Betas: ashcat (here at fanfiction[dot]net ) and txilar (at livejournal[dot]com).

AN: Thank you very much for your comments; I really appreciate each one of them. I'm very bad at answering over here, but I do read them all. If you have a burning question, though, you can message me and I'll try to respond as best as I can; I just don't have the habit of answering questions at the start of chapters.

Chapter 4: The Measure of Life
"Pregnancy defined is: Getting company inside one's skin."
-Maggie Scarf

Iruka couldn't take it; he felt so tired. It was so unusual, this continual weariness that seemed to inhabit even his mind nowadays. He had moments where he felt fairly normal, but most of the time he wanted to rest his head on his desk and just take a nap. That was so disconcerting; as long as he had known himself, he wasn't the napping type. He was always up and about, busy as a monkey, going from school to work to missions without so much as a pause; he actually enjoyed the flurry of activity. Even when he was younger, his mother had exclaimed that it was a lucky thing he was the only child she had, because he would never sit still for too long.

As he sat at his desk and shifted papers around sluggishly, barely listening to the mingled laughter of the children as they ate lunch, a very distinct memory came to him; of tormenting his mother from morning to evening one day, and Ren uttering through that oft-repeated phrase, a well-worn melody:

"Thank the gods, that they only sent me one of you!" She had been scowling at him, hands on her hips; he must have done something quite naughty to get such an expression from her, but he didn't remember what it had been. "One Iruka is enough!"

Innocently, Iruka had replied, "Why didn't you have more of me, then? Then all us Irukas could play all day and have fun!" He had grinned up at her, waiting for her to chase him so that he could scramble off, squealing in delight; that was how their little song went. She would say that scolding verse, his part would be cheeky and the chorus would consist of Ren stampeding after him in mock-rage while Iruka shrieked and ran away. That time, however, Ren's face had gone deathly pale, and she had looked at him steadily, but Iruka had a strange feeling that she wasn't really seeing him at all. Surprise, regret and unhappiness fluttered over her delicate features, but all these emotions were there and gone in a matter of moments. Her gaze sharpened and focused on him properly; then, she had knelt down and held open her strong arms. Iruka had gone to her in quite a bewildered fashion and she held him close.

"I am fine with one Iruka," she had whispered in his ear; her voice had been thick. When Iruka pulled back to look in her face, her eyes had been suspiciously watery. "Just fine."

Now he sighed, pushing away that memory, not bothering to wonder why it suddenly came to him. As soon as the children returned from their break outside, he set them a surprise quiz, quashing their rowdiness for a little while. As soon as they finished, he would swallow his pride and go see Toshiaki. It wasn't a Friday, and he had Mission-room duty today; hopefully, Toshiaki would find some potion to help him quell this malaise enough to do his work.

"Hello, Iruka," Toshiaki said warmly when Iruka dragged himself past Sachiko's desk into the small office on the ground-floor of Konoha Hospital. The windows to Toshiaki's office faced the setting sun and the warm yellow light filled the place with cheer. Toshiaki blinked up at Iruka's face and got up from where he was seated, going around to take Iruka by the elbow.

"Iruka-kun," he said in a grave voice, reverting to the diminutive as he always did whenever he thought Iruka had pushed himself too far on some mission or other. "What have you been up to?"

"I don't know." Iruka clambered up onto the examination table and slumped over, finally letting himself curl up into a pathetic heap. "I've been feeling very ill recently."

Toshiaki nodded; he went to the door and secured it with a seal of chakra, before going around to the windows and making sure that they were properly closed as well before pulling the shades.

"Is it Blue?" he asked, as soon as he returned to the side of the cushioned table. Iruka gave him a brief smile; when he had been very small, he had tried to explain to the medi-nin about Blue and had been pleasantly relieved that Toshiaki had listened to him very seriously. His mother had been with him that time, and her eyes had flashed a dull jade at the mention of Blue. He didn't think she had been upset over the mention of Blue, though; more curious than anything, he thought at the time. His mother always considered herself a full-dragon, so it must have been interesting to her to hear how Iruka compartmentalized himself.

"I think so," he answered, once more pushing away the memories of his beautiful, strange mother.

"Lie back for me, then... and you'll have to release the seal for a moment, Iruka." Toshiaki continued to talk in soothing tones as his hands hovered over Iruka's dragon-form, mapping the chakra very carefully. He went completely still when his hands were both over Iruka's shallow navel.

"That's not right," he said, mostly to himself. He put his hands together as if in supplication and rubbed them briefly before holding them over Iruka again. A deep furrow formed between his brows. "No, this doesn't seem right at all."

"What is it?" Iruka asked, confused."Toshiaki-san?"

Toshiaki gave him a quick smile; it was probably meant to reassure, but it came out distracted. "Iruka, I hope you don't mind, but I have to call the Hokage."

"What?!" Iruka sat up, staring at Toshiaki's calm face. "What's wrong? Is it some kind of... malignant growth?"

Toshiaki pursed his lips. "I cannot tell you for sure. To be completely honest, I think I do know, but I am not sure if I should believe my own findings. But I should not be surprised." He put a hand on Iruka's shoulder. "You are one of a kind."

"I don't--" Iruka began in confusion, but Toshiaki squeezed his shoulder briefly.

"I will send a message to Tsunade-hime," Toshiaki said in tones that brooked no argument. "We will need her expertise, Iruka. Trust me when I say we do."

*

Iruka tried not to squirm under the bright gaze of the Fifth Hokage; he liked, respected and admired her, that was true, but there was something in her amber gaze that sometimes made him feel like a mouse being teased by a cat. Of course, she was privy to his true nature; as Hokage, all top-level security files had been submitted for her perusal and Iruka was very grateful that such a wonderful Sannin like Tsunade was inside Toshiaki's office, her hands hovering over his stomach as warm chakra spilled from her hands.

Still, he had to prevent himself from trying to hide his form when she had stepped inside Toshiaki's office and looked at him with a mixture of astonishment and circumspection.

"There," Toshiaki murmured as the Hokage's hands drifted over Iruka's bared midsection. "Do you see it?"

Iruka went up on his elbows and squinted down his body. All he saw was the flat expanse of his stomach, the neat ladder of his abdominal muscles underneath the scalloped pattern of the scales and that slender line of dark hair that Kakashi claimed was a guide to the treasure.

However, Tsunade said, "I do see it," and let out a sharp exhale. "I cannot begin to imagine how this is possible."

"How is what possible?" Iruka asked, growing even more impatient and worried over the past few minutes. "Please, I... I just want to know if what I have will kill me quickly or slowly."

Tsunade laughed. "Well, it might kill you quickly now or kill you slowly over the next few decades or so."

Iruka was not amused, but it would not do to scowl at the leader of their village.

"Our apologies, Iruka," Toshiaki said in his gentle tone. "Let me explain. As medical ninja, we can sense the state of your real chakra when you are in this form. But now, we not only sense yours... we sense another. Very tiny, almost invisible in comparison to your own chakra, the way a candle might be faint in the sunlight, but there. And once we see it, we can never miss it again. That was why I sent for the Hokage. I wanted to make sure that my conclusions were correct."

"I... don't understand." Iruka sat up, wrapping his arms around himself. What the hell was Toshiaki going on about?

"There's life," Tsunade said decisively and stared at him in that unsettling manner. "There's new life growing in you, Iruka."

A long silence ticked by with agonizing silence before Iruka found enough of his scattered wits to blurt out, "No, you're... that's wrong." He swallowed and his stomach seemed to do a little flip. "I'm a man," he finished plaintively as if this fact had not been self-evident.

"You're also part water-dragon," Tsunade answered in crisp tones. "Iruka-sensei, congratulations. You're pregnant."

Iruka blinked at them for a few moments. Then, he bent over and threw up on her shoes.

*

It only got worse from there. After Shizune brought in a new pair of strappy sandals for the Hokage, Iruka reluctantly admitted that Hatake Kakashi was his partner and therefore obviously the 'other father' (of a child! inside me! a part of Iruka's brain gibbered in shock), Tsunade's eyes had grown wider and her gaze sharpened at the same time.

"Really," she had said in an even tone, completely belying the shrewd glint in her eyes. "So the child you carry will be an offspring of a water-dragon and one of our most powerful shinobi. Interesting."

"I wonder what the genetic distribution will be?!" Toshiaki asked in excitement, and the two medi-nin launched into dizzying verbal battle that left Iruka's head spinning and his stomach on the verge of trying to turn itself out of his body again.

"May I go now," he asked flatly and they both turned to him. Toshiaki was apologetic but Tsunade simply gave him that probing look again. "I'm feeling tired, I have to go to the Mission desk--"

"I'll authorise a replacement for your shift today," the Hokage told him and that sharp edge in her gaze softened just a little bit. "You've had quite a shock, I can imagine."

"I'll be able to do my duties, Hokage-sama," Iruka insisted quietly. Tsunada raised one fair eyebrow, then turned to look at Toshiaki; the other medi-nin appeared to ponder intently, then twitched his shoulders in bare shrug. Tsunade nodded and turned back to him.

"Very well. But do not exert yourself too much." A small smile crooked the edge of her mouth. "Try to cut down on yelling at the jōnin."

Jōnin. "...and I have to tell Kakashi," Iruka said, his voice low; he was really telling himself that, but Tsunade nodded again.

"Of course. But you must come in again tomorrow," Toshiaki lectured as Iruka slid off the examination table and pulled on his shirt and flak-jacket. "Your chakra is well-balanced now, but we must do some tests and make sure you're getting enough vitamins for the child."

Iruka's chest grew tight at that phrase: the child. He tried to stammer through a few questions, such as how did his body DO this?!, but Toshiaki and Tsunade-sama had no answers themselves; Toshiaki had plans to dig out some dusty old tomes from goodness knows here and embark on serious research, but until then they were almost as lost as Iruka. That was just as well, for his head was spinning too much to think of anything else to ask.

The child. A painful throb set up in his head at that phrase; it seemed to tingle along his forehead and into his ears. A baby, a child. He didn't look or feel any different; when he was leaving the hospital, he thought everyone would be staring at him, yelling, "Monster! Freak!" but he simply received polite greetings, as usual.

The baby. The child. Those words clanged through his veins like a strange new drug, and he went through his work at the Missions desk as if he was an automaton, receiving and stamping mechanically. He smiled at his colleagues when they asked him if he was alright and he answered that he was fine. All his actions seemed to occur to one side of himself, like a separate Iruka taking care of business, completely by rote.

The only occasion he faltered was when he was thinking about how he should go about telling Kakashi, and something the other man had shared with him once struck him rather forcibly: They only wanted a tiny piece of me, Kakashi had said with a grin, when Iruka had expressed anger at the women who had wanted to bear the children of the great Sharingan no Kakashi. And it's not just women, either. Most people just want the piece they think they can handle... they don't want the rest of me. Kakashi's tone had been light, but underneath that veneer of amusement (which seemed to mock both himself and those who sought to pin him down in such a manner), Iruka imagined he could hear a kind of resigned disillusionment, as if Kakashi really didn't expect any better, anyway. Iruka hadn't known what to say; he had tried to comfort Kakashi with a kiss, to prove that here was one person at least who wanted to see Kakashi for all he was.... a kiss, of course, which led to Iruka on his elbows and knees in his bed.

He needn't worry, in any case... right? Kakashi was a good shinobi and a good man. He said he didn't like children, that was true, but he didn't hate them either; and while he hadn't said he loved Iruka after that whole secret-sharing rigmarole, he did care for Iruka at some level.

Of course he did.

A baby. A child. Those two innocent words lurked over his head like a dark cloud as he made his way home with worried steps. He would tell Kakashi, the thought of keeping this from him had never crossed his mind for some reason (possibly because he felt that Kakashi, as the other father, had the right to know), but in his heart of hearts, he had no desire to do such a thing; he had jealously guarded his own secret for years and now... now he would be exposed for what he truly was. How would he teach at school? How would he go from the supermarket to his house? Other questions that he should have asked in the hospital began to creep up on him now: would it be... a 'regular' baby? Look as he did, human for the most part? Or would it flash right back to its grandmother, who had been awe-inspiring when she transformed to her true body. How would he actually have it? How would the baby get out? While his body pulled some sneaky trick, it had done so internally; on the outside he remained as normal as before, penis, balls and all.

Well... as normal as he could get, in any case. More questions tumbled in his head and he felt panic begin to squeeze his throat shut. He paused on a landing of the flight of stairs that led to his first floor apartment and pressed a hand to his flat stomach, taking a few expansive inhales and exhales, clearing his mind until calm returned and the questions retreated for now. He continued up and arrived at his door, keying it open and entering the apartment. Kakashi was due back tomorrow, so he would have time to prepare his thoughts and--

He froze, one hand still on the handle of the door that was now shut behind him. Through the narrow hallway, he could see Kakashi sitting on the couch, legs stretched out in front as he flipped idly through one of Iruka's many manuals.

"Yo," Kakashi greeted him and then tilted his head; his visible eye narrowed, taking in Iruka's face which was probably lined with exhaustion and trepidation. Iruka took a deep breath and let it out again.

"Kakashi," he said, toeing off his sandals in the tiny entry-way; he walked towards the living room as if he was on his way to his execution. He gathered up his courage and breathed out, trying to calm the racing of his heart. "I have something to tell you."

Wordlessly, Kakashi closed the book and put it on the squat table at which he and Iruka had spent quite a few cozy meals. Iruka sat at the other end of the sofa, not looking in his direction. He reached deep inside himself and released the seals that shielded his chakra and body. It made him cringe to do so; no-one but his father, mother and the medi-nins had ever seen him this way before. He wanted to put his arms around himself, to hide the scales and the strange skin-tone, but Kakashi was a very visual-based person. Showing him would be far more effective than any of Iruka's pained mumblings; he would be able to tell that the effect was quite real, anyway.

Kakashi made no sound as the scales appeared on Iruka's skin, but the air around them became heavy, the way it did before a thunderstorm. Iruka chanced a quick glance in his direction; Kakashi's visible eye was wide as it fixed on him and Iruka ducked his head back down, closing his eyes. He wanted to throw up again, but he managed to wrestle this feeling down.

"You can see my true chakra," Iruka murmured. "With your Sharingan, I mean. This is what I am, though. My father was human... but a water-dragon fell in love with him and took on a human form to be with him. She even became a shinobi herself, claiming that she had been born on one of the lake- islands of Water country. That wasn't a lie, she was born near one of those lakes." Iruka stopped, waiting for Kakashi to say something. There was no response, so he continued, beginning to ramble. "That's where they're from, that's where I was born. Mist, I mean. But they were persecuted because of... of what my mother was. They came here when I was just a baby, and I grew up knowing that I was not the same as other children, that I should keep it secret."

Kakashi wasn't saying anything at all, and Iruka babbled on. "And... well, there's something else. I'm--" he broke off, swallowing hard. "Your..."

"Just say it," Kakashi said and a slight tremble ran through Iruka's body at the chill in his tone.

"I... I guess it's something to do with what I am, but I'm pregnant." Iruka chanced a quick peep at him, but Kakashi wasn't even looking in his direction.

"Pregnant," Kakashi repeated. He sounded incredibly unconcerned, but Iruka had seen how the line of his jaw was set underneath his mask.

"Yes."

"With my child. I presume that's what you're trying to say. Let me go over what you just shared," he said, finally looking at Iruka out of the corner of his eye, the colour of it dark and hard like slate. "You're not fully human. And you've only decided to share this with me when you're breeding."

Iruka recoiled; the way he said that last word, as if Iruka was some kind of strange beast... which he was, no doubt about it, but he was just as confused and worried as Kakashi, and he did not have the right to talk to Iruka that way. He was going to snap angrily in return, but barely stopped himself.

"I didn't lie to you," he tried to say reasonably, but it came out on a pleading note. He reached out a hand, wanting to touch Kakashi; he needed him to see that he was just the same, he was just Iruka. He also just wanted to feel Kakashi's skin underneath his fingers, to pull some comfort, any comfort from him. Didn't Kakashi care for him? But before his hand made contact, Kakashi moved; it was just a tiny twist, a bare shift of his shoulders, but Iruka read that message loud and clear. Right. He clenched his fists in his lap.

"No?" Kakashi just kept giving him that sidelong stare. "I knew my Sharingan wasn't tired that time. Why didn't you tell me then?" Iruka saw his lips twist beneath his mask. "I did know you were hiding something though." Kakashi's gaze was so cool that Iruka had to shiver. "I trusted you... even with my own secrets."

"You didn't have to! And this is not something I go around telling just anyone!" Iruka couldn't hold back his confused anger any more. He felt heat rush up to his cheeks. His stomach seemed to twist, reminding him that he was hungry and also, just in case he missed it, he was carrying around a tiny dragon-human being in there.

"Of course." Kakashi was infuriatingly calm as he got to his feet. "I'm just the man you've been fucking. The sire for your dragonlet. You know, I've had the experience of a few women trying to gain my semen for such an endeavor and I had thought that by virtue of your masculinity that wouldn't be the case with you, that you would be... different." Kakashi breathed in and out for a few moments. "Apparently I have been properly deceived."

Iruka was shaking his head in sheer disbelief. Kakashi's speech-pattern had changed; he sounded like a snide village prosecutor dissecting Iruka's feeble witness before a tribunal. In Iruka's mind, he felt as if... as if a lovely house he had spent so much time building and caring for had suddenly collapsed under the slightest weight. "I--"

"Did the Hokage put you up to this?" Kakashi asked coolly. "Or the council? They're not above plotting such things." His eye narrowed. "As you might well know."

"Are you insane? That's not it!" Iruka yelled at him, getting up as well. He didn't like Kakashi's tone, he didn't like what the hell Kakashi was implying and he sure wasn't going to just sit here and take that at all."You know, that is not the point right now, you're just skirting the issue, you stupid--"

Kakashi brushed past him abruptly; Iruka didn't reach out to grab his sleeve and stop him, although he desperately wanted to. Instead he gritted out, as Kakashi stood by the door and slid on his footwear: "Very well. Go. I have no time nor need for your ridiculous issues of trust."

"That's fine by me as well," Kakashi said in that hatefully dispassionate voice. "I myself am disgusted by opportunistic liars."

Iruka was trembling with rage as he watched Kakashi stalk towards the door. "This is the real you, isn't it," he said, sneering at Kakashi's back. "Before, when you were all--" He swallowed that back, and took a deep breath. "You're going to use every excuse to run away. What would your proud parents think about their only son?"

Kakashi froze, his hand reaching out to grip the handle of the door. "My parents allowed their only son to be made into a dangerous weapon when he was five," Kakashi said. "Don't presume that because I honour their memories, they were perfect." He spoke as easily as if they were having a regular conversation. Iruka, who was so angry he could hardly speak without his voice shaking, experienced a moment of envy so pure that there was an unreal innocence about the feeling. After that final cryptic comment, Kakashi turned the door-handle and exited without even looking back.

Iruka closed his eyes as the door shut with a click of finality. He opened them again and pressed a clammy palm to his forehead, pushing up his forehead protector. He was half-hoping that the door would re-open again and Kakashi would walk back in, and they could... talk about this.

When seconds turned into minutes, Iruka made his way to the bathroom and found that Kakashi had run a bath for him, most likely just before Iruka had come home for the water was still quite warm. He stripped and rinsed off quickly, before removing the square lid and settling in with his legs drawn up to his chest. He watched the water lap at the glistening scales that dominated his skin as he soaked. His stomach twisted and he bit his tongue.

He had no idea what to do now.