Leaves
I plan to question him. I am going to ask him what he has against James. I'm not going to get intimidated by him. I'm not sure why this matters so much to me, but it does. I pace around the kitchen as I'm too restless to sit. My feet draw random paths on the kitchen floor, waiting for the porch door to open so I can get this over and done with. Fingers slide over each other as I try to conjure up a valid explanation for Edward's behaviour.
The familiar sound of the key turning in the lock reaches my ears, and my chest feels lifted and I start smiling, although I don't understand why so I quickly stop. Edward beams at me.
"Hello," he says while throwing his bag over his head in what seemed like a well-practised manoeuvre.
I swallow and nod a polite hello before jumping in at the deep end. "So what's with you and James?" He stops and raises one eyebrow- I can't help but smirk, so much so that I almost forget about the task at hand.
"Me and James?" he asks as if he didn't hear properly. I nod. "There is nothing with me and James, as you put it," his tone is casual, but I feel there's a slightly whisper of annoyance.
"Because today it seemed like there was something between you." His movement falters slightly and he keeps his eyes down as he answers me.
"Why do you think that?" I know now that he is lying because of his blatant ignorance for the situation. He knew what he was doing today; he just doesn't want to admit it. Or he doesn't want to tell me. This thought brings some kind of weird feeling in my stomach, but I ignore it.
"You were just so cold. Don't tell me I'm stupid, because I'm not, I saw you," my anger rises, although I can't comprehend why. The way I say it makes it sound like an insult, like sarcasm. Then I realise it is because of his intimidation, his secrecy. None of which were actually his fault. I quickly calm myself before speaking again, "Look, if you don't want to meet us for lunch then that's fine. I don't want you to come just because I asked you to." Just because you pity me.
He looks at me fully, lips parted in dismay. He blinks for a couple of seconds- he looks hurt. The silence is deafening- there are just the two of us, standing far apart, waiting. Waiting for something that will never come.
"Why do you think I wouldn't want to meet you? I don't know what you saw today, but I've just met James. There's nothing between us, I don't even know him. He seems alright," he finishes. "Of course I want to meet you," his tone turns softer, and I revel in it. Somehow, everything is forgotten. I don't press for any more information, and he doesn't bring it up. We go about our routines as normal. I ask him for his opinion on a shirt for tonight- he chooses the darker one.
I meet him in the living room when he comes down. He's strikingly beautiful. I felt more comfortable calling him that now; any other word would have been an insult. It still bothers me though. It wasn't natural for a man to call another man beautiful. A woman, yes. Calling a man beautiful suggests things.
He wears a simple white shirt, sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms. It looks like he has tried very hard, but at the same time, it looks like he threw on the first thing he touched. For a fleeting moment, I feel like I'm waiting for my prom date or something along the lines. Then I laugh at my position.
We drive in my car. He looks too proper, too regal to be sitting in my car, with random papers strewn about and empty Coca Cola bottles in the back seat.
Edward stretches his legs out in front of him, and rests his head on the seat- he looks tired, his eyelids half drawn over his eyes and his head slowly swaying to the movement of the car. I regret encouraging him to come with us. In retrospect, it almost seems like I had bullied him into it, or something I had said struck a nerve and forced him to come. I almost contemplate turning around and dropping him off at home, and going alone. However, a part of me wants him to be there. The part that would wonder what he was doing had he not come with us. So I sit silently, waiting for him to talk should he want to.
"Have you ever been to this club?" The part about me waiting silently does not work, and I quickly succumb to the temptation of talking to him. Edward turns his head towards me, a playful smile on his lips.
"No. Have you?"
I ignore his question completely. "Do you go out a lot?"
"Define 'a lot'," he's having some fun with me. I smile, because I want him to be happy.
"Are you suggesting something, Edward?" I smirk at him.
"Well maybe I am," he puts an arrogant voice on, which I haven't heard him do. I wallow in his playfulness, enjoying the easy, light banter between us. This is how it was meant to be. He finally answers my question.
"I don't go out as many times as you. Sometimes I see the entertainment, but when you have no one to go out with, it becomes hard."
"Didn't you have friends?" I'm intrigued by his confession.
"Oh, I had friends."
"Then what was the problem?"
"It wasn't fun. They were obsessed with girls; I was obsessed with my piano. It doesn't work." I don't know what to add to that. I decide to push him for more information.
"What makes you think this will be different?" I prepare myself for his unwilling reply.
"Maybe it will be." That's all he offers, and I gladly take it. My heart swells at the idea that he feels comfortable with me, and I can't stop myself from smiling. He turns and sees me, and out of the corner of my eye, he's smiling too.
******
We meet James and company on a secluded table. I look at the surroundings.
The dim lights erase any imperfections. This is a competition, a hunt. Men come here to see what they can find, likewise with the women. This is where arrogance and vanity perform at their best.
Maria is there too, in a tight black dress. Her make up enhances her high cheekbones and long eyelashes. She is beautiful tonight, and I can't help but flash a smile towards her.
"Yo, Jasper!" James meets me with his usual greeting. Then he turns towards Edward. He pulls him into a hug. Edward immediately tenses up- his jaw is closed shut, and the discomfort is clear in his eyes. I smile apologetically, but he doesn't return it. James releases him, proud of his little achievement.
"So, drinks. Shots for everyone, eh?" It was more of a statement than a question. James leads us into the night. He stands to go to the bar, since he has realised that he will pass more women walking through the club than just flagging down a waitress.
"No, I'll just have a beer," Edward's voice lifts through all the people, strong and clear. His face is set.
"You can't have just a beer, come on, Eddie." Edward grimaces, and repeats his previous statement. He's not taking anything from James. James puts his hands up in defeat, smirking lightly again, before he turns around and heads into the crowd.
Maria is oblivious, hooks her arm through mine and shuffles ever closer. Since when did we cross the physical boundaries? Maybe she had none. I feel uncomfortable at her closeness. We have only known each other for a few hours, and yet she feels she knows me well enough to act as if we're together. She whispers something I cannot hear, so I ask her to repeat.
I feel Edward's eyes on me before he's forced to listen to something Alec is explaining. He's not interested- he's smiling, but a smile can mean so many things. It doesn't even make his eyes wrinkle like they normally do. He nods every occasionally and pretends that he's taking it all in, when really, he's thinking about something else. I know. I've been there.
"Dance with me," her ghost of a whisper slides into my ears. I flinch slightly at her proximity; her mouth is so close to my ear. I can feel her steady breaths touching my skin. I can't refuse her. She's good.
I stand and offer her my hand. She wraps her soft fingers in mine, and we walk together to the dance floor. All the while, I feel Edward's piercing eyes on me.
This time Maria takes my hand, and my body moulds to hers. We're in a sea of people, but I only hear her. I run my hands freely down her sides, and she leans back and rests her head on my shoulder. Our cheeks touch slightly, soft, milky skin against harsh stubble. Her hair tickles my neck, and she touches my face with her soft hands again. I watch her soft lips, slightly parted and full. I see her cheeks are flush, even in this light. We sway in time with the music, ignoring the fact that we're in a public place- it's just us.
Green eyes are on our bodies. Edward holds his beer lightly, forearms resting on the table. He turns when he sees me looking. He pretends to strike up a conversation with Laurent. He takes a long drink of his beer. But I'm still looking at him. His actions are fascinating to me.
The end of the song wakes me from my musing, and I step back and lead Maria to the table. James immediately looks between Maria and me, and comes to some sort of absurd conclusion in his head. First impressions are always incorrect.
I'm forced to sit next to Edward, and I think about making Maria sit between us, but I remember that Edward's extremely observant, and it would surely upset him. I had spent enough time doing that this week.
We sit closer than we ever have before. I notice the brown hairs and the spotted birthmarks. There is a small scar on his wrist. His hands possess no blemishes. He doesn't turn to me.
"I need the toilet," Edward says abruptly. I reluctantly move from my position next to him to let him out. His smell almost makes me close my eyes, and my stomach tenses inexplicably. I don't know what this is.
I watch his back as he leaves me again. It is one I have seen all too many times. When he returns, the air is pregnant with a heavy tension that wasn't there before. James breaks the silence.
"You have a girlfriend, Ed?" Edward looks down before replying, playing with his fingers.
"No."
"No? Well, we can help you with that," James smirks and looks toward Alec and Laurent, who have been submissive for the night. Gathering supporters.
"What if I've already met somebody?" Something hits me, I can't see what. I feel wrong. I feel almost betrayed that Edward wouldn't tell me if he met a girl. I shake my head- I'm being too cynical.
"Oh, you have?" James sneers. "Who's the lucky girl?"
"No one you know." Now he has piqued my attention. I am desperately curious just for the sake of knowing. I didn't know Edward very well in terms of facts, in terms of the stuff you find out first. I know where he stands with homosexuality. I know what he thinks of religion. I know that underneath his tall exterior, he is a vulnerable boy. Now I collect every piece of information I hear about him and store it within me.
James tries to uncover Edward's secret girlfriend twice more before he finally admits defeat. When Edward wants to keep something to himself, he does.
We say hardly anything on the drive home. Maria waves me a sad goodbye. I wonder if she resents Edward because she didn't get to take me for a couple more hours. When we get home, we don't know what to do with each other. It is too late to watch anything decent on television. Edward leaves without a word after a few minutes of my reading the newspaper.