Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, but I own anybody you don't recognize, except BB, and if you don't recognize him, then go read LABB.
AN: I'm so sorry this took so long to get out! We just got our floors done and we had to buy a new keyboard. Anyways, this FanFic is nearing its end, a few more chapters and perhaps an epilogue. I love you, my sweet reviewers!
Chapter 11 – Dark
I had woken up that day in a hospital bed. I wasn't physically harmed, but my brain had allegedly gone into shock. I had to stay in the room for a couple hours so they could make sure that I was okay. I was then let out into the waiting room.
There was no word on how Matt was doing…
Funny. I never imagined Matt to have this much family.
The hospital waiting room was filled with his aunts, uncles, cousins, and his mom. A friend of his came all the way from France to see if he was okay. Her name's Linda and I think she likes him.
"Hey," someone said, sitting down next to me. He had gray eyes and wavy black hair.
I continued to stare at my hands, ignoring him.
"You're Matt's boyfriend, aren't you?"
…
"I'm his cousin, you can call me Gevanni."
…
"…Okay, uh…see you around."
Great. He's probably going to go back to the family and say something like, 'Oh, his boyfriend's so weird. No match for Matt!'
…God fucking dammit! Matt's dying and I can only freaking think about myself! I'm such a selfish bastard! I don't deserve him!
…I don't deserve him…
Every time I was called useless or worthless, they were right. I'm just a teenage freak who thought they deserved someone special, but I don't because I'm not special. I'm dumb. I'm so stupid. I'm selfish. I…
I…don't want to live anymore…
I got up and walked towards the door.
"Mello?"
I looked at Helena, who seemed worried.
"I need fresh air," I easily lied, and she bought it.
"Can you get me a Diet Coke?" No asked, looking grim for once.
"Sure. I need some chocolate anyways."
I sighed once I was outside. Then I ran.
Weak, weak, weak!
All I do is run away. All I'm doing is running away.
Weak, weak, weak!
I can't go on being weak. I can't go on…
I ran and ran and ran, my heart pounding to the mantra repeating itself in my head.
WEAK!
I ran until I collapsed and then I got up and ran some more. I couldn't breathe and my heart was pounding. I only stopped when I collapsed the second time. I had no clue where I was and I must have been lying facedown for fifteen minutes until I raised my head and looked around. I slowly took in my surroundings – swing set, slide, woods, lots of empty beer bottles and condom wrappers, blood stain near the swing set.
I was at the playground.
I slowly got up and made my way to the swing set, sitting down on the swing I had been sitting in, talking to Matt, barely 24 hours earlier.
No tears fell. I wasn't even sad. I was just angry.
I was downright pissed…at my dad, at myself, at my friends, at the doctors, at my mom, at Matt's cousin, at Aiber and his crew…
But I wasn't angry at Matt.
I reached into my pocket, knowing it was there – my release, my refuge. The blade.
It was always with me. No one, not even Matt, asked about it.
Did they even care?
I choked back a sob and brought it to my wrist. I slowly cut, leaving long, shallow cuts across the skin. I then pressed harder, making the cuts deeper and drawing more blood. I cut again and again and again, my mind blank and my fingers numb from gripping it so hard.
"God dammit!" I whispered, slicing savagely. I was already light headed and my vision was blurry.
I ignored the harsh, stinging pain. I eventually dropped the blade and started picking at the cuts with my fingernails, causing the flow of blood to pick up.
"Hey!" A female voice yelled, "Are you alright?!"
I looked up to see someone with blonde hair running towards me. My head spun from the quick motion (and the lack of blood) and I feel backwards off the swing and into the dark.