I think the short chapters will have to continue, sorry, I just find it very hard to write pages and pages in a short space of time. Plus I think you'd prefer having a shorter time in between updates.
Nothing
The first day of university. I drag myself out of bed, thankful that the horrid ringing of the alarm clock had stopped. That is the worst sound in the world. Steadying myself on the table, I wait for the blood to rush back down to my body before grabbing whatever is closest and pulling it over my head. I am slightly delirious from sleep, so I stumble over my still-unpacked suitcase towards the door. My foot catches, and suddenly the floor is flying at my face, causing a terrible racket as my body crashes half onto the hard surface and half onto the suitcase. A groan comes from my throat as pain flares down my chest, and I curse myself. I peel myself from the suitcase, struggling to catch my breath, and I let myself lie on the cold, hard laminate, my hand clutching my chest. My heart is in my ears, and my chest throbs silently. The red mark is already floating to the surface.
Moments later, Edward rushes in, hair dishevelled and lips swollen, still in his pyjamas. His eyes grow wide, and I smile because he looks so sweet in that moment. He stands at the door, his fingers playing on the handle, unsure of whether to approach me or to keep back. My smile turns into a laugh, even though it pains me to do so. He smiles too, and takes a few steps until he is looking over me, offering me his hand. My stomach clenches and I cannot help the smile from fading.
He is so beautiful. His hair flops down onto his strong brow and his smile is sincere and honest. I cannot look at it, I just can't. I feel as if my breath is taken away, but that cannot be true because I do not find him beautiful. I don't. So I get up, my chest protesting, and it takes all of my power not to stifle another groan. I forbid my eyes to look at him- I don't want to see his green ones, I don't want to see the hurt on his face. They don't listen however, and I can't stop them from searching his face. His mouth opens slightly, and he is looking down again, a shadow of the figure he was just a second ago. My fingers clench, and I feel sick, although I don't even know why.
"I'll be out in a second," I mutter with a smile that probably looks more like a grimace. It sounds like an order, it sounds cold and dismissive. He takes that at his queue to leave and, with a curt nod, he turns, closing the door quietly. I watch the nape of his neck, where the hair is even softer. His eyes never meet mine again- even when he turns around to close the door, they look down.
He leaves me alone, watching the door and somehow wishing he would come back. I don't know what to do, and I fall onto the bed, my hand still clenched. I hit my thigh, wishing myself to feel something else, punishing myself. Warm streaks run down my cheeks, turning cold as they reach my chin. I wipe the back of my hand on my cheeks just as I did the night before. The tears are running freely- I try to stop them, but I can't, I keep crying silently. I honestly don't know why, but I am weeping as if I'm a child again. There is something clawing at my insides. I have been reduced to this.
I laugh silently because that is the only thing I can think of. My brows furrow as I try to comprehend my impulsive outburst. Get a grip. The late nights caused this. The sudden change of surroundings, and- do I miss my mother? Possibilities fly around my head and I can't seem to choose just one, so I settle on a combination and decide that I'm going to visit my parents next week. Yes, that will work.
I quickly compose myself again, ashamed of my sudden mood. I shake my head; it is nothing. This is nothing. Edward is nothing.
I walk out after making sure there was no evidence of my breakdown. My eyes were slightly puffy, but that could be blamed on the lack of sleep. Edward is cooking something that smells delicious. I make an effort to act normally, but then I realise that that is the cause of the problem anyway. He smiles back, but I can see in his eyes that he's still embarrassed.
"I made some for you, I don't know if you like it, you don't have to eat it," he mumbles uneasily, but it's to be expected.
I try to reassure him with a smile, "Edward, anything you cook is good, honestly." And I am being honest. He smiles back, and offers the pan to me. I make sure to take less than half, leaving enough for him. He never takes all of it.
I don't know where to look; Edward fills most of my view. We are going to have to change this seating arrangement. I feel green eyes on me, but he's looking right past me again, at something in the distance. I take a sudden interest in my breakfast.
******
Edward waited for me to get ready, which was peculiar as we weren't going in the same cars and nor did we have the same classes. We agreed to meet up for lunch.
I drive with the radio on rather loud, hoping it would drown out the conflicting thoughts pushing through my mind. Even though I told myself I had already made a decision on my emotional outburst, I couldn't help niggling thoughts passing through. What other reasons were there though?
******
I arrive in good time, which is unlike me. While I walk to my lecture, I continue my thinking session, even if I don't know where I'm going or where I'm going to finish up. Girls flounder about in their increasingly short skirts trying to enhance their fake-tanned legs and I remember when I would be sucked in by their smiles. Maybe I still do, I'm not sure. I don't feel like having someone there- I feel content just being alone.
I'm one of the first ones to reach the lecture theatre, so I take a seat towards the back, out of the way. I don't know what else to do, so I take out a pad and start drawing. My eyes follow the lines, just random, swirling lines. My fingers feel uncomfortable drawing, and a little rusty. I soon get bored for I don't know what to draw. My eyes scan the theatre, and I focus on an apple on somebody's desk. Out of sheer boredom, I draw that, not bothering to look back up at the object. I get carried away, and draw branches and leaves, imagining the whole thing as if it was real. I stop and hold the drawing in front of me, squinting slightly. I'm proud of it- it looks realistic. Maybe I could show it to Edward.
Thinking his name was a mistake. I'm reminded of the previous events this morning, and I can't stop thinking about the look on his face. I wonder what his hand would fe-
"That looks good." I almost don't hear it because I'm too far in, but it's there, light and girly. Lifting my head, I turn to face the woman looking over my shoulder. She nods her head towards the drawing, her long black locks swaying and catching the light in a brilliant blue hue. I can only smile and mutter a small thanks. She flashes a dazzling smile before asking, "May I sit here?" I don't know what to say- I can't refuse her, she was too polite for that. She could take my mind off things. So I move my bag and smile genuinely for her to sit. I try to focus ahead, but I can feel her presence and I try to watch out of the corner of my eye. Her forearm is dangerously close to mine; the heat slowly drifts to my own.
A loud laugh reverberates from the large walls, and I turn, even though I already know who it is. James saunters in, closely followed by Laurent and Alec. He scans the crowd and spots me, giving me a large wave.
"Yo, Jasper!" The students turn again, this time to face me. Before a couple of weeks, I would have smirked and replied, but this time I smile uneasily.
"Hey," my reply is quiet. James drops down in the seat next to me, already noticing the girl on my right. He leans over, one hand resting on the desk, and looks straight into her eyes.
"My name's James," he smirks in a voice that is too sultry for this time of day.
"Maria," her smile is tense, and she immediately sits up straighter. I don't want her to leave. James winks and turns back to the front, wagging his eyebrows when he was sure Maria wasn't looking. I don't bother to reply; instead, I turn to Maria and try to give her a reassuring smile. Stay. She puts her hands back on the table, and I feel inexplicably happy.
******
Lunch comes too early than I would have liked, and I invite a coy Maria to eat with us. I hope Edward brings friends, as I feel sorry for Maria, surrounded by a bunch of guys. I try to make her more comfortable, but James makes this almost impossible. We sit at the table, waiting for Edward, and I'm dreading it.
I hope the atmosphere between Edward and me doesn't rear its ugly head. I'm worried as to how low Edward's opinion of James will be- he most certainly will not like him, and somehow, I want to please Edward.
Maria sits beside me quietly, her lithe fingers tapping on the table. I want to tell her to stop, but I refrain.
The wind whips around my neck, making my hairs stand on end. I snuggle into my coat, and throw another smile to Maria before looking into the distance. And there he is.
His strides are long and slow, hands thrust into his pockets, his collar up. His hair had been battered into even more disarray by the cruel wind, but it made his cheeks rosy. He smiles when he sees me. All of the heads turn toward him, and I don't know why, but I'm smiling.
"Everyone, this is Edward- my roommate." James looks up and then down, before finally holding his hand out.
"I'm James," I can see the ligaments in his hand straining for he's putting so much power into the handshake. The fight for alpha male has already started. Edward only gives a curt nod and mutters his name, seeming completely unfazed by James' attempt. His expression is stoic now, and I cannot help but wonder what he has against James. He just met the guy.
Maria shuffles closer to me, hoping that I would not notice, but I notice everything these days.
"This is Maria." Edward's smile falters slightly, just enough for me to see. My brows furrow in confusion, but he doesn't see it- he's greeting Maria.
The lunch continues slowly- James averts his eyes towards Edward every so often, but Edward just stares right back. I flit between the two, trying to work out the invisible war between them. No else seems to notice. Maria sits ever closer to me, brushing my arm every time she moves. I wonder where her other friends are because she can't be alone.
"How about we all go out tonight?" James speaks up. His eyes are on me and there's a wicked gleam in them. I'm up for some mischief, so I agree. Then he turns to Edward.
"You too, mate."
"Well, I'm not sure, I thin-"
"Nope, can't refuse. We're all going," James butts in, and Edward snaps his mouth shut and tenses his jaw, but James is oblivious.
"Oh, come on, Edward, live a little," I attempt to persuade him. His eyes are suddenly on me, sharp and piercing. The power he possesses is there again- I want to take my statement back. However, his lips part and he looks down before addressing me.
"Fair enough." I feel as if I have hurt him. He doesn't look at me again, and guilt ghosts over my spine. When we part, I watch his back, somehow hoping that he would turn around and I could apologise.
For what though? There is nothing to apologise for.