Betas: ashcat (here at fanfiction[dot]net ) and txilar (at livejournal[dot]com).

Chapter 11: The Measure of Trust
"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."
~Walter Anderson

Iruka came awake with a glorious stretch. Normally, he woke up to a low-pitched cacophony of pain in various muscles of his lower back and the bones in his pelvis. Today was so different; he hadn't realized that all this time, he really wasn't slipping down into proper sleep, due to the constant ache. All shinobi were trained to hold themselves back from the deepest stages of sleep during missions, but Toshiaki and the Hokage had urged him to get as much rest as he could.

Iruka shifted again, smiling as a dog behind him grumbled and pushed back gently. It felt like one of the bigger ones, possibly Bull, and when Iruka turned his head he saw that he was right.

"Morning, Sensei," Bull rumbled. "Can I get up now? I'm really hungry."

"Oh! What time is it?" Iruka sat up properly and stared at the heavy curtains which were drawn. With Bull's help, he slipped out of bed and padded over to the windows to yank them open. Strong sunshine streamed in, causing him to squint. "It's almost the middle of the day!" Iruka exclaimed, turning to stare at Bull, who was trying to sneak out the door. "Why did you let me sleep in so long?"

Bull lifted his broad shoulders in a doggy shrug. "The boss and Guruko said so." Bull appeared deeply contemplative for a moment. "Guruko gets too loud about the pu- ... the baby, I think." With that random declaration, he managed to manoeuvre the door open and trot off in the direction of the kitchen.

Iruka's stomach growled and the baby turned as well; Iruka made a face. Lunch it was, then, and very soon.

He was almost fully dressed in his outside clothes, adjusting the sash over his stomach, when a large thump on the wall caused him to jump a little in surprise. He heard Naruto yelling something in the room on the other side of that thick wooden wall and grinned at the agitated sound. Three lines suddenly appeared in the wall, joining at the ends to each other; the two longest ones on the sides touched the floor, and all three formed a tall rectangle. The lines glowed briefly and then widened just a bit as the area they bound became an actual door.

To one side, a round shape spun out slowly, proving itself to be the door-handle. After a few long beats, it turned and the door was pushed open. Yamato stood there with a little scowl on his face; it smoothed away as soon as he spotted Iruka. The wards shimmered in the space for a few beats; apparently, Kahiro spent a few moments deciding if this was a threat to Iruka's safety before concluding that it was all right.

"Hello, Iruka-sensei," Yamato said. Naruto popped up behind him, his eyes so very blue and wide. He literally scrambled over poor Yamato to get through the newly created door. Guruko slid right between the bemused man's legs and then they were upon Iruka in the blink of an eye.

"Come on!" Naruto grabbed Iruka's hands and tugged him forward. "Come take a look!"

"Don't pull him so hard!" Guruko barked, even as he was nudging a perplexed Iruka with his nose. "Be careful, stupid fox-boy!"

"Hey!" Naruto bellowed, releasing Iruka to glare down at Guruko. "Don't call me that, mutt!"

They descended into what sounded like a well-practiced argument, but Iruka didn't hear a word of it. He was staring around the tidy space. When he had arrived at the compound and looked all through the different areas, this room had been used as some kind of general storage. Now, it was fully cleared out and swept clean of dust. It was smaller than the room he was using and currently filled with all sorts of baby-related furniture. Iruka stepped over to the tall chest-of-drawers, reaching out to touch the strange crest that was branded into the wood. He grasped one of the handles and pulled out a drawer; the clothes and supplies he had asked the ANBU to buy for him were stacked neatly inside.

Vaguely, he was aware that Sasuke and Kakashi were in a corner, placing objects in a bank of shelves, while Haru and Aki were pushing a storage cupboard into another corner. All his ANBU guard were in the same room for the first time, Iruka noted.

When he turned around to see properly, he saw that Sasuke and Kakashi were storing small toys; they looked so incongruous in the hands of men who were trained to be assassins and soldiers. At that very moment, Sasuke was holding a whistling top and there was a box of wooden letters cradled in Kakashi's gloved hands. Sasuke caught Iruka's gaze and while he didn't smile, his general demeanour was warm enough... or rather, as warm as Uchiha could get. Naruto was bouncing around the room in sheer delight, matched only by Guruko's display of happy tail-chasing.

"Look at the crib-thingy for the baby!" Naruto crowed, hands flapping excitedly. "Yamato-taichou made it! Kakashi-sensei drew it and he changed it like a thousand times, and Yamato-taichou said that if he changed it one more time, then," and here Naruto composed his face into what he insisted was Yamato's creepy-eye expression: "'Kakashi-senpai was going to get all that timber right up his-'"

"He... drew it?" Iruka felt breathless. Yamato wordlessly held out a sheaf of papers and Iruka took them, shuffling through sketches of the chest-of-drawers, the unusually round crib, the open shelves, the storage cupboard, what appeared to be a small, square bassinet with a handle and another rocking chair; they all were related in design, in terms of the shapes of the legs and that unknown crest that was placed on the flat surfaces. The sketches were amazingly well done; the level of detail was not surprising, actually, because Kakashi was a meticulous individual despite his tendency towards slouching... but there was a delicacy to the sketch-lines that gave Iruka pause.

He hadn't known Kakashi could draw so well. They all were taught basic map-drawing skills, but these spoke of a person who spent time just drawing what they saw around them; they spoke of an artist. Aki sidled over and gazed down at the sketches; they nodded appreciatively and made their exit with Haru; Iruka felt some of Kahiro's energy go with them, presumably to do their perimeter checks.

Iruka lifted his head and looked at Kakashi, who was busying himself with stacking the toys on the shelf.

"This was his first design for the crib," Yamato said, tone laced with complaint as he tugged out one of the papers and showed it to Iruka. Iruka glanced at him, surprised and humoured at the same time. It took a lot to make Yamato sound so petulant. "This is the twentieth." Yamato pulled out another. "I should know, Iruka-sensei, I had to make them all so he could see. And that was just the crib."

"Oh. This amazing, Yamato-san," Iruka said with earnest gratitude, and Yamato's slightly harassed air faded away completely. "Thank you for your hard work, I... I don't know what to say."

"You're welcome," Yamato answered, grinning. "It was my pleasure!" He shot a doubtful glance out of the corner of his eye at his senpai. "Well... mostly my pleasure."

"Where did those toys come from?" Iruka asked, stepping forward. He held the sketches close to his chest. Yamato had not asked for them back, and Iruka actually had no intention of returning them. He planned to start some kind of album, or scrapbook, a suggestion of Kurenai's that really appealed to him; he would place Kakashi's sketches in there for the baby to see when they got older.

"Some were mine," Sasuke said in his normal flat manner. "Some were Kakashi's. We've made sure that they're fixed and clean."

"I have no doubt of that, thank you so much," Iruka said warmly and Sasuke nodded. "Kakashi-san?"

"Yes, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi sounded utterly casual, but he still kept packing the toys in the square slots.

"Where did you get the idea for a round crib?" Iruka took another step closer; Sasuke moved away, and he must have snagged Naruto in the process, for Naruto squawked once and was shushed a little violently. When Iruka looked around, he and Kakashi were alone in the nursery.

Iruka's head spun; Kakashi had made a nursery in his home for the baby. Blue equated that with its mate helping out with the nest, and his entire being flooded with happiness and want. Deep want, which seeped into Iruka's joints and groin, making him stare at the exposed skin of Kakashi's forearms with a sensation akin to hunger. He felt almost faint at that moment.

He blamed that on the combination of Blue and his own potent mix of hormones. Carrying a child would certainly muddle anyone's mind, female or male; and the baby felt unusually low today, so he could blame that as well.

Kakashi said, "I thought it would be nice. Don't you like it?"

Iruka glanced at the sweet little crib; the dark wooden slats were set close together, so that the baby wouldn't get their head stuck in between them (Kurenai had told Iruka a story of how Hiruzen-chan had managed just that, crying angrily until she freed him), and he could see the section that could be lowered in order to pick up a child.

"I think it's beautiful." He smiled when Kakashi actually looked at him, a startled expression in that visible eye. Iruka motioned with his chin to the papers he had clutched close. "Thank you for going through so much trouble."

"No problem." Kakashi placed the last of the toys and turned towards Iruka, who took another small step forward.

"And thank you for the toys."

"Sasuke and I aren't using them," Kakashi murmured, tilting his head and glancing at Iruka's lips.

Iruka took a deep breath, moving even closer. "I... I didn't think I would stay here after the baby was born," he admitted.

Kakashi frowned. "This is the best place to protect the baby," he pointed out. "The wards won't let just anyone in, even if the ANBU protection is downgraded or fully disbanded. I wouldn't let the baby be exposed to threats." He levelled a very intense stare at Iruka. "The child will have Hatake blood, plus a dragon heritage. I'm sure you can understand that there are people who would want to make use of that combination, not to mention those who would attempt to strike out at me through my heir."

"Ah," Iruka said, feeling a heavy, bitter stone form in his throat. "Your heir. I'm sure you can understand that this is my child as well, and while I appreciate your efforts, I'm quite capable of protecting them as well... within or without your fortified castle of a house."

Kahiro shuddered around them in anguish, picking up on Iruka's anger and distress. Iruka looked down at the sketches in his arms and in fit of childish pique, he flung them right in Kakashi's direction as hard as he could. Kakashi plucked most of them out of the air with his enviable speed, staring at Iruka in confusion as the remaining few fluttered to the floor to lie there listlessly.

As Iruka stood there with his hands clenched at his sides, he heard someone snarling venomously and realized that it was himself.

"I am such a fool to love you," he said, shaking all over. "I'm an even bigger fool to have hoped for even more with you, like a family. A family! All this time, you were just preparing yourself for nothing more than making preparations for your heir, and I was blindly-

"Iruka," Kakashi said quietly, setting the sketches on the top shelf.

Iruka pressed his lips together, seething for a few moments before he snapped out, "What?" If he wasn't so very pregnant, he would go around kicking random objects; he was that unhappy and angry at everything, including himself. He had thought he was coming to terms with the fact that he and Kakashi would simply be co-parents, and not a family... but obviously he hadn't.

"Iruka," Kakashi said again, and now he said the name as if he was crooning it to soothe some savage animal, stepping in Iruka's space to cup his cheeks with warm, rough hands. "Iruka."

"Don't touch me," Iruka tried to say forcibly, but it came out in a weak mumble. "Don't touch me, Kakashi."

"You said you are a fool to love me," Kakashi said, voice gentle and amazed.

"No, I didn't." Iruka tried to tug away; had he really admitted that? Kakashi moved even closer until he was curved comfortably against the round of Iruka's stomach.

"How could I ask for anything, after what I did?" Kakashi bent ever closer, his breath warm against Iruka's mouth. "I had dishonoured the memory of my parents, my friends, my sensei, even you, when I left. When I returned, I was determined that if you did not want me back, and I couldn't blame you if you didn't, then at least I could do my best to make you comfortable." A small smile flickered his mask. "You and our baby."

Iruka trembled. His skin broke out into goose-bumps, even as heat flushed underneath his clothing. "What?"

Kakashi brushed a thumb over Iruka's bottom lip. "I know the baby is yours as well. That's the best part about them. I just wanted to ensure their safety... and yours as well, for as long as you want to stay here."

Iruka stared up at him, then reached up slowly to pull at Kakashi's mask. When Kakashi's mouth was revealed, his lips were crooked up in a sadly wry smile.

"Kakashi," Iruka whispered, tilting up his chin and closing his eyes a moment before he felt Kakashi's lips brushed against his. It wasn't a proper kiss for a few heartbeats, it was too light and soft, the both of them testing if the other would pull away. Then Iruka pressed up, wanting more, and was rewarded by a flicker of Kakashi's tongue against his own. Iruka moaned, sliding his hand around to the back of Kakashi's neck so that he could be kissed even more deeply, and then graduating to flinging both arms around Kakashi's neck.

His head spun; his skin seemed to run hot and cold in a dizzying relay and Kakashi broke the kiss to stare down at him. Iruka found his vision was going dark, because he could barely see the concern in Kakashi's eye. He was shaking even harder, helpless in what now seemed to be a violent seizure, teeth chattering in his head...and of far more concern than all these strange symptoms was the intense pain in his stomach.

Distantly, he heard Kakashi yell his name, then shout for Naruto and Yamato. The last things he was aware of before his brain decided that all this was quite enough were Kakashi's hands sliding down his back in order to pick him up, and the agitated buzzing of Kahiro; then the darkness and silence fell.

- x -

Iruka put out one hand sluggishly and he felt someone grab on, petting his fingers. He opened his eyes and turned his head, looking into Kakashi's face. He tried to sit up in bed, but he felt too weak to move.

"What's... going on?" he croaked out, noticing that Toshiaki and the Hokage were in the room as well, bustling about. Sakura was with them, and she raced over, kneeling down at the other side of the bed.

"Iruka-sensei," she whispered; it seemed as if the whole room was draped in black cloth, for it was all very dark and hushed. The lights were very low, candles spaced widely around the room. "Are you alright?"

"I'm in a lot of pain," Iruka said after a considering moment. "But I can't feel it too much, it's almost as if it's in another body." He looked at Kakashi, who gazed back calmly, still holding his hand.

Sakura nodded. "We numbed some of your pain-receptors. You were seizing too much and we were concerned you would hurt yourself and the baby. Iruka-sensei... the baby is..."

Iruka felt Kakashi's fingers squeeze around his.

"The baby is ready to be born, all the signs are there," she continued and bit her lip. "But... something is not quite right."

Fear crashed into in Iruka like a relentless wave. "Please, no," he whispered and Kakashi's hand was the only thing that anchored him from blacking out again.

Sakura nodded miserably. She opened her mouth to say explain more, but Tsunade charged over.

"Iruka-sensei," she said in brusque tones, weaving her chakra around him and reading the results with a grim nod. "Listen: the baby's chakra was always muddled, but that is the usual case in most shinobi-borne children."

"Yes," Toshiaki said, approaching as well. "But... your dual nature makes this all different. From what we've just discovered-"

"-and at the worst time possible, too," Tsunade muttered.

"-is that dragons utilize their chakra to help give birth safely. Iruka, the dragon part of your chakra is needed to help the baby." Toshiaki shook his head slightly. "For some reason, it's not being used... most of it is actually locked away by your seal, and so your human-chakra is being drained to help right now. That chakra wasn't made for that. The dragon one is."

"How... how do you know all this?" Iruka asked. As one, all the medi-nin glanced at Kakashi.

"He looked very hard," Sakura said softly.

"They told me what to search for." Kakashi's voice was low. "That seal is very well done."

Iruka swallowed hard and nodded; his parents had placed that seal, and between his mother's power and his father's cleverness, it was an almost perfect job. From time to time, the Byakugan-users spared him brief glances that had Iruka's heart in his throat, even though he had known that as long they didn't look too intently, then they would never notice; and who would look very closely at a mere chuunin-sensei? For his part, he had never tried to undo it past a certain point, for fear it would be too visible. As a matter of fact, he wasn't sure if he could.

"It's hiding that other chakra from sight, Iruka, but it's blocking it as well." Kakashi paused, looking down at Iruka's hand in his. "It's difficult to find, and it seems almost impossible to undo. I tried, but it threatened to become unstable when you were unconscious."

Iruka felt his breathing grow erratic and began a furious battle with himself to calm down.

"We should have seen this before," Toshiaki said. "But we didn't understand, not fully."

"How could you?" Iruka attempted a reassuring smile. "As you've said, Toshiaki-san: I am one of a kind." He struggled to take deep breaths, still drawing on his training to help. Kahiro was fretfully visible in twisting grey ribbons of energy along the walls and ceiling, and Iruka could very faintly hear Naruto outside his room. Naruto sounded as if he was on the verge of tears.

"It's very serious, Iruka-sensei," Tsunade said in urgent tones. "Time is short. We won't be able to operate, because we're not sure of anything right now. Hinata is on her way to try help undo the seal, but the baby will go into distress very soon."

Her voice seemed to travel like smoke in the air. Iruka felt his head roll back on his pillow.

"Iruka-sensei? He's going out again, Toshiaki! Sakura, get me-"

Time seemed to have stopped all around him. Even the candles paused their hypnotic dance, but Iruka only saw them at the edges of his vision. His focus was on Kakashi's face, on how calm he appeared even though there was a deep agony hidden far back in his single-eyed regard, which was locked on Iruka. In that silent, timeless moment, in which he seemed to float in a soundless purgatory, he heard his mother's sweetly mourning voice drift out of the past.

We must always keep them apart, she murmured, her pain at losing the other children apparent in her voice now that Iruka knew enough to listen for it. Always, Iruka. Never let it slip. You must be as human as everyone else, and you cannot allow anyone to know. They will torture and take you to the edge of death for that. This is a truth I have lived.

Then, his father's calm voice slipped into his ear: I love your mother in spite of and because of what she is. You must not be afraid of who you are. You are dragon and human... and you are our son. Remember that.

"Help me," Iruka murmured and time sped up again, slamming into him with the first battering of real pain. Sakura clapped her hands together and then pressed her fingers to his side. The agony ebbed back but hovered close, waiting to slice again.

Iruka curled his fingers so tightly into Kakashi's hand that he was sure his fingernails dug into flesh and drew blood; yet, Kakashi didn't flinch. "I... I think I can do it. But you must help me, Kakashi."

"Iruka?" Kakashi now had his other hand on Iruka's face, brushing away the tears that were streaking down his cheeks. "Tell me how."

"I've never tried to get to it." Iruka gasped out the words; whatever Sakura had done to siphon off the pain was now fading away once more, quicker than before. "The-the chakra, I mean. Most of it is in Blue."

"Iruka, you have to join them together somehow," Tsunade urged. Iruka ignored her and kept his gaze locked on fixed on Kakashi, because... Blue knew. Blue knew Silver was close, and Silver would help. In the midst of all of Iruka's dismay and terror, Blue was perfectly calm, even slightly puzzled by all the fuss. Wasn't its mate here to assist?

"You will help me," he repeated to Kakashi, and he was surprised at the firmness of his voice. Kakashi appeared oddly conflicted.

"You trust me to-"

"I trust you," Iruka told him. "With my life." With my heart. You know that, he wanted to say, but the pain increased in that moment, sinking sharp teeth into his abdomen. It was as bad as being tortured, and Iruka gritted his teeth. "You can help me pull together. I only think I can't find Blue... but you can make me think I can."

"We can't take away the pain again, Iruka-sensei," Sakura told him, sitting back; her shoulders were pulled tight with tension. "Our chakra will interfere negatively now."

At least the pain came in waves; he crested over one and rested in the valley before the next, breathing hard. He wasn't going to black out again, he promised himself fiercely. The wards hummed as he watched Kakashi reach up and push his forehead protector away, the eye still tightly closed.

"If this doesn't work," Iruka said, panting horribly now. "If something goes wrong, try to save the baby." He stared at the medi-nin around him. "The baby comes first."

Toshiaki shook his head sharply and opened his mouth, but Tsunade put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Toshiaki's face wrenched into lines of dismay; he suddenly looked his age, an old shinobi who had seen and lost too much.

"We will," Tsunade said with calm authority; she herself seemed tired and ancient, even though her face was its usual smooth mask.

Iruka nodded and then bit his lip as another wave of pain crested over him. He returned his gaze to Kakashi and stared, suddenly entranced by the revealed Sharigan. Kakashi took both of Iruka's hands in his. Iruka was surprised to feel a tremble in those long, deadly fingers.

"Ready?" Kakashi asked and his voice was steady enough. Iruka nodded and the tomoe began to turn. "Alright... let's go look for Blue."

Iruka felt everything around him begin to slow down again, but it was different this time; now, it was an effect of the jutsu that Kakashi was building so cleverly, hypnotising Iruka; it was if the whole world was placed in clear water. He blinked, and it took long minutes for his upper and lower eyelids to meet before parting again. Kakashi's form changed. The edges of his frame blurred, lengthened and tiny arcs lightning crackled in his hair. Their eyes remained locked even as a strong wind howled around them and dust whirled around Kakashi's transformation.

Just an illusion, Iruka thought but he couldn't help feeling deeply impressed despite his current pain... for where Kakashi had been sitting just a few moments ago, Silver lay in a languid pile of shining coils. He looked a little different; of course he would, for Kakashi would not see himself the way Iruka did, but at the same time, at the level where it mattered, he was exactly the same. He felt the same to Iruka.

Silver lifted its head and gave Iruka a look of such undiluted adoration that Iruka would have swayed from the weight of it if he was standing. Then the pain crashed into him and he allowed himself a very small cry. Silver shifted close, the long whiskers around its jaw brushing at Iruka's sweaty brow. Outside of this jutsu he and Kakashi were still probably holding hands, but inside this complete illusion, Silver gently smoothed away Iruka's limp hair and made a low, whining rumble.

Iruka understood how Kakashi was trying to trick his mind and the seal on his chakra. One dragon would attract another. In the background of his mind, he had an additional thought: if it had taken two parents to make one seal, then it should take two parents to pull one apart.

"Go on, Silver," he said. "Go get Blue."

Silver nodded once, a sleek movement that rippled down the whole of its body and then without warning, it turned into light. One moment it was a solid-seeming being and the next, it was a ray of brightness, made of frozen lightning. The light compressed itself into a round shape, so small it could fit into Iruka's palm and so it did: when Iruka held up one hand, it floated close and rested there for a hesitant moment, before sinking right into Iruka's skin.

Iruka inhaled and then breathed out slowly; his hair felt as if it was rising in unseen currents. A stillness settled solidly within and around him, a calming silence that embraced him the way a close friend would do after many years of separation. He could almost imagine the knots of his complex seal being tugged at gently and Iruka began to help, unravelling further than he had ever attempted before.

Then... there was an abrupt rush of pure chakra, and suddenly Iruka understood what Kyuubi meant all those years ago; he had far more power than he knew he possessed, but he still had no intention to use it for himself, not right now.

Suddenly, through his half-slitted eyelids, he saw his body begin to change... but it wasn't his usual transformation. His limbs were lengthening, the colour of his scales richer, more iridescent than he had ever seen them; his body, still heavy with pregnancy and on the brink of giving birth, took on its full dragon form for the first time in his life. Iruka's caretakers stumbled back. The little night-table beside the bed was pushed to one side, and the bed creaked under the sudden extra weight. He didn't go bursting through the walls, he wasn't that massive at all; but he could see Kakashi getting to his feet and tilting his head back to gaze in wonder. The top of the ceiling brushed the unfurled fin rising at the tip of his head.

Unlike Silver, this was no illusion. Blue was here.