is mine", because I love him too. I've loved him for a long time, I was just too stupid to admit it, even to myself. I love him and I want him. My tears have slowed, I am not sure what to do now, so I ask Pam, after all she brought the journal to me, she must have an agenda. "Okay Pam, what are we going to do about this?"
"What do you want to do about this Sookie?" Pam is cautious, I can tell that she is afraid that I will run away, but what she doesn't know is that I will never run from him again.
"I want ... Eric!" I say and tears start sliding down my face again.
"Well that wasn't so hard, now was it? Really, Sookie, if you want something all you have to do is ask." Pam is happy now, so happy that she is ready to joke around about something so serious, I can see why she annoys Eric so much. "Well you can get in my car and we can go to him now or we can wait for the celebration, or we can ..."
"I don't want to wait for the celebration Pam, I'm going to be really stressed that day and Eric has a tendency to stick his foot in his mouth and irritate me, I don't want anything to go wrong with the King around. What time is it?"
"10:30" Thalia supplies. So it is early, we could be at Fangtasia by midnight. Do I want to run straight to him? I open the bond, fully, I feel pain, I feel confusion, I feel despair, I feel love, I feel sadness, I feel all of the emotions that were my own just a few short minutes ago. I can feel my own emotions, they are excited, scared, happy, relieved. I know now why the bond was so confusing, why I couldn't tell my emotions from Eric's before now, we were feeling the same things. I remember the giant weight that had been sitting on my chest just a short while ago and I know that I can't let him continue to suffer, I must go to him.
"Well Pam you better think fast because we are going to Fangtasia tonight. I need to let Eric know what he may be dead but he has not been forgotten."
"Sookie, do you still have the dress that you wore the first time you came to Fangtasia?" She flips through Eric's journal. "This one?"
"Yeah, but he has already seen me in that dress, and it is not the right time of year to wear a white dress."
I don't notice that Thalia has disappeared, until she walks through the front door with a garment bag. "Mistress, I picked this up for you the other day, I think it will be perfect for you and pleasing to the Master."
The dress is perfect in every way. It is a heavy silk, the dress is corseted in the same color blue as the lightest flecks in my eyes and then every so slowly and subtly the dress darkens until it is the darkest of indigo at the hem of the skirt, the color of the band that circles by iris. The skirt is full and short, but not too full and not to short. I will stand out at Fangtasia but not stick out, that is important. I really can't believe that Thalia went to the trouble of getting me a dress and I am even more shocked that she has such great taste. There are matching shoes that are dark at the toe and fade to the lightest of blues at the heel and a matching thong. I won't need a bra, the corseted top will be okay, when you have a chest like mine you really have to worry, I want to look sexy not slutty. I can't believe that I'm doing this.
Pam and Thalia descend on me. I am stripped naked and redressed in less than thirty seconds. Pam has my hair done in like a minute and a half. Thalia finishes my make up like ten seconds later. Okay it was not that fast but I'm not kidding we were out of the house in less than ten minutes. I look great, I am really nervous, what am I going to say? What if he rejects me? I'm not going to think, I am just going to go. I see movement and I glance at the trees that enclose the cemetery that separates my house from Bill's, he is standing there with his arms across his chest watching me leave. I am startled when I hear a wolf howl, and watch as Bill disappears. I will have to think about that later. Tonight I am not going to think, I am going to live in the moment.
"Buckle up!" Pam is down right gleeful, but I am worried.
"Pam, my scent is all over Eric's journal, he is going to smell my tears when you return it. What is he going to do? Will you be in trouble?"
"Probably, but not as much as I would have been if you had not decided to come to him, either way I don't think he would really stake me. He might threaten it but that and a public spanking are as far as I think he will go. I won't even get that if you are a good girl and see to your Master."
Thalia is chuckling, it sounds almost like she has forgotten how. "Sookie, if you see to your Master, Pam's punishment will be lessened, just because the Master will be be in a better mood." Oh, they want me to sleep with Eric, well we really never slept together, but anyway, I love Pam, but I am only going to talk to him. "Pam defied her Master, her Maker, and her Sheriff, she deserves to be punished, even if the outcome is favorable. The spanking will not hurt, much, it is the humiliation that is the real punishment. We vampires live by an odd set of rules that came about over many millennium of surviving without allowing our very existence to be known. The rules are changing, but some rules cannot be changed. Pam will be punished for her offense, as she must, but she will also be rewarded for her courage and for her success in getting you to acknowledge your true feelings. It is our way, Mistress." I had no clue that Thalia could be so deep or that she would be so open.
Pam is driving like a bat out of hell, at this rate we will be there before 11:30pm. I concentrate on blocking the bond, I close it off completely, I don't want Eric to know I'm coming. Once I have the bond under control I turn to Pam "Okay, Pam what should I do when we get there? Go to the bar and get a drink? Wait in line with the fangbangers? Throw myself at his feet? I'm scared. What if he is so mad at me that he refuses to speak to me? I don't think this was a really good idea after all."
"Sookie, stop it, you love him and you know it. You have two choices, you can live the rest of your life without Eric, never knowing what could have been or your can stick your neck out and see what happens. I know Bill hurt you, but Eric is not Bill, you are going to have to try to let your hurt go and learn to trust again. Really, other than the bullet sucking thing has Eric ever deceived you?"
"No he hasn't, but Pam, I have spent the last three months putting walls around my heart just so I could keep myself from crying all of the time, then you come over and knock every one of them down, I feel very venerable. Think about it Pam. I am going to a bar, owned by the man that I ... that I love, to lay my feelings on the line and I can't figure out if I should walk in and ignore him, walk in and claim what is mine, or walk in and submit to him. This is crazy! What do I do?"
"I can't tell you that Sookie, I can just tell you that once you are there, you must open the bond. You have to feel his emotions and if Eric lies, which he probably will, you have to call him on the carpet. You are going to have to be strong my telepathic friend, I was able to break down your walls in the privacy of your home and I had the help of Eric's journal. Eric won't let anyone in right now, he is trying to get through this by himself. You are going to have to break down his walls yourself, at his bar, possibly in front of his subjects, and you have to do it because you are the only one that can. I really don't think he is going to be angry that you have come, he has missed you so much. Sookie, do you know what the blank pages represent?"
"Yes, our time apart over the last few months, I understood immediately. I also understand now why the bond was so confusing before, I never could understand why everything was such an intense, jumbled up mess. I can feel my own feelings now, because they are different from his, now I know how to separate the two. Before, it was almost as if our feelings we amplified because they were the same." I pause and think, of how many times Eric stepped out of the vamp norm for me. Well a relationship has to be a two way street I'm going to have to step outside the human norm for him. I'm not fully human anyway, and honestly, I make most humans uncomfortable, which makes me uncomfortable. I realize now that I was never going to have a "normal" life, I'm not normal, but my supe friends don't care, they except me. I know now that it was not only Eric that I have been running from it is the acknowledgment that I have finally found my place in life and it is not with humans. I will never marry a human, I will never have human children, even if I am not with him I will continue to live in the supe world. It is no longer about them forcing me to be in this world, it is the acknowledgment that this world is exactly where I belong. This knowledge is empowering, I center my thoughts I have a plan.
"Okay, Pam, when we get there we are going straight through the front doors, but I want to get as close to Eric as possible before he sees me. I also want "Only Fooling Myself" by Kate Voegele ready to play when I signal. Can you help me with that?"
Pam does not answer me, she is on her cell. "Clancy, I need several vamps at the front door, I will be there in about five minutes ... No there is not trouble, but don't tell Eric .... because the Mistress is coming to surprise him and she wants to get as close to him as possible before he sees her. I also want "Only Fooling Myself" by Kate Voegele ready to pay when Mistress signals." I don't hear as well as a vamp, but Clancy is so loud it doesn't matter "Thank God!" I can't hear what else he was to say, but I know it was not nice, because Pam growled at him "Watch your mouth Clancy, see you in two minutes." I wasn't kidding when I said that Pam was flying. "Sookie, when you go through the front doors stay behind the vampires, we will block Eric's view as long as we can, but once he sees you you are on your own, understand?"
"Yes." My voice is shaking.
"You're not going to run away again are you? I would hate to have to tell Thalia to chase you down." I can tell that Pam is trying to make me smile, but is really worried that I am going to bolt like a scared rabbit.
"No, I am not going to run away, again. I'm gonna do this, not sure what I'm gonna do, but I'm gonna do it." I take a deep breath and to steady myself.
Pam has stopped the car right in front of the front doors. Clancy opens my door extends his hand and says "May I hep you Mistress?" I take his hand, this is weird, Clancy has never liked me from day one, and for some reason he likes me even less since Hallow drained him because we wouldn't give her Eric. What is with this Mistress crap? I notice several vampires have materialized out of thin air, they were waiting for us. I exit the car and they all bow to me in unison, vampires are bowing to me, I don't understand this at all. Vampires do not bow to humans. In a split second all of the vamps, are in front of me, in a weird military like formation, except for Pam who remains at my side, we move forward. The vampires are parting the sea of fangbangers and tourists as we enter Fangtasia heading straight for his throne .....