AN: Holy crap! I love you guys so fucking much! :D
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. But I would like to own Mello.
Suggested Listening: Save Me From Myself – Head
Chapter 9 - Divine
I shivered.
It has been 2 days since I ran away. I haven't eaten or slept. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. I had managed to get a chocolate bar, but I immediately threw it up. I hadn't gone to school.
I was a wreck.
I'm so terrified that he's going to find me and hurt me again. I need to get far, far away. But one thing is holding me back.
Matt.
I hung out by the school earlier today and caught a glimpse of him. He looked utterly depressed, but not as bad as I must look.
I swear he looked in my direction, but I don't think he saw me.
I lied my head down on the bench I was lying on.
I was dizzy, hungry, and tired. I needed someone to find me, seeing as I can't find them. I can't save myself.
I could feel my fingers starting to become numb.
It's only been 2 days and I already felt like I was going to die.
But I didn't really care about it.
I slowly got up and stumbled in the direction I thought that L and Beyond's house was. I needed to survive, but I just wanted to curl up and die.
I finally stumbled out of the park and onto a sidewalk. A few cars passed by and I wanted to yell at them to pay attention to the nearly dead teen walking by them. Then one of them pulled over.
"Get in," the driver demanded.
I blinked at them lazily.
"Mello," I now saw that it was Beyond, "Get in the fucking car."
He opened the door and practically pulled me in. I collapsed in the seat.
"What the Hell were you thinking?!" someone yelled at me from the back.
I was barely aware of what was going on. Someone handed me a bottle of water and forced me to drink some. It was cold, but it burned my throat.
I could feel my eyelids fluttering shut as I realized that I was with my friends and that I was safe.
Safety…
I woke up in the bed in one of L and Beyond's guest rooms. I could see the either the sunrise or sunset and I had no clue what time or day it was. I also didn't know how I got here.
I do remember that I didn't have any dreams, which was good.
My eyes started to close again, but the door opened and they shot open.
It was Matt.
"Oh," he said, "You're awake."
I nodded.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"For what?" my voice was hoarse from not using it for days.
"I probably forced you to do this. I made you angry."
"No," I whispered, "My dad…"
"What did he do?" he was suddenly kneeling by the bed.
I was silent. I didn't know whether to lie, tell him the truth, or continue being silent.
"Mello," he placed a hand on my forehead. He must have cold hands or something, because they felt like ice.
"Your burning up," he sated simply.
He walked away and I wanted to yell at him that I'll be fine as long as he doesn't leave me, but I couldn't find my words.
I just let the calming numbness of sleep wash over me.
I woke up almost immediately, sweating and panting. Misa was there with a thermometer, looking at me strangely, but I ignored her.
My dream, Oh My God.
Matt was raping me. It didn't start out as rape. It started out all nice and sexy and hot.
Then the scene changed. It was no longer nice and sexy. There was blood and I knew it was me who was bleeding.
And, again, I was a woman.
"Mello?" Misa brought be back from my thoughts.
I turned my attention to her. I probably looked like a dear in caught in the headlights.
"Oh my God," she rushed towards me, "Are you okay?"
I started to nod, but I shook my head.
"What's wrong? What can I do? Oh my God! Oh my God! What happened? Holy shit!" she started freaking out and was almost hyperventilating.
"I…want to be…alone," I barely managed to say.
She nodded frantically and left.
1…2…3…
I slowly let out the breath I had been holding since I woke up.
What did those dreams mean?
I stood up and started pacing. I could feel pressure pushing on my forehead. My shoulders started shaking as I stopped pacing to kneel beside my bed. IU clasped my hands as holy words started falling from my lips.
"Pater noster qui es in coelis,
sanctificetur nomen tuum;"
This prayer was the only thing I knew in Latin.
"Adveniat regnum tuum,
fiat voluntas tua,"
You'd think I'd be fluent in Latin hearing these words. But I just took a class last year in order to be better than Near.
"Sicut in coelo et in terra.
Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie,
et dimitte nobis debita nostra,
sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris.
et ne nos inducas in tentationem
sed libera nos a malo.
Amen."
The actual prayer was over and I started my own.
"Dear God, I'm sorry for who I am. I know I haven't made the best choices in my thoughts, words, or actions, and I know I'm a sinner, but please help me. Please help me change. Please send someone to save me. I know this is a lot to ask, especially from a sinner like me, but…" My voice started to crack, but I continued, "Please. I'm sorry. I know I'll never be able to change myself and that's why…that's why…"
I bent over and curled up on the ground, trying to hold back the tears that had started to fall.
I have to be strong. I have to be strong.
I felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me up to lean against the person they belonged to. They held me as I shook and I knew who it was when they whispered that I was safe and that it would all be okay.
It was Matt.
He managed to pull me up and he lied me down on the bed.
He smoothed my hair away from my forehead and gently placed a kiss on it.
He started to walk away, but I grabbed onto his sleeve, pulling him back towards me and eventually onto the bed next to me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"Mello," he shook his head, "It's not your fault. Don't worry about me. I can quit. Right now, you only have to worry about Mihael."
Coming from his lips, my name was not a curse. It was a liberation. I felt free.
It was fantastic and horrible.
I pulled him closer and buried my head in the crook of his neck.
"I love you," I whispered.
"Me, too," he whispered back.
And that was all. No kissing, no sex. We just lied there holding each other until I drifted back off to sleep.
AN: That is the Latin 'Our Father' by the way.