The she-kit was still chewing on his tail. Spiderleg switched the endangered appendage idly, pulling it out of the kit's reach, but the little cream she-kit only pounced again. Spiderleg sighed through his nose and flicked his tail a little more sharply than before. There was a squeal.
"Spiderleg!" came an exasperated voice. Daisy. Spiderleg turned his head to see what the problem was, and found that the cream-colored kit had been knocked onto her side.
"Oh - sorry, Rosekit." Feeling clumsy, he stuck his muzzle under the kit's belly and tried to help her up. She swatted at his nose with her tiny paw, and Spiderleg pulled back with a yelp.
"You have to be gentle, Spiderleg," admonished Daisy, coming up behind him and delicately nudging Rosekit to her paws. "Anycat would think you've never seen a kit before."
"Hmm." Spiderleg avoided his mate's eyes as he curled his tail around his haunches again. He'd been dozing here outside the nursery for most of the day, uncertain of what he should be doing. Toadkit had a cough, and Daisy had been so worried about him that Spiderleg had felt guilty for not being with his mate and son. But there never seemed to be enough room in the nursery for Spiderleg.
So he was stuck out here, standing a sort of vigil. It wasn't that he really minded being here. He knew his duty as a father. It was just that...he didn't feel welcome. He was just so unsure of himself - he didn't feel prepared for this kind of thing, and especially not with Daisy. And he was pretty sure she was having second thoughts as well.
He let his eyes drift back to her; she had her back to him, so he didn't have to worry about the awkwardness of meeting her gaze. StarClan, but she was beautiful, with her luxuriously creamy coat that was like no other he'd seen before. He knew her beauty, in his eyes, wasn't going to change, no matter how things worked out for them.
If things work out.
They'd been happy together, for a little while. They'd been able to hold pleasant conversations. There might never have been anything like some cats had with each other - some mysterious element of perfection when together - but they'd been alright. Spiderleg knew he and Daisy had only gotten together because he'd asked her.
He'd been such an idiot, to expect that he and she would work well together simply because he loved the way she looked, loved the lines of her face and her sparkling blue eyes. Now that he looked back, he knew he'd been a hypocrite as well as an idio t- at a time when he'd been ready to strangle Firestar for letting so much non-Clan blood into ThunderClan, Spiderleg had made Daisy the exception. His exception.
She'd been under so much pressure, too-she was nearly useless in matters of fighting and hunting. She probably thought the only way to make herself worthy to be a Clanner was to start having kits. So of course she said 'yes' when you asked her to mate.
And of course there had been kits. Spiderleg had not quite expected kits. Idiot. What were you expecting? And with the kits had come the dreadful responsibility, hitting him like a solid weight. There'd been the hunting for Daisy, the visiting Daisy in the nursery, the staying with Daisy as the kits came, the visiting again. All in all, it was enough to make him fully realize that he didn't much like Daisy after all.
Rosekit was chewing on his tail again. Spiderleg kept it still, closing his eyes in resignation. Sorry, Daisy. I guess we just weren't meant to be.