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Five minutes later

What should I do? Here's a new secret, how is I can't stay away from these stupid things, maybe I should stop them being secrets… but Sasuke trusts me too much. I couldn't….

He wants this so much… it's his life goal…. He is fixed on beating Itachi into the ground, it's like he thinks that will bring his family back… actually, I would say Itachi is the reason Sasuke isn't depressed or anything. As long as he has something to hate, something to blame everything on, the sadness isn't as hard.

But Naruto, he deserves to know, he'd hate me if I don't… maybe I should just stop him leaving, sneak into his house and rip up the form…

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I don't know…

No, I can't do that…

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…

I'm letting him go, and I'm letting him go in secrecy like he planned, but I'm also letting him know that he'll never be fully forgiven for the choice he's about to make, and he is sacrificing all relationships and bonds he's ever had by leaving like this. he's breaking Naruto's heart.

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Friday 21/7/15

It's like the heavy throb has doubled, it's like I'm marching to a death sentence, I feel empty again. It's like everything I had earned, the pride, the freeness of letting every secret I held go, had come crashing down… my shelter was ruined, nothing could build it again unless the two of the three most important people in my life came back.

It was like I was watching him go, slowly, it's like I wish he would leave now just so the suspense wouldn't kill me.

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…

I miss Gaara

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Saturday 22/7/15

The months have passed quickly… strange, isn't it? I know when he's leaving… the middle of the first week. 10pm. So nobody would notice the cab pulling up, so nobody would notice the removalists, so nobody would notice him going.

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Monday 24/7/15

It's like a countdown, I know this is his 4th last day at school, I know this I only have 11 more days with him. I know 11 days will pass too quickly…

I know he knows I know.

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Tuesday 25/7/15

I spent the day with Sakura, mainly, Shika has a cold and is at home, she was going to stay with him, but I made her come. I don't think I could stand being around Naruto and Sasuke.

Every look Naruto gives him, every trusting glance, every 'what are you gonna do in the holidays?' hurts. I can see it hurts Sasuke too. I can see he knows it hurts me too… I don't want to be around them, so I stayed as far away as possible.

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Thursday – well all stayed home today, we were 'looking after Shika'.

Well, sakura did anyway; I sat and read, and tried to get rid of the heavy throbbing pain in my stomach and throat, and eyes.

The phone's ringing, one moment…

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Midnight

Naruto called, he was pissed off. "Sasuke won't let me come over, he hasn't for the last four days! Aah! Is he angry at me Sora- SORA?" I had dropped the phone…. He won't let him come over… this should start happening NEXT WEEK! When he's MOVING!

Unless he's not moving next week… that's when I'd dropped it, all the blood had drained from my face, it was 9pm now, I just prayed I wasn't too late, I picked up the phone, apologized, blamed it on the cat's and then sprinted out the door.

I had reached his house, the super-long driveway, at 9:15, I had ran up the half a Kilometre and saw the removalists, I had ran and seen the car parked at the very end of the road. I had ran and seen the shock in his eyes that I turned up.

He said something to the removalist, who was smoking behind the van, and he nodded, trod on the cigarette and then got in the van, driving down the road.

He walked, slowly towards me, I swallowed and stopped running, I knew he wouldn't say anything, I knew I was too late… I clenched my fists, looked down. and resisted the angry tears.

I had lost another one. Three. One to death, another to regret, and now the third to revenge. My shoulders shook, and I wiped them away angrily, I saw his shadow pass under the dim light, past me, without a word.

I turn around angrily. "SASUKE!" I yell, he turns. I swallow, and look at him through bleary tear-blurred eyes. "We'll miss you." I whisper, "And remember, two years, we'll see you then." I smile weakly. "We'll see how much we've grown. Two years." I remind.

He smirks, an obvious challenge, I laugh weakly. "Bye, Sora." He said, smiling.

My eyes over-flow with water, and I turn and cry quietly, the last thing I wanted to do was see him leave. I stood still, besides the shaking of my shoulders, until I heard the sound of a car driving off into the distance, where I turned around and walked slowly back to my own car.

I sit there, by his huge house, for a long time, before I sigh and start the ignition, and drive home.

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12:03

Sakura and Shika were asleep together on the couch, I walked quietly up the stairs, change into my PJ's and now I'm here, lying on the bed, staring at the once-blank pages. If this is what it's like for me, what's it going to be like for Naruto? Should I let him find out himself- or should I tell him.

Sasuke's leaving, it's one secret I will never tell. For anyone else but Sasuke and I, I wasn't there. I was sleeping, safe in bed. Away from everything, in dreams where Gaara was still here, making lemon batteries in science, laughing when I trip over and fall in a bin, throwing snow at me, giving me his jacket when I forget to bring mine after we swim.

I miss him, I miss him so much it's like half of me isn't here, it's like I'm not real, I'm see-through. Not a real person… and now Sasuke's gone. Just like that, gone… I don't want to wake up tomorrow, I just want to keep dreaming. Stay were it's safe, stay were Gaara and Sasuke still are.

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Friday - 28/7/15

We both knew he was gone, Naruto came over, and I shuffled over and patted the spot next to me in bed, he crawled in and we lay there in silence, we both saw each other's red puffy eyes, and each other's sallow skin, unhealthy from lack of sleep and sunlight.

We lay there and eventually went back to sleep, we both weren't' going to school today, we knew that much, we couldn't stand seeing the same places with so many memories. We'd just stay here until it doesn't hurt anymore.

"Naruto?" I ask eventually, knowing he wasn't asleep.

"Yeah?" he responds in the same monotone as me.

"What's love like?" I ask, he looks at me strangely, the thinks for a moment.

"Well, I guess it's like the worst and best feeling in the world. It's the most terrible longing and the satisfaction of knowing he's there with you…it's like a heavy feeling, like a weight you have to carry whenever he's not there… and as soon as he is, it's gone. Everything's just gone."

My eyes shoot open. 'A heavy feeling… like a weight you have to carry when he's not there….' "How you do know when you love somebody?"

He shrugs. "You don't. it's only after a while, a long while after you first starting loving him you notice, you notice that whenever he's not there, you aren't there.'

'miss him, I miss him so much it's like half of me isn't here,' I remember writing that, and my heart beats faster.

Gaara. I love Gaara. I don't know whether to be scared, sad or happy, it felt ten times more confusing then PMS and boys put together, it was like all my worst fears were made tiny and insignificant, but since I had nothing to fear but fear itself, it just made me more scared.

"Why'd you wanna know this anyway?" He asks.

I open my mouth to speak, and then close it, and smile. "Just wondering."

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HELLO ALL!!! Hope you liked le chappie! THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVEIWS!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

XOXOX to-love-is-to-lie