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sunshine in a bag

CHAPTER 11 : don't make any sudden movements

"Cool to disappear, but I missed you most days. An army of tattooed angels have brought me back today...
to lose you is to never love again... Burn baby burn, strung out on a wire, heart in a cage, you're so full
of desire. You need fast hands to deal with all the liars, bullet-proof skin to keep you alive,
burn baby burn, strung out on a wire, so don't burn baby burn baby burn..."

-Institute 'Bullet-Proof Skin'

.x.Roxas.x.

"Hey, Roxas? Are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Nothing.. you just seem to have.. something on your mind."

"I do..?"

"You have that look on your face. When you're thinking of.. something. You've been doing that a lot lately."

Roxas absently wondered how she practically always knew what he was thinking about. Naminé was like a mind reader. Either that, or she could just read Roxas like an open book. Then again, the blonde hadn't been too careful to keep what he was thinking about inside lately.

"..as? Roxas? Is everything okay?"

"You know you can tell me, Rox..."

"What? Oh... I... I'm not sure."

"Well.. you can talk to me about it, you know that right?" She slipped her hand into his and for a moment, he felt a flash of heat against his palm before it disappeared--

"--Well.. You're right. I do have something on my mind. Someone.."

"I'm sorry... I can't.. help it, Rox.."

Roxas shook his head quickly, trying clear his head.

Naminé tilted her head and smiled in a way that suggested she knew something he didn't. "See? I knew it."

"Knew.. what?"

"...I love you."

Naminé pressed and finger to Roxas's lips and moved closer to him. "Sometimes, when we're together, I wonder why that is so. Because you obviously have someone else in mind."

"N-nam, I-"

"No, no, no. It's okay. I get it." And when she smiled, Roxas almost died on the spot. This wasn't what he was expecting to happen. Not at all. Not this..

"I think you should go after something you actually want." Naminé leaned over and kissed Roxas's cheek, squeezing his hand gently.

"But Naminé-"

"It's okay. I understand."

"I love you."

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The wind and the cold was biting at my face and worming it's way through my sweatshirt. I shouldn't have left my coat in the car. Then again, at this point, I couldn't quite give a shit.

It was true. Some part of me wanted to be there, anywhere where Axel was. Right by his side. But.. Naminé.. I couldn't lose her too. My heart was fighting both ways and I couldn't make the final decision.

So, yeah. Okay. I admit that I feel that way towards Axel. I do. I really do. And it's because of that that Naminé broke up with me. On Valentine's Day, of all days. And now I didn't have either of them. That's great, isn't it? Yeah. I know. Awesome.

Completely awesome that I now don't have a girlfriend and that I'm sitting here all by myself on a park bench in the freezing cold in the middle of February wearing nothing but a sweatshirt for protection.

I tugged my sleeves over my hands and pulled my knees up to my chest, feeling my body shiver a bit from the cold. I should probably go home, but will I be able to face Axel after what he said to me this morning?

I simply sighed instead of dwelling further on it and tilted my head up at the sky. What if it started snowing..? Would I freeze to death? I wonder what that must feel like. I heard you get really tired until you fall asleep and never wake up again...

...I don't know how long I was sitting there, staring at my lap, until I felt something shake my shoulder. I glanced up, only to meet none other than viridian eyes and crimson hair and I swear to god my heart jumped.

"Axel..."

"Roxas! What the flying fuck!" he yelled, making me jump. He took it even a step further and wrapped his arms tight around me, leaving me hanging awkwardly from his embrace, half on the bench. "You don't do that, okay, Roxas?!"

Was it just me... or did he sound a bit panicked?

"I was looking every-fucking-where for you! Roxas, look at me."

I bit my tongue and lifted my head from his chest, tilting my gaze up.

Axel.. Axel looked like he was on the brink of being furious from being so... concerned. I could just tell from his eyes. He'd been really worried about me...

He... was worried about me.

I felt my shoulders sag slightly and I quickly looked away. "..I'm sorry."

"Ugh, you're so fucking stupid," Axel grumbled, pulling me into an upright position. He pulled away from me and for a second, I was freezing, because with Axel next to me, it was warm.. so warm..

It took me a second or two to realize that Axel was unzipping his coat and pulling me flush against his chest. I let a heavy breath against his sweatshirt and slid my arms around his waist, practically fitting myself against him.

"I'm just glad you didn't catch hypothermia or something," I heard Axel mutter above me. "Actually, I'm just glad that I found you in one piece in the first place."

I was too tired and too cold to respond, so I only smiled and closed my eyes, tightening my grip.

"You are okay, right?"

I nodded with a small "mm."

I cannot begin to tell you how happy I was to see Axel right then and there. I mean, I thought he was the last thing I wanted to see, but.. I think he's just what I needed. What I need. And all of a sudden, the blow from the breakup didn't seem to be so bad.

When he told me he loved me, I didn't believe him. Couldn't. But now I do. I just know it, from the way he's looking at me and from the way he's holding me. And maybe someone up there likes to play with us, because under normal circumstances, it would never have taken us this long to figure this whole.. thing out. But, you know, maybe in a way, Naminé helped me realize that what Axel felt for me wasn't a joke and what I felt for Axel wasn't just a crush that would soon pass.

Oh, no. It was more than just a crush. Way more.

"C'mon, Rox.. let's go home.." His breath was on my ear, making me shiver even more, but in a different kind of way.

"Y-yeah.. Okay." I was surprised at how shaky my voice was.

When I felt Axel's arms go around my waist to lift me up I pushed away from him. "No.. it's okay. I can walk."

"Are you sure? Because I don't mind carry-"

"Axel? I think you carried me enough for now," I said, smiling up at him. I saw him blink in surprise and then slowly smile back.

"Yeah. Whatever you say, sunshine."

I moved over a bit so that I was against his side and his arm was around my shoulders, and like that, he led me back home without another word.

x.x.x.x

"You should go take a hot shower or something, Rox," Axel told me once we were through the apartment door.

I wasn't really all that cold anymore, especially since Axel was right next to me.

"Or at least drink some tea or something--"

"I'm fine.." I interrupted tiredly.

There was a break, a pause, in which only the silence rang around us. Not even the fridge was humming.

"...Good. Because I don't want to let you go." Axel's grip around me tightened, as though he was afraid I would slip through his fingers.

"I love you."

It's strange how three simple words can have so much impact on a person. But it's not how simple the words are, it's the meaning behind them. All morning and all day I'd been thinking about what Axel said to me in the bedroom. I couldn't focus on anything, I could barely hear what Naminé was saying to me. She was right. I had something on my mind. Someone. I had begun to realize that agreeing to go out with Naminé had been a big mistake. This whole mess could've been avoided if I had just admitted my feelings at the start.

I swear, when Axel said that, it tugged at my heartstrings or something, because I pressed closer to him, burying my face into his chest. Truth was that I had loved him all along..

"Axel?" I breathed, fluttering my eyes open.

"Yeah? What is it?" he asked, and I felt his fingers comb through my hair.

"Kiss me."

Axel apparently learned to shoot first, ask questions later. So when he leaned down to kiss me, with no hesitation, I tangled my fingers in his hair, keeping him close, breathing in his scent, tasting him...

I sighed into his mouth as he fingers travled down the sides of my flimsy sweatshirt and up my shirt. He wasn't rough, like I had imagined he would be, but his kisses and touches were just as head-reeling. Naminé had never affected me like this before. I'm not sure if anyone did.

Even when he pushed me down into the bed, I didn't even think about protesting. In fact, I urged him on, arching up against his body and feeling the heat rush everywhere at once.

"I love you, Roxas.."

"I-mmmn..."

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It's been a while. I know. It seems like everyone is getting writer blocks this month. Anyway. I'm way too damn lazy/tired to say much else at 1:45 in the morning so I just hope you enjoyed this chapter. The story is steadily coming to and end. But it's not over just yet. So don't forget to review.

...And yes. They did have sex. Yaaaaay.