Thanks to my good friend and Super Beta, larin20, who made all this freakin' readable. If you haven't read her fic, Treading Water…well, what are you waiting for? It's Treadward, for crying out loud!! =]
This chapter goes out to larin20 and Miss Alex, Kimbercullen, Punkfairie, LittleLea05, EmmaleeWrites05, L is a Dreamer, Vamp_sessed and all the rest of the girls at the Official BFFF'ers of Twilight Fanfiction Facebook page. You guys are all so cool and talented, and I have a blast hanging out with you.
And one more little shout out goes to my dear friend Robert…no, not Pattinson. Sorry, girls. Thanks Robert, for reading my shit even though you've never even read any of the Twilight Saga (GASP). You are the best. :)
Oh, and Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. You don't want to know what I'd do with Edward if I owned him.On with the story.
EPOVThere's a certain amount of bravado that has to come with being an officer of the law. You have to be strong, cocky, and authoritative; that's just part of the job. I thought I was the epitome of those things, especially after working as a deputy for the last six years. Charlie taught me well, but the sight of Bella Swan going limp in my arms with her eyes closed and helpless broke me. It's been a long time since I felt panic like this, and I wasn't sure where to put it all. So I did what any red blooded man would do in my situation.
I screamed for help like a little fucking girl.
As the nurses fled into the tiny hospital room, I let Bella down gently on the empty bed beside Charlie. Panic swept over me again as I witnessed the nurses checking her vital signs. Time seemed to stand still as I watched her. So beautiful, I thought. Then I cursed myself for even thinking those things at a time like this. I figured that she merely fainted, her body's natural reaction to seeing Charlie in his condition. But that didn't ease the fear I felt as I watched the nurses trying to revive her.
All I had set out to do was be there for Bella. Seeing her lying there- her warm mahogany hair flowing in waves across the pillow and her pale skin glowing in the florescent lights- it became so much more than that. I was drawn to this girl like a magnet. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was overwhelming. What does it mean? I couldn't understand it. She's just an ordinary girl, right?
No, there's nothing ordinary about this girl…I was sure of that.
I was broken out of my thoughts by the sound of one of the nurses calling Bella's name. I let out a sharp breath as her eyes fluttered softly, then opened as I stood there across the room. Frozen in place, my eyes focused solely on her. It was like tunnel vision and I didn't want to see anything else.
"Wha-what happened?" she asked, rubbing her head. I closed my eyes for a moment, committing her angelic voice to my memory. I would never forget that sound if I lived three hundred years. I would think it would be cliché to say her voice was music to my ears, but listening to her speak sounded like an orchestra was performing just for me.
"You just passed out, honey. How are you feeling?" One of the nurses asked her as she held Bella's wrist, feeling for her pulse.
"I'm fine. Charlie…where's Charlie? Is he okay? Oh my god, he's not…" She trailed off, as I watched the tears start to fall from her eyes. I took a deep breath and crossed the room to the side of her bed. She looked up at me, panic in her eyes. Even now, she was beautiful.
"Bella, he's right here. Let's make sure you're okay, then I'll get the doctor and we'll find out about Charlie, alright?" I whispered.
I tore my eyes away from hers for just a moment to shoot a meaningful glance at the nurse by Bella's bedside. She gave me a swift nod as she and the other nurses left the room silently.
"Mr. Cullen," she whispered, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. I couldn't find my voice, so I gave her a quick nod. "Thank you, for… for being here. I'm kind of a mess right now."
"Edward. Please, call me Edward. And don't mention it, Bella. Charlie is like a father to me. I wouldn't be anywhere else right now," I said, hoping I was reassuring her. I felt the tears building in my eyes, and it took all my might to swallow them back. She shouldn't see me lose it like this. This is going to be even harder than I thought.
"Are you okay, Edward? This must be hard for you, too. You've worked with my dad for a long time, huh?" she asked, still a little groggy. I looked at her, astounded. With chaos erupting around her, she was worried about how I was doing. Amazing.
"I'm fine, please don't worry about me. We should concentrate on you and Charlie." I replied, my voice cracking. I could see right away how selfless this girl was. I didn't want her to think about my well being for a second. "The nurses are going to track down the doctor so we can find out what's going on, okay?"
"Sure," she whispered. There were a few minutes of silence before she spoke again.
"Charlie's not going to be okay, is he?" she asked, pleading with her eyes to give her the answer she needed to hear. The pain in her voice was simply heart wrenching.
I wracked my brain for the words that would help her, that would make this torment go away for her. Nothing I could say would do that. I was so scared to give her hope, on the chance that Charlie wouldn't make it. I reached for her hand, and gave her a little squeeze. I tried to ignore the obvious spark I felt when our hands made contact; I would mull over that one later.
"Let's not jump to any conclusions, Bella. The doctor will be here any minute, and I'll be right here with you." She nodded her head and gently squeezed my hand as I sat on the edge of the bed. Her eyes never left mine until I had to break the stare and look away, just to clear my thoughts.
It was quiet for a few moments before Bella startled me. "Edward?" She asked with apprehension in her voice.
"Mmm?" I answered.
"Distract me, please." Her voice was barely a whisper in the still room.
"Huh?" I asked, dumbfounded. Distract her?
"Um, you know…prattle on about something else to keep my mind occupied. I'm thinking too much on the negative and I need to focus on the positive." She looked up at me again and timidly smiled. "I could get to know more about you…if you want. I mean, you and my dad are pretty close. And I don't really know that much about you. I feel bad about that."
And so we began. Bella asked me questions about where I grew up, my family, what I was like in high school. We talked about music, and I found out that we had a common love for classical music. Time seemed to stand still as we talked. I didn't tell her about my parents, and she didn't ask directly, which was good. I didn't want to burden her with my fucked up problems. She didn't need to know that I still had nightmares of that night. She was already so selfless when it came to those around her. The last thing she needed was to worry about me too.
She seemed as though she was genuinely interested in what I had to say, but perhaps like she said, I was just a distraction to her.
I shied away from speaking of Charlie at first. I didn't want to upset her. But then she began asking questions about him, and I figured she felt like she missed a lot of his life by being away for 6 years.
We picked up conversation so well, I could only compare it to talking to an old friend I haven't seen in years.
"…And so there I was, my first day on the job, and Charlie was riding along with me in the cruiser." I began. The memory of that first day was still etched in my mind as clear as day. "We made a routine traffic stop on Spartan Avenue, down by the high school. There were two white males in the car, and they both looked like they could've snapped Charlie and me in half, easy. I mean, these guys were fucking huge!" I quickly looked down at Bella while I had my arms in the air moving all over the place, telling my story. Her eyes widened, and I suddenly realized that I let the f-bomb slip. Fuck! "Oh, sorry. They were huge." Shit! Watch your mouth next time, Cullen! I thought, shaking my head.
Bella blushed again, and nodded.
"Charlie could tell I was nervous…my first stop and all. So before we got out of the cruiser he said to me, 'Look son, I know you're a little nervous, but let me give you a piece if advice.' He leaned in closer to me and said, 'Never let 'em see you sweat, kid. If they know you're nervous, they'll eat you alive.' Charlie kind of took me under his wing after that, but soon it became a close friendship. We talked a lot." I took a deep breath. It felt good to talk to Bella like this. It felt like the most natural thing to do. Like breathing.
She then asked me in her tiny little voice, "Did he ever talk about me?" I couldn't help but smile.
"Oh Bella." I chuckled. " He talked about you all the time. I feel like I know you already."
How this wonderful girl would think that her father didn't think about her is, well…beyond me.
"Like what?" She asked curiously. "What did he tell you about me?"
I thought about that for a moment. "Well… he told me you are twenty five years old now. You love to cook. You were a freshman at the University of Washington before you moved to Jacksonville to be with your mom…" I flinched the moment I said those words, hoping I didn't upset her more. She took a deep breath and silently nodded, urging me to go on. "You've loved to read since you were five, and that he knew you would want to be a writer some day. He is very proud of you. He looked forward to your phone calls with him every Sunday. He loved you more than anything, Bella."
The brave face she tried to put on crumbled as I spoke those words. I wanted to take them back, but I knew she needed to hear it. Now. She looked down at her feet again, steadily sobbing, her head now in her tiny hands. I took a deep breath and spoke again.
"You know Charlie's not a man of many words," I whispered, " but a blind person could see how much he adored you." I was glad to have the opportunity to say those words to her, in case Charlie…well, in case he couldn't.
The pain in her eyes nearly crippled me as she looked up into my eyes again, silent tears rolling down her face. I lifted my hand to her cheek to brush away the tears with my thumb.
"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for telling me. And thank you for being here for Charlie. I'm so glad he had someone he could talk to." She whispered. It was only until that moment that I realized that her right hand was still in mine. She was softly stroking the top of it with her thumb. It felt heavenly and I could help but think I was doing a good job of comforting her.
"Any time." I replied.
We were interrupted by the creaking sound of the door opening. Our eyes flashed to the doorway to find a man standing there, wearing a suit and a white lab coat. The doctor, finally. We both let out a shaky breath, terrified. The doctor's next words would change everything, good or bad. I prayed silently for only good news, but the sympathetic look on his face gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Bella, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Doctor Roberts. I performed the surgery on your father."
I straightened up and turned my eyes back to Bella, giving her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. I noticed the corners of her mouth tilt slightly upwards. From what I knew about Bella Swan, I'd be willing to bet my next paycheck that she was trying to reassure me with that little smile.
BPOV
I am not usually the passing out type. Being the chief's daughter, I've seen and heard a lot of scary real life stories from my dad, all with the intention of scaring me into a life as a law abiding citizen. And it's worked pretty well so far. But I don't think Charlie ever thought his only daughter would have to see him lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life. It just became too much.
When I finally came to, I was a little confused. It felt like I had been asleep for weeks. I even had the remnants of my dream in the back of my head. I couldn't remember any details, but I knew I had been in my meadow. Then the reality swept over me again, and I realized I was in the hospital, with Charlie. The tubes. The needles. That sickening hospital smell. I didn't know if I was strong enough to deal with another loss.
Being with Renee in the last moments of her life changed me. I wasn't that carefree, happy college kid anymore. It's been two years since she died, and I still see her take her last breath in my mind every time I closed my eyes. And the worst part? Knowing that if this were to happen to Charlie when my mom was still alive, she would be the one I could turn to. I never felt so alone in my entire life.
But I wasn't alone.
The deputy, Edward Cullen was by my side. He reassured me, held my hand, and didn't even flinch when I asked him to distract me by talking about himself. He talked about his life, his siblings, music, and what he was like when he was younger. He made no mention of his parents, and I didn't push him. But there was something in his eyes that held a sadness I've never seen. It went way beyond the hurt that centered on this hospital room. No. Something happened to this man; something terrible. I made a silent promise to myself that when Charlie got better, I'd get to know Edward. I couldn't shake the feeling that he might need someone, too.
As we were talking, and my mind became a little less fuzzy, I finally took a look at the man sitting with me. By all accounts, he was beautiful. If a man can be called beautiful, that is. I'd never seen hair or eyes that color before. His hair was a red and brown mixture, almost copper in the way the light reflected off of it. It went in every direction, and I wondered if he'd been running his fingers through it. His eyes were gold and brown, almost yellow… mesmerizing. As soon as my eyes locked with his, it was damn near impossible to look away. Even though he looked like he hadn't slept, and there were dark purple circles underneath his eyes, he still looked like he could be on a cover of a magazine somewhere. Instead he was stuck policing the small town of Forks, Washington.
When I asked about Charlie, he seemed apprehensive at first. I figured he didn't want to upset me. But I wanted to hear some good memories of my father, instead of the melancholy visions going through my head right now. When he began telling the story of his first call with Charlie at his side, I felt like I was there. He became a little more animated while speaking of him. The admiration he felt for my father reflected in his eyes while he spoke, recalling the memory. He loved my dad very much, I was sure of that. It made me feel more at ease knowing that Charlie wasn't alone all these years, that he had a close friend to turn to. It made me think even more highly of Edward than I had before.
Edward said that he and Charlie talked a lot, and I'd wondered if he ever talked about me.
"Oh Bella." he chuckled. " He talked about you all the time. I feel like I know you already," He mused.
"Like what? What did he tell you about me?" I wondered out loud.
He thought about it for a moment before he began. "Well, he told me you are twenty five years old now. You love to cook. You were a freshman at the University of Washington before you moved to Jacksonville to be with your mom…" He looked at me with a pained look on his face, like he thought he may have said something wrong. The mention of my mother out loud made my heart ache, but I took a deep breath, and nodded for him to continue.
"You've loved to read since you were five, and that he knew you would want to be a writer some day. He is very proud of you. He looked forward to your phone calls with him every Sunday. He loved you more than anything, Bella." Edward said, trailing off into a whisper.
His kind words touched me. I had tried so hard not to cry and be positive since I got here, but everything was screwed up. I was so screwed up. I just couldn't hold back anymore. Worry and fear of losing my father were now compounding the ache in my chest I had been carrying for my mother. I lost it. The uncontrollable sobs and whimpers left my body, and I didn't even have the strength to hold back anymore. We sat in silence for a few moments before Edward spoke again.
"You know Charlie's not a man of many words," he whispered reassuringly, " but a blind person could see how much he adored you."
I thought about that for a minute. I know my dad loves me very much, but he has always been a very private person. He's not one to talk about his feelings. As I think back, I realized that every single thing he's done for me, every word he's said, showed his love for me, in his own way.
I lifted my head up slowly to Edward, meeting his eyes again. He took his free hand and softly wiped my tears away, his other hand still gingerly holding mine. The tiny gesture was so sweet, it surprised me. I couldn't help but feel protected and comforted around him. My breathing came a little easier as I calmed down.
"Thank you, Edward. Thank you for telling me. And thank you for being here for Charlie. I'm so glad he had someone he could talk to." I said softly, rubbing the top his hand with my thumb.
He simply replied, "Any time."
Then the door to the room slowly opened, revealing a man in a white lab coat.
Seeing the doctor slowly enter the room made my heart drop into my stomach. I just knew I was going to throw up all over this hospital room. I tried my best to reassure Edward, forcing a little smile, but I'm sure I was failing miserably. He smiled back at me, and I braced myself for what was to come, the beautiful deputy at my side.
EPOV
I reluctantly released Bella's hand and stood up from the bed while Dr. Roberts began to explain Charlie's condition to her. I wasn't going anywhere, and I'd be right back by her side in a second if she wanted me, but I wanted to give her space. She gave me a meaningful glance, silently telling me not to go. I moved closer to her side and placed my hand on her shoulder reassuringly.
"Bella, I'm so sorry, I know how hard this must be for you. I've known Charlie for a long time, and I was shocked to see him come in like this," He gestured toward Charlie's bed. Bella nodded her head in silent thanks, and he continued. "I'm going to explain to you everything that happened in surgery, if that's alright." He said. She nodded again, but something in her eyes changed, and I couldn't figure it out. Almost like she was closing herself off, or shutting down. The panic from before began to well up in my chest again as I looked at her.
The doctor continued. "Your father was shot in the back of the head at a very close range," the doctor explained. "He was lucky in that the angle of the bullet entered in such a way that it didn't kill him instantly. We immediately took him into surgery to assess the damage, and repair what we could. Bella, I don't want to sugarcoat this for you, and I'm sorry. So sorry, but even though we've done everything possible…there's still a chance that Charlie won't make it." He finished.
"What does that mean?" I spoke up.
I felt myself getting angrier by the second with this guy. He said he wasn't going to sugarcoat it for her, but he's not giving the bottom line, either. Bella looked at me; the look in her eyes made me gasp out loud. That spark in her eyes wasn't there anymore; she looked at me like…she didn't even know who I was. Without even thinking, I gripped her shoulder tighter, silently begging her to hold on.
The doctor started again. "I don't want to jump to any conclusions, Bella, or tell you that I know what's going to happen. The brain is a very complex organ, and anything is possible. But it's too soon to tell you anything for sure. We'll be running a test that will show how much brain activity is present, and then we'll go from there." Bella was just staring at him, blankly. "He's on a ventilator, and the machines are helping him breathe. The next twenty-four to fort-eight hours will be the most critical."
He stopped and waited, looking at Bella for confirmation that she understood. Nothing. She just sat there, staring. I was getting more frantic by the minute. Not only did the doctor give us the awful news about my dear friend, but Bella…wasn't right. She hadn't spoken a word since the doctor came in. I'm losing her. I have to do something.
The doctor stood there, not leaving until he got something out of Bella in way of a response. Still nothing.
"Thank you doctor. Please let us know as soon as you know anything. We're not going anywhere." My voice cracked and tears formed in the corner of my eyes as I spoke up for her. The doctor nodded, and left the room silently.
I instantly turned to Bella, praying like hell that I could get her to just talk to me.
"Bella? Bella, please talk to me." I cried. She looked up at me as I sat back down on the bed next to her, but said nothing.
"Bella, please. You're scaring me… please say something." I said louder, gripping her shoulders and shaking her. "Please…"
The silence filled the room as the tears I'd been so determined not to shed fell down my face. I didn't know what to do; I wanted to scream at her, shake her, and do anything to make her respond to me. I moved closer to her, my tear stained face inches away from hers. Her breath fanned my face as I moved even closer, looking deeply into her eyes, searching. Searching for any sign of the beautiful angel that, though I'd just met, had already changed me.
But the angel I'd met wasn't there anymore. She was gone.
I moved to lie next to her on the bed, pulling her into my arms. I looked at her one last time, begging her silently to say something, anything. She looked at me as if she could see right through me. I gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead before pulling her head to my chest.
I've never felt so damned helpless.
As I held her, I could feel every curve of her tiny body against mine, the heat radiating off of her in waves. Her body was here with me, but her mind was so far away. I didn't know how to fix this, to fix her. I closed my eyes and held her close as I whispered in her ear.
"Bella, " I breathed. "Stay here. Stay with me."
I realize it's been all about the angst so far, but stick with me. There are good times to be had between our Deputyward and Bella, don't worry. I'd love to hear from you, so review and tell me what you think! Click on that green button!! =]