Forgot to say in my last chapter, Happy New Year!!

Hope Twenty Ten goes great for all of us.

And by the way, I haven't been watching that much TV lately. Yesterday, I was watching Disney Channel. I saw the commercial for the next episode of Sonny with a Chance, Falling for the Falls? I totally freaked out.

I was on the phone with one of my friends while it was happening, and I was seriously screaming into it.

I'm totally pumped.

I'm insane. I'm messing up. My self control is withering away. Emotions are controlling me instead of my logic. And it's freaking killing me. I feel like such an idiot. I knew a truce between me and her would just cause problems. I don't know why I did it. I was supposed to be mad at her. I was supposed to be making her life hell. I wasn't supposed to be polite to her. I wasn't supposed to ask and see if her doing something I want was okay with her. I wasn't supposed to freak out when I saw her wrapped in a towel, and I sure as hell wasn't supposed to hug her when she looked frazzled. I was supposed to be taking advantage of her in every situation possible (Well, not that. I'm not some rapist). But so far, I was failing at it.

And yes, I did use the word frazzled.

I'm losing my mind. Going completely psycho. The steady road I've been on for what seems like all of my life just jerked to a random, candy covered street, that will swallow me up like I'm the candy. Bottom line, things were not going my way whatsoever. My emotions were similar to hormonal teenage girls. Happy, sad, vengeful, then under the impression that they're in love. That's me. A teenage girl. That's what my life has come to be compared to.

I wish I had told someone else about this plan. Someone to keep me on track, you know? Maybe I should have told James. After all, he was the one who helped me in the first place. Maybe it's not too late for him to help me again, before I get in too deep. But…sadly…I don't even know if I want to stop.

The cute little truce I spontaneously offered last night was the stupidest thing I could have done. If I kept us angry with each other, I wouldn't be in this predicament right now. But for some reason, I wanted us to let down our walls, just a tiny bit. I wanted us to be civilized torwards each other. But how was I supposed to make her rue the day (Yes, I do watch iCarly. Bite me.) if I was going around hugging her?

And what predicament am I in, you ask?

The party is perfect. More ass-kicking than any event I've been to in my life, and that's saying a lot. We've got everyone. The entire A-List, most of the B-list, and a little of the C and D-list, just thrown in for good measure. The music is bumping, almost everyone is dancing and mingling except for the rare wallflowers, and I'm continuously being congratulated on how fantastic I am for hosting this. Mainly girls were the ones who approached me. Gorgeous girls. Sexy girls. Hot girls. Those girls, I could pretty much get to do whatever I wanted. But after the night with Chantal, I wasn't sure I wanted that. But get this. A pretty girl came up to me. She reminded me a bit of the old Sonny, with her bubbly personality. Her looks, however, were vastly different. Her eyes were a bright green, and she had dirty blonde hair. She had a bit of class to her, and seemed extremely nice. She wasn't the type of girl I would normally go for, but she was definitely the kind of girl that I would secretly like, and definitely have a steady relationship with. And she wasn't even flirting with me! We were having a normal, fun conversation. But when she subtly brought up that it would be a good idea for us to see more of each other, I wasn't paying attention.

No, I was too busy staring at the girl in the black outfit with white lace, shuffling around the room, trying to keep balance in her heels, carrying a platter of deviled eggs, looking incredibly cute. Mindy, the girl I was talking to, nudged me in attempt to get my attention.

"If you're not interested, it's okay, I understand," she had said to me. I was at a loss for words, my eyes still wanting to slide torwards the dark haired girl across the room. "I'll just go now," she said, sliding out of her chair and looking at me hesitantly. I stood up as well, put my hands on her shoulders, and stared into her eyes adoringly. A natural reflex from being on Mackenzie Falls for so long. "Don't be silly, I'm plenty interested!" I told her, trying to look appalled.

"Who wouldn't be interested in you?" I asked rhetorically. She looked as if she wasn't convinced yet.

"I mean, you have…pretty eyes, I mean, a leprechaun would be jealous of you! And, um, nice, clean ears, and eye lashes! They're like little, pretty spider legs! And…" I trailed off, trying to find a better way to flatter her. I couldn't find anything. All I could think about, was comparing her features to Sonny's.

Nice ears? A leprechaun would be jealous of you? Spider legs? Really, me, really?

I scanned her body, looking for another, more convincing compliment. My eyes landed on her pink blouse, showing a hint of cleavage. "I really like your shirt, too," I praised. She brightened a bit.

"You know, at first I was a little disappointed that you seemed to only like superficial qualities about me, but my grandmother made me this shirt. So what do you like about it?" she asked me.

Again, I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to say? It was silk, and it was pink. What else was there to say about it? I stared at it, trying to come up with something quickly. "Um…" I thought, "I like the way it…accentuates…your chest?"

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say. She gasped, and began to walk away. "Wait!" I called out to her, "I didn't mean it like that!" I exclaimed. She turned around, and looked at me with her arms crossed and an angry expression on her face, making me gulp. Apparently, when I'm speechless, I say things a hormonal teenage boy hoping to "get some" would. "Um, you have really nice legs, too?"

She started walking torwards me, red cup in hand, looking very, very mean. "No, Sonny, I didn't mean it like that!" I accidentally said.

If she wasn't already mad at me for being a little too flirty, then she was definitely furious now for me calling her the wrong name.

And that's why I was now in my room, away from the party, washing Mindy's drink out of my hair, and finding a clean shirt to wear.

Sonny Monroe was seriously ruining my life.

I'm your biggest fan,

I'll follow you until you love me

Papa, paparazzi

The music thumped, making the whole room spin. I rolled my eyes at the young adults going down on each other in clear view, totally giving a completely new meaning to the term PDA. Yeah, sure, it was just grinding. But trust me, at first glance, you'd think they were having sex. "Keep it in your pants!" I yelled to a twenty-something, scruffy looking man, who was air-slapping a girl's behind.

This party? Not fun.

So far, I've been laughed at, had stuff thrown at me, and my toe is probably flat by now because of all the careless people stepping on it. The scene was almost identical to the one three years ago, only the people looked slightly older, and I was, well, a server. Not a guest. And I wasn't there with Chad Dylan Cooper as my boyfriend. No, I'm here with Chad Dylan Cooper as my boss.

Those were the physical changes.

Emotionally and mentally, I had a feeling that everything and everyone, changed.

You think the gossip you read in magazines is juicy? Try being a place where all celebrities talk openly about their private lives, and let their real personalities show. It's like watching Reality TV. Only it's the stuff they can't show. The behind the scenes stuff. And let me tell you, it's unbelievably entertaining.

I lingered around the people I recognized most first. I'd just stand there with the silver tray, ask them if they want crab puffs (the deviled eggs were totally gone), they answer, and I oh-so-casually stand close to them, totally eavesdropping. I'm not gonna go spreading this around, but this is just too juicy to pass up: Hannah Montana? She's actually some brunette chick named Miley Stewart! Crazy, right?

That's how low I've sunk tonight. I'm bored out of my mind. But really, Hollywood gossip has helped me pass the time.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've been keeping a close eye on Chad the whole night. I don't know why.

He was talking to some gorgeous-at-second-sight girl, who seemed to actually have a personality.

AKA, my worst nightmare.

And they seemed to be getting along really well.

I'd have a hard time if he was kissing some bleach blonde Barbie who was more shallow than a kiddy pool. They'd be just a fling. They'd never last. But with a girl like that…they could have a relationship, for who knows how long? And that…that pretty much almost made me break down right there.

I was pulled to the side for a few minutes, when a drunk guy asked me where the nearest bathroom was. Ever try to give directions to a highly intoxicated dude? Not easy. Then, when he was gone, I lost Chad. I couldn't find him anywhere. Just like that, he vanished. At first, I thought he was with Girl in the Pink Shirt, but then I later saw her talking to one of the Jonas Brothers. It was hard to tell which one. Now that they were in their twenties, and had identical fros, they all kind of looked the same.

My eyes focused two blonde heads with their backs to me. I assume they were Tawni and Chad. Bored out of my mind, I decided to approach them. Maybe I could get Chad to let me have a few minutes break. When I was almost there, I roughly collided with someone, knocking the platter of food I was balancing to the ground.

Groaning, I bent down to pick up the crab puffs from the ground. I looked up at my attacker, who simply unapologetically shrugged, and walked off.

Thanks.

The food was uneatable now. Chad would accuse me of trying to poison his guests if I offered it to them. And it's been a good thirty seconds; way past the three second rule.

I turned my head to the right, making sure Chad and Tawni were still there to keep me company for a brief time. That's how lonely and bored I was. I was looking for Tawni and Chad. I thought of all the pain the put me through in the past few years of my life, and even before that. Tawni had backstabbed me quite a few times while I was on So Random. Even when we were best friends, I still had to watch my back around her 24/7. In result, while I was watching my back for sneaky, underhanded tactics, she was attacking my front in obvious, hurtful ways.

And now I was thinking of willingly hanging with them? They'd probably just push me away. I was just misreading things. Neither of them want anything to do with me. And if they do, it was for reasons I wasn't interested in.

Out of my peripheral vision, I noticed somebody bending down next to me. I cocked my head to the side to see who it was. He smiled at me, and picked up a crap puff off of the silver platter resting on the ground, and munched into it. I giggled. "You do know that I just picked that off the floor…right?" I asked him.

I giggled again as Chad gagged a little, but swallowed it anyway with a nonchalant smirk. "Yeah, I knew."

I shook my head at him. He was unbelievable.

Then, he did something even more unbelievable.

He helped me pick up the discarded food.

"Thanks." I said to him when we were done. I held the platter in front of me with two hands. Looking around me, I decided it was now or never. Plus, he seemed to still be in a good mood.

"Um, hey, Chad?" I started nervously. He raised his eyebrows, signaling me to continue. "Could I have like…a twenty minute break?"

He seemed a little stress for a moment, but his expression soon faded into relaxation. "Yeah, sure, whatever," he muttered and looked defeated, as if he had just lost some sort of battle.

I jumped up and down with joy. "Thank you!" I squealed.

I thought about hugging him, but then decided against it. Way too awkward, and I'm not referring to the fact that I have a giant plate in my hand. So, I simply walked around him, beginning to determine where I was going to spend my time off. Stuck with a bunch of celebrities partying? No way. I could do that when I'm working. In my room? Maybe. Bathroom? Probably smells awful by now. I'll probably have to clean it later tonight. Outside? Bingo.

I knew, from my circling the room, there was another separate party going on in the backyard. If there were people out there, the weather must have gotten better. So…let's try the porch, shall we?

I was right. It was gorgeous out. The sun was just setting, and the clouds faded away from earlier, releasing a gorgeous view of the pink and orange sky. The air smelled fresh and like summer. I could feel the light vibration of the noise from inside, but it was overall quiet. Everybody was either inside, in the back yard, or in their cars parked at the side of the house. I was alone. And it was amazing.

Suddenly, I felt an arm snake around my waist, making me jump. This wasn't Chad, I could already feel it. The man bent down to whisper in my ear, causing me to tremble in discomfort. "Hey, Sonny." he breathed. I could feel him smirk against my neck.

I tried to shift my way out of his tight grip. "James," I snarled.