A/N:

I love you all so much! Once again, thank you to all the readers for the fantastic response! Only two more chapters after this one!

Chapter 4: Return to Sender

For the next three months I enjoyed our arrangement. So much, that if my life were a movie, a hot, funny montage would play showing Eric and I in various sexual positions, clothes flying, and pleasure being had.

We would meet an average of two or three times a week, and the sex was always amazing. After a few times, we even got into role-playing a little.

I didn't tell anyone about my relationship (thing?) with Eric. My best friend Amelia had these kinds of flings, I didn't. I'd always sort of looked down on her ability to have sex without feelings, but now I understood why she did it. It was nice to have a release regularly, but not have to deal with the obligations of a relationship. I struggled with it a bit at first, but managed to distance myself from my feelings quite well.

Eric was a good lay, and that was all.

I hadn't seen him in a few days, and was contemplating buying something online when Amelia called and asked me to go on a girl date with her for dinner and dancing at a club in Shreveport. I agreed. It had been too long since I'd gone out and had fun like that, and I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to see about getting back into the dating world.

"Jesus, you are smokin' hot!" Amelia practically screamed when I got to her house to pick her up. "Are you getting laid or something, because you have the look of a sexually satisfied woman!"

I'd worn my best little black dress. It had a plunging neckline, and clung to my curves beautifully. I paired it with some heels and free flowing hair. I didn't think I looked any different than I normally did, but apparently being fucked by your UPS man regularly made a person put off a glow.

"Maybe," I grinned.

"Oh my god! Spill!"

"It's not a relationship or anything, just an occasional romp is all," I said. It was more than the occasional romp, but I didn't want to get into too many details.

"Who is it?" she asked, suddenly whispering even though we were totally alone.

"Not telling you," I whispered back, laughing when her jaw dropped. "You don't know him Ames."

"Oh come on!"

"Nope, now let's go to dinner. I'm starving!"

We went to a popular restaurant in Shreveport for dinner. Amelia made reservations for us, so we didn't wait long when we got there. As I looked around at the other couples in the more intimate booths and corner tables, I found myself wishing I were there with a man. Was getting laid regularly really enough? Did I want something more intimate?

"What are you thinking about?" Amelia asked.

"What?"

"You were staring at that couple over there," she said, nodding a table across the restaurant. "You look like you're in love or something. Oh gosh… you're in love with someone aren't you? Is it the fuck buddy?"

"Shhh! Not so loud. No, I'm not in love with the… person. It's just sex," I said.

"Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than me," she replied, and then our food came.

We managed to switch topics to Amelia's current boy toy, who had just asked her to be exclusive. She wasn't sure she was ready to commit herself to one man, even though he was the best in her rotation. I wanted to roll my eyes at her, but I realized that I was doing the same thing… sort of.

The waiter had just handed us a dessert menu when I spotted something that made my heart stop. Eric, my fuck buddy, my delivery man, the man I swore I had no feelings for, was being seated with a beautiful blond woman. I'd never seen him in clothes that weren't brown, and there he was, all dressed up. They were smiling and laughing, and he even pulled her chair out for her.

Fuck.

I couldn't deny it any longer. I had feelings for him. Seeing him with another woman fucking hurt. I was upset for a couple of reasons. One, that I felt betrayed even though I had no right to whatsoever. I'd been planning on being open to other men tonight, hadn't I? It wasn't any different.

Two, this only meant one thing. I had to end it. You couldn't be fuck buddies if there were feelings involved. Goodbye thrice-weekly orgasm deliveries, goodbye the most amazing head of my life, goodbye magnum cock, but mostly, goodbye Eric, and that was what hurt the most.

As the tears, yes I was going to freaking cry over this bullshit, began to fill my eyes Amelia told the waiter we'd changed our mind about dessert and asked for the check. He walked away, and Amelia grabbed my hand.

"What's wrong?"

I looked down and shook my head.

"Dammit Sookie, tell me."

"The man I'm having a thing with is here," I said quietly, refusing to look up. I didn't want him to see me.

"Where?"

"He's just been seated, behind you and four tables to the right," I said. "They're both blond."

"Holy shit. Nice one, Sook! He's hot," she said, and then seemed to remember that I was upset. "Oh no… you fell for him, didn't you?"

My eyes snapped to hers, and I felt a tear fall. I'd admitted to myself that I had feelings for him already, but had I actually fallen for him too? There was only one answer. Yes, I had. The one man I had finally, truly fallen in love with only saw me as a no-strings lay. Just wonderful. Who did I fuck over in a past life?

"We need to get out of here," I said, my panic increasing. I didn't want him to see me.

At that moment the waiter came back with the check. Amelia, who thankfully always had cash on her, quickly put some money in the book, and we got up. We tried to make a quick exit, and we were going to have to walk very close to their table, but a server came through with a huge tray of food, and we had to stop.

I kept glancing at his table, praying he'd keep his eyes on his beautiful date and not notice me, but just as the server got past us he looked up, right at me.

To Eric, it looked like I'd been standing there, staring at him, crying, for fucks sake. He probably thought I was crazy. At first he seemed surprised to see me, and then he took in my appearance and worry filled his beautiful eyes. I was frozen in place as he began to stand up, but thankfully Amelia pulled me away quickly, and before I knew it we were in my car again.

I have no idea why she let me drive, but she did, and before I knew it I was spilling everything to her. How it began, how it continued, how it had to end.

"You don't have to end it. He might feel the same way about you," she offered.

"No, I can't believe that he could feel the same and still go out with someone else. Even if he did, I'd never be able to forget that, and I couldn't trust him."

"Sookie, I know I seem to promote the whole fuck buddies thing, but as you know, I have been in love before. Love is so much better, and you have to hold onto it if you find it. Don't let this slip through your fingers okay?"

We didn't say anything else for the entire ride back to Bon Temps. Dancing was definitely out of the line-up for tonight.

"Rain check?" I asked when I dropped Amelia off.

"Of course," she said, and gave me a hug. "Remember what I said, okay?"

I nodded, and she went inside while I went home and straight to bed. I didn't want to think about Eric anymore. Sleeping on it sounded wonderful, and it wasn't like I'd see him unless I got a delivery anyway.

Sleeping on it didn't help. What did help was figuring out that I had no deliveries coming to me unless I decided to online shop. I wasn't going there. I needed a break from Eric. I needed to figure out what the hell I wanted to do.

What it all came down to was that I had no idea how Eric felt about me, and that even if he did, I couldn't trust him enough to be in a relationship with him. So even though it hurt like hell, I had to end it.

But how to do that?

A week and a half later and I still hadn't figured it out. Apparently, Eric was antsy for answers because he showed up at my door, not in a UPS uniform.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you working?" I asked in shock after opening the door.

He was wearing a thin, green shirt, blue jeans, and flip flops. He was delicious. I tried not to drool, and focused on keeping my emotions in check.

"I haven't seen you in a while, and I'm beginning to get the feeling it's because of that night at the restaurant," he explained. "We need to talk."

"Come in," I sighed, stepping to the side so he could walk past me. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you," he said as he went into the living room and plopped himself onto the couch. I followed and sat in the chair off to the side. "You can't even sit next to me?"

"What do you need to say to me?" I asked, ignoring his annoyance at my behavior.

"Let's start with why I haven't delivered anything for the last week and a half," he said, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees.

"Because I don't want any more deliveries from you," I said.

"Why? Is this because of what happened at the restaurant?"

"Yes and no."

"Don't give me that woman bullshit, Sookie. Just tell me what happened."

"Fine. Yes, it's because of what happened that night. I didn't like seeing you with another woman, but I have no right to be upset about it because it's what we agreed to. You can be with other women and I can be with other men."

"Have you been with other men?" he asked quickly.

"No, I haven't, but I'll admit that my friend and I were going to go dancing that night, and I was open to the idea of getting back into dating."

His eyes glanced elsewhere, and I felt a pang of regret.

"So then what's the problem?" he asked in a slightly colder tone.

"The problem is that I didn't like it. Even though I had no right to be upset, the fact remains that I was still upset. Somewhere in all my trying to not get attached to you, I did, and I fell for you." He immediately looked at me again. "That's why this can't continue. I can't have a no-strings-attached relationship with you because there are strings now, or at least I want there to be."

And then he had to go and say the one thing I both desperately wanted to hear, and desperately feared he would say.

"I have feelings for you too."

"No," I shook my head.

"Yes," he said, and moved to sit on his knees in front of me. I shook my head again and closed my eyes. I felt his hand on my knee, and then he spoke again. "Why can't I have feelings for you?" I didn't answer. I couldn't tell him it was because I could never trust him. My ex has squashed the ability to trust right out of me, and then seeing Eric with another woman… "Is it because of my job?"

"What?" I asked in shock. How could he think that?

"Do you not want to have a relationship with me because I'm just a delivery driver?" he asked again, and I saw that he was completely serious.

"No! Eric," I said, bringing my hands up to his face. "Eric, I would love you if you were a convenience store clerk or a fast food drive through employee. Your job doesn't matter to me."

He smiled, and took my hands in his.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said.

"I don't know if I want to hear it."

"No, you need to know. Sookie… I'm not really a delivery driver," he said with pleading eyes. Pleading for what? For me to not be shocked? To not be angry?

"Explain."

"I used to be a delivery driver. It was a while ago, about four years. The guy who runs the branch needed a driver because the one he had quit early, and the one he had lined up wasn't able to quit his job yet. I'm very good friends with the boss and he asked if I would fill in for a few months. My filling in ended yesterday and I planned on telling you last week."

"Easy for you to say now," I said, and pulled my hands from his grip.

"Don't do that," he said. "I was going to tell you."

"What am I supposed to say? This is the very reason that it doesn't matter if you have feelings for me too. I can't trust you."

"Yes, you can."

"No. Even before your little confession my answer was going to be the same," I said, trying desperately to maintain my stance.

"Why?"

"Because you were out with another woman."

"So what? You admitted you were going to be into meeting guys that night, and you can't say now that nothing would have happened," he said, and stood up. He was getting angry. I'd never seen him angry, and if this wasn't so serious I would have been turned on. I stood up too.

"I know that! That's why I'm not going to say it. I like to think nothing would have happened, but I can't say for sure. I'm just saying that if you could date another woman while you had feelings for me, then it would always be in the back of my mind. I can't trust you."

"You're being ridiculous," he huffed, and turned away from me.

I was, and I knew it, but I wasn't willing to put my heart on the line again. Not when I was really in love.

"It doesn't matter. I have to be able to trust you, and I can't do that. It's best to just end this now."

He turned to face me again.

"So let me get all this straight. You love me, and I love you, but we can't be together because I wasn't up front that I was only going to be a delivery man for a while, and because you saw me having dinner with another woman, both of which give you reason to believe that you can't trust me. Is that right?"

He'd actually said the words. I could hardly believe it. As much as I wanted to say, no, it wasn't right, that I was wrong and we could do this, my stubborn streak wouldn't let me. I was too afraid.

"Yes, that's right," I said evenly.

He stared at me for a full minute, his eyes cold, but I could still see that my words had hurt him.

"Well," he began. "I suppose there's nothing else I can do to convince you that this can work. Since that's the case I guess I can tell you that the woman I was with wasn't my date. She's my oldest friend, the closest thing I have to family, and also a lesbian."

Fuck. I'd really screwed the pooch on this one. I hung my head, ashamed at myself. Even if I tried now, there was no way he would want me.

"I'm sorry this turned out the way it did," he said.

I closed my eyes, which were welling up with tears. I heard his footsteps retreating, and then the screen door opened and closed. There was the sound of him walking down the porch steps, a car door opening and slamming shut, and then I heard him drive away. There's nothing quite like the sound of the person you love literally driving out of your life, and being able to hear it until they were so far away that the sound didn't reach your ears anymore.