A/N: CONGRATULATIONS TO AmoMelam AND Cassidy Sapphire, we have a tie! :O The number in my head was four, and AmoMelam, you were first, so your chapter comes first—Umbridge. This chapter is Umbridge! I plan to have LOADS of fun writing it. The next chapter will be Cassidy Sapphire's request, Snape. :) R&R, and congrats again to the winners =).
This isn't really my best work, but it's fairly humorous all the same. I think. I hope. :)
Dolores Umbridge
"Umbridge, Dolores!"
In all his days, the Hat had only seen so much garnish on a salad; never on an innocent girl of eleven. Her black robes were decorated. Very decorated. So decorated the Hat hadn't any idea why on earth Dumbledore was putting up with it. She had covered the hem with embroidered kittens, glued pink sequins all over her hat, and instead of nervously scuffing along, or even sprinting, or even just bouncing over, she was skipping. In pink sparkly high heels that gleamed. The hat quivered in disgust as she neared him. McGonagall signaled for her to remove her sparkling pink hat, but the girl folded her arms and shook her head.
"I'm not letting that awful thing touch me!" she squealed in a voice so high the Hat was sure he heard a couple of windows smash. He was tempted to slap her into Hufflepuff, just for that remark.
After much coaxing and a fair amount of threatening, the girl grabbed him and slammed him onto her head, looking extremely cross. The Hat pried every flake of dandruff from his inside onto her head, then proceeded to question her.
Dolores, Dolores. What am I going to do with you? You have been in Hogwarts two minutes and you have already kicked up a huge fuss. Tk tk tk tk. Why?
Don't talk to me like that, you filthy little head garment.
\ That's it, you're going in Hufflepuff.
Oh no I'm not!
Oh yes you are
NO! I WON'T BE IN HUFFLEPUFF!
If you insist. Right, you're selfish, greedy, and an imbecile. That is..well, you don't seem to have the qualities for any House at all. Putting you in Hufflepuff would be a stain on it's just record; you'd get thrown out of Gryffindor; Ravenclaw would rather take a four-year-old..that leaves Slytherin.
I'm going there.
Slytherin is not about purebloodship; or evilness. Slytherin is about being shrewd and cunning.
I'm cunning.
Well, you do know how to get yourself out of a tight spot. Maybe unfairly. Eh, why not.
"SLYTHERIN!"