"Rose?" I heard someone whisper in my ear. "Rose." The lovely voice called again "Rose, you need to talk to me!"
I snapped out of my trance the moment I realized that Emmett was talking to me. "Oh, sorry, Em." I muttered.
"Something on your mind?" Emmett hinted.
Not something, someone. A small voice in my head said. "Shut up!" I hissed at myself.
Emmett's head snapped up. "What was that, Rose?"
"N-nothing Emmett." I stammered. I got up and started walking around the room.
"Ok, look Rose, I have had enough of this!" Emmett got up and raced over to where I was pacing. He picked me up and kissed me passionately.
What was going on? Why was this not right? More importantly, why do I suddenly not want Emmett to kiss me? I felt the room spinning as I struggled to answer the questions.
I pulled away once I realized that if I couldn't answer these questions, then I certainly should not be kissing him. Emmett's face was a cross between chagrin and pain. I had never refused his kisses. Ever. Because I loved Emmett. I loved him and I never wanted to him to let go of me. Then something hit me, I might not have been able to answer the questions, but I still knew that I loved Emmett. I jumped on his chest and we picked up where we left off…….
What the hell is wrong with me? I asked myself as I lie in bed, with Emmett holding on to me. Was sex really the answer to my problems? What it really appropriate at a time like this? This stupid voice with so damn annoying. Emmett loves me, of course it was appropriate! I told myself.
"Rose?" Emmett whispered after a long time of dead silence.
"Hmm?" I replied absently.
"Will you do me a favor and not have sex with me next time you feel like you shouldn't?"
Damn it! He figured it out! Stupid smart vampire. I struggled to get the voices out of my head as I thought of something to say. "What do you mean?" I asked innocently.
"You can cut the crap. I saw the look on your face when you pulled away from me. I don't have to be a mind reader to know that you didn't really want to kiss me." His voice sounded painful. Like I had really hurt him.
"I wanted to kiss you. It just took some time to get everything off my mind that was holding me back." That technically was true. But Emmett wasn't looking for the technical truth, he was looking for the full and honest truth. But I couldn't hurt him like that. Keeping him in the dark was definitely better than breaking his heart. I told myself.
Emmett didn't reply. Instead, he got out of bed and put his clothes on, then he walked out the bedroom door without saying another word.
Emmett was absolutely crushed, I thought to myself. Usually I am a very good actress, I can hide anything though that was never necessary until now. But something about this new situation made me feel unable to act. Emmett saw through it all.
He knew that something was wrong. He knew something was wrong almost immediately. Why? Because Emmett loved me. And because he loved me he could read my every facial expression, he could almost read my mind without possessing that gift, he could pick out my emotions even if I truly couldn't myself. He could do all this because he bothered to pay attention. He cares about me. And if he was in this situation, he would probably be honest with me. Or would he? Would he really tell me the truth, or would he do as I have done and keep it from me to protect me. Because after all, that's what couples do, especially married ones, we protect each other. But the real question was, was there a line that decides how far is too far? How far should I go to protect him? Should I lie to him to defend him, or tell the truth and hurt him. Either way I would have to sin, because either way I would hurt him.
Pain struck my face as I realized that I would hurt him. That was something that I swore to myself would never happen. All I knew was that Emmett was right, I was keeping something from him.
I am 100% guilty. But Emmett would suffer for my guilt not me. And that's what was holding the truth back.