Thanks again for your awesome reviews!
Oniz197 - You and your 'chill pills' lol!
JSCO81 - No the story's not quite finished - good pick on the 'completeness' of this fic - well it was complete at the start but then all you guys convinced me to keep going lol!
Hope your all looking forward to some proper CJ interaction!
"Shape Of My Heart"
"Hmm, yeah, yeah
Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here don't put out the glow
Hold me now don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the woman that I've become, oh yeah
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Sadness is beautiful loneliness it's tragical
So heal me I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the woman I've become
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart
I'm lookin' back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
I'll keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart
Show you the shape of my heart"
Joey was seated on the couch in the living room alone at Charlie's. She stared around quietly at the new decor around the room, and some new photos that were scattered around on the shelves. Nervously taking a sip of her coffee, Joey sighed gently as she patiently waited for Charlie. After Charlie had suggested that the two of them sit down to talk, Charlie then decided to change out of her work uniform, while Joey offered to make their drinks. A few minutes after the coffees were made, Joey had moved into the living room, waiting for Charlie to come out so they could...figure out the truth between everything Charlie wrote in the letter.
Charlie spent nearly five minutes pacing her room anxiously trying to work out what she should wear. Feeling the need to impress Joey, but not too much as she didn't want to scare her away, Charlie finally sighed frustrated and threw on a pair of tight-fitting jeans and pink singlet. Before she went back out to the living room to see Joey, Charlie quietly went over to her bedside table.
Opening up the drawer she removed a few things to find that the letter she had written Joey was indeed missing. Still unsure if the last ten minutes had really happened and Joey was back in Summer Bay, Charlie pinched herself...three times...checking that she really was awake. Wincing slightly at the swollen bruise on her arm Charlie finally accepted that it wasn't a dream and made her way into the living room...to see if 'a dream come true' was possible.
"Hi," Charlie whispered as she re-entered the room. Joey nodded at her shyly, "Hey...so...do you want to sit down? I...ah made your coffee. Hope you still drink it that way." "Some things never change," Charlie realized as Joey handed her the cup. Still noticing Joey managed to avoid any physical contact when Charlie took hold of the cup from her Charlie swallowed hard disappointedly. Charlie stared at the spot on the couch next to Joey, then the two sofa chairs next to it.
Unable to decide between sitting too close or too far from her former lover, Charlie changed her mind and gently sat down on the coffee table opposite Joey. Both girls took a sip of their drinks as they nervously avoided looking at each other. Holding her drink between her hands, Charlie finally looked up at the young woman opposite her, "Guess I was wrong...some things do change...Jo you look...wow!"
Charlie blushed as she couldn't help but notice Joey's much firmer and musclier body, and that her hair had been cut so it was now just past her shoulders in length. Blushing slightly herself, Joey lifted her head to lock eyes with Charlie. "Love the hair," Charlie whispered. "Thanks," Joey replied quietly, "I just...you know needed a change. You look...can't lie Charlie...you look like crap."
Charlie's mouth formed a small look of surprise, before suddenly shifting into a small smile, as she realized Joey could read her better than anyone in her life, "Well thanks Jo...glad I can count on you being honest with me. Guess it's the least I deserve after spending the last ten months with sleepless nights and the regret over...all the mistakes I've made." "Things have really been that bad for you haven't they?" Joey realized.
Charlie shrugged, "You read the letter...it's all in there about what a mess things have been for me since you left...so what about you? How's your life Joey?" "It's good," Joey answered, "I mean it's not perfect...but things have been okay for me. Although...I think we both know that I'm not here to discuss me. I came here because...of what you wrote in your letter. If things are that messed up for you...I want to help. You got me through a really dark period in my life...I want to do the same for you if I can. So tell me Charlie...why'd you write me this letter?"
Charlie took a deep breath, "'Cause I was drowning. And you...were...you are the only person I could be honest with about everything. My whole life has been one big mess since you left. I understand why you never came back after the way I treated you. So many times I wanted to...find you and try and make things up to you. I thought it'd be impossible after all the hurt I caused you."
"So instead you ended up in bed with Angelo?" Joey accused, the hurt evident in her voice. Charlie looked away ashamed, "Yes. It was a low point in my life and I thought you weren't coming back so...I don't even know how it happened or why. I wished I could've been strong enough to fight him off or made him understand that my heart was never with him. Maybe if I did he wouldn't be so sure of himself that we're perfect together or that I'm ready to move in with him."
"But there were other things that you've been struggling with which you wrote briefly about in the letter. And these are the things have turned your life upside down," Joey remembered. Charlie nodded, "Ruby said that you and she had a coffee before she bought you over here. What did she tell you?" Joey took a sip of her drink, "Ruby didn't tell me very much. She said...it was up to you to tell me if...when you were ready. She did tell me a little bit about your Dad been taken away to the facility because he...God Charlie why couldn't you ever tell me what happened to you when you were a kid? After what I went through...I felt so alone like no one else could understand the pain of what I went through...and you knew all along."
Charlie looked down at the ground, "I wanted to...but I didn't want your guilt for what I went through without getting justice being the only reason that you decided to lay charges on Robbo. You needed to find your own strength to know it was the right thing to do." "You still could've told me after I filed the reports. I mean God Charlie...you were just a kid when it happened to you. It could've helped me to know you managed to survive something like that...there's been a lot of nights I didn't think I could survive the pain," Joey confessed.
"I didn't really survive it...it's still affecting my life now...seventeen years later. And um...there's a lot of other things I should've told you," Charlie whispered. Joey stared at her curiously, "I'm guessing this might have something to do with the fact that Ruby moved out to live with Irene and your relationship with her has been pretty strained for the past four months. In your letter...you said you lied to her about something her whole life...what'd you do Charlie?"
Charlie took her coffee mug and placed it next to her on the table. Charlie then leant forwards and gently took Joey's cup out of her hands, placing it next to hers on the table. Turning back to face Joey, Charlie was pleasantly surprised to find that Joey had leant forwards on the couch so they were sitting only inches apart. Charlie smiled nervously before reaching her hands out and taking hold of Joey's hands in her own. The electricity between them was immediate, and both blushed shyly. Charlie took a deep breath, squeezing Joey's hands comfortably, "Ruby's my daughter."
Joey leant forwards, slightly in shock and to get Charlie to repeat what she'd said as Joey wasn't sure if she'd imagined it, "I'm sorry...did you just say...?" "Ruby's my daughter," Charlie repeated lightly, still holding onto Joey's hands for support. "How?" Joey stumbled. Charlie dropped her head, staring at the floor, "I got pregnant as a result of my..."
Joey circled her thumbs gently against Charlie's palms, "Wow...God I can't believe you had to go through that. You were just a kid. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you when it all came up. And Ruby she found out..." Charlie nodded sadly, raising her head to face Joey once again, "I ah...was in an accident four months ago...funny thing...it was Brett's fault." "Brett?" Joey questioned shocked.
"Well the accident was my fault. I was walking along a street and stepped out onto the road without looking and...Brett...ran me over in his car. Don't blame Brett, it really was an accident," Charlie insisted, "But I...ah had a dislocated hip among other bruises and small scrapes. Anyway the point is the Doctor mentioned a scar I have from my caesarean and previous pregnancy in front of Ruby. Safe to say she didn't let up when I made excuses about the scar...the one I lied to you too about. She kept digging and hassling me about it while I just wanted to forget about it.
I knew Ruby couldn't handle the truth about how she was conceived. Only my parents and my aunt knew the truth about me getting pregnant with Ruby. By the time I'd given birth to her...I was a broken shell of a mess. I ended up running away to my Aunt's to live with her for over a year so I could try and cope with everything. And when I finally sorted through everything and was ready to be a parent I came home and..."
"Ruby was already used to being raised by your own parents," Joey realized. "I couldn't give her the future my parents could offer her. So we all decided to keep things the way they were. My parents would raise her and I would take care of her like a big sister. I kept referring to myself as her sister so much that it felt true. When Ruby found out the truth...everything was such a mess. Ruby completely shut down on me and my father, refusing to talk to either of us. She moved out then ended up running away herself to my aunt's. It's taken a long time to get her to talk to me again. I can tell she doesn't trust me...I don't think she ever will...not completely. It's been so hard without her. Jo...are you...okay with all this?" Charlie asked, tears sliding down her cheeks.
Joey leant forwards, letting go of one of Charlie's hands, she reached out and wiped her tears away, leaving her hand gently against her cheek, "Well to say I'm shocked is a bit of an understatement. I get why you lied to Ruby...and who knows maybe I can help bring you two back together like you suggested in the letter. You know speaking to her today before she brought me over here...it's obvious that she misses you too. Wouldn't surprise me if she decides to move back home sometime soon."
Charlie closed her eyes for a brief moment, enjoying the sensation of Joey's hand against her face, "What about you...? Can I...convince you to...come back home?" "Charlie...I...I..." Joey struggled to talk.
Charlie slipped one of her hands up and slid it over Joey's hand which was still resting against Charlie's cheek, entangling them together comfortably, "I know I messed things up between us so badly. I would give everything to make things right with you. I just...I need you back Jo. Whatever it takes for us to get back what we had...I'll do it. I know I can do this Joey...I know I can be with you without any more fears. The fear of losing you again will override any feelings I have about showing my affection for you. I won't risk losing you again."
Joey squeezed Charlie's hand shyly, "Charlie I'm..."
Several tears rushed down Charlie's cheek again, "I know, I know...okay it's a lot to take in. I have a lot of work to do to regain your trust and be the person you need me to be. I can't just give up on that...I can't give up on you. However long you need...I'll give you. You don't even need to consider Angelo in all this, he doesn't hold a candle to you. You read the letter...just like he did. I don't love him...not the way I love you. I'll break things off with him. I don't care about hurting him, I care about hurting you. I won't ever do that to you again."
"Charlie...I'm just not sure that...now if the best time for us to be talking about this," Joey told her quietly.
"Joey please...just give me a chance," Charlie begged, "I can make this right Jo I know I can. Just tell me where to begin. We have to give this a chance, we both deserve to be happy. God when Angelo said he saw you crying when he saw you in the City...I wanted to brush those tears away. You don't deserve to be unhappy, neither of us do. I want to put our lives back together. I want you to come home. What I wrote in the letter is true...I still love you. You came back for me Joey...you have no idea how happy that makes me. I've had to pinch myself several times to make sure this is real. And it is. You're back here and I have a chance to be with the person I...love."
As Joey blinked back the tears in her eyes, trying to work out how to respond to Charlie's plea, she was suddenly thrown as Charlie instinctively leant forwards, brushing their lips together in a tender kiss. Charlie immediately began deepening the kiss, and was heartbroken when Joey pulled back.
Joey held out her hands softly, indicating she would stop Charlie from making another move, "I'm sorry...Charlie." Charlie hung her head in shame, "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have...God I've missed kissing you so badly. I guess...I just need to give you more time."
"That's not what I meant," Joey whispered, staring deep into Charlie's blue eyes when she looked back up at her, "Charlie I'm not here for this. You need a friend to help you get past everything you're going through and I want to be that person for you...but you need to understand...I'm not here to get back together with you."
Joey took a small breath before continuing, knowing she was about to break Charlie's fragile heart, "Charlie...I'm with someone...I...I have someone in my life...who I love."
***
Sorry Funky (and everyone) I know I said this fic would be a short one...but you know me with a lil bit of drama...I couldn't make it that easy for CJ so yes there might be a lil bit of angst coming up...