GAAAHHHHHRGHROUHGDKIRUSHGUDS ((dies)) xX I am NEVER putting off writing a chapter for that long EVER again (yeah right). Too nervewracking D:

Well then.. This chapter's... pretty damn long. I think...

Well, last chapter ended with Christmas eve and now it's Christmas day. Originally I was going to skip it and just go to Valentine's day but then I thought, that'd be kinda stupid to not include Christmas day. So I guess the schedule for the next couple of chapters are sort of like this:

For the next chapter, I'm thinking of making it an interlude. Roxy-Centric!

After that is s'posed to be the V-Day chapter which I have already started. (honest!)

(The song lyrics were s'posed to be Yule Shoot Your Eye by FOB, but it was too sad to use so I just used this)

((throws confetti))

(I hope there aren't any mistakes here.. ((sweatdrop)) if there are, tell me in your review and I'll fix them ASAP)

-- - -- -- -- - -- - - -- --
sunshine in a bag

CHAPTER o8 : tell me you like boys like me better, in the dark lying on top of you

"It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas, I must be on Santa Clause's shitlist,
the tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss, shoot me now, I'm sick of all my relatives,
it's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas."
-Frickin' A 'Merry Frickin' Christmas'

.x.Axel.x.

I had this weird dream. And when I say weird, I don't mean things like random guys in hot dog costumes chasing you around. Not the kind where you wake up and go "Holy shit, what the fuck was that?"

More like a "Wow.. that was weird" kind of weird. God, I don't even know how to explain it.

See, my dream was a about Roxas. No, you perves, not that kind of dream. The day I have that kind of dream is the day I will jump out of a window for having such thoughts about Roxas.

Well, anyway, like I said, the dream was about Roxas. And, y'know, the weird thing about it was that.. that it was like I wasn't even there. Like I was watching from above or something, like I had no body. He was in a room, a white one. The curtains, the tables, the chairs, the floor, the walls, the ceiling, everything was white. And.. in the middle of the room was a cage.. made of gold.. and Roxas was sitting in there. He was.. just there. He looked like a doll because he didn't even move. He only breathed.

And all of a sudden, he turns his head and looks at me.

...His eyes were black. Whatever emotion it was, it nearly broke my heart.

That was when I woke up, breathing harshly.

I sat up, supporting myself on my elbows and looked down at my side. Roxas was there, as usual, asleep beside me with his head on my stomach.

I couldn't help but smile. Honestly, he was so cute.

I reached out my hand and ran my fingers through his hair for a minute. But damn, I was so tired, I just fell asleep again.

And next thing I knew, I had opened my eyes to a certain blonde hovering above me.

Wait...

WHOAWHATTHEFUCK!

I bolted upright with wide eyes, making him fall backwards onto my knees. I cannot begin to tell you how much that hurt.

"Merry Christmas!" Roxas chirped, absolutely ignoring my pain. He leaned forward and grinned in my face. He smelled warm and sweet.. like sugar cookies and peppermint. Or was that just because he was making cookies? For meee? Nawww.

"M-mornin'," I said groggily, my voice cracking. I wasn't really a morning person. I mean, like, usually, I'd bite the head off of the person to wake me up, but hey, this was Roxas! I don't think I'd wanna bite off his head. Well.. I would if he didn't get off my legs..

"C'mooooon, wake up, man," Roxas said, jumping up and down.

"Ow! Roxas! Those are my knees!"

He only giggled and crawled to sit by me while I rubbed my abused knees.

"Okay, what's wrong with you? What did you do to my emo little fuck?"

Roxas frowned and smacked me in the side of the head. Little white spots exploded in my vision and I yelped out. I suppose this is what kissing someone you're really attracted to is like. Without the pain though. Of course, hehehe, I would know.

"What're you trying to do?! Give me brain damage?!"

"I'm being nice and all you can say is call me an emo little fuck?"

"Merry Christmas?" I tried.

Roxas rolled his eyes and shook his head. "C'mon, I made breakfast." He crawled of the bed, shuffling out of my room. Okay.. this was not the same kid from last night. I don't I've ever seen him that cheerful... And I don't think that he's ever made me breakfast before either.

...Roxas can cook?

I yawned and stretched out, feeling the vertebrae in my spine snap back into place. Yeah, yeah, gross, I know. But, man, I gotta tell you, my back was stiff as a board. So there.

I reluctantly left the warmth of my bed and walked over to the closet, deciding on not letting my thoughts dwell on Roxas's bipolarity. Finding a pair of black jeans and a fitting, red long-sleeved shirt, I slipped into them. After, I went to the bathroom to.. well, do bathroom stuff. I won't get into details.

Sooooo. Roxas made breakfast, huh? Well, this would be a first.

Outside of my room was even colder. I shivered slightly and stuck my hands in my pockets. Didn't anyone hear of a little thing called the heater? I guess not. The thermostat in the living room said was about 68 degrees so I turned it up a generous amount. Well, of course, I could've just lit the couch on fire. But I don't think people would appreciate that. Or my pyromaniacy. Anyway, the smell of maple syrup from the kitchen worked its magic, making my brain block out all other thoughts except for Food food food food food food. I think I started drooling.

Blondie was already sitting at the kitchen table his head resting on the hard surface. I stopped by the couch, merely watching him. He didn't even notice me. His eyes were clouded and half-lidded. I heard him let out a small sigh and saw him pull up his gray-sleeved arms against his chest.

"Roxas, you feeling okay?" I said, casually walking over to the table and trying to make it seem as though I wasn't staring. Though, y'know, it would've been nice if he had looked back..

His blonde head shot up from the table so fast that I thought I heard his neck crack. Jeez.

"H-huh..? Oh.. yeah.. I'm fine.. Just... spazzed out." He shook his head as though trying to clear his head of some nasty thoughts and pushed a plate of pancakes towards me.

"Thanks," I said, spearing a pancake onto a fork. Roxas nodded slowly and rested his chin on his arms again. Okay, seriously, what was up with him? Just a few minutes ago he was bouncing around like Sora. He's like.. friggin' PMSing. Stupid bipolarity. I think he's been hanging out with Kairi a bit too much.

"Alright, Roxas. What's wrong?"

"I'm just... thinking."

"What about?"

"Well... it's just that.. Kairi told me that Sora, Riku and Cloud were going out somewhere for Christmas. And.. Iunno. I guess I sorta feel left out. I have myself to blame anyway since it always seems like I don't want to go anywhere so.. they just don't bother asking anymore." Roxas shrugged and sighed. "It just.. sorta feels like they could care less, y'know? I mean, sure I left home because I couldn't stand being cooped in there.. I just.. wanted some space for once.. And now I'm getting it and I don't like it.."

I reached out for his hand without a second thought. "I know what you mean. I left home too. But.. I think for different reasons than the one's you had. Well, not left exactly, more like I got kicked out, but whatever."

Roxas looked down at our hands and then blinked up at me with those gorgeous eyes of his...

"But that's a story for another time, mmkay? Don't wanna ruin your Christmas spirit," I said, chuckling softly. Roxas nodded once.

"Alright, c'mon, cheer up, Rox. Ah! I got it. Let's go somewhere? Mmm? The mall maybe?"

"Really?"

"Hah, yeah, why not? Go get dressed."

Roxas nodded and fled to his room. He looked as though this was the first nice thing I've ever done for him. God.. I chuckled and rested my elbows on the table, smiling after him. Where did that little emo in him go? I sorta figured him to be the type to be up on Christmas and shooting darts at a poster of Santa. And here he was, starry-eyed and.. I don't know. Sweet.

"'m ready," Roxas said softly, shrugging a jacket onto his shoulders.

I blinked. Has he always been this shy? My little Roxie? SHY? (Okay, not exactly mine. But I'm working on that.)

I quickly shook my head, pushing the thought away for later and stood up.

"Good," I said, grinning. I stood, slipping into my own coat (a Matrix-trench-look-alike, not even kidding) and sneakers. I looked back at Roxas when I was done and cocked an eyebrow. "Won't you be cold? That jacket looks pretty thin..."

Unless, of course, you want to freeze your ass off, then sure go ahead. Roxcicle.

...Yum.

"O-oh.. um.. I don't have anything warmer.." Roxas mumbled, lowering his eyes.

Honestly, what the hell is up with him? Last I remember, he was walking around, cussing me out left and right.

"Roxas, are you feeling okay?" I asked, walking up to him. He shrugged lightly. "Are you sick..?" I muttered, lifting his chin with my fingertips to look him in the eyes. I was seriously worried now.. The look in his eyes was complete disarray. But.. he didn't really look sick.. "What's wrong..?"

Roxas's gaze locked onto mine and he couldn't pull away from me, and I could see that he was trying to. "...I don't know," he finally admitted, his voice barely a whisper. His eyes flitted back down. I sighed and kneeled down, just to make it easier for him to look at me.

"Why don't you know?"

Roxas was silent for what seemed like forever. I was ready to say something to him but he suddenly let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know.. just.. like.. I mean.. I already feel left out with my brothers not taking me out because they would always, no matter what, drag me out even under my protests.. And.. my old friends from Twilight Town.. I haven't talked to them or seen them in ages and.. last time I tried calling anyone, it said the number was unavailable.. and.. they never called me.. and.. Iunno. And it's getting to me and now you're worrying, a-and..." He trailed off, letting out another shaky sigh.

"Of course I'm worrying, Rox. You look like a wreck. Not literally, but emotionally."

"I just feel sorta.. forgotten, y'know?"

"..I haven't forgotten you, Rox. I'm still here. I'll never forget you. Cuz we're buddies, right?" I smiled softly at him and punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"..Y-yeah.. right," Roxas said, hastily wiping his eyes. I caught a smile there too.

"There we go. Now c'mon, sunshine. Let's go." I took off my coat and held it out to Roxas. He just stared at me. "Put it on."

"O-oh! Um.." He quickly stripped out of his jacket and pulled on my coat. It was.. a bit big on him, but made him look even cuter than he already was. He had a boyish charm. I loved it. "But.. aren't you gonna be cold?"

"It's not the only coat I own," I said. I walked into my room, finding another similar coat in my closet and came back out with it. Roxas was still in the same spot that I left him in the living room. His head was cocked adorably to the side and I just couldn't help but grin.

x.x.x

Alright.. well.. there's sorta one thing I forgot to mention. You know how I work at F.Y.E?

Well.. it's worked. Meaning, I don't work there anymore. And now, Demyx is chewing my head off. Almost literally.

"I can't believe you left me there! I tried calling you, like everyday! How come you never picked up? Do you hate me? Is that it? So you tried to avoid me? No, don't give me that look! It's not gonna work this time. You freaking, bastard! How could you do this to me? You could've at least told me you were quitting and working full-time at the restaurant, you heartless, stupid, son-of-a-bitch! Oh, hello Roxas."

If there's one thing I'm afraid of, it's a raving mad Demyx. Stop laughing at me, you bastards! You'd be scared too if you had Dem running around after you trying to hit you with a fucking sitar or whatever-the-fuck it's called. I swallowed thickly and shoved Roxas in front of me, using him as a human shield. He glared at me.

"I haven't seen you in a while, Rox. I thought you were at Naminé's party yesterday, weren't you?"

"O-oh.. um.. yeah. I was. But I fell asleep so Axel put me in a guest bedroom upstairs..."

I could have sworn that Roxas blushed.

"Well, Merry Christmas, kid!" Demyx crowed, slinging an arm over Roxas's shoulders.

I felt a muscle in my temple twitch. Only I was allowed to call Roxas that. Along with kiddo, sunshine, BHK, sweetie, babe... Though.. last time I called him babe, he threw the lamp at me.

Though Roxas only laughed and leaned against Demyx, replying with his own 'Merry Christmas.'

I am so not jealous.

We stood there by the railing on the third floor, Demyx and Roxas talking with each other for a few minutes. This is stupid. I'm not s'posed to be jealous. Well, I know why I am, I like Roxas, but still... I can't help it.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a black lighter. My thumb worked to click it on and off. It was just a habit. I'd usually do that when I was feeling.. I don't know. A stressing emotion.

"Yeah, so Naminé's been telling me that she thinks that she wants to go out with you."

I twitched again, the lighter in my hand nearly snapping in my hand.

"Wh-"

"What?"I ground out before Roxas had the chance to.

"Yeah," said Demyx, tilting his head, totally oblivious to the fact that I wanted to go find the girl and tear her throat out. No, I'm not violent.

"Oh," was all Roxas said. And he was totally blushing. Can you believe that?! He was blushing.

I'm pretty sure I felt the lighter bend.

"Axel, man, you okay? You look like you have a fever," Demyx said. I felt something on my forehead and it took me a moment to realize it was Dem's hand.

"I'm peachy," I half-snarled, jerking my head away. I took a deep breath, steadying my emotions a little bit. I didn't want to be mean to Demyx or anything, he was a good friend of mine after all. "I'm just.. not feeling well all of a sudden," I said. Well, it was almost the truth.

"Do you wanna go home?" I looked down to find Roxas by my side, those gorgeous blue eyes impossibly large. Honestly, I didn't want to ruin this day for him.

"Heh, no, it's okay sunshine. Just give me a sec, I'm gonna go dunk my head under some cold water."

Roxas raised an eyebrow but let me go nonetheless. I squeezed my way through the throngs of people (made much easier by my skinniness) and finally stumbled into the bathroom. Thankfully, (from what I heard) it was empty.

I walked over to the sink, glancing at my face in the mirror.

And.. whoa.

My cheeks were flushed a color similar to my hair and my pupils were contracted from anger. Even the irises around them had turned a deep shade of emerald. God, this freaked me out.

How come I got so worked up over the fact that Naminé wants ask Roxas out?

Well, that was a stupid question. I like Roxas, goddammit!

Sooo.. I guess this means I'm.. jealous? Well, whoop-de-frickin'-dooooo.

There's no way Roxas will actually want to go out with Naminé.. right? I mean, he's gay! Well, no, bi, whatever, but still! After all this time, you'd think the kid would start hounding after me! Dear God! Had that kiss last night meant nothing to him? Ah, another stupid question. Mistletoe kisses are a tradition after all.

I gripped the edges of the sink and sighed. How would I face him now? I like him so much, and he's probably gonna go out with someone else. Goddamn, Fate's a bitch.

I sighed again and hung my head, refusing to look at myself, because I knew that if I looked, I would see myself crying.

I had no right to act this way.. Roxas had the right to go out with whoever he chose. It didn't matter what say I had in it, it wasn't my decision.

"Alright, Axel, stop being stupid and stop acting selfish. It's not gonna work if you try to fight this... He deserves to go out with her. He's already given me so much, he deserves someone better than me."

I kept repeating that to myself, that I'm nothing to him, just another step on his staircase of life.

But the other half of me was also saying something over and over again...

I'm in love with him, I'm in love with him, I'm in love with Roxas

-- -- - -- - -- - - - - --
.x.Roxas.x.

Well.. that was certainly.. odd. Axel ran away as though his ass was on fire. Which wouldn't be all too surprising considering that he carries around a lighter with him. But seriously, did you see his face? That was scary. Like, really.

His cheeks turned about the same color as his hair and his eyes went all dark, like someone threw a blanket over them. If this was a humorous situation, I would've said something like that there's a little person living in Axel's head and controlling him. Then again, that look totally freaked me out, so.. no.

"What the hell was that all about?" Demyx muttered, pouting. I shrugged in response.

"Dunno, but.. I don't think I've seen him like that before."

"Yeah, me either. Like, he'd always yell at me cuz he says I'm annoying but.."

"Something was off?"

"Yeah."

"...yeah."

Demyx and I exchanged glances. I guess we both looked just a little worried.

"I'll go find him," I offered. Demyx nodded at me and retreated to a bench, showing me that he'd wait.

Well, let's see, on my way to the bathroom, I nearly got trampled on, almost got lost, had a little kid think I was his daddy (seriously, what the fuck), and had an old lady hit me in the head with her handbag. Yeah. Totally uncool.

I finally made my way into the bathroom, looking a little more ruffled than I was to begin with. I saw Axel standing at one of the sinks, his back turned to me. He was just.. staring at the sink, muttering under his breath. Maybe he really was sick?

I walked up cautiously to him and rested my hand on his shoulder. "Axel, you okay there..?"

His response was a jump and a "HOLY FUCK!" I gasped and fell back on my ass. Hey, you would too if you just freaked someone out and they freaked you out back!

"D-dear god.. Roxas.. don't sneak up on me like that..!" I looked up to see Axel breathing heavily, one hand on his chest. My own heart was doing track leaps.

Axel laughed nervously, a laugh that wasn't even him, and gave me his hand. I reached for it gratefully, letting myself be pulled up off the messy bathroom floor and right into.. Axel arms?

"A-are you okay..?" I said-well, more like squeaked-and looked up at him. I couldn't see his face since it was buried in my own hair. Thank god, or he would've seen me blu-NOT BLUSHING!

"Yeah, yeah," I heard him mumble. "I feel better now."

My shoulders slumped in relief and I smiled. Well, that was good to hear.

...Whaaat? I can't get worried over my friend?

Axel chuckled and leaned down to look at me at eye level. "So, what do you think, Roxy? Are you gonna go out with Nami?"

Y'know.. come to think of it, Axel had gone all weird like that when Demyx said that Naminé wanted to go out with me. What, was he jealous or something? Because when he just asked me that, even though he was smiling, there was something.. in his eyes. Like, they were dull and dark. No, I'm not talking about the whole 'I CAN SEE INTO YOUR SOUL' cliché, because honestly people, that's not possible. Though you usually can figure out how people are feeling by the color in their eyes. And Axel's weren't looking all too pretty.

"U-um.. I don't know.. I'm thinking about it," I said slowly.

I honestly wasn't sure whether I wanted to or not. First of all.. I sorta like Axel. I think we established that yesterday. On the other hand.. he's one of the closest friends I have right now, and I don't want to lose that. What if.. what if I do tell Axel that I like him? Then what? What if we get together? What if something will happen? Then I'll lose Axel forever.. And I don't want that to happen. He's too good of a friend. Even if he is a little perverted.

"But.. I think I want to go out with her," I finally said.

Something passed across Axel's face that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I... I don't think I've ever seen such a look before. But it passed before I had enough time to figure out what it was.

"Looks like Roxy's getting himself a girlfriend," Axel said, ruffling my hair and grinning. Though, I must say, that grin looked a bit forced.

But I ignored it, instead choosing to grin back at him nervously. "Yeah, I guess you can say that."

Axel ran his hand through my hair one more time before letting it fall to his side. "C'mon. Demyx is prolly waiting."

Axel was suddenly leaning forward and I could do nothing but freeze. I shut my eyes, leaning back a bit, thinking that he was going to kiss me. My heart started beating about twenty times per second and all the blood rushed to my face... All that came next was the brush of his cheek against mine and when I opened my eyes, he was holding the door open for me. I swallowed thickly and walked cautiously after him.

What was that about...?

x.x.x

"Poor Demyx." I could practically hear the grin in Axel's voice.

I laughed and dug around my pockets for the keys since Axel had forgotten his (again). "It's gonna take him weeks to get that stuff out of his hair.."

"Yeah, same here," Axel said with a roll of his eyes.

See, the thing is, I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden, something (or someone) triggered a food fight in the food court. Axel and Demyx got caught in the crossfire while I was smart enough to take cover in a nearby store. It's a good thing Axel didn't get too dirty. Otherwise I wouldn't have let him near me to keep me warm. We had to walk to the mall (plus take the bus) because the doors to Axel's car got frozen shut. Wonderful, I know.

I finally fished out my key and set it in the lock, opening the door. Axel was the first inside.

"Dear god, I am so taking a fucking shower..." I heard him mutter as he stalked into the bathroom.

I chuckled and kicked off my shoes, heading towards my room. I fell onto my bed, a sudden thought occurring.

You know.. I've spent much less time in this room ever since I started sleeping with Axel. And by "sleeping with Axel" I don't mean sex. Goddammit, why do you people always jump to conclusions? I guess it's just because I like the company. And I feel safer sleeping with him than by myself.

It's kind of funny.

I remember yelling at him how no one cared about me, that I was ignored. Why did he care about me anyway?

"Because that's what friends do."

Y'know, I haven't been this happy in quite a long while. Ever since I moved in with Axel, my mood has been steadily soaring. I guess.. Axel just has that effect on me. He's so carefree. He just lives his life the way he wants to without anyone having to tell him how to do it. Looks like I still have to get used to that.

"Wow, you're not hogging my bed?"

My heart launched into my throat and I bolted upright. "Whatnow?"

Axel was standing in my doorway wearing nothing but a pair of pajama pants, his hair still drying from the shower. I have to admit, he looked kinda nice with his hair down like that. Yes. I just admitted that.

Axel didn't answer me. He only laughed that low, warm laugh and walked away.

-- -- -- - - -- - -- -
.x.Axel.x.

Hah, that Roxas is something else entirely.

It's a bit sad. He's starting to drift away. Just watch. Pretty soon, he'll be hooked up with Naminé, move away, they'll get married, have 2.5 kids, and live happily ever after.

And I?

I'll be stuck in this godforsaken apartment for the rest of my life and die in it too. Whoopee-

"A-axel?"

I blinked. That was Roxas, was it not?

I leaned up on my bed, and sure enough, Roxas was standing in my doorway, already wearing his blue sweatpants and an oversized white t-shirt that he wore to bed. Aww, he looked so cuuuute..

"Yeah?" I asked, leaning back on my elbows.

"Can.. can I sleep with you?"

I bit my tongue to hold back a perverted remark and smiled at him. "You don't even have to ask anymore, y'know."

I caught the faint outline of his smile and scooted over in my bed to make room for him. He slid in beside me, pulling the blankets up to his chin. I'm glad he likes sleeping in here so much. Much less lonely for me.

"Thanks for taking me out today, Axel.. I had fun, really. And Demyx is pretty cool, too."

I chuckled and reached over to ruffle his hair. "Yeah, he's is. He can play a mean sitar, too. Whatever the fuck a sitar's s'posed to be anyway."

I heard him laugh and felt his head bump against my hand. He was such a sweet kid. I remember him, months ago, when he would practically try to bite me just for getting within a five-mile radius of him. Of course, he still has quite a bit of a temper (I have the bruise on my arm to prove it), but at least he doesn't want to shoot my head off or anything.

"Hey.. Roxas..?"

I felt him shift and lift his head at me. "Hnn?"

"Can I kiss you?"

...Gods above, I don't know what had possessed me to say such a thing. But screw it.

"Wh-what..?" Roxas squeaked, and I nearly laughed at the sound of his voice.

"I asked if I could kiss you," I said softly.

My answer was nothing but silence and our breathing. If it was quiet enough, perhaps I would've been able to hear Roxas's heart.

"..Okay."

Okay? As in.. I can kiss him?

My heart leapt and I couldn't help but grin as I leaned over him in the darkness, gently placing my lips against his. I felt his fingers thread in my hair pulling me farther down. It was nothing but a sweet and innocent kiss. No tongue, no teeth. It was only a kiss.

"Hey... Axel...?" Roxas breathed as he pulled away from me.

"Yes?"

"Merry Christmas..."

I smiled and pulled Roxas close against my chest, my arms around his shoulders. I heard the sound of his slow breathing, felt his soft hair against my neck..

"Merry Christmas, Roxas... I love you…"

Shame he didn't hear me though. He was already asleep.

I decided right then and there that no matter who he ended up with, who he fell in love with, I would still be there for him no matter what. If he needed me to, I'd do anything for him. 'Cause that's what you do for someone you love.

x.x.x

Finally! I'm done.. Whew.

This story is getting a bit confusing. I'm finding things I should've said in previous chapters instead of later.. But going back and rewriting everything is gonna take way too much work. So.. I'm trying to figure ways on how to tie everything together. I think I'm gonna have to go and reread everything myself XDDD

So just bear with me please...

Leave reviews on your way out :3