Crap, crap, crap. This one was bloody hard to get out, and I'm sorry, I have a feeling I'm going to severly disappoint with this chapter. It's short and predictable and just not as good as the others, but for the past few weeks, I've not really been in the mood to write. School's a bitch, too.

Waiting

I didn't come out of my room that night, preferring to stay a coward. I hid, something which I shouldn't have done. I regret that now, but Edward did leave me, vulnerable and alone. His reaction was not something I anticipated, but I left him to himself that night. His disappearance the next morning didn't worry me greatly, although I was disappointed. Anger was an emotion I couldn't stop from crawling in, no matter how much I wanted to.

However, his absence from lunch shook me. I realised, then, that I had ruined this. Maria noticed my mood, and quizzed me about it, the way a friend would when they cared. I didn't want her comfort, her pity. Loneliness- that's what I wanted. I wanted to cry and scream and just see him once more, see his face and those lips I touched the night before. I ached physically. I brushed Maria off, but I couldn't feel guilt for her. She astonished me then, taking my arm and announcing to the table that we were leaving. I didn't have the strength to protest, even though I didn't want to have this awkward conversation. She could take me away.

Abruptly, she turned to face me, taking me in her arms. Her warmth embraced me, lifted me marginally. "You've got to stop doing this," she whispered, taking my cheek in her soft fingers. Clearing her throat, her face turned serious. "Look, I don't know what the hell is happening in your life right now, and neither am I asking. But I look at you, Jasper, and you're just…lost. You can't do this to yourself." My shock was hard to conceal. I went over everything she said- I was sure I'd hidden everything, careful to not make things obvious. I couldn't say anything; my heart was thudding, loud in my chest, afraid that my secret had a chance of getting out.

"Now I know you probably don't want to, but you can talk to me about anything." I managed a tentative nod. Her eyes turned sincere, meeting my lips for a brief moment. She looked back at me, all beautiful and concerned. Slowly, she said, "I think…I think you and Edward…." She didn't finish her sentence.

I froze. My mouth opened. Lies brushed past my mind, random excuses, all pointing away from Edward. But somehow, I couldn't lie to her. I stood there, shocked. She doesn't meet my eyes, keeping some of the pressure from me. I felt like everyone was watching my next words. All I could do was nod hopelessly.

She managed to catch the movement from the corner of her eye. "Oh, Jasper!" She threw her arms around me, nearly knocking me from the sheer force. I couldn't help the tears from falling, wetting my face and her shirt. We held each other, my tears against the wall. I wondered what would have happened if Edward walked past, but I fought to push that thought away from my head. We pulled away, and she smiled at me, brushed her fingers against my cheek.

"I have to go," I whispered. She understood my need. Before I registered the movement, I kissed her softly on the cheek. Her eyes were closed, and she was still smiling. I thought she looked beautiful at that moment.

I thought about the implications of my actions when I drove home. I felt lighter. There was a niggling doubt at the back of my mind- I could see everyone finding out, laughing at me, taunting me. I couldn't face Edward if that happened. I'd have to leave. That thought pained me. However, I felt comfortable with Maria knowing. Somehow.

My dreams were filled with Maria and Edward and love and snail shells and the piano that night. The next day, I dared to enter his room. There was a pulse to it, a steady ticking, letting me know it was alive, but the room was untidier than normal, a feeling of haste attached to it. The bed was unmade, peeled away from the crisp white sheets that he hadn't changed since I slept there. I felt like his body lingered on that bed, whispers and ghosts surrounding it. I stood for a while, inspecting and trying to take a fresh memory of his smell to keep me going. I didn't want to touch his piano- the sound would have felt wrong in the empty room without him, a reminder of where he was. Wherever that was.

I wondered whether to call the police. Something was stopping me, pulling my chest back so that I could never quite reach the phone. No else seemed to notice. Bella didn't visit- she would have if she was concerned. She was his girlfriend.

I left his room after Maria's words floated to me.

The day after, Bella stops me in the corridor, seeming slightly distressed, I am surprised.

"Jasper!" I hear her call and smile as politely as I can. Up close, her clear ivory skin covers her proud cheekbones, which have a hint of blush on them. I can see why Edward is attracted to her, but the fact that she is an enemy unnerves me greatly.

"Yes?" I reply as stoically as I can, looking to shorten this conversation as much as possible.

"I know you probably don't care or anything, but you're Edward's best friend and-" That reminds me.

"Oh, sorry," I interrupt, and become aware that I'm apologising. "You don't happen to know where he is?" She frowns, taking a moment to think over my question. I prepare for the worst- that she doesn't know where he is, that he's fled, bolted without a word to anyone.

"He's on that medical trip," she says slowly, enunciating her words as if I were a child. "He didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Oh," is all she can say as her eyes become unfocused for a moment. "Well, I guess that fits."

"What fits?"

"He dumped me last night. Over the phone, too." I'm too shocked to do anything. I want to dance but something, something under the surface that stops me. "It's just not like him, you know. And I don't even think he has a valid reason, he just muttered something about it not working out and…" she trails off, eyes still not meeting mine, and I can see she's clearly heartbroken, and I want to hug her but I don't want to do anything. It's all so confusing, overloading me, the complexity too much for me to understand.

"Now that he hasn't even told his best friend about the fact that he's gone for a week, I don't know…" Her eyes meet mine. "It's weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess." We both stand there, dazed as we tried to figure out the perplexity that is Edward. Moments pass as other students rush by us. I feel like time has stopped for us, we're frozen while everyone else is moving.

"I was going to ask you if you'd heard anything, you know, about me and Edward, but since he isn't telling you anything either, then…." she trails off again, not finishing her sentence. I wait while she thinks of what she is going to say. "Do you think you could call him?"

Immediately, I start stuttering, feeling flushed. "I don't know, Bella, I mean, if he isn't saying anything…He would call, you never know, he's probably just stressed," I manage a nervous laugh. "I would give it a few days. Why don't you talk to him in person, or call him yourself?"

"Please, Jasper." She disregards my mumblings, and I can't deny her.

"I'll try."

"Thank you," she whispers, and hugs me. I don't hug her back, I can't, but our mutual fondness for Edward brings us together. Only slightly.

In my room that night, I trap the memory of the kiss into my heart, hold it tight so that it won't slip out. I've tried to keep every detail, but they become misty. I look at them through the foggy panes of my mind, try to saviour them, but eventually, they fade into vague shapes and colours and I can't help but think that if I kissed him now, it would be better than just a memory. In my solitary moments, I like to take them out and look at them, feel them as if he were here, next to me. The emptiness as I come back from them surprises me, shocks me like ice to my skin. And then I'm numb.

******

James is shaken up, agitated and drunk the next day. He clutches a beer bottle in his hand, his fingers curling around the neck of the bottle possessively, even though alcohol is prohibited on campus. We all worry that he's going to get caught and effectively drag us into trouble too, but he seems oblivious, brandishing it wildly while he talks. There's an unspoken question hanging in the air. The liquid hitting the glass tinkles as he shakes it, nearly spilling its contents onto the table. He's muttering inaudible sentences- they sound like words strung together. At some points, they don't sound like words at all.

I often wonder how I seem to have managed to unglue myself from James, but when I compare him to Edward, he doesn't stand a chance.

Maria seems restless beside me, and I do my best to try to calm her down. Her heat radiates through the thin blouse she is wearing. The fabric does nothing to keep her warm, so she curls into me, and somehow, I don't mind. I want to ask her a million questions, but there's always someone, intruding, interrupting, and when we're alone, my tongue twists and I want to make a sound but I can't, there's nothing there.

"Bitch," he spits, pointed eyes following a girl walking through campus.

"What now?" Maria snaps.

"Hate her. Stupid."

"What's wrong with you?"

James laughs forcedly, "Where to start?!"

"You know you're not allowed alcohol."

"Live a little, Maria." I'm angry. His snarky comment, his ignorance, it's all piling up on me, so much so that a hatred starts to grow in me, taking over. I know I'm overreacting, I feel it, but I can't stop myself. It pushes me.

"You don't talk to her like that!"

He sneers, a wicked thing. "Well, well, protecting your girlfriend, are we?" He's taunting me, able to transfer from a friend to an enemy in seconds.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Oh, really? Looks like we're copying Edward."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I grow nervous.

"Don't I?" His voice is eerily quiet. "Where is he, anyway? Where is your little best friend? Tell me, Jasper, do you miss him?" He smiles at me again, voice sarcastic with those fake wide eyes he puts on for show. I don't reply, but the anger is building, so much that I think I might cry. I'm burning, my heart is racing.

"I think he has just run off with his tail between his legs," he snickers.

"Don't talk about him!" I shout, my brow furrowed. Maria clutches me harder, whispers a warning in my ear, but I almost don't hear it.

"Oh, you don't know what you're saying! He's a queer and everyone knows it!" he bellows. My body convulses, muscles tense and straining. I shoot up, ready to hit James, my arm drawn back. Red, all I see is red. Someone pulls me back harshly, so that I stagger backwards. My chest is tight, and there's a lump in my throat, rendering me unable to speak.

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

"You're drunk!" Maria accuses, one finger pointing at James.

He lifts his eyebrows. "You think?" he says matter-of-factly. Maria twists, black hair twirling wildly behind her, pulling me along. I look at the floor, still able to hear his heinous laughter, feel his burning eyes on me. My fists clench so much that pain flares through my fingers.

"Don't listen to him, he's a bastard." She looks like she's concentrating hard, not meeting my eyes. Then she turns to me, the sun shining behind her, and her tone turns softer. "Edward comes back tomorrow. You should try to call him tonight. He doesn't like to make the first move."

"I can't, Maria, I just can't. What if he doesn't want to talk?"

"He does. He's just waiting."